Childless not by Choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 141 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

Rob Hutchings: 'Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete's Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids'

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Intro (for guest episodes):

Rob's intro

Triathlete and marathon swimmer, Rob Hutchings takes us on a whirlwind journey from triathlons and his first marathon swim in his home country of Canada, to Ironman competitions across the pond. Then down under to Australia and New Zealand where he embarked on marathon adventures off the beaten track, on land, and in the water, which led to his biggest challenge – an unprecedented attempt at swimming the turbulent 256 km Clutha River.

In Downriver Nomad, Rob shares his story of adventures and adversities not only in the water, on the racecourse, and off the beaten track, but also his struggles with an alcoholic father and his own unsuccessful path to fatherhood.

His is a story of humor, heartbreak, and challenges that will inspire the absolute beginner in adventure sports to the seasoned endurance athlete. Join Rob on his nomadic adventures in triathlon, marathon swimming, and adventure sports, packed with hairpin bends, whirlpools, rock dodging, and white-water rapids.

Body of episode:

Questions for Rob Hutchings:

'Downriver Nomad–A Triathlete's Adventures and Adversities Into The Rapids'

• I thoroughly enjoyed your book and how you were able to combine your infertility journey with your passion for triathlon. It was beautifully done.

• Tell us a little about the Australian adoption process, and how it is the way it is due to the history of 'The Stolen Generation.' (Pg 167)

• So because of the Stolen Generation issue, Thailand is suggested. The process was harrowing! Then, not to give away too much of the book, you were advised to try adopting from Colombia (pg 169…). The whole process must have been more than stressful?

• Those unsolicited questions and suggestions. My goodness, a number of years ago I interviewed the founder of Waiting Wombs. She is out of Kenya. As I read some of the suggestions you all were given to try to have a baby, I thought back to that episode. It occurred to me that suggestions, unsolicited suggestions are global! How did you and your wife deal with this? (Pg 147)

• That trick question on the psych eval (pg 171). That was terrible! Every time I think about the grilling potential adoptive parents go through, I think about people who have kids naturally. They go through nothing. I'm not saying there shouldn't be some type of process or protection of the children, but I find the process a little extreme, outside of any cultural history of abuse, as we discussed in The Stolen generation issue earlier. How did you make sense of the grilling, of not being believed?

• I found it interesting how you discuss in the book, that couples wait in different ways, for word on adoption, and that indeed the stress can split some couples apart. Talk to us about the stress of waiting and any tips you can give couples for keeping their relationships from falling apart.

• I did some research on your wife's book Joyful Eating. (Pg 179) would it be OK to put a link to the information I found in the show notes? If you have info on how we can obtain the book, I can put that in the show notes as well.

• You guys had me researching raw chocolate!

• That final decision to stop the adoption process. (pg 181). I felt it deep in my heart. Honestly, the entire book brought out so much emotion. That type of writing takes a lot of talent. Kudos to you! Before we close out, any final words you can give to anyone listening who is still trying: to adopt, to go through IVF, whatever journey they are on?

• Thank you so much for your time today Rob.

Articles/links of interest:

https://oceanswims.com/lifestyle/rob-hutchings-the-downriver-nomad/?fbclid=IwAR2fJWWPOstXR_S9e1OJgcX87qvG4UsaaSG0KXki_ed_y7XyyctM48_VRIE

Clutha River Swim:

Short version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVyqCkHTDrY

Long version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeIW6ioSHZA

https://www.saltwire.com/nova-scotia/sports/corner-brook-native-rob-hutchings-completes-swim-of-new-zealands-longest-river-419202/

Easter 2022 Marathon Swim:

https://worldchildlessweek.net/thurs-16-2021/childlessness-the-roughest-waters?fbclid=IwAR3xYw3UhJEcAorZI-OaANnbde4SxiStWoV9HsIV2eFx5XOrY9C7nyTIZvU

See the book synopsis and other endorsements here:

http://adventuresoutsidethelanes.com/downriver-nomad/

Joyful Eating by Tansy Boggon

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Joyful_Eating_How_to_Break_Free_of_Diets/W89UEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover

Special thank you to:

Rob Hutchings for joining us this episode.

Quotes from Rob:

'The river was in control, not me.' What I like about river swimming and childlessness really made this apparent to me...the river is in charge...this is.

'Life is a series of chaotic events.'

'Life is inherently chaotic...'

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

'Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life.'

Survey:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 140 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice lives.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

Hiding in plain sight

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Read my social media post for the month of May.

Body of episode:

This year I decided not to concentrate so much on Mother's Day, but instead to concentrate on how those of us who are childless not by choice show up in the world, especially around days like Mother's Day.

I would be remiss if I did not wish those listeners who are moms a Happy Mother's Day. And of course, a very Happy Mother's Day to our own moms, whether they are still with us or not.

As many of you know, my mom, my best friend, and favorite person ever; passed the week of Mother's Day, 2019. Talk about making a grand exit. I miss her so much I still cry myself to sleep some nights.

Her birthday is at the end of March, but I promise you as soon as February hits my whole outlook on life changes. It's like the sky just goes dim. April, no biggie. And then comes May.

I miss trying to figure out what to buy her for Mother's Day. She loved scarves and brooches. And she loved a certain perfume that I won't bother to mention. She also loved all the music by The Gaithers, so I usually tried to get her their latest CDs. I loved shopping for her.

Happy Heavenly Mother's Day mommy. I love and miss you.

I would also like to say Happy Mother's Day Mexico as Mother's Day Mexico is on May 10th.

Well, if your mom is still here, and you are able to reach out, please try to do so. I know some relationships are frayed, I get it. I will leave that to you.

Either way, this time around, this episode is for those of us who are childless not by choice during the month of May.

Those of us who may be hiding in plain sight, or maybe deciding to do something different on Mother's Day. In fact, one of the ladies in our Facebook group for women only, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group; asked what everyone does to get through Mother's Day. The responses were varied. I loved that she asked the question.

Some responses included spending time with their own mothers, celebrating mothers in their lives, etc. If you have been listening long enough you know I stopped attending church on Mother's Day. I had started going to my mom's church with her to celebrate her. But now that she's gone, I don't go at all. Although I will probably watch online.

You know, when I think about hiding in plain sight, I think about those puzzles we did as children, and that we now do as adults to keep our brains active. You know, kinda like the Where's Waldo puzzle searches. The item being searched for is right in front of us, but a lot of times we miss it.

As childless not by choice people though, are we being searched for, or are we typically ignored? And I don't mean that to sound like everyone is mean. But let's face it if you are the one person in a crowd: a party, a family gathering, etc., aren't you ignored while the parents are questioned about how big the kids are, how they are doing in school, are they behaving, etc. And you had better fall in line and join the Q&A or you are viewed as uncaring.

Oh, and before someone gets offended, I love the kids in my life. I want to know how they are. I want to invest whatever I can (and that does not always mean money). But you do run the risk of being ignored if you have not made a contribution to carrying on the family line.

You've probably experienced it: someone asks 'do you have kids?' or 'How many kids do you have?' When you respond that you do not have kids, the conversation goes silent, there is discomfort, and then you each find someone else to talk to. Has that ever happened to you?

What about the commentary about you being made to work late because you don't have kids and your co-workers do. The commentaries are made without thought to our plans. If our plans do not include children, they are not real plans.

What to do? How to deal with this?

I've said it before, but it can never be said too much: We have to make sure our co-workers and family members, the people in our lives realize and recognize our kind but firm boundaries. And then we have to be willing to make other plans when the–family, friends, and co-workers, refuse to respect us as childless people.

Life is short. Do we really need to hear the unsolicited suggestions and commentary about our lives? Do we need the mental and emotional abuse especially if we have already discussed the behavior with people? No. The answer is no.

I know that it's much easier to hide in plain sight. To lay low and just go with the flow, than rock the boat at work or in the family during the holidays. But I have to ask you, what would your life be like if you made decisions, good healthy decisions about the direction of your life? What would happen if you told your co-worker or boss that although you would generally stay behind, you do actually have plans?

What would your life be like?

Before I leave you today, I want to read you something that really spoke to me. I saw this quote on Twitter near the end of April and wow. I mean I read and re-read it several times. I asked permission to share it and I am so glad she said yes.

Oh my gosh. I read that quote, re-read it, and then said 'wow, that's me. That's where I am. That's where I want to be. That's where I want you to be. No rush, just head in that general direction. You will get there.

Thanks for listening!

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Episode quotes:

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 139 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. It's me, Civilla Morgan. Well, this is a minisode. I had other plans for this episode, but since I had no plans to skip April, I decided to just go ahead with what I had. So if you will give me just a few minutes of your time, I promise it will not be a waste of time.

What is today's show about:

More Hope Please! And a few other things.

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform every month, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

• I was interviewed by Sheri Johnson on her podcast Awakening Worth. Episode 57. Link in the show notes.
• I was asked by the Not a Momma Life Podcast to hijack them for one episode! How cool, right. You got it, link in the show notes.
• Have you read the quarterly newsletter? It's the first newsletter of 2022. Do check it out. Subscribe for free on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.
• I've been trying to decide if I should get transcripts done for this podcast. I was advised by one listener that transcripts would be nice as English is a second language and some things got lost in translation when listening. I never thought about that. The initial reason I considered transcripts was for those who are hearing impaired. I have had one episode transcribed so far: episode 137. I will place the transcripts for episodes where I create transcripts, at the bottom of the show notes for said episodes. I may create a section on the website for transcripts at a future date. But for now, they will be in the show notes for said episode.

• I am also going to be quite transparent with you: transcriptions are an additional cost to the platform. If you would like to make a contribution to the platform either for general costs or if you want to contribute specifically for transcripts, let me know. You may Paypal me at [email protected]. And of course, if you would like to give monthly, visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice thank you!

• Reviews for good–podchaser.com, leave a review for this podcast and .25 cents will be donated to World Central Kitchen. If you are not familiar with WCK, they go to wherever in the world there is conflict and feed people. They put themselves in harm's way to feed people. They are currently in Ukraine. Thank you!

Transition to talk about hope:

Did we talk about hope in a prior episode? Maybe. But I think we can all use more hope, right?

What's going on in the world–Have you thought of the fact that almost every country has some type of drama or conflict going on? I mean is it because we are more connected so that we know right away when something happens around the globe? Most likely.

Do you believe we can be stressed by other people's stress? Is there such a thing? I think so. I mean I have been glued to the news and to Twitter following the conflict in Ukraine. It's heartbreaking to watch.

So I went on a search and found an article saying that stress can be caught, like catching a cold. I don't know, you decide. I put a link in the show notes.

But I am thinking of it differently. Like the stress of watching other people suffer, whether it is a terrible car accident on a local highway or street. Or on the other side of the world, watching a sovereign country gets invaded. Or hearing in the news about civil wars that have been going on for decades.

What about a friend or family member who is in some type of conflict and drama? That can stress you outright? You know where I am going with this: Limit it all. Yes, many of us want to know what is going on around the world and in our world, but too much of it can be quite stressful.

It is up to you to decide how much you can take in. It is up to you to decide to step away for some amount of time, decided by you, not by someone else. It's OK to step away.

At this point in a somewhat post-pandemic period as there continues to be worldwide drama, it is very important to find a happy medium.

No one wants to get caught flat-footed about an issue they should have been paying attention to. But at the same time, not taking a moment away from even the heartbreaking grief of others, can be unhealthy. Find your happy medium and create your kind but firm boundary around it.

Respect your health, your heart, and your mind. You will be healthier and stronger for it.

Thanks for tuning in, see you next month!

Links mentioned in the episode:

Sheri Johnson

https://sherijohnson.ca/

https://sherijohnson.ca/57/

Not a Momma Life Podcast:

https://podcasts.apple.com/in/podcast/takeover-episode-alert-all-about-a-childless-perspective/id1540665175?i=1000550533548

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/secondhand-stress-how-people-around-you-can-increase-your-anxiety#:~:text=It's%20true%E2%80%94stress%20from%20others,become%20more%20anxious%2C%20as%20well.

Special thank you to:

Not a Momma podcast

Awakening Worth Podcast

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 138 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

Pre- and peri-menopause

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan

• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice (Pull up site while I'm talking and go over the levels)

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

So, pre-and peri-menopause. I've been wanting to talk about this for quite some time. I hope this content helps you recognize signs you may have ignored or missed. And how to deal.

As I did the research for this episode, I realized this content might be quite triggering, so please know that upfront, and maybe wait to listen until you are in a good place. Maybe tomorrow you will feel better than today, for instance. Just FYI.

Remember to check the show notes for all of the links I used in the research for this episode.

Let's get started:

According to Let's Get Checked:

'Hot flashes, night sweats, mood changes, and difficulty having a good night's sleep; the signs and symptoms of menopause in women are all too well known by most but aren't believed to be experienced by many until they hit their 50s; with 51 being the average age in the United States, according to Mayo Clinic [1].

To set the record straight, menopause doesn't happen overnight. In fact, your body can take a significant period of time before menopause to transition, this is known by experts as perimenopause or premature menopause by some. So if you're experiencing menopause symptoms at a 'not so' menopausal age, this might be why; some women will notice certain shifts in their 40s and some might notice perimenopausal symptoms as early as their 30s.'

Perimenopause, which translates to 'around menopause, includes symptoms such as:

• Vaginal dryness
• Irregular menstrual cycles or heavy periods
• Hot flashes
• A shift in cholesterol levels
• Sleep problems

Other emotional symptoms can include:

• Irritability
• Lack of motivation
• Fatigue
• Mood swings or changes

I don't know about you but I never attributed fatigue to the possibility of peri-menopause. Probably because like many of you, my daily to-do list is as long as the day. We all have so much to do every day right?

Now the hot flashes, I can write a book! I take a supplement that seems to help. Because I am not a clinician, I will not mention any names. I will say that it is something I get from my local health food store.

I did a lot of research, taking many different types until I found one that actually worked. I went the natural way because I really did not want another prescription drug in my system.

Of course, if a prescription works best for you, do what is best for you. And definitely have a conversation with your ob-gyn or general practitioner.

Now I'm going to be honest with you: I really thought that pre-menopause and peri-menopause were on opposite ends of the spectrum. I can't even explain why I thought that, but here we are.

Anyway, according to Healthline:

'Premenopause and perimenopause are sometimes used interchangeably, but technically they have different meanings…' they go on to say that 'premenopause is when you have no symptoms of perimenopause or menopause.' OK. Well, kinda makes sense since pre- means before right? But honestly, peri- means about the same thing, before, near, etc.

Once again, that's why it's always a great idea to do research.

Healthline also says 'You still have periods — whether they're regular or irregular — and are considered to be in your reproductive years. Some hormonal changes may be occurring, but there are no noticeable changes in your body. On the other hand, during perimenopause, you'll start to experience symptoms of menopause.'

Now, I don't know about that. I believe that if 'some hormonal changes may be occurring', then symptoms must be evident. You may realize some time down the line in your pre-/peri-menopause journey, that you will look back and say 'wait, I do recall that feeling or that episode. That's my humble opinion, for whatever it's worth.

Well, as I continued my research, I came upon Web.MD's take on pre-and perimenopause. Always gotta see what is going on at WebMD. They say that:

'Perimenopause, or menopause transition, begins several years before menopause. It's the time when the ovaries gradually begin to make less estrogen. It usually starts in women's 40s but can start in their 30s or even earlier.

Perimenopause lasts up until menopause, the point when the ovaries stop releasing eggs. In the last 1 to 2 years of perimenopause, this drop in estrogen speeds up. At this stage, many women have menopause symptoms.

They also say that:

How Long Does Perimenopause Last?

The average length of perimenopause is 4 years, but for some women, this stage may last only a few months or continue for 10 years.' Key: Perimenopause ends when women have gone 12 months without having their period.

Also in my research, I came across a site called ASRM–American Society for Reproductive Medicine. They have pretty similar information. One thing that stood out, and this may be a trigger for some of you: ' Pregnancy is rare but not impossible, so contraception is still needed to avoid pregnancy.' Hmph. So there's that.

Finally, Franciscan Health. They really get straight to the point, I mean "Your ovaries are shutting down, but the process takes some time. That process is called perimenopause." Whew!

They do also say that 'The first perimenopause sign is typically a disruption of your menstrual cycle. For many women, your period starts earlier or later than normal. For example, if your menstrual cycle has always been 28 days, during perimenopause, your period could come as early as 21 or as late as 35 days. Some women start skipping months entirely and then experience heavier-than-normal periods when they do have them.'

So although many women have experienced this, if you have not yet, here's your FYI. If your period arrival times start to go awry this may be why. Mine showed up like clockwork (thanks mom for showing me how to count the days). Because I had fibroid issues, my experience with pre-peri-menopause was not long-lived.

I will tell you that my experience included what I call man-made menopause and natural menopause. When I was trying to buy time hoping to meet Mr. Right, I agreed to an intramuscular injection that was used to reduce the size of fibroids. The medication came in a monthly form and a quarterly form. I tried both. This medication had to be injected by the doctor, um, in the buttocks. Yeah. So actually I went through menopause twice.

But the side effects were horrendous! I was so upset, moody, short-tempered. Just terrible. I eventually advised my ob-gyn that I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like if I had continued on the medication I would have to be committed. Yes, it was that bad. In fact, the hot flashes from this man-made menopause were in my opinion much worse than natural menopause.

Every time I stopped any type of treatment during that 10 year period, I felt so down and dejected. I just wanted to know what it was that I did wrong to be in this situation.

If you are asking the same questions just know that you did nothing wrong. Life is indiscriminate. That's it. Indiscriminate. Don't beat yourself up. Do the best you can physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally; to care for yourself.

As I always say, find a doctor, an ob-gyn who is committed to your care. My Ob-gyn committed to going on my journey with me. He did not push me toward the hysterectomy, but when I was ready he was very positive and encouraging, advising me that he knew it was a difficult decision but that I was going to have an exponentially better quality of life. In the end, he was right. But it was definitely not what I wanted to hear at the time. It was a difficult time. But I made it! And so can you.

If you are or think you are dealing with pre-or perimenopause, please talk to your healthcare provider. And be sure to do your own research so that you can have an engaged and fruitful conversation with your doctor.

Notice I always say to get a second opinion and even change doctors if you feel your doctor is not listening? Well, pre-, peri-, and menopause, are the areas where they are not known for listening very much. I hate to brush with a broad stroke, but I have heard so many women say, myself included; that they were prescribed ahem, a medication to calm their nerves when complaining about sleeplessness, hot flashes, etc. Don't just accept that a 'calming prescription' is the only way to fix these issues. So, yeah, do your homework, do your homework, do your homework.

Get a second opinion, see what your hormone and estrogen levels are, see what your doctor suggests, see what is available OTC–over the counter. Know your body.

Research links:

https://www.letsgetchecked.com/articles/what-is-perimenopause-signs-symptoms-and-causes/?imp=cpc&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgP6PBhDmARIsAPWMq6lxO1QBaioj4C5CTXG9WeSZUyl_TxDSS9Pf4qOwPFhsH_WaPBgjPZgaAoYNEALw_wcB

https://www.healthline.com/health/menopause/difference-perimenopause

https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/guide-perimenopause

https://www.asrm.org/isitmenopause/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAgP6PBhDmARIsAPWMq6nWedffRwB4EEjK3UfxkPrbXeRmMNYqI8KQytewQeR3RQenoc1M07EaAvKeEALw_wcB

https://www.franciscanhealth.org/community/blog/first-signs-of-perimenopause

Articles/links of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-115-facing-childlessness-with-art-my-interview-with-dr-krista-cooper-2/

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 137 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in! What is today's show about?

What is your worth?

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

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Intro (for guest episodes):

Sheri Johnson turned the pain of three miscarriages and six years of an infertility journey into a passion to inspire childless not by choice women to live full, unconventional lives of meaning.

She made the decision to use her coaching background to create a process for navigating the triggers. She teaches her process in 1x1 coaching and in her membership program.

Sheri says that women leave the program feeling empowered with practices they can use throughout their lifetime.

At the end of our discussion today Sheri will tell you how to obtain a free gift created just for you!

Hello Sheri, welcome to the show!

1. You say that many women do not realize they are grieving, tell us what you mean by that?

Now this in itself may be triggering, but you say 'Triggers can be a part of grieving', how so?

Tell us about some of the tools we can use to heal…

Mindfulness

Journaling

Meditation

Nutrition

Essential oils

The Bible

When we spoke before recording, you said something that really intrigued me, that 'women seem to just be waiting to get better…'

Guess what you all? Sheri has a gift for you!

Sheri's information:

Free gift from Sheri:

www.sherijohnson.ca/quiz

Contact info:

@Awakening.worth

Podcast: Awakening Worth

Quotes from Sheri:

'...I'm open to the healing that's meant for me.'

'I'm responsible for building my self-worth.'

'It's not the person bringing the baby into the office that causes the pain, that person is triggering the pain.'

'It's like pressing on a wound that's already there. They didn't cause the wound, they are reminding you the wound is there.'

'...we can try to educate the world about childlessness. There's a tendency to want to educate, but it's like playing a game of whack a mole…it doesn't matter how much we educate…the healing comes when we focus on healing our pain.'

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.rt.com/news/545233-pope-childless-pet-owners-selfishness/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jan/12/more-people-is-the-last-thing-this-planet-needs-the-men-getting-vasectomies-to-save-the-world

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.

TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS

[Music]Civilla Morgan: Well, hello, hello, hello everyone and welcome to episode 137 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to the childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, reminding us that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice lives. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in. What is today's show about? In one word, it's about worth. What is your worth? But before we get to our show in which, by the way, we have a guest, always excited when we have guests, I want to thank my Patreon contributors for all you do and your monthly contributions to the platform. You are truly appreciated, and I'm grateful for your sticking in with me and being there monthly, listening, tuning in of course, you can always reach out to me if you have any questions or suggestions and that goes for everyone who tunes in. If you would like to become a patron, please go to patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, follow the steps to become a patron, and regardless of the level you join in, there is a free gift for you. Thanks again to my patrons. Civilla Morgan: Sheri Johnson turned the pain of three miscarriages in six years of an infertility journey into a passion to inspire childless not by choice women to live full unconventional lives of meaning. She made the decision to use her coaching background to create a process for navigating the triggers. We all know about those triggers. She teaches her process in one-on-one coaching and in her membership program, Sheri says that women leave the program feeling empowered with practices they can use throughout their lifetime, and at the end of our discussion today, Sheri will tell you how to obtain a free gift she created just for you. Sheri, hello. Welcome to the show. Sheri Johnson: Hi, Civilla. Thanks so much for having me. I am excited to be here today. Civilla Morgan: I'm so glad that you are here and I can't wait for the listeners to hear all about you and your platform, and how you are helping in the childless not by choice community. I'm so glad you could make it. Sheri Johnson: Thank you.Civilla Morgan: Let's jump right in. I know we're starting with a really heavy question here. You say that many women do not realize that they are grieving. Tell us what you mean by that. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, you are really diving right in. I love it. Civilla Morgan: Yes. Sheri Johnson: Go deep. Quick, let's forget about the pleasantries. I think grief is a funny thing. It's something that we really associate with a loss, and it's very easy to identify when you've lost a person, somebody that you love and knew and miss. But when you lose a dream, it's different. You don't necessarily associate that with grief. I didn't. Even after as you mentioned I had three miscarriages, I didn't even really think I was grieving then and I didn't think my grief was worthy.

I thought you get to grieve when you lose a baby or when you lose a child or a father or a friend. When you lose something that you didn't even know, a child you never met, how is that worthy of grief? So it had already come up for me after my miscarriages, but then again, on my childless journey, I didn't realize that what I was feeling was grief or that I was allowed to feel that or express it. Does that resonate with you, Civilla? Civilla Morgan: Definitely. Especially the allowed part, because you tell yourself and maybe we don't all think this way, but I know for me, I told myself, well, there are worse things that can happen in the world to me, and you just keep thinking it could be worse and maybe I'm just being weird and that's why nobody can resonate or understand what I'm talking about when I'm childless and wanted children so badly that I cried myself to sleep every night, but I never recognized that it was grief either. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, it's like you have this yardstick and our type of grief is down at the bottom. It's shouldn't be a big deal. Civilla Morgan: Right. Sheri Johnson: Real loss is when you lose a living person. Civilla Morgan: Yes, like many of the listeners know, I lost my mom two years ago, who was my absolute best friend ever on the planet, and so I miss her dearly every day. Every single day, I think about her and I miss her and I'm grieving her.

Some people may think, oh my gosh, two years that's a long time, what's wrong with you? Other people totally understand that was the first face I ever saw on this planet and we got along really well. Some people don't get along with their moms and I'm sorry, but I got along really well with my mother. We have so many inside jokes that I can never share with anybody else.Sheri Johnson: Oh, that's beautiful.Civilla Morgan: Sometimes I think about them and they make me laugh and I could never say them to anybody else, but that's one type of grief. But yeah, we should not be minimal. Is that a word: minimalize? Sheri Johnson: Minimize. Yeah. Civilla Morgan: Oh my God. It's just cold in Florida and it's just cramping my brain here. Sheri Johnson: Oh, you should come to Canada. Civilla Morgan: No, not right now. Sheri Johnson: I wish you come to Canada. Civilla Morgan: No, I can only imagine the weather up there, but you can't minimize the grief and the pain that you have from being childless.

It's a different grief, but grief is still grief and it's still important. Sheri Johnson: Absolutely. Civilla Morgan: That made absolute sense to me. Now, another thing that we talked. In the pre-show, we were talking about triggers. This may be a little triggering to some people, but hey, that's what this podcast is all about: trying to get us through all of that stuff. But you say that triggers can be a part of grieving. How was that? Sheri Johnson: Well, that's a really good question actually. I think we forget that grief can show up in many different ways. We're used to it showing up as sadness, deep sadness in some cases, but it can also show up as anger or frustration or disappointment or hurt. All these other things can come out and it's all related to that grief and we just don't realize it. That's where I see triggers fitting in and when I say triggers, I think there's two types of triggers. There's triggers that remind you of your loss, those things that just bring back to, oh, I'm right back at the funeral or I'm right back in the moment. But there are also triggers that don't necessarily trigger sadness. They trigger anger and those are like hot buttons. To me, some examples would be just the questions: when are you having kids, or do you have kids or someone who announces their pregnancy or you're sitting around a table with a bunch of your friends, and all they can talk about is their children. Those are the things that tend to trigger anger or frustration or all those other emotions that we don't necessarily associate with grief, but they are. They're linked back. They're showing us pain that we haven't yet healed from. Does that make sense? Civilla Morgan: Oh, yeah. That's really very interesting because yes, for some people, it just depends on where you are in the journey as well. Whether that very thing, that person showing up at the office, the new mother showing up at the office with her baby, is that going to trigger anger or is it going to trigger some other emotion just based on where you are in the journey? Again, here we go with minimizing again the feelings that we have because immediately some will say, oh, you're just jealous or why are you mad or upset that this person had a baby? But that's not what it is. It's seldom what it is. 99.999% of the time we're not mad at the person or angry at the person because they have a new baby. We're angry if we want to use the word angry, at ourselves or at life, because we didn't get to have the baby or have that experience. We're happy for you. I always say this. We are happy for you as moms. We're not angry at you. We're not jealous. We're just maybe upset at how things turned out or did not turn out for us. Sheri Johnson: I don't know if you want to spend some time getting into triggers a little more deeply. But the way that I look at a trigger, it's not the person who brings the baby into the office that is causing the pain. That person's triggering the pain. Civilla Morgan: Right. Sheri Johnson: It's our own pain. I like to use a metaphor. It's like pressing on a wound. You already have a wound that's there. If somebody presses on it, they're not causing it. They're reminding you that it's there and it still has healing to do. So it's not others that are causing it, but they're reminding you that it's there, and depending on where you are on your journey as you said, that wound can be in various stages of healing.

It might be scabbed over and someone is tearing that off or might be almost healed and that trigger feels like a pinprick versus a blow in the gut. Civilla Morgan: Or the heart.Sheri Johnson: That's usually more what it feels like, isn't it? Civilla Morgan: But something you just said too, it depends on where you are and we keep saying to each other basically, it depends on where you are on the journey. When I started out in my journey, of course, the wound was raw as all get out. That's where a lot of the listeners probably are right now. You're just like, is this ever going to stop hurting? Am I ever going to stop feeling this way when I see a pregnant woman walking down the street? Am I ever going to figure out how to deal with this: the fact that I'm not going to have children and maybe they can't adopt, or maybe for whatever reasons, because you know that we are always asked, "Well, why don't you just adopt?" One of my pet peeve questions. Sheri Johnson: That's a trigger, right? That's one of our triggers. Civilla Morgan: Exactly. It's a big trigger because it's like, you don't know our story. You don't know what we can or cannot do or afford to do. Even with financial assistance, can we do it? I just don't know how we get across to society that is just not okay to ask certain questions or make certain suggestions, especially when there were not solicited. Tell me what you think about that. Sheri Johnson: It's a really interesting question because I have a little bit of a different view on that. The way that I look at all of those questions, those triggers, we can try to educate the world on how to be sensitive towards us, towards childless women and I found the same thing after miscarriage and in the infertility world as well. There's a tendency to want to educate or to bring awareness to everyone around us so that they stop asking those sensitive questions. To me, it's like playing a game of Whac-A-Mole. Do you know that game? Civilla Morgan: Yes. Sheri Johnson: You can educate one person and then there's going to be another person. Civilla Morgan: Another 20 people. Sheri Johnson: Right. It never stops, and it doesn't matter how much we educate or how much we raise awareness as needed as those things are. The healing comes when we focus on healing our pain, and that was a big revelation for me. Once I actually found a way to heal from the pain, the triggers went away. It doesn't matter when someone asks me, because now it's too late for me, most people know I'm 49. Most people know that I'm not going to adopt. So I get the question, why didn't you adopt or do you have kids? Whatever those questions are, they still get asked, but they don't bother me anymore and it's so liberating and I think that's the joy and the fulfillment and the feeling that I want the childless women out there to know is possible. Civilla Morgan: Which kind of leads to my next question. But I also want to say before we leave this topic unless you have more to say about triggers because that could be a whole episode on its own. I think I may have done one on triggers, but that's a big subject. I really like that you tell us that we can get to the place where those questions don't bother us anymore. We are all in different places and I kind of wanted to say this earlier, too, and that's not what either of us is saying. But we cannot beat ourselves up for where we are in the journey and you can't rush yourself along the journey either. There's no rushing yourself along the journey because you can find yourself right back where you left off if you try to push yourself through, which is another thing to keep in mind. So for somebody that's out there listening who may be early in the journey and you are just like beside yourself with grief and wondering what's going to become of you, your life. All of this stuff that we think about as childless women. I know some of us because I'm a little bit older than you are, we're thinking about what are our elder years going to look like for those of us on the other end of the age spectrum from those just starting out in childlessness. We're wondering who's going to take care of me. That conversation comes up quite a bit, but I really want to remind us that as far as the, who's going to take care of me question, having children doesn't guarantee you're going to have somebody to care for you. That's one end of the spectrum. Sheri Johnson: True.Civilla Morgan: Then on the just starting out spectrum, just know that you could get to a point like Sheri said, believe it. Trust us. You can get to the place where those questions will not bother you as much as they're bothering you now and maybe even to the point, like Sheri says where they just don't bother you at all. It can happen. Sheri Johnson: Can I add something to what you were saying, Civilla? You mentioned you can't rush yourself through that process and I absolutely agree, especially when it comes to the sadness, you have to give yourself space and grace to just feel those emotions and allow them to work through you. But when it comes to the triggers, I actually think I wouldn't say rush it, but what I found is that when I actually took some action towards my healing, I healed a lot quicker because I have heard of women who, none of them are my clients, but they talk in online support groups and that kind of thing and their grandmother have friends who are grandmothers and they are of the age when maybe they could have had children and grandchildren. They're now being triggered by all the grandmothers around them who are talking about their grandkids. Civilla Morgan: Right. Sheri Johnson: So it can go on for a very long time if you don't take some action towards that healing and I guess what I'm saying is that time doesn't necessarily your wounds. Sometimes you need to actually do some of that painful but very liberating work that will get you there to where you and I are. Civilla Morgan: Do some work. I totally agree with you. Yes, we have to do the work and I think honestly, some of the work comes in listening to podcasts about childlessness and being a part of a community of childless not by choice people and that's work.Sheri Johnson: Yeah. Civilla Morgan: So again, for those who are just starting out or those who maybe not just starting out, but haven't done much work, just know that even listening to podcast episodes about the childlessness aspect of your life, that is work. But Sheri's platform and we're going to get into that a little bit more, Sheri's platform will help you with actual work other than listening to episodes and being part of the community such as my next question for you. Tell us about some of the tools that we can use to heal. I know in our pre-conversation we talked about things like mindfulness and journaling and meditation, even nutrition, essential oils, the Bible even. So tell us some more about those tools. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, I think all of those things came into play for me and what I found in the spiritual community was that all of those things are used, but we're not taught to use them in a way that's specific to healing from something like childlessness and taking the first few steps down that path and embracing the joy that you can find there. I started using them in a very deliberate way, and that was when I really started to feel the transformation. So meditation and journaling were big parts where I could really sit down with my journal and all these thoughts that were swollen around in my head and usually thoughts that were just kind of on repeat. I could start writing in a journal and get those out in my journal with some targeted questions to ask myself and suddenly all this stuff would start to come out on the page that I didn't even know was in my head and then I could sit quietly in meditation and ask God, ask the universe, whatever language is your thing, your source energy, your higher self. I could just ask that source energy, "How can I release this? Help me to release this," and just saying those words, showing that you're open to releasing that pain can help to do that. You mentioned nutrition and essential oils. Nutrition, that was kind of how I started my career down the wellness path. Nutrition is something that we sort of think of as a very physical thing. It's something that you do to lose weight or to get healthy, or it has a purpose and I started to look at it as a way to fuel my body and my soul same with physical activity: getting out into nature. It wasn't for the purpose of staying lean. It was to feel better and your physical and your spiritual and you're emotional. They're all connected. Civilla Morgan: Oh yeah, they are. Speaking of nutrition just for a minute, I have lost about 10 pounds I think over the past couple of weeks and I know why I'm losing the weight. But I can tell you that since the weight has started coming off, I'm a person of headaches and migraines and sinus headaches. You name the headache I've had it since I was 11 years old, but I noticed as the weight was coming off, that I had less headaches. Even though if I went outside and my vehicle covered with pollen and yes, I would start sneezing and a lot of those headaches were sinus headaches and all of that, I was waking up with less headaches as I felt the weight coming off and I started connecting the dots. I'm connecting the dots, you know? Like you said, nutrition it's not just about being lean or, of course, you're going to lose weight, you're going to feel better and not weight shaming anybody. That's not what this is about. It's more that as you drop the pounds, let me speak for myself, I'm feeling better in myself, in my mind and in my body and I think nutrition is a really important part of this lesson and I think they're all important. The mindfulness, I know we talked about mindfulness and I did a mindfulness episode not long ago and journaling. I'll let you talk more about them because I think they're all awesome. Sheri Johnson: The journaling is something that I developed a process around it all really. It was almost like once I started using them, I used them in a specific way as I said before. So I would start with say a trigger and somebody asked me a question or somebody said something that triggered me. My mom, for example, at Christmas time, she wrote a text to me and my two siblings and said something to the effect of, "Well, Christmas is all about the kids." I kind of thought, oh, how does that make me feel? What I used to do before I discovered this process, I used to just get angry at her and say, oh, it's all about my sisters and their kids and they're more important than me and I made that mean something about myself and then I started to shift that perspective. I found that I could take that trigger and say, "Okay, let me write about what's underneath of this. Where is this coming from?" I'd start journaling about that and then that would lead to other questions like, "How does that trigger make me feel and where is that emotion really coming from and when have I felt that emotion before?" Because quite often, this isn't the first time that's happened. It has happened before in adult life, but it's also happened probably way back into teenager hood and childhood. Asking those questions and writing down what I found is that so often what's underneath of those triggers is this feeling of inadequacy. This feeling of I'm somehow flawed or I'm somehow not worthy. In this case, my mother is making me feel like I'm less worthy than my sisters because I don't have kids, but that's my self-worth. Sheri Johnson: I'm responsible for building my self-worth. Once I identified that, then I could start using some of these other things to build that self-worth back up, so essential oils as an example or nutrition. It doesn't even really matter: healthy food, going out and getting exercise, using essential oils, giving yourself self-care. But all of those things are that: self-care.

You won't do those things unless you feel worthy and deserving of all of those, so they're all interconnected. Eating well is going to make you feel worthy and feeling worthy is also going to make you eat better food, because you're going to want to fuel yourself with better food when you feel you deserve to be healthy. It's a cycle. It's kind of like a chicken and egg scenario a little bit. I don't know which one comes first, but it's a cycle. So practicing that cycle of worthiness, identifying those things through journaling and through meditation and then practicing them through use of essential oils or your self-care routines or nutrition or getting out into nature, those are all ways of practicing your self-worth. Does that make sense? Civilla Morgan: This is absolutely fabulous and I like how you say they're all interconnected and they are like the chicken and egg scenario. Not one is better than the other. They're all needed together and I really like that if we start practicing these things, which I know you're going to tell us more on how to do that. If we start practicing these things, we start feeling better about ourselves and when the questions come or the triggers come, I just thought about like when you're inside of a bouncing ball and the things were bouncing off of you. Sheri Johnson: Yes. Civilla Morgan: Those are the things that I just imagined and I know there may be some listeners who are thinking, "I'm never going to get there," but I'm telling you, it's the work that Sheri talked about earlier. We have to do the work and tuning into the episode is the work. As I said before, joining a positive group like the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, those are all great ways to start the work.

But I'm telling you, just this little section here that we just talked on the tools that we can use, that again could be a whole other episode. This is great, great stuff, Sheri. Thank you so much for breaking all of this down for us. Sheri Johnson: Yeah, you're welcome. Civilla Morgan: Another thing that we spoke about before the recording, all of this is intriguing me, but this was intriguing too. You said that women seem to just be waiting to get better. Can you tell us more about what you mean by that? Sheri Johnson: I actually alluded to that earlier in our conversation here. We wait for time to heal us. We've been told this all of our lives. I mean, can you actually remember the first time someone said time heals all wounds? I can't. Civilla Morgan: Yeah, since the beginning. Sheri Johnson: So we grow up with this idea that we just have to wait it out. My theory is that waiting it out, all that does is we just adjust to the pain. To give an example, I like to use going back to the physical wound scenario. Let's say you break your arm. You could just let that heal by itself and it will eventually heal. It may not heal correctly. It may take a long time because it's not set properly, so you could let it heal by itself. It will kind of eventually heal and you'll adjust to the pain.

If it doesn't heal properly, then you'll kind of set it aside, both tearing or some sort of anti-inflammatory to keep the pain down and you just sort of adjust to that or you could go and have it set and take some action towards healing that broken arm, put a cast on it and it's going to heal much more quickly and it's going to heal properly. In the case of allowing it to heal, what I think is we just kind of cover up that pain, bury it. Sometimes if you don't get it set right away, have you ever heard of people who have to get their bone re-broke and reset?Civilla Morgan: Oh. Sheri Johnson: That can be something that we do emotionally as well. You actually have to break yourself open again to get at all that emotion and allow it to release and reset. It goes back to our conversation about taking action towards your healing. You had Sarah Roberts on your last episode, whether it's going to some sort of counseling or therapy or coaching or listening to a podcast or joining an online Facebook group or doing some of the things that I offer, whatever you do, taking some kind of action is going to help you cast that bone. It's going to help you to release all that emotion up front so that you're not bearing it and just adjusting to. Civilla Morgan: This is just really great information. I mean, I keep saying it, but it's really fabulous. It's helping me. Sheri Johnson: Oh, good. It's all stuff that helped me. Civilla Morgan: Of course, I know that means that it's helping listeners out there as well and so this is just really, really awesome and I can't wait for this episode to air. But in the meantime, before we get to the gift you have for us, I want to give you the opportunity to just give us some final words as we close out this episode. Just tell us some things to help us through this year. Sheri Johnson: I think the number one thing I would say is just close your eyes and say, "I'm open to healing. I'm open to whatever solutions come my way." Simply opening yourself up to the multitude of solutions that are out there, I feel like it's going to bring the right one into your hands. I think so many of us, myself included, we kind of go through life. Everyone's giving everybody else advice and we tend to shut down and think I just need to handle this by myself because nobody gets it. But when you just turn that perspective around and say, "I'm open to the healing that's meant for me, that's going to come." Something is going to happen in that the right podcast is going to land in your feed or the right post or the right person is going to stand in front of you and have what you need to get through what you're going through. Civilla Morgan: That's awesome and so the key is to be open to healing. Sheri Johnson: Yes, exactly. Civilla Morgan: That's wonderful. Before you tell us about the free gift, and I know we didn't discuss this pre episode, tell us about the podcast. You have a podcast coming up, right? Sheri Johnson: I do. Yeah, I currently have a podcast that's called Love & Loss and my first two years of that podcast were focused on miscarriage: women who had suffered from a miscarriage and were struggling to get through that. As my own journey evolves, as I've made my way through infertility and my three losses and have embraced my childless journey, I really am starting to pivot my business, my podcast, everything towards childless women as well. So there are certainly women who've had a loss in that group, but there's also women who have maybe entered childlessness because they never found the right partner or they did find a partner, but that person didn't want kids. There's a multitude of reasons that someone lands in childlessness and what I learned is that all the triggers, the pain it's the same for all of us. So I really wanted to open that up a little bit more to a broader audience and so my podcast is pivoting. It's going to be called Awakening Worth. By the time you air this, we'll have a few episodes out on that and my whole business will really be focused on helping childless women develop that sense of self-worth to drop the feelings of inadequacy and not fitting in, so we all too can lead the joyful fulfilling lives that you talk about in your intro. Civilla Morgan: Exactly. The name of the podcast everybody's going to be Awakening Worth. You can also find Sheri on Instagram at awakening.worth, W-O-R-T-H. Now, tell us about the free gift. Sheri Johnson: Yes, so I have developed a quiz. Takes two minutes. It will help you uncover whether your sense of self-worth is helping you to heal or hindering or blocking you from healing and living your joyful child free life, because it can feel more like a child free life than a childless life. When you take that quiz, you'll get a full breakdown of your results and then you'll also get my free PDF download, which is my secrets for living for embracing a child free life. So that can be found at sherijohnson.ca/quiz Civilla Morgan: And Sheri is S-H-E-R-I. So http://www.sherijohnson.ca/quiz Sheri Johnson: Yes. Civilla Morgan: Right. Okay. Everything's in the show notes, everybody. All the information is in the show notes. Always as I always ask, please read the show notes because not only are the things that we discussed on this episode in the show notes. Sometimes I find interesting articles and I don't always get to put them in the Facebook page, but there are some articles that I come across during my time online that I think you might find interesting. There's one article in there. Well, I'll let you look at the show notes and look at the articles. I'll leave it like that, but Sheri, I want to thank you so very much for this time that you spent with us today. This was so informative. So truly helpful. I mean, I've been on this journey for a number of years, but I don't think we ever stop learning or stop getting better. I really feel like this episode was a help to me as well. I want to thank you very much for your time today and for everybody out there listening, thank you for tuning in. If you want to reach out to Sheri again, the information is in the show notes. If you want to reach out to me, my contact information is in the show notes and until next time, have a great one. Bye.[Music]

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 136 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

• Happy New Year
• Goals and Visions document
• Join FB groups–make them primary
• Survey

• Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.independent.ie/life/i-learned-that-shame-is-what-keeps-the-taboo-alive-today-tackling-the-stigma-of-childlessness-41240183.html

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 135 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

The Empty Cradle

But before I continue, let me say thank you to...

...my Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan

• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Intro: Sarah Roberts

I've known about our guest for quite some time. You know how you travel in the same circle as someone, but you've never been introduced, you've never met, but you know the person exists?

Then one day I came across her platform's intro video on YouTube, and I asked myself why I had never interviewed her. I watched her video three times before I decided to ask if she would be a guest. There is a link to the video in the show notes. Check it out. It really captured me. And I am so happy she said yes.

Sarah Roberts, welcome to the show!

***Acknowledgement of the traditional owners of the country.

Questions/Conversation starters:

1. I am intrigued. Your background is in counseling, social work in child protection, youth work, drugs and alcohol, teaching, HIV/AIDS prevention, teaching, community education and community arts. How and why did you make the switch from that to speaking to grief therapy, to speaking to the involuntarily childless?

'We really need to be doing this work ourselves.' Therapy for childlessness. People need to start from a place of respect.

Explain the 'social context of childlessness'.

How does your faith and spirituality, your Christian perspective, come into play in our childlessness arena? How do you use it in your counseling?

• So, diversity: why is it important to you? What does cultural appropriateness have to do with childlessness?

• There is the ongoing counselling work I do with women towards the end of their fertility journey and coming to terms with permanent involuntary childlessness. I also offer individual and group programs, courses and community.

Sarah's quote:

'We really need to do this work ourselves.'--Sarah Roberts

'Is there something wrong with me?'--Sarah Roberts

Links of interest:

https://www.theemptycradle.com/home.html

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-126-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditation-on-life-my-conversation-with-author-donna-ward/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-125-are-we-being-good-ancestors/

More information on the Australian Aboriginal Community

https://aiatsis.gov.au/

The story of Hannah

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1samuel+1&version=NIV

Sarah's Contact information:

http://www.theemptycradle.com/

https://linktr.ee/theemptycradle

Email - [email protected]

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/involuntarychildlessness/

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/theemptycradle/

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 134 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

Today's show is about a dame. But first, thank you to…

...my Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan

• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

BTW, if you are a Patron, there is a fresh new video on the Patreon site. Be sure to check it out!

So, welcome to December Ya'll! It's a tough month for us as childless people, but never you fear, have I got a story for you?! But first I want to thank you so much for your support this year. Thanks for listening to episodes, and thanks for reaching out to let me know how the episodes, the podcast, is helping you.

I hear from a lot of you on Instagram, how cool right? Remember, you can find and follow me @joyandrelevance on Instagram. I'm also on Pinterest, Civilla Morgan.

Sooo, January is already recorded! I can't wait for you to hear my conversation with Sarah Roberts. It is just the perfect way to start a new year! Be sure to tune in. Hey, tune in all year. And don't be a stranger. Your feedback really is a real source of encouragement.

I'm a history buff. I mean I love anything history. World history, the history of humanity, medieval history, art history. I mean I love history! In fact, one of my favorite podcasts is all about women throughout history. So imagine my shock and surprise when I heard about this amazing woman!

You see, the woman I'm talking about today was childless and husbandless, like many of us. And that's what caught my eye. She had been mentioned on social media on the anniversary of her death. I believe it was a Google Doodle. I like to read the story behind Google Doodles because well, I love history and historical facts. But when they said she never married or had children, well, me too!

The timing of it all was quite interesting too. I had been reading lots of posts on IG, about the treatment by society of those of us who never married and never had children, in earnest, the last couple of months. I mean it's a thing, I'm living it, and have been for many years. But I had not heard much talk about it until the last few months as of this recording. The pain in the posts was palpable.

Well, after a little digging, I found one book on Amazon which I promptly ordered. I had to wait a little bit for the book, which made me a little nervous, but it finally came. It is an interesting read. Information on the book in the show notes, as well as some additional informational links on this lady!

So here's the thing: Childless, husbandless, and a dame. Mary Eugenia Charles' father started his life as a mason and then a farmer. He was snubbed by the elite, but that did not get in the way of his goals. He quietly went about the business of amassing wealth while the community looked down on him until he surpassed them in wealth. Her farmer father turned banker for the everyday person.

His plan was to send his four children to the best schools. Two of them became doctors, one became a nun, against her parent's wishes. And Eugenia went to law school. Then she got into politics.

Oh, but imagine a woman getting into politics in the 1960s. You think it's a man's world now.

She had to create a tough exterior to deal with men who definitely did not want her in their presence. They felt she was a deviant because she never married and never had children. They felt she belonged in a lower class because her father had to work his way up the class ladder.

She has been listed in Guida-Myrl Jackson-Laufer's list of 'Women Rulers Throughout the Ages', listed among women such as Cleopatra, Mary Queen of Scots, and Isabella Queen of Spain; just to name a few.

But hey, she gave as good as she got, although it had to be tough to hear that she was sterile, wore cheap underwear, really? Ignored when she fainted in the midst of these sharks. But she survived.

She was indeed so successful at turning her country around, she ruled for 15 years, even surviving two attempted coups. Some of you may remember the invasion of Grenada back in the 1980s? She was an integral part of that. She brought battling factions in her country Dominica, not to be confused with The Dominican Republic. Two very different places. together, and put strong people in her cabinet; which tells me she had a healthy level of self-confidence. Something I personally like in people I surround myself with. Just an aside.

Intriguing right? I mean aside from the obvious that she was childless and husbandless? It is said that she never married because she never met anyone she wanted to marry.

These aren't the days of arranged marriage right? So she just never met anyone and sometimes that's just the way it is. Yet she made things happen despite the treatment she received, and despite not adhering to society's 'norms'. I mean some people marry so that they are not lonely. Some people opt not to marry if they can't marry for love. Oh, this diehard romantic was shocked when I found out in my younger years that people married for all types of reasons and that love was just one of the reasons! The shock! I also came to the realization that for me, I had no intention of marrying for anything less than love because when the going gets tough I have to know I love this person. But that's me.

So, how are you making stuff happen despite being childless or childless and husbandless? How do you deal with the people who watch you faint and ignore you? Or the people who accuse you of wearing cheap underwear? What about the people who spread assumptions about you? How will you deal? How do you deal?

Let me remind you...

Those of us who are husbandless and childless are a family unit unto ourselves. I've said it before, a family is not only parents and kids, or husband and wife no kids. It can be you, just you. Human, worthy, single, childless, beautiful you.

Remember that this holiday season. You deserve a place at the adult table just as much as the couple or the parents. Your sleeping arrangements should not be an afterthought.

Now look, I realize you don't want to create drama at the family gatherings, and I don't want you to either. But I bet that's why some families believe they can treat the single childless family member as an afterthought. They don't believe you will make a scene. And you don't have to. If there is a problem, kindly pull the host aside and have a civil conversation. If you feel the conversation is going nowhere, feel free to adult and make alternate plans some years.

Look, we all want to see our family members, we all want to belong. But we have to decide if we want to belong so much we are willing to accept bad treatment gathering after gathering after gathering. Making alternate plans sometimes shows that you love and respect yourself.

Please, love and respect yourself. Until you do, no one else will.

We are living in unbelievably difficult times. I mean family gatherings were difficult pre-pandemic. Now, everything has changed. Life as we knew it is no longer, no matter how much we want it to be all back to normal. Normal is going to be different. And I believe the reason some of us are having a difficult time acclimating is that we are not moving ahead, but looking backward.

There was good back there, but there was also bad back there. There was dysfunction, there was petty behavior at family gatherings. And yes, there are good memories from back there.

But ahead, are good memories and good times. Especially when you create those moments and exercise those kind but firm boundaries. Trust your decisions. Trust your heart. Trust yourself. And have a lovely Holiday Season.

Details of her life:

Mary Eugenia Charles, DBE was a Dominican politician who was Prime Minister of Dominica from 21 July 1980 until 14 June 1995. The first woman lawyer in Dominica, she was Dominica's first, and to date only, female prime minister. Wikipedia

Born: May 15, 1919, Pointe Michel, Dominica

Died: September 6, 2005, Fort-de-France, Martinique

Nationality: Dominican

Previous office: Prime Minister of Dominica (1980–1995)

Education: University of Toronto, London School of Economics and Political Science

Organization founded: Dominica Freedom Party

[email protected]

www.marylandattorneyatlaw.com; 301-218-9400

Articles/links of interest:

https://www.thegrenadarevolutiononline.com/damecharles.html

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Eugenia-Charles

Add hashtags: #youdonthaveto

Add alt tags: they help sight impaired people know what the episode is about

Survey link:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Research links:

Articles/links of interest:

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-120-lets-talk-about-it

Special thank you to:

Everyone who reached out the last few months, including 2020. I received several pieces of feedback on Instagram Messenger from people who advised the podcast has helped them quite a bit. I have put links to the episodes mentioned in the feedback here in the show notes. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to hear from you when an episode or the podcast on a whole, has helped you on your childless not by choice journey. Podcasters do not ask for feedback because we are narcissistic. Feedback is an engine for us. I like to give you all little tidbits of insight into the world of podcasting from time to time. And in the world of podcasting, feedback is part of the engine that keeps us going. When I first started podcasting and I was not getting tons of downloads, I would sometimes ask myself why exactly I was doing this. No one is listening, I would tell myself. I am not hearing from anyone. And just then, so many times, just then, I would get an email, a message in Facebook Messenger, or an Instagram post from a listener thanking me for what I do. It never failed. Those messages helped. So when you send a message, know that I read it. In fact, I have responded to every piece of feedback I've received. Thank you!

My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 133 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

In this week's episode, we will discuss...

1. No new episodes for October and November, back in December.

2) 1x1 conversations with me.

3) If you have not already done so...

But first...

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank my patrons, my Patreon patrons, for their monthly support.

(Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!)

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you! If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

• No new episodes for October and November, back in December.

I believe this is my third year taking October and November off. As many of you know, my mom passed in May 2019, but by August or September, I was drowning in grief. If I remember correctly it was about that time I decided to take a look at the possibility of taking some time off from podcasting. That two-month break helped so much I decided to continue doing it.

But I am going to be forthcoming with you from a podcaster's point of view: when I first decided to take this break, I thought about the fact that taking two months off annually would keep me from achieving a higher number of podcast episodes. You know, six years in, and having started out with two episodes per month, I should be closer to 200 episodes at this point.

But as quickly as the thought entered my mind, I deleted it! The thought had to go. I could not afford to allow ego and comparing myself to other podcasts and podcasters to affect my decision to think about my mental health. I believe when we pay attention to where we are mentally and emotionally, and adjust accordingly, we show up in a healthy way to the world, to our world; and to the tasks, we signed up for as well as the tasks we have been assigned.

I know I talked last episode about mental health, but unless I got this absolutely wrong, incorrect; I believe all seven billion plus of us continue to be in a stressful and tiring place. Maybe not all the time or all at once, but this world is in a difficult place right now.

I don't know about you, but globally it feels like things are happening one thing right after the other. We will have to make the individual decision as to what we take on and what we keep at bay. And the list can be fluid, every day is not the same. But we have to put some thought into our daily decisions. That is how I believe we protect our mental health without feeling guilty.

Examples include:

• cutting down on how much news we ingest. Being in the know by watching the news is not bad, it's how much we take in that can be bad. I am guilty of too much news. I will admit it right now. Some people consume news all day and it does not seem to bother them. But they want to talk to you about it and maybe you just don't want to hear it.

Now when the news started to bother me on another level, and that started right around...now. Go figure. I decided to do more reading and less news consumption. We have to pay attention to when things take a turn inside our heads and our hearts. We have to be that in tune. For some, it may take work, but for others, and I believe those of us who are introverts, we know almost before it happens when our heart and our mind are turning a corner. And we say 'OK, that's it, no more...news, negative conversation, negative thoughts…' etc. And you do this without feeling guilty or necessarily making those around you feel bad. It can be done. Which kinda leads to...

• balancing helping others and maintaining our peace and downtime. You've heard the term: 'you can't pour from an empty cup.' Some of us are caring for others, some do so in a professional capacity. Either way, try to find some time to take a break. Even if it is an hour at your local coffee shop or sitting out on your patio taking a nap. We all need a minute. Don't be afraid to take the minute. Oh, and the beach. Don't forget the beach. As much as I talk about it, I only got to go once this summer. The second time I decided to go, it started pouring rain. Any whoo...take a moment for you. Next...

• Try not to internalize things. I believe many times we internalize things we believe are our fault, but even if the issue is our fault, internalizing is not healthy. Find a way to manage issues without taking everything to heart. It will help maintain your heart health. If you can make things right with the person you may be at odds with, try. If they don't want to, at least you know you tried. And remind yourself, no one is perfect. Not even you.

I have looked back on situations and wished I had not said something or wished I had apologized right away, but if that's not how the situation worked out, know that you did the best you could with the situation, and try to handle things better the next time. This is for those of you, like me, who like to beat yourselves up. Trust me. I know. But what I also know is that there is not one single perfect human on this planet. Some pretend they are. They may even come after you like they are perfect, forgetting that just yesterday they made a mess. Do the best you can, always. Keep your heart in the right place, and remember: There is no perfect human. And...

• Don't be afraid to ask for help. To get help. Which segues nicely into the next topic.

• If you would like to have a 1x1 conversation with me about issues you may be having around your childlessness, go to the Shop page.

Click the link for 1x1 sessions, and follow the directions.

Please note there is a non-refundable fee for this service. I believe that talking things out helps quite a bit and I look forward to speaking with you. But please note: I am not a licensed therapist.

I am a person who has run the gamut of feelings from deep sadness, dare I say depression, as I watched my life not turn out the way I expected it to turn out. To arrive at a place I did not expect to be, never even knowing such a place existed. Then coming to terms with my childlessness, and the way my life turned out. I believe talking about that journey helps quite a bit.

1. So, just a few more things...If you have not already done so:

• Please take the survey. There is a link here in the show notes, as well as in the Facebook group.
• Please also leave a rating and or a review for the show. You can do so at Apple Podcast or within any app on which you listen.
• If you have episode ideas, please email them to me at [email protected], or Messenger me. Feel free to do so even during my hiatus.
• I will be back in December with a fresh new episode. If you are in the U.S. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I really do not know what Thanksgiving will look like this year as we continue to battle this crazy virus. But wherever in the world you are, please stay safe. And remember what I always say about family gatherings, whether they are in person or on Zoom, you can leave when you are good and ready. You do not need to accept disrespect. Remember, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Kind but firm boundaries. Practice them, and take care of yourself!

See you in December!

Items of interest:

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-86-longing-for-motherhood-holding-onto-hope-in-the-midst-of-childlessness-my-interview-with-chelsea-patterson-sobolik

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april

Survey link:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 132 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

What is today's show about?

Mental health, mental rest, self-care.

Thank you Patreon contributors:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan

• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode:

Hello once again! Thank you so much for tuning in! Well, I am going to call this our Mental health, mental rest, self-care episode.

Mental health, mental rest, self-care.

At the beginning of August, I made the decision to step away from social media for the entire month. All through the month of July, I considered it as I realized I would basically have the month to myself. Dad is hanging out with his favorite child, kidding: my brother and his family are caring for dad this month. As a caregiver, and I would do it all over again, you are always on a high level of alert, as you are caring for another human being 24/7.

So I decided that while dad was with my brother and his family, I would take myself off social media, get some mental rest, go to the beach and enjoy my birthday month. And I have been doing just that!

I did consider that it might be an odd month for me to step away as it is a busy birthday month for my family. Most of my immediate family members have August birthdays! But I am sticking with my decision. I mean if it were an easy decision would it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not.

It's been really weird to see so many social media notifications. On day three I was close to 200 already! I wonder how many there will be on August 31st?!

Well, not having to be on alert for 31 days and taking a break from social media, that combination does not happen very often. So I will be taking every advantage. I did put an out-of-office graphic on my Facebook and Instagram pages, I hope everyone realizes what is happening and that I am not ignoring them. Either way, my brain, and my body needed this. All of it!

Look, Mental Health Awareness month is in May here in the US, but the fact is, we should be thinking about our mental health every month. Mental and emotional health is always important as we are able to make better decisions when our brains are rested and healthy.

So what about you? Would you give it a try? Everyone's mental health break is not the same. It does not have to be an entire month. It can be a week, it can even be a day, depending on what your life is like. The key is to recognize that you need a break, no matter what your life, your schedule, is like. The fact is, no matter how strong we think we are. We all need a break.

We are living in different, and honestly, strange times. 2020 beat us all up, mentally and emotionally. And 2021 seems to be only slightly better. People are still dying from COVID, there are still employment issues as well as the ending of a moratorium on evicting renters from their dwellings here in The US.

Life has always been hard. You have heard me say in the past: life is not for the faint of heart. We must try to take a break when we can. And I am thankful that I get this time.

So, I'm heading to the beach. I am going to get caught up on my reading. I am going to get some extra sleep. I am also going to enjoy the birthday gifts. The flowers. I have two vases of flowers that I hope will live the entire month of August. Take a look at the pictures I am posting here in the show notes. I will also post them on my Pinterest page once I am back on social media on the first of September.

I really hope you will take some time for yourself. Any time, some type of time. Recognize how you are feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally, and take heed. If you do, you will be a step ahead of the game of life.

Before I let you go, I want to talk to you about something that I believe is very important and in my opinion tied into mental health: Mindfulness.

I put some links here in the show notes to sites that discuss mindfulness, and mental health awareness. I also posted a link to a site on minority mental health. Be sure to check that out.

So, what is mindfulness?

Definition: 'Being mindful means being aware of your thoughts, emotions, and how you're feeling both physically and mentally. ... It means being aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.'--Apr 20, 2018.

Now for those of you who may be Believers, that definition may sound a little bit familiar. Check this out:

'Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.'--Philippians 4:8.

Sounds similar to the definition of mindfulness right? The bottom line is this, whether you are a Believer or not, it's important to recognize that if you are struggling with negative thoughts, especially in the midst of the craziness of the last year and a half, it can be difficult to believe that things will get better, at least anytime soon. But even in the midst of all of this craziness, if you can set your mind to think on positive things, on good things, I believe it will help you make it through these difficult times.

Think about positive things:

It can be something nice a friend, family member, or even stranger did for you.

Think about how you feel when it is your day off from work.

Think about how it feels to be able to sit in your favorite coffee shop again. Think of how you feel when you are in a good mood, and then remind yourself that you are responsible for your mood even if others are trying to get on your very last nerve.

Renew your mind with good thoughts.

Check out some more suggestions below:

Some examples include:

• Pay attention. It's hard to slow down and notice things in a busy world. ...

• Live in the moment. Try to intentionally bring an open, accepting, and discerning attention to everything you do. ...

• Accept yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend.--Google.

• Focus on your breathing.

Sounds simple, but it's usually the simple things that work best. So, that's all from me this month. I am going to go do all of the above, and I hope you will too. And don't forget to check out the links in the show notes!

P.S. There are some wonderful admins and moderators managing the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group if you are in the group and have questions.

Although I am not on social media this month, you may email me, my contact information is in the show notes. You may also Messenger me, but I will not be able to respond until September.

So, see you in September!

Articles of interest:

https://www.minorityhealth.hhs.gov/minority-mental-health/

https://www.mindfulschools.org/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice