Childless not by Choice

6th Anniversary episode

Hello, and welcome to episode 131 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!

Welcome to my six-year podcastiversary ya'll!!! I am so excited! But first...

Today's episode is brought to you by Omio.

Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it's never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all: Using Omio saves you time and money! That's a win-win situation right?

Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it's just the pick-me-up we need in 2021!

Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply.

https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385

END DATE: July 31st

Well! Six years! Whew! I've lost episodes, I've had to have Zoom techs help me find an episode in the middle of the night during my time, while the rep was on the other side of the planet during the middle of his day.

I've had to ask an interviewee for a re-do. The most humbling thing a podcaster has to do.

I have literally cried tears over an episode that got messed up. More than once!

I've felt like putting away my podcasting gear and finding something else to occupy my time. And not neatly putting it away, throwing it across the room!

Having started this podcast, this platform, from scratch; I recall when the number of downloads I now get in a day, was my total number for a whole month! That is what you call from scratch!

And as time progressed I received emails, Facebook Messenger messages, voicemails, feedback, (I love feedback you all, hint hint) left on my childlessnotbychoice.net website. You know you can do that right? Just click the link that says 'send a voice message, and you get 90 seconds to leave me a message. Some have had so much to say they've left several voicemails in a row! I love it!

And speaking of hearing from people, I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution every month. My Patreon Contributors. Be sure to visit the Patreon site regularly as I will be placing more content in there just for you! More on that a little later.

If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit http://www.patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your mailing address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

So, as I was saying, I love to hear from you. In fact, while I was working on the content for this episode I received an email from a new listener. She told me a story that brought some memories rushing back into my brain!

I thought I had forgotten those stories but whew! As childless not by choice women, many times we try to find ways to nurture. I mean we were born to nurture weren't we? As I read her email I recalled how...

Once, I was asked to mentor two sisters. They were pre-teens and the story was that their mother was MIA. I believe we had the mentorship arrangements for a few months until their mother came back on the scene. The end. That's pretty much how it ended.

I felt heartsick, and honestly, I felt used.

On another occasion, I was asked by a young woman's mentor to watch her baby while the two of them went to a local event. It was just a couple of hours, but when I took the baby back as soon as I was called, the mother seemed beside herself.

The same woman who asked me to watch the baby, came by the house a few weeks later, with a little boy, about 5 or six years old. He was so energetic he almost tore up the house.

A couple of days later she called with urgency and asked me to babysit the little boy. Saying she had to go out of town and had no one else to watch him. I got hip to her and told her no. No ma'am.

I was pretty hard on myself. Why did it take me three events to see what was happening? To see that what comes naturally to most women was being used against me?

You know what I am going to say next, right? Boundaries. It's issues like these that make it important for us to create and maintain proper boundaries.

I found a quote on Facebook: 'A lack of boundaries often invites a lack of respect.'--TobyMac, one of my favorite musicians.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to nurture. There is nothing wrong with the way we were created. There is nothing wrong with us. The key is to recognize these things about ourselves, and then manage them accordingly. If we don't, others will.

You've probably heard that people recognize things in us we do not recognize in ourselves. We all have blind spots. Here's the thing: There is no shame in who we are. We just have to find the right way to be who we are. The right way to be who we are with dignity. We all deserve to have the ability to maintain our dignity.

You know, it was an honor to hear from this new listener as she detailed what was going on in her life.

A couple of days later I received an email from someone who had just heard the podcast for the first time that day! Wow! Can I tell you that sometimes I suffer from total imposter syndrome!? Still! But who am I kidding? Thank you for reaching out and telling me how much the podcast helps you. It means a lot.

You know, I am constantly speaking to an audience that is composed of people who are just finding out they will not be having children. That audience is not quite childless not by choice yet because you may be considering adoption, or thinking of starting IVF. But you did a search and found this podcast.

Then there's the group that has been on this journey for a few short years. You may just be coming into the acceptance phase. You still have your moments, but you can generally make it through your day, week, month, without falling apart...too badly, at the sight of a pregnant woman or a co-worker bringing her new baby to the office, Barely.

Then there's the group, like me, like some of you, who have been childless not by choice for many years. You still feel the little tug, but you can move on with your day without thinking of the incident that caused the tug most times. You seldom get triggered, but it can happen. You are definitely a leader in the childless not by choice space, and can definitely encourage other women in the community to realize that they will make it to a good place.

That's what a journey is all about right? We're all on a journey, and we find ourselves in different places in, and on that journey. No part of the journey is more or less important than the other. The key is to continue on. To push through. To become what we were put on this earth to do. Keep going OK? Don't give up.

Omio

So, thanks again to Omio for sponsoring this episode.

Omio is a travel-booking platform that makes planning a journey in Europe and North America effortless. Just enter your travel details and Omio will magically give you all the train, bus, flight, and ferry options for your journey—it's never been simpler to book your first real vacation for 2021! Best of all? Using Omio saves you time and money! That's a win-win in our books!

Omio wants to help you leave your house this summer by offering five percent off your next booking. Just head to Omio.com and use the code OMIO5 at checkout. Valid until July 31st for new users on all modes of transport, it's just the pick-me-up 2021 needs!

Omio: Plan, book and love the journey. Terms & Conditions apply.

https://omio.sjv.io/c/2544961/1078765/7385

END DATE: July 31st

So, changes are coming:

First, Patreon:

1) Patreon--If you are a Patron, I have some surprises in store for you! Reminder, patrons are those who help the show financially, on a monthly basis. They signed up to do that by going to https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice and following the instructions to become a patron. There is actually a button on the upper right corner of the Patreon website that says Become a Subscriber. Follow the steps to subscribe at the dollar amount that you would like deducted monthly. Remember, I have a gift for you regardless of your giving level.

There are four tiers: $5.00/$10.00/$25.00/$50.00 per month.

According to a 2019 article from LifeHacker.com, 99% of podcasts make zero dollars. See the link to the article in the show notes. I don't call something nothing, but I guess we all know what they mean. 1% of podcasters are making a living off of their podcast income, including being able to pay their podcast fees. I want to be very clear: I did not start this podcast to make money. People who create podcasts because they think there is money in it, just like the article says, they don't last. They pod fade, as it is called in the podcasting industry. For 99% of podcasters, podcasting is a hobby or a passion project, they are doing it because they love it. And if they, we, have patrons who believe in what we're doing, well, that's just awesome!

But I believe I should also advise you that I am actively searching for paid sponsors. Another question that I ask about in the survey.

Again, more on the survey in just a moment.

And that's it about Patreon and money for this episode. I hope I haven't lost you. If I haven't, thanks for listening to this point.

2) Next, The Community. Many of you know by now that after months of thinking about this, I have decided to close out the Community site that was situated on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. In fact, by the time you hear this episode the site should already be closed and removed from the website. I emailed everyone who was a member of the community site, and I posted a message in our Facebook groups.

I want to make it clear that I LOVE Community. I believe Community keeps us mentally and emotionally in tune with each other and with our journey. Community allows us to manage our loss in a healthy way.

Until I decide what's next Community-wise, I really do suggest that you join the Facebook group if you haven't already, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan. Remember, that is a group for women only.

There is also the Supporters of the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. That group is for everyone.

I also strongly suggest that you subscribe to the newsletter if you haven't already.

I'm not one to overload your email with stuff. Those of you who are subscribed can attest to that. But being subscribed will definitely keep you in the loop. Please subscribe or join a Facebook group to stay in the loop. And remember, feel free to email me just like the two listeners above did, at [email protected].

Stick with me for a few more minutes. I want to share just a couple more things with you. In June I was happy to be a panelist on the Gateway Woman June webinar--' Celebrating the Spinster'. I know, most of us who are single and never married would shudder at the thought of being called or calling ourselves spinster. But after that conversation, I totally understand why the author Donna Ward whom I interviewed, see episode 126, link in the show notes, used that word. You've got to listen to this conversation. It was an eye-opener for me when I got the light bulb moment. Be sure to listen.

Also in the show notes is the link to the study Donna Ward mentioned in the conversation. I hope you will take the time to read it. We need to have a plan as we age, especially if we are single and childless. I'm not trying to scare you or stress you out, I just want you to think ahead.

Well, I am happy to share the following with you: the founder of WCW--World Childless Week, Stephanie Joy Phillips, asked me to share the following with you:

"Did you know that World Childless Week will be running for the fifth time this year from the 13th – 19th September? Each day has a different topic: our stories, childlessness and sexual intimacy, leaving a legacy, men matter too, have you considered adoption, we are worthy and moving forwards. You have the freedom to express yourself in any medium you prefer, from dancing to writing and everything in between. The founder, Stephanie Joy Phillips, welcomes your submissions from now until the 29th August. You don't have to be a professional and you have the choice to remain anonymous.

Stephanie says the most important thing to remember is the week is for us and about us, a way to share both our darkest secrets and happiest moments. The Childless Not By Choice community deserves to be seen and to be heard.

You can find full details of how to make a submission and learn about all of the other events running during the week by taking a look at www.worldchildlessweek.net".

3) Soooo, the survey. There is a survey link in the show notes that I would really like you to take the time to take. Your responses to the survey questions will be read by myself, only. I am serious about making this podcast better and better. You don't get to six years without making changes from time to time. And I am willing to do that, with your help.

Your responses will help me as I continue to make changes and updates on this podcast, this platform. Are you in this with me? If so, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please complete the survey. The link is in the show notes.

Survey link:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfpPOQQq0a8gUuhnkuYZdi-RM7JKzbQWs3pw151I0LYSjQSNw/viewform?usp=sf_link

Lots of changes right? I can't believe I'm saying this, but change is good, no matter what you've heard about it. Especially when it makes things better and it's not just for the sake of change.

Sooooo, last but definitely not least, I would like even more eyes and ears on this podcast and this platform. I would like you to rate and review this podcast. It's very easy to do. You can go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, click on the Podcast tab, and under each and every episode you are given options such as share, leave a review, etc. Click leave a review, and follow the steps.

Even easier, if you listen on Apple Podcast, tap on the Library tab, tap on the Childless not by Choice podcast, and scroll down to where you will see Ratings and Review. As I look it looks like there are more people rating it than reviewing it, but do what you are comfortable with either or both.

If you listen on the Stitcher podcast player app, you can click the heart for a particular episode. On Overcast, you can click the star.

Well, I think I am finished! I am so excited to still be podcasting and to still love podcasting, even during the crazy times. I am really excited to not only be a part of this awesome community called podcasting. But I am excited and honored that you are listening and that these episodes are making a positive difference in your life.

See you in August!

Bye!

Articles of interest:

https://lifehacker.com/youll-never-make-money-podcasting-1838640571

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-126-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditation-on-life-my-conversation-with-author-donna-ward/

https://vimeo.com/559979682

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=065cec3ede&attid=0.1.3&permmsgid=msg-f:1701853975113270514&th=179e332c6e3684f2&view=att&disp=inline

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 130 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.

Body of episode:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who make a financial contribution to the platform on a monthly basis, my Patreon Contributors.

If you are not yet a Patron, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution. No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

So, welcome to episode 130! This is the Father's Day USA edition, but would you believe that none of the gentlemen whose voices you will hear in just a moment are American? I mean, not American, not in The USA. How did that happen? I don't know, but you know what this just underscores the point that childlessness is worldwide. It happens in communities, villages, and hamlets around the world.

Childlessness affects people of all financial statuses, races, colors, you get the point.

I am so honored to have these guests for our Father's Day episode.

I reached out to these gentlemen and asked them to talk to us about how they manage Father's Day and they agreed! You know, I really wanted their voices to be heard by the childless not by choice men who listen to this podcast, and of course the wives and other family members of childless not by choice men.

You see, for the first few years of this podcast, I did not consider the fact that men could be childless not by choice? I mean seriously? I guess when we are deep in our own sorrows we can sometimes forget that others hurt too. So glad I finally figured it out!

The other thing I figured out was that although I know what it is like to be a childless not by choice woman, I know how it feels, I know the heart hurt I can sometimes feel, Even though I know all of that, I do not know how a childless not by choice man feels. So here we are. I will let them tell you. And if you would like to, be sure to follow them on their platforms. I will put their information in the show notes.

Well, what did you think? Pretty awesome huh? If you are a childless not by choice woman who has a childless not by choice man in your life, please ask them to tune into this episode. Hey, they may listen to other episodes of this podcast which might help create a conversation.

You know, I wonder how many men listen to this podcast? If you are a man who listens and wouldn't mind saying so, drop me a message by going to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, and click on the link below that old-time telephone. You can also email me at [email protected]. Don't worry, I won't use your full name. I never use full names. I can also use anonymous if that is what you prefer. You never know, you may be an encouragement to another man.

So, before I let you go, I want to ask if you have not already, to be sure to fill out the survey. Link in the show notes. I am getting some really awesome feedback and it is greatly appreciated. I am reading every single response because your responses are going to help me with some decisions I am working on as I am now in year six of podcasting. Next month is my actual six-year anniversary, so more details next month.

Well, thanks again to my patrons, and thanks again to these wonderful gentlemen that you just heard from.

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Thank you to our special guests:

• Andy Harrod--UK--Clan of Brothers Facebook group, Invisible Childlessness on Twitter and Instagram.

• Robin Hadley--UK--www.robinhadley.co.uk

• Michael Hughes--Australia--The Fullstop Podcast, Blog: marriedandchildless.com, Clan of Brothers Facebook group.

• Sikhumbuzo Dube--Zimbabwe--Shunem Care, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram as Shunem Care. Blog: www.shunemcare.home.blog.

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Survey: Tell me your thoughts by clicking the link below:

https://bit.ly/2TSMuDV

Intro:Hello, and welcome to episode 129 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month. My Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Susie
• Tiffany
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Well, I have a really cool surprise for you! I reached out to several women from around the world and asked them to talk to us about how they manage Mother's Day. Each woman had three minutes to tell us about them, what they do on Mother's Day, and how you can follow them on their platforms. Yes, that's right. I know you enjoy hearing my voice. Many have told me so. It's humbling to hear how this podcast helps you manage your childless not by choice life episode after episode. And you know what, I hope I can continue to add value to your journey. In other words, I hope you will continue listening.

But the ladies you are about to hear from, well I follow or have had some interaction with all but one of them. I want you to hear their voices because I feel they are adding a great deal of value to the childless not by choice community globally.

I will be back to close out the episode after we have heard from these wonderful women.

Body of episode content:

Contributors:

Bindi Shah

Karen Enfield

Nicci Fletcher

Brandi Lytle

Raphie Wagner

Ina Diaz

Berenice Smith

Yvonne John

Sarah Lawrence

Jody Day

Civilla Morgan

Closing:

Well, what did you think? I hope these beautiful voices were a source of encouragement as you make your way through Mother's Day, whenever that is for you. I mean I had no idea Mother's Day was in December in Panama. Christmas and Mother's Day in one month! Wow!

Well, Mother's Day is in May here in the US. It is a doubly tough month for me as this year will be two years since I lost my beloved mommy. Her birthday was in March. So, March is her birthday, and then she leaves us two months later, three days before Mother's Day.

I know I'm probably hitting all types of triggers. It is not my intention to cause triggers and tears, but I want to remind you that we are all on this journey together. There are differences, yes. Some of you do not/did not have a great relationship with your mothers. Some of you are married without children. Like me, some of you are single and childless.

I could go on. But the bottom line is this: your journey, your path, your childlessness; does not affect your worth. It never has and it never will. You are worthy. Your path is worthy. Your journey is worthy. Hold your head up, look straight ahead, and keep walking. Happy Mother's Day.

What is celebrated in May:

May 1 is Lei Day in Hawaii

May 2: World Tuna Day

May 4–11: Root Canal Awareness Week

May 5 is Cinco de Mayo

May 8: No Socks Day

May 9 is Mother's Day (United States)

May 14: Dance Like a Chicken Day

May 31 is Memorial Day

Special thank you to:

Special THANK YOU to all of the wonderful women who took part in this episode!

'Be responsibly selfish.'-Sarah Lawrence.

'Mothering is a verb, not a noun.'-Jody Day.

My Patreon Patrons. To become a patron, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 128 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.

Correction:

I would like to issue a correction:

In episode 125--Are We Being Good Ancestors, the January 2021 episode; I made the comment that 'only in America', in reference to Kamala Harris becoming the first woman in such a high leadership role. I should have specified that for the first time in American history, Kamala Harris is the first woman to reach that level of leadership, Vice President of The United States of America, as there are obviously quite a few women running countries all over the world.

A listener brought that to my attention and even sent me a really cool video highlighting these wonderful female world leaders.

My apologies for the misspeak, and be sure to check out the really cool video. I watched it twice!

I've also put a PEW Research article link here in the show notes, that discusses amongst other things, childless women, and women in leadership roles. It's a great article.

Body of episode content:

WARNING: This episode may cause all types of triggers. I mean just look at the title. So please listen in a safe place.

In fact, I will give you some time to hit the pause button or to get to a safe place, by telling you about my new habit.

So, I was Googling what we, the general human beings, celebrate in the month of April, and well, it's a lot. Some things are like, really? Others are quite serious:

Here are some examples:

• Fresh Florida Tomato Month
• National Fresh Celery Month
• National Soft Pretzel Month
• National Straw Hat Month
• Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month
• National Autism Awareness Month
• Stress Awareness Month
• Black Women's History Month
• Celebrate Diversity Month
• National Arab American Heritage Month
• Sexual Assault Awareness Month
• Sexually Transmitted Infections Awareness Month

There are tons more, but I wanted to give you a list from the mundane to the quite serious. What stood out for me though, was National Take a Chance Day. I want to ask you to take a chance. It's April, the beginning of the second quarter of 2021. Things are still iffy with the pandemic, but our governments are trying. And remember, none of us have been down this road before. We are all trying to figure things out. But even so, I believe there is something you can take a chance on. Why not start that book, that newsletter, a new exercise regimen, a food you have never had before. Talking to that person you are crushing on, or even talking to someone, a co-worker, someone you attend religious services with, who does not share your skin color or race.

There are so many things we can take a chance on, that really do not include too much risk. What's the worst that could happen? We may find that we don't like that food we've always wanted to try, although it may have been the way it was prepared.

We may find that the person we were crushing on felt the same about us, or that maybe they are not a good fit after talking to them.

We may find that starting that book or newsletter was easier than we thought. Or that co-worker or fellow churchgoer is really nice, or maybe not. But how would we know if we don't take a chance? So, National Take a Chance Day is April 23rd. And maybe you're listening after the 23rd, but I say take that chance. If you decide to, let me know! Now, onto our story.

Remember, this may be a tough one.

You may ask, 'why does she talk about mental health so much?' But the fact is, I hear quite a bit that regardless of what subject matter you are teaching, helping, coaching on; you do not have to be perfect to teach or lead others. You just have to be slightly ahead of them on the journey. Well, I'll let you in on a secret: most days I feel slightly ahead like I am really helping you. But some days, my heart feels a little sad over the things that did not happen for me. I think it's natural. And what's even more natural is to recognize those days and then keep moving. I don't think we should ignore our hearts when they are feeling sad or retrospective.

The reason I talk about mental health so much is because as childless not by choice women, we can often find ourselves inside our heads. And as we all know, inside our heads is not always the best place to be. It's the reason journaling is suggested whenever we have been through a traumatic experience or when we just need to get something off of our chest. I believe we should journal even if there is not much going on in our lives. Journaling is healthy for our minds and for our souls.

Keeping things, anythings, bottled up inside is never a good idea. It will manifest either in a complete meltdown, usually at the wrong time, or a literal change in our personalities, and how we manage life.

If you need help, ask a trusted person in your life to assist you in getting that help. Journal. Continue to tune into this podcast. Join our Facebook groups. Interact with the childless not by choice in the groups. Realize that you are not the only one. You are not on an island by yourself.

It may sound trite. I know every situation is different. But I know community helps take us out of our own heads.

So, back in 2004, Lisa Montgomery concocted a plan that would end in the murder of the just 23-year-old Bobbi Jo Stinnet. Link in the show notes to the article on the story.

It sounds like yet another terrible murder until you realize that Lisa Montgomery drove several hours to Bobbi Jo Stinnett's house under the guise of purchasing puppies, to carry out her plan. What she actually did when she got there was horrendous. What she did put her on death row.

On January 13, 2021, she was put to death for what she did. The first woman in 60 years to be put to death in her state.

I was initially not going to cover this story because Lisa had children, four of them. But I decided to go ahead. Because here's the thing. Mental health is mental health. Lisa committed this horrendous murder in an attempt to manipulate a certain situation that was going on in her life. Her attorneys' defense was that she had gone through a terrible childhood which included terrible abuse by her stepfather.

Lisa needed help. The level of abuse she endured from the very young age of about eight years according to some accounts, led her to do what she did.

According to one article, link in the show notes, Her second husband Kevin Montgomery noted that "The only thing I can think of is she wanted a baby so bad,"

It's true, not everyone asks for help. In fact, most people believe they are just fine even though the entire world can see they clearly need help. And the fact is, in this world, you will seldom receive help if you do not ask for it.

Unfortunately, even when you ask you may not get the assistance you need. Sometimes it is because you are asking the wrong people. But I strongly suggest that you ask, and you keep asking.

When we do not have an advocate, and many of us do not; we will have to advocate for ourselves. Now I know, that is a learned behavior for many of us. It can be difficult, especially as women and in some societies, to stick up for ourselves. But please know, especially once you are an adult and no longer under the hand of those who should protect you but choose to abuse you instead, that you are worthy. You are worthy of obtaining the mental health you need. You are worthy of stopping the abuse that can continue from your parent's home to your husband's home.

You deserve advocacy, even and especially self-advocacy.

I have had the opportunity to interview several authors on this podcast. There is a book list on our Community page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. I have also created guides on the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. Guide number five is a list of podcast episodes where I have interviewed childless not by choice authors. Please tune into these episodes. Please get these author's books. Reading books written by women like us helps us to realize and maintain good, positive mental health. It is a type of advocacy when we can see ourselves in books and hear ourselves on podcast episodes.

Look, we have all been through some type of trauma in our lives. If we haven't we will. I'm not wishing you ill will. But the fact is, life is hard. It's filled with difficulty. It is filled with broken hearts, unfulfilled dreams, and unfulfilled plans. What do we do with all of that sadness?

In 1998, Gloria Williams dressed up as a nurse and walked into a Jacksonville, FL hospital. Her mission: steal a baby. She was almost caught as two other nurses ran down the hall with another patient who was in labor. They reminded the 'nurse' that she was not supposed to be arm carrying a baby. The rules were that medical staff were supposed to move babies by bassinet only.

Ms. Williams went back into the mother's room, chatted her up some more, until the coast was clear, and walked out with the baby. She raised the baby as hers for the next 18 years, until the lie was finally brought to light in 2016.

She was facing 22 years in prison. She got 18. Her daughter still sees Ms. Williams as her mother, in fact asking that they not toss her in jail and throw away the key. Well, Ms. Williams got 18 years, which she said was 'cruel and unusual punishment.'

According to the ABC News article, link in the show notes:

The NCMEC--National Center for Missing & Exploited Children says:

'Many women who steal babies do so in a desperate attempt to keep a boyfriend or husband they fear may leave them if they don't have a child to bind them together, analysis of past abduction cases has found. They are of child-bearing age and may already have children at home, the group says. They may pretend to be pregnant, they may have recently lost a baby due to miscarriage or they may suffer from a medical condition that prevents them from becoming pregnant themselves…'

So you see the profile the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children research proves. It is quite evident that not all baby abductions are done by childless not by choice women. Like any diabolical plan, there are different reasons people do these things.

But the bottom line is that we have the research to prove that childless not by choice women don't go around stealing babies. But we already knew that, didn't we?

The key for us is as I said before if we need help, we need to admit it and seek the help we need: therapy, journaling, Community.

You know, as I researched for this episode I came across a Reddit post where a woman said that her co-workers were telling her she should not babysit because she might be tempted to steal the baby, something like that. There are all types of really silly people out there saying things to hurt people. Sometimes they mean to, sometimes they do not. Either way, the hurt happens. What will you do about it? Start now, therapy, journaling, Community.

Patreon:

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month. My Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

***Suicide prevention phone number:

800-273-8255

Research links:

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/02/25/in-vice-president-kamala-harris-we-can-see-how-america-has-changed/

This is the link to the video I mentioned:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUujjBqpxOg

This is episode 125--Are We Being Good Ancestors

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-125-are-we-being-good-ancestors/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-98-pet-therapy-for-the-childless-not-by-choice-demographic-3/

The following links are stories and articles related to our discussion on theft of babies:

https://www.tristatehomepage.com/news/indiana-news/woman-convicted-of-killing-pregnant-woman-stealing-baby-set-to-be-first-woman-executed-in-nearly-70-years/

https://www.smh.com.au/world/unborn-child-theft-ex-husband-steps-in-20041223-gdkd8e.html

https://abcnews.go.com/Health/baby-abductors-gloria-williams-fit-similar-profile/story?id=53081106

https://www.missingkids.org/blog/2019/post-update/who-would-steal-a-baby

Articles of interest:

https://www.thejc.com/comment/opinion/large-families-should-be-seen-as-a-modern-sensible-way-forward-1.512292

https://www.thebalanceeveryday.com/april-is-national-month-calendar-3514983

Episodes and articles of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/

This is the Instagram interview from Macbeth.childfree.childless:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CMw7oF-lpa_/?igshid=oz6d42xzm66j

https://www.thesun.ie/fabulous/6840289/kids-one-question-never-ask-woman-michelle-keegan/

Special thank you to:

My Patreon Patrons. To become a patron, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

If you would like to make a donation without becoming a patron, visit my Paypal account at [email protected] .

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.

Remember, subscription or following the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It's that easy!

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

Hello, and welcome to episode 127 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month. My Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan

• The Knights
• Susie
• Your Name Here

• Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Guest Bio:

Marilisa Beatty is the current Mrs. Pennsylvania America 2020. She was crowned in August of 2020 and will be competing for the title of Mrs. America. Marilisa holds an M.A. in Strategic Communication from Villanova University. She is the CEO and Principal of Key Qualitative, Inc., and the Key Messages App - both businesses specializing in global, qualitative research.

Marilisa is highly active in her community and is an advocate for fellow infertile and childless women to share their many gifts with the world through community service.

As Mrs. Pennsylvania, Marilisa will dedicate the next year to continuing her service work, and promoting her platform: "Bigger than Infertility". In the coming months, she will be spearheading a nation-wide volunteer service hours drive within the childless and infertile community, to spread the message of living a life that is "Bigger than Infertility", while helping others in the world around us, and promoting the fact that WE ARE WORTHY!

For more information on Marilisa, her platform, or volunteer hours drive as that project develops, you can find her on Instagram @mrs.pennsylvaniaamerica_2020.

Welcome to the show Marilisa, it is so wonderful to introduce you to the childless not by choice community!

1. How did you get into the world of pageantry? Is that a word? Take us into that world a little. Dumplin--NFLX

What are the similarities and differences between Miss and Mrs?

Tell us about Key Qualitative Inc. and the Key Messages App, they both sound intriguing? Speaking of apps, tell us about that app you signed up for that time?

So one day you and your husband moved from PA to CO site unseen? How did that come about? (Once they found out, she and her husband, that they could not have children, they had to reinvent themselves.)

Tell us about your platform: Bigger than infertility?

• Community Service hours drive created out of her Bigger than Infertility platform.

• So, any community service counts listeners!
• Marilisa works a lot with homeless people, homeless women, in particular, re-introducing back into home life.
• What is your passion, listener?

Links to check out:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bjhy2a-jhOY

Volunteermatch.com

Google volunteer opportunities in your area

biggerthaninfertility.org

Special thank you to:

Marilisa Beatty--' Take back that control from infertility.'

There is no wrong way to mourn.

We are not less than, we are worthy.

Marilisa's Contact Information:

Instagram @mrs.pennsylvaniaamerica_2020

YouTube Channel: All of our Appearances Have Been Canceled

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8s5-VK3lX8

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice

Hello, and welcome to episode 126 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.

What is today's show about?

Well, today we have a guest! I am so excited! But before I introduce her to you, I want to say a big thank you to my patrons!

Patreon Contributors: Thank you for your monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you are not yet a patron, join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, by visiting patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

And if you prefer to give a one-time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions go toward the monthly maintenance fees of this podcast. Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

So, our guest!

Intro:

Donna Ward is a writer, editor, and publisher with qualifications in Classics, Economics, and Social Work. She worked in policy development, welfare management, and community development before establishing her private practice which offered individual and group psychotherapy, and an organizational consultancy offering, strategic planning, conflict resolution, research, and report writing. In her retirement, she established the literary journal, indigo, and the micro-press Inkerman & Blunt. Her prose has appeared nationally and internationally including in the Griffith Review, Huffington Post, and The Big Issue. Her memoir, She I Dare Not Name: A Spinster's Meditations on Life is available now.

And that is what we are going to discuss today, She I Dare Not Name, A Spinster's Meditations on Life'

Body of episode content:

Welcome, Donna Ward! Thank you for joining us!

I kept running your title through my mind, why 'she I dare not name'? Who is she?

I thought about the organization Aging Without Children, are you familiar with them? I've put a link in the show notes.

So, spinster...what feedback if any, did you get on the use of that word? Is it almost like a curse word?

'I write to shatter the stereotype that shadows me in a singular narrative, a narrative that writes me out of my own society.' Whoa! That was deep! I guess that is pretty much like the rude commentary and questions we get from friends, family, and strangers alike right?

I read a review by Shelley McInnis. Have you read it? I put a link in the show notes.

Could you read us a portion of an essay?

What can the woman, or the man, who is enduring a particular type of loneliness, deep loneliness that only someone who never married or had children would understand, do to deal with it when they see it coming?

Where can we find your book and what is your contact information?

Links of note:

https://www.awwoc.org/

https://newtownreviewofbooks.com.au/donna-ward-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditations-on-life-reviewed-by-shelley-mcinnis/

https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/25-famous-women-on-being-alone.html

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/03/30/7-women-who-had-very-full-lives-and-never-married/%3foutputType=amp

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19932102/famous-quotes-single-ladies/

Dante's Inferno

Special thank you to:

Donna Ward

Donna's Contact Information:

Booktopio

Donna-ward.com.au

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It's that easy!

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

'To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.'

'Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life'.

Hello, and welcome to episode 125 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.

I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.

Well, it's still January as of this recording, so Happy New Year! Happy 2021! If you're here in The US, let's just say we've already gotten off to a pretty rocky start, but it has also been a quite historic start as well.

It would be disingenuous at episode 125, to pretend we have not had some sort of relationship the past five years.

You have listened to me through the loss of my first podcast producer. It was a shocker as it came without warning. I had to ask a mutual friend, believe it or not, to edit the episode that was due. At that time I had no clue how to edit an episode. Now I have much more insight and knowledge on how to edit but I would still rather pay someone else to do it.

You have listened as I talked about the loss of my mom and how during the time of her illness I went from two episodes per month to one, which is where we are now. And where I believe we will be for the foreseeable future as I continue to care for my dad and maintain all of the other things I have on my plate. You listened to me talk about how much I miss her and how I felt some in the healthcare community failed her. Thanks for listening.

So, that rocky start I was talking about: I cannot begin to tell you how utterly angry, dismayed, shocked, and scared I was. All of those emotions wrapped up into one. I could not believe what I was seeing when Americans stormed their own country's capital building chanting death to certain leaders. I posted on my Facebook page that day:

'Too often we don't know what we have until it's gone, taken away, given away.'

I watched the insurrectionists try to give away the last 240 years and it broke my heart. My deepest condolences to the family of the police officer that was murdered. My deepest thanks are added to the millions who watched that handful of police officers try to protect the country's seat of power.

And the historic start: The first woman, a woman of color became a national leader in America. Her father is Jamaican, and her mother was Indian--both immigrants. Only in America folks! I pray for the safety of our new president and new vice president daily.

I pray that even though there are some that want to see them fail on an epic level, there are more of us that are for them than there are against them.

I have to tell you though, that I also prayed for our previous president. He needed prayer. This may not be a popular stance with many, but as a Believer, it is mandated that I do so. See the link in the show notes for proof.

That is all I will say about all of the above. But you know what? It ties in well with today's subject matter.

Before we move into today's subject matter, two things: the first episode of 2021 was supposed to be my interview with Mrs. Pennsylvania 2020, except I um, messed up on the recording and did not know until my podcast producer went to record it. Totally my fault. So that interview has been rescheduled and will be airing hopefully in March. Thank you for your patience!

And

I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month. My Patreon Contributors.

Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!

If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected].

Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan

• The Knights
• Susie
• Your Name Here

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

So, what is today's show about?

Jonas Salk (1914-1995) was the American medical researcher who developed the first polio vaccine in the mid-1950s.(Sep 24, 2014.) And then he refused to patent the vaccine, making it easier for more children to have the opportunity to be vaccinated. That means he gave up a lot of cash! I wish more people knew that no one lives forever, and you can't take it with you. It appears Jonas Salk knew this.

But did you know that he said:

'Our Greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.'--Jonas Salk.

I believe that is what he was doing when he opted not to patent the vaccine.

Well, I don't know about you, but I never thought of myself as an ancestor. Not just because I am childless but because I'm still here. I don't really want to think about myself in the past tense. However, I guess as we get older we start to think about our mortality. At least most people of a certain age do right? There are that few who believe they will live forever, but as far as I know death comes to all of us.

At the risk of continuing down a morbid path, let me move on. I can't remember where I first came across this Jonas Salk quote, but I do recall it stopped me in my tracks. I didn't know what to think at first. In split seconds, my brain went from 'well that leaves me out of the mix', to 'wait, I can still be a good ancestor, an ancestor in general; even though I never had kids. I mean it was seconds from one thought to the next.

In fact, as I write the content for this episode, this has happened to me twice. This as in, I immediately went to 'well, that leaves me out of the mix since I don't have kids', to wait I can still take part.

You see, I belong to a Facebook group where they asked everyone to join in this game where you include your child's name in the response. Immediately I thought 'well that leaves me out'. And then I thought well, 'I can include the word childless where my child's name would have been placed.

I wondered what the response would be to my inserting the word 'childless' until I saw multiple other women saying things like, 'what name do I use if I don't have kids ?' or 'Well I included my pet's name since I don't have kids.' It turned out to be a fun game and I'm glad I played.

Look, I realize we are all in different places in our journey. I know that game may have sent some into anywhere from a tailspin to a pinprick, as Jody Day says. But what I want you to know is that you can take situations like these: a quote that you initially feel does not pertain to you or a game that you do not think you can join in because of your childlessness; and turn them around to your advantage.

You do what's best for you where you are.

Don't allow childlessness to keep you out of the game. And don't let the game make you feel bad about your childlessness.

Being a good ancestor...

• Being a good ancestor pertains to all of us, childless or child filled.
• Being a good ancestor makes room for those of us who do not have children, to still be able to leave a legacy.

• Being a good ancestor means being a positive contributor to our communities.
• Being a good ancestor means finding a way to leave a small footprint, i.e. using less than we need from this planet.
• Being a good ancestor means being good aunts or uncles--how do we interact with our nieces and nephews? What can we do to help them get ready for life when they are very young? How can we be good support systems when they are young adults?

• Being a good ancestor means doing what we were put here to do. Because remember, we are here for a reason.
• What can you do to be a good ancestor?

Well, thank you for tuning in to our first episode of 2021! There are more great episodes coming. Next month you will hear my interview with Australian author Donna Ward, on her book 'She I Dare Not Name, A Spinster's Meditations on Life'. Yup, you heard right! So be sure to tune in for that episode in February!

In the meantime, remember we meet via Zoom every couple of months, but the link will only be placed in our Facebook group. The next meeting is slated for February. Be sure to browse through the show notes here for details on how to contact me or anything else having to do with the podcast.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice!

Until next time! Bye!

Happy New Year!

Research links:

https://www.salk.edu/salk-together-2/

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/human-impact_b_916396

https://theexperimentpublishing.com/2020/11/how-can-we-be-good-ancestors-hear-from-roman-krznaric-on-the-key-to-long-term-thinking/

Podcast episodes you may also like to listen to:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

The Scripture I mentioned above:

'First of all, then, I urge that petitions (specific requests), prayers, intercessions (prayers for others) and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all people, 2 for [a]kings and all who are in [positions of] high authority, so that we may live a peaceful and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.'--1 Timothy 2:1-2.

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It's that easy! Or just go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net .

'To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.'

'Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life'.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in. Welcome to episode 124! Imposter Syndrome!

Before we get into the episode...

Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. To join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Your financial gifts go toward paying my podcast producer, paying my podcast hosting fees, buying ads on social media, and all things podcast-related. Every dollar helps. If this podcast has helped you, help me help someone else which is what happens when someone sees an ad or hears an episode.

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Susie
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Body of episode content:

• Feeling like an imposter when we do life as CNBC women: I got this list from zencare.co

• Extreme lack of self-confidence.
• Feelings of inadequacy.
• Constant comparison to other people.
• Anxiety.
• Self-doubt.
• Distrust in one's own intuition and capabilities.
• Negative self-talk.
• Dwelling on the past.

So...

When do you most feel like an imposter:

When attending an event and immediately feeling like an imposter when all of the women start talking about their kids.

At work when a co-worker visits the office with her newborn. You wish you had a way of slipping out without being noticed, just like an imposter would do.

When you are the CEO of a company or the Prime Minister of a country, and another woman says you cannot lead because you have no real investment in the future of the company/country.

When your siblings show up with their kids and well…

When people assume you have children and they make commentary such as 'you wouldn't want that to happen to your kids would you?'

When someone says 'you don't have kids so you won't understand'.

Where do you belong as a CNBC woman?

• Anyplace you want to be.
• Anyplace you worked hard to be.
• At any table, you feel you belong.

• How we should deal with imposter syndrome and gain the confidence we deserve:

• Gain confidence by joining a group, a community, of people who are in your same boat.
• Stop comparing your life to other's lives. Everyone is on their own journey.
• Depending on where you are in your childless not by choice journey, you can feel anxious and doubtful about where your journey leads. I won't lie to you, it can seem scary. No one knows what the future holds, and a future without children may seem scary and lonely…but remember, your future is what you make it. We've talked about this before, remember, there is no guarantee that if you had had children that you would have someone to check in on you, to care for you. It would have been a 50/50 chance.
• Trust yourself, even if or when no one else will. Even when you stand alone in your healthy boundaries. Trust yourself. You are worthy, and the longer you continue on in your journey, you will continue to realize and enjoy your worth.
• It took me a long time, but I have gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and say positive things to myself. Sometimes I even smile at myself. Do I think I am better than everyone else? No, because I am not comparing myself to anyone else. I am on my own journey, you are on yours. Look in your mirror in the mornings. You may feel dorky at first, but trust me, practice makes perfect. Practice saying nice things to yourself. Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror. Kindness to yourself will show in the way you interact with the world. They--the world, your family, your co-workers, will see a difference.
• So don't look back on what might have been, what could have been. Looking back will not change things. Look around you now. Look ahead to what can be.

So, we're heading into a new year. 2020 has been beyond crazy right. I mean you know the saying 'you can't make this stuff up', has new meaning. But before we get there, about the Holidays. Well, usually we would be discussing how to deal with family and friends, maintaining healthy boundaries, leaving the party when we were good ready, etc.

Most of us aren't heading to any parties right now, right? So we're most likely in the opposite place: seclusion, furlough, maybe even loneliness? Totally opposite direction. What to do about being in a different place this holiday season?

Well, none of us have been down this path before. I mean the last pandemic was 100 years ago. So I am not going to pretend I know everything to say here. What I will say to you is what I would say to me:

• Do what you must to remain healthy mentally, spiritually, emotionally, even physically. That means mentally that you speak with a therapist if things seem to be spinning, or even slowly swirling out of control. Don't wait until you have no sense of direction. Instead, take yourself seriously. Listen to yourself.

• Many of you know that I am a Believer. That means for me, that I read my Bible daily, I listen to sermons by pastors I really like and respect, I go to church (online. I haven't been inside the church building since about March), and I read and listen to devotions. So in addition to my morning devotions, sometimes throughout the day, I will listen to one of my favorite pastors. These practices keep my mind clear and healthy, leaving less room for negativity. Do I have my ups and downs especially during this crazy pandemic? Of course. But I look to my faith as my foundation that the rest of my life branches from. What are your spiritual practices?

• Emotional health is pretty similar to mental health. The difference though is that emotional health is the ability to cope. The WHO--World Health Organization says that 'Mental health is "a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community". If you are having trouble coping, a word I don't generally like, but I think it works in this context, get help. Bottom line.

• Physically. Well, I have recently started back on my treadmill. 30 minutes every morning. And it is when I am on my treadmill that I do my devotionals. So I'm multitasking, something I love to do. It took me several months to get back on although I know I needed to, and I am telling you, it is the best investment in oneself. Exercise is a self-investment. It makes me feel physically better, stronger, and able. And it's also good for mental health.

So, there you have it. Imposter syndrome and mental health. Please take this information with you into 2021. I don't know what is in store for us, but one way or the other, we must keep up our strength and our hope.

Well, two more things before I go:

• check out the Goals list in the Shop page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. It will help you as you head into the new year.

• Leave a rating and review in Apple Podcast. I do not ask you to do this very much, but I will ask more in 2021, so don't get tired of me. I would really appreciate it if you would take a moment and rate and review this podcast. I've also put a podcast rating link in the FB groups and here in the show notes. I am seeing an increase in listens and downloads and I appreciate that. But when you rate and review a podcast it puts more eyes and ears on the podcast. So click the link in the show notes and help me get the word out that there are childless not by choice women on this planet and we are just as worthy to be here. This link actually allows you to rate and review in Podchaser, iTunes, Castbox, and Stitcher. Any questions, let me know. I can't do this all by myself!

https://lovethepodcast.com/childlessnotbychoice?fbclid=IwAR35y5hLEQsg2EouqiJ4tXOjiHkPB39UbsmCS0FbMuvkN6VwvKAP0wAvdLs

Links to stories you might be interested in:

https://demography.cass.anu.edu.au/events/assisted-reproduction-late-fertility-and-childlessness-australia

https://blog.zencare.co/imposter-syndrome/

Episodes of interest:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-114-the-holidays-the-loneliest-time-of-the-year-2/

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It's that easy!

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

'To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.'

'Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life'.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in. Welcome to episode 123.

Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Susan Imholt
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

Email: [email protected]

Or

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Stitcher Premium info:

Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE

Stitcher Premium Promo Copy:

Wherever -- or however -- you're listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don't know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.

Today's Show:

Well, let's talk about a few things, get caught up, and all that good stuff, and be sure to listen to some words of encouragement I want you to hold onto. And then I'll see you in December!

Reminder, I am on hiatus October and November. No new episodes. But there are 123 episodes including this one, in the library. Go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or your favorite podcast player app. You know the drill!

And, remember the August newsletter is out. Be sure to check it out. Going forward, there will be a newsletter every quarter starting in January.

Another way to stay in touch is through the Facebook group, and through the Community group on the website. I will be in both groups from time to time throughout my hiatus. Come on in and join us for conversation.

By the way, I will be having a Zoom call in September. The link will be posted in the Facebook group.

Other places you can find me include Twitter, @civilla1, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. I love Pinterest you all. It's one of my favorite places to be.

Speaking of the Facebook group, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, I took a number of episodes from the podcast library and segmented them by subject matter. Maybe there is a subject matter you want to know more about? Check out the units!

So there you are. I won't completely disappear. I will be around, just not creating new episodes.

If you go back a few episodes in the library, you will recall I started this last year after I lost my mom. I really needed a mental and emotional break. I miss her so much. It's been a little over a year and I'm still trying to catch my breath. Taking these two months off means the world to me.

Well, I wanted to leave you with a few words of encouragement:

1. You matter. You matter. You matter.
2. Take every day one day at a time.
3. Take every situation one situation at a time. It does not make sense to worry about something that may not even work out the way you are worrying about it may happen.
4. Set kind but firm boundaries. Remember, you matter. This means you must live your best most relevant life. You were not born to live your family and friend's lives. You must plan your time with and without family and friends. Find your own interests, or create them. Create your own circle of friends. It does not mean you love your family less, it means they must know that you have kind, firm, loving boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. And let me tell, it is very easy as a childless woman, and especially if you are also single, to be disrespected. I know you've heard it all:

• 'You're not a mom, you wouldn't understand'.
• 'That is a silly question, you have obviously never been married'.
• 'When you have a child I will listen to your suggestions'.
• 'You're single, we can put you on the couch and save the bedroom for a couple.' When I interviewed Jody Day in episode 90, we discussed her book 'Living The Life Unexpected', in which she talked about the woman who was put in a tent in the garden as family planned sleeping arrangements over the holidays. Can you imagine?

1. Not only must you set boundaries, but you must also adhere to them so that everyone around you must adhere to them as well. Remember, if you don't respect yourself why should anyone else?
2. Join a group, like ours, where you can get the support and commiseration you need. Good, positive support groups are good for your health! Community is good for your health.

I have a question for you. Are you doing what you dreamed you would do when you were a kid? In some cases it may not be practical anymore, but what are you doing now, even in a hobbyist way, that is fulfilling to you?

If you are doing something fulfilling, kudos to you. If you are not and you are feeling stuck, feeling sorry for yourself, maybe even feeling like your life is wasting away as you watch others living their best life, it is time to turn things around.

Start on a small scale. Start by writing it down. Whatever 'it' is. That is where you start your plan.

You can even journal as you make your way through the process. Don't let your life go because things didn't turn out as expected.

Fight for you.

Fight for your peace.

Fight for your boundaries.

Life is short and you only get one. Whose life are you living? Even if it is not the life you expected to live, make sure you are living the life you are choosing to live. Yes, there are tradeoffs. Some of us are caring for family members, in fact, we have family and friends that we must and we should interact with. No one is an island.

But the key to keeping healthy, kind, firm boundaries, is knowing when to say no, when to say yes, and when to rest; to yourself and to everyone else.

Don't give up on you because life pulled a 2020.

***PLEASE NOTE A CHANGE: I'VE UPDATED THE NAME OF THE SUPPORTERS GROUP TO:

SUPPORTERS OF THE CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE COMMUNITY WITH CIVILLA MORGAN

Special thank you to:

You!

Thanks for listening.

Thanks for your feedback.

Thanks for allowing this podcast to walk with you on your journey to relevance and joy.

You might be interested:

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details.

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It's that easy!

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

'To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.'

'Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life'.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 122--Mapping the journey, living the life of a childless not by choice woman.

Before I introduce you to our guest, let me first say thank you to my Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!  

And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at [email protected]. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!

https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice 

• Jordan Morgan
• The Knights
• Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:

 

Email: [email protected]

 

                                               Or

 

Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.

Stitcher Premium info:

Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.  

Intro: 

Ruth Berkowitz, MA, is a Wellness Coach for Individuals, Children, and Families. Ruth says that her mission is to help raise the Divine Feminine back to her rightful place within the woman, the family, and society. She holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology with an emphasis in Spiritual Psychology. Sociology, Family Systems, Mindful Meditation and Movement, and Creative Expression inform her healing work with herself and others.

Ruth is 49 years old and childless not by choice by circumstance. Her intention is to see the opportunities for healing and growth in this loss while carrying the grief with grace and acceptance. Her heartfelt aspiration is to empower herself and others to reframe their life story and find purpose and fulfillment as the nurturing, generative women they already are.

 

Body of episode content:

So, one of the main reasons I wanted to interview you was because I wanted the listeners to hear the ‘day to day’ of a childless not by choice woman. Someone other than myself.

What is the most challenging part of being childless not by choice? (My answer is the Self-Judgment/Powerlessness, i.e. Shame/Sense of Failure.) How do you work with yourself when these come up?

In what ways are you able to express the nurturing and generativity at your core?

What are the blessings/silver lining?

How do you cope with triggers?

How do you cope with the grief?

What is Spiritual Psychology and how do you apply it? But I mean to be Childless Not By Choice?

 

Episode links: 

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/

 

https://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children/

Special thank you to:

Ruth Berkowitz

 

My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at [email protected] for details. 

 

Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! 

Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

 ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.