We all know intellectually that a parent of a 20-year-old should not treat their child like a 5-year-old. Yet many of us still do it without realizing it. Is there a parenting style that grows with your kids?

In this episode we walk through Focus on the Family’s four parenting stages — Commander, Coach, Counselor, and Consultant — and why shifting from one to the next is one of the most important (and most neglected) skills in parenting.

We look at what happens when parents get stuck in the wrong stage: the rebellion or dependency that comes from staying in Commander mode too long, the quiet resentment that builds when we keep coaching adult children, and the damage done when we treat young kids like they already have adult reasoning.

If you’ve ever wondered why the relationship with your kids feels strained, or why they pull away even when you’re trying to help, this conversation will give you a clear framework for changing your approach as they change.

Timeline:

00:00 – Introduction & Welcome

00:38 – The 4 Stages of Parenting (Commander, Coach, Counselor, Consultant)

01:54 – Why Parents Must Shift as Kids Grow

03:29 – What Happens When You Stay in Commander Mode Too Long

05:14 – The Danger of Becoming Counselor/Consultant Too Early

06:52 – Problems with Staying in Coach Mode Too Long

08:05 – When Counselor Mode Starts to Push Kids Away

10:15 – “I Fired Myself” – Giving Adult Kids Space15:01 – Signs You Need to Adapt Your Parenting Style

16:33 – The Skills Kids Actually Need (Physical + Emotional)

19:05 – Play the Movie: Raising Adults, Not Children

22:13 – Advice for Parents Who Feel They Missed It

27:01 – How Honest Should You Be About Your Own Mistakes?

30:22 – When Is Your Influence Too Much? (College, Dating, Career)

35:10 – Final Encouragement & Closing

Youtube: https://youtu.be/12hDEDKgYJ4

Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/67-why-treating-your-20-year-old-like-a-5-year-old/id295386637?i=1000783054244

For more information about James Pellicane

https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

In this heartfelt episode of the Christian Dad Podcast, James Pellicane sits down with their 16-year-old daughter Lucy to discuss the things her dad got right as a father. Lucy shares openly about how being pushed into physical challenges like martial arts, skiing, mountain biking, and early morning rowing built resilience and adaptability. She also reflects on the blessing of being raised in the church, the importance of faith-filled family leadership, and how her dad prepared them for adulthood through financial responsibility, investing, high expectations, and treating them as future adults rather than babies.

Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/66-what-my-dad-did-right-a-daughters-honest-take-on/id295386637?i=1000776723242

Youtube: https://youtu.be/Bay9X1mR0rk

For more information about James Pelllicane https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Join James Pellicane on the Christian Dad Podcast as he sits down with longtime friend, client, and successful real estate agent Dan O'Dell from Kansas City. With over 25 years in coaching.

Dan shares powerful insights on why coaching is an investment—not an expense—in your faith, family, business, health, and personal growth. Dan opens up about the importance of humility, receiving truth from a godly coach, and how coaching has strengthened his marriage, health, and ability to serve others. Whether you're a dad considering coaching, a business leader, or simply want to grow as a husband and father, this episode is packed with practical wisdom, vulnerability, and inspiration.

For more information about James Pellicane https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

YouTube https://youtu.be/PK3NEYSux7c

Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/2mKRYqXHFmJ5XpR0Le0ijq?si=Fj_1T6LPSh2T6_gZVn5USQ

Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/65-the-power-of-coaching-25-years-of-wisdom-with-dan-odell/id295386637?i=1000774256476

From implementing parent-controlled feeding that had all their kids sleeping through the night by two months, to ending the “Fettuccine Alfredo era,” banning whining with “Cure-All” (liquid cod liver oil), building real competence through family activities, and drilling academics on Saturday mornings — this episode shows dads exactly how to lead their families with confidence.

Discover how to raise respectful kids who love God and launch capable, self-controlled adults — without regrets.

Filled with humor and honest stories — including the touching altar call moment with his three-year-old, the broken leg drama, and boldly bucking bad advice from doctors and teachers — James equips dads with powerful strategies to build strong family culture and instill lasting character in their children.

Timestamps:

• 0:07 - Parent-controlled feeding from Baby Wise (all kids sleeping through the night by 2 months)
• 8:43 - The famous “No More Fettuccine Alfredo” restaurant moment + food leadership
• 10:07 - Ending custom meals and bringing order to the home
• 16:34 - “Cure-All” (liquid cod liver oil) for whining + building gratitude
• 20:11 - Building competence through activities: rollerblading, skiing, biking to school
• 22:59 - Pushing through kid resistance (bike to school meltdown story)
• 34:00 - Creating “Ewing Academy” – Saturday flashcards & academics
• 37:04 - Final encouragement: Start with ONE area, be unified, and lead without regrets

https://youtu.be/1Hu_sWb7Qe0

https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/christian-dads-podcast/id295386637

Coaching information: https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

In this heartfelt and practical conversation, James Pellicane sits down with her daughter Noelle (19) to talk about real fatherly leadership in the home. They dive deep into Proverbs 22:6 — “Train up a child in the way he should go” — and what that actually looked like in their family.Noelle shares honestly about:Being forced to do things she didn’t want to do (martial arts, intense driving training, etc.)The difference between welcomed and unwelcomed leadershipWhy strict parenting feels terrible in the moment but pays off laterHow to shift parenting styles as kids get olderMoney training: natural consequences, and giving independenceWhat parents of teens and adult children should focus on nowA must-watch for every parent who wants to raise capable, independent adults while keeping a strong relationship.

To see show on YouTube: https://youtu.be/v5MzptvZ9UY

Itune: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/62-permissive-leadership-is-still-toxic-why-being-unclear/id295386637?i=1000764240514

For more information about James:https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

What if the most toxic kind of leadership isn’t yelling or controlling… but staying silent?

In this powerful episode, we expose how the absence of clear leadership quietly destroys families. Using Scripture from Ephesians and Colossians, the tragic story of King David’s family, and real-talk practical steps, we show why being unclear is actually unkind.

You’ll walk away with five game-changing moves every dad can start today. If you want to stop reacting and start leading your family with love and clarity, this episode is for you.

https://youtu.be/v5MzptvZ9UY

https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Tired of constant complaining from your children (or maybe even yourself)? In this powerful episode, James Pellicane reveals the "secret sauce" to end whining in your family for good. Drawing from Scripture—especially 1 Corinthians 10 and Numbers 21—she shows why God takes complaining so seriously and how it blocks us from His best blessings. Discover three game-changing principles every parent needs:

1. Model gratitude yourself (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree)
2. Stop rewarding whining with attention (and start rewarding winning attitudes instead)
3. Make complaining counterproductive with clear consequences

If you want a whining-free family and kids who thrive with positive attitudes, this episode will transform your parenting.

To watch on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@ChristianDadPodcast

Pellicane Coaching: happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Dad's old abandonment wounds are sabotaging Mom's push to get their 2-year-old out of the family bed—leading to 2 a.m. meltdowns, that hit Dad right in the gut. In this raw coaching session, host James calls it straight: You're not your absent dad, boundaries aren't abandonment, and your big-hearted "benefactor" nature is getting played by a toddler who knows exactly which button to push. With baby #2 arriving soon, the stakes are high. Game plan essentials: Apologize to your wife, lock arms on unity, return her to bed consistently (no rewards for chaos), lock the door if you have to, and commit—even when it hurts. Stop the midnight rescues. Step up, lead your home, and give your wife and kids the leadership now before the battles get bigger.

In this raw and heartfelt episode, new dad Josh D'Ambrosio sits down with host James to share his unexpected journey into fatherhood—one forged through personal hardship, renewed faith, and the wild reality of raising a spirited 2-year-old.

Josh presses James for hard-won wisdom on what actually works when the toddler years hit. James lays it out plainly: staying fully present even when work pulls hard, locking arms with your spouse on a unified front, and intentionally building self-control and respect from the earliest age.

With unflinching honesty, they dive into real discipline that gets results—including the when, why, and how of spanking as a calm, private, and dignified act of teaching rather than angry punishment. You'll hear practical strategies on staying consistent so kids aren't confused, staging everyday scenarios at home to prepare them for life, handling disrespect without losing your cool, and pairing clear consequences with generous rewards—all while protecting a warm, loving home and keeping parents from burning out.

If you're a dad in the trenches (or about to be), this is the no-nonsense, faith-grounded conversation you didn't know you needed.

Timeline

• 00:00 Introduction to Josh D'Ambrosio's Journey

• 04:33 Navigating Fatherhood as a New Dad

• 07:15 Discipline and Parenting Techniques

• 10:04 The Importance of Consistency in Parenting

• 12:53 Balancing Work and Family Life

• 15:40 The Role of a Father in Child Development

• 18:21 Challenges of Parenting a Two-Year-Old

• 30:12 Unified Parenting Strategies

• 32:12 Creating Scenarios for Learning

• 36:06 Rewards and Consequences in Parenting

• 38:54 Managing Disrespectful Behavior

• 41:57 The Importance of Timing in Discipline

• 49:02 Understanding Child Behavior and Needs

To Watch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/PsTzC_zvwrQ

https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/59-biblical-discipline-for-toddlers-a-new-dads/id295386637?i=1000741536482

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7x7QnQcoINiSFuwU7TVY0x?si=uEYZwI86RtuK9KSLtw_ceQ

Pellicane Coaching: happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching