Christian Dad's Podcast

Dr. Terry Hargrave, founder of Restoration Therapy, joins the Christian Dad Podcast to show why so many fathers stay stuck in reactivity. When a dad feels dismissed, insignificant, or unsafe, his brain defaults to the pain cycle—anger, withdrawal, blame, or control—and that reactivity damages both his marriage and his kids.

Hargrave explains the practical way out: name the trigger, then deliberately speak the truth out loud (“I am valued by God; I am important”) so the prefrontal cortex can re-engage. From that regulated place, a father can show up in the “us-ness” of his marriage

The episode challenges passive dads to stop waiting for their wife or kids to make them feel secure, and instead take responsibility for their own identity and sense of safety.

Timeline:

Timeline:1:30 The Pain Cycle & Peace Cycle

5:45 "You will not change, what you will not name"

9:45 Why Speaking the Truth Out Loud Works

18:00 The Power of “Us-Ness” in Marriage

24:30 When the Pain Cycle Damages the Fabric of the Family

32:22 God Cares More About How We Stay Together Than Solving the Problem

44:20 Parenting Yourself So You Can Show Up for Your Kids

47:00 You are the hinge of history. For your children you are the hinge of their identity.

Dr. Terry Hargrave

https://www.restorationtherapytraining.com/

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Terry+Hargrave+PhD&i=audible&ref=dp_byline_sr_audible_3

James Pellicane

https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Episode #71:

Youtube: https://youtu.be/CPp8Cm9GsDA

Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/71-kids-inherit-your-pain-cycle-how-dads-learn-to-self/id295386637?i=1000798646631

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1I6WyZwsKskHmuAJlSqehX?si=VSwFDsPMRNScAqV-OY9sbQ

You win the argument. She goes quiet. The kids hear the tone. And somehow the house feels worse than before you proved your point.

A listener wrote in because he and his wife fight, and he wants to fight fair. James and Arlene Pellicane have been married 27 years. They still disagree. They have learned which blows land below the belt, and which ones actually build the marriage.

Proverbs is blunt: a simple dinner with love beats a feast with hatred. A corner of the roof beats a house with a quarrelsome spouse. The cop-out is “I married the wrong person.” The harder line is “I might be the contentious one, and I can still mature.” A fool’s wrath shows up immediately. A wise man does not say everything he sees.

Timeline:

0:42 Better a simple table than a feast with hatred

2:43 Just because you see it does not mean you say it

4:43 Facts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs

6:40 You can win the fight and lose the goodwill

8:16 Cross the street before you answer

9:19 Turn the judgment down and the curiosity up

12:07 Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger1

3:52 Stop fixing and stop shifting the story1

6:32 Love suffers long while you try to understand

17:20 The Sex "talk"

23:00 "It seems like you do not desire me anymore?"

28:20 The Marriage Course

30:57 Read a book together, even if it is not about marriage

32:08 Do not fight in public or in front of the kids

34:44 The divorce math

39:27 Become a good finder again

40:55 Go back to the first things you did

41:55 Coaching if you want a guide

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/70-you-can-be-right-and-still-lose-her-how-to-fight-fair/id295386637?i=1000793002790

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7uNcZ11crqTUeXkGc9yFhB?si=ownbaEkYS0GJsr3Y9NcQAA

Youtube: https://youtu.be/TSVyNZJI0x4

For more information about James happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Most fights between husbands and wives about the kids aren’t really about chores, bedtime, or screen time. They’re about grace versus truth.

James and Arlene Pellicane unpack the three ingredients every child needs to become a capable adult: grace (nourishment), truth (resistance), and time. Too much grace produces entitlement and later disillusionment. Too much truth produces performance anxiety and often rebellion. The goal isn’t one parent as the soft one and the other as the hard one. Both spouses carry both.

They walk through how the mix changes from infancy to the teen years, what to do when an adult child comes home after a setback, how Jesus modeled grace and truth together (John 1 and John 8), and why a unified front beats good-cop, bad-cop every time.

Timeline:0:28 The three ingredients kids need

3:19 Too much grace: entitlement & disillusionment

5:12 Too much truth: performance anxiety & rebellion

6:28 Why husbands and wives fight about this

10:31 Don’t provoke your children (Ephesians 6:4)

18:52 How the mix changes from baby to teen

21:00 Uncomfortable truths and an uncomfortable future

24:34 When an adult child comes back home

28:58 Q: My wife is into gentle parenting

32:43 Q: I grew up harsh — how do I not swing the other way?

38:13 Time: the ingredient everyone forgets

40:06 Action step: ask your wife which way you lean

For more information about James Pellicanehttps://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/most-fights-about-the-kids-arent-about-the-kids/id295386637?i=1000790699383

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp7p5ebXbDk

James and Arlene Pellicane talk about faith as a powerful anchor in a child’s life. Some things are taught. Most things are caught. Kids get a front-row seat, and a household of faith and optimism can quietly defines what normal looks like.

Faith is not passive belief. Hebrews 11 calls it the substance of things hoped for. It looks like action: Noah prepared an ark, Abraham left without knowing where he was going, Sarah received strength to conceive. For a dad, it can look like potty training when nobody else is home, running behind a bike and Saturday flashcards.

The gift gets stronger when they fail. That is where patience and long-suffering show up, and where kids learn grit: worthwhile things are hard, and big problems don't always need a fancy solution. James points to a review of studies on about 46,000 youth linking optimism with better mental health, more grit, family cohesion, and a better quality of life.

Timeline:

0:37 Faith as a powerful anchor

1:00 Some things are taught, most are caught

4:26 What dads do by faith

6:15 When they fall

7:17 The optimism study

11:32 Enemies of a dad’s faith

23:51 Faith with teens and adult kids

28:09 What you sow gets passed on

Youtube: https://youtu.be/XSP7p7I5WWI

Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/68-the-gravitational-pull-of-dads-faith/id295386637?i=1000786573051

For more information about James Pellicane

https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

We all know intellectually that a parent of a 20-year-old should not treat their child like a 5-year-old. Yet many of us still do it without realizing it. Is there a parenting style that grows with your kids?

In this episode we walk through Focus on the Family’s four parenting stages — Commander, Coach, Counselor, and Consultant — and why shifting from one to the next is one of the most important (and most neglected) skills in parenting.

We look at what happens when parents get stuck in the wrong stage: the rebellion or dependency that comes from staying in Commander mode too long, the quiet resentment that builds when we keep coaching adult children, and the damage done when we treat young kids like they already have adult reasoning.

If you’ve ever wondered why the relationship with your kids feels strained, or why they pull away even when you’re trying to help, this conversation will give you a clear framework for changing your approach as they change.

Timeline:

00:00 – Introduction & Welcome

00:38 – The 4 Stages of Parenting (Commander, Coach, Counselor, Consultant)

01:54 – Why Parents Must Shift as Kids Grow

03:29 – What Happens When You Stay in Commander Mode Too Long

05:14 – The Danger of Becoming Counselor/Consultant Too Early

06:52 – Problems with Staying in Coach Mode Too Long

08:05 – When Counselor Mode Starts to Push Kids Away

10:15 – “I Fired Myself” – Giving Adult Kids Space15:01 – Signs You Need to Adapt Your Parenting Style

16:33 – The Skills Kids Actually Need (Physical + Emotional)

19:05 – Play the Movie: Raising Adults, Not Children

22:13 – Advice for Parents Who Feel They Missed It

27:01 – How Honest Should You Be About Your Own Mistakes?

30:22 – When Is Your Influence Too Much? (College, Dating, Career)

35:10 – Final Encouragement & Closing

Youtube: https://youtu.be/12hDEDKgYJ4

Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/67-why-treating-your-20-year-old-like-a-5-year-old/id295386637?i=1000783054244

For more information about James Pellicane

https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

In this heartfelt episode of the Christian Dad Podcast, James Pellicane sits down with their 16-year-old daughter Lucy to discuss the things her dad got right as a father. Lucy shares openly about how being pushed into physical challenges like martial arts, skiing, mountain biking, and early morning rowing built resilience and adaptability. She also reflects on the blessing of being raised in the church, the importance of faith-filled family leadership, and how her dad prepared them for adulthood through financial responsibility, investing, high expectations, and treating them as future adults rather than babies.

Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/66-what-my-dad-did-right-a-daughters-honest-take-on/id295386637?i=1000776723242

Youtube: https://youtu.be/Bay9X1mR0rk

For more information about James Pelllicane https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

Join James Pellicane on the Christian Dad Podcast as he sits down with longtime friend, client, and successful real estate agent Dan O'Dell from Kansas City. With over 25 years in coaching.

Dan shares powerful insights on why coaching is an investment—not an expense—in your faith, family, business, health, and personal growth. Dan opens up about the importance of humility, receiving truth from a godly coach, and how coaching has strengthened his marriage, health, and ability to serve others. Whether you're a dad considering coaching, a business leader, or simply want to grow as a husband and father, this episode is packed with practical wisdom, vulnerability, and inspiration.

For more information about James Pellicane https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

YouTube https://youtu.be/PK3NEYSux7c

Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/2mKRYqXHFmJ5XpR0Le0ijq?si=Fj_1T6LPSh2T6_gZVn5USQ

Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/65-the-power-of-coaching-25-years-of-wisdom-with-dan-odell/id295386637?i=1000774256476

From implementing parent-controlled feeding that had all their kids sleeping through the night by two months, to ending the “Fettuccine Alfredo era,” banning whining with “Cure-All” (liquid cod liver oil), building real competence through family activities, and drilling academics on Saturday mornings — this episode shows dads exactly how to lead their families with confidence.

Discover how to raise respectful kids who love God and launch capable, self-controlled adults — without regrets.

Filled with humor and honest stories — including the touching altar call moment with his three-year-old, the broken leg drama, and boldly bucking bad advice from doctors and teachers — James equips dads with powerful strategies to build strong family culture and instill lasting character in their children.

Timestamps:

• 0:07 - Parent-controlled feeding from Baby Wise (all kids sleeping through the night by 2 months)
• 8:43 - The famous “No More Fettuccine Alfredo” restaurant moment + food leadership
• 10:07 - Ending custom meals and bringing order to the home
• 16:34 - “Cure-All” (liquid cod liver oil) for whining + building gratitude
• 20:11 - Building competence through activities: rollerblading, skiing, biking to school
• 22:59 - Pushing through kid resistance (bike to school meltdown story)
• 34:00 - Creating “Ewing Academy” – Saturday flashcards & academics
• 37:04 - Final encouragement: Start with ONE area, be unified, and lead without regrets

https://youtu.be/1Hu_sWb7Qe0

https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/christian-dads-podcast/id295386637

Coaching information: https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

In this heartfelt and practical conversation, James Pellicane sits down with her daughter Noelle (19) to talk about real fatherly leadership in the home. They dive deep into Proverbs 22:6 — “Train up a child in the way he should go” — and what that actually looked like in their family.

Noelle shares honestly about:

• Being forced to do things she didn’t want to do (martial arts, intense driving training, etc.)

• The difference between welcomed and unwelcomed leadership
• Why strict parenting feels terrible in the moment but pays off later
• How to shift parenting styles as kids get older
• Money training: natural consequences, and giving independence
• What parents of teens and adult children should focus on now

A must-watch for every parent who wants to raise capable, independent adults while keeping a strong relationship.

To see show on YouTube: https://youtu.be/v5MzptvZ9UY

Itune: https://podcasts.apple.com/jo/podcast/62-permissive-leadership-is-still-toxic-why-being-unclear/id295386637?i=1000764240514

For more information about James:https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching

What if the most toxic kind of leadership isn’t yelling or controlling… but staying silent?

In this powerful episode, we expose how the absence of clear leadership quietly destroys families. Using Scripture from Ephesians and Colossians, the tragic story of King David’s family, and real-talk practical steps, we show why being unclear is actually unkind.

You’ll walk away with five game-changing moves every dad can start today. If you want to stop reacting and start leading your family with love and clarity, this episode is for you.

https://youtu.be/v5MzptvZ9UY

https://www.happyhomeuniversity.com/coaching