Why did the Canadian woman run outside topless?  These are the questions that need answering!  Also, everyone needs at least one trashy television show to watch!  

In the days of ancient Rome, criminals were made to fight in the Colosseum.  I would see those days return, especially for the idiot who drove his car over a monument in Rome.  Also, I get into the fragrance game with my bold new cologne: Rubber Boot (pour homme).  

Scientists have harnessed a power long thought to be untamable - algae!  The only problem?  Algae is a living organism, say no to plant slavery!  Also, my aversion to cleaning microwaves has led to a robust collection of un-popped popcorn kernels, but I always like an appetizer before my meals.  Your move, General Electric.  

The jail boss that helped that convict escape was a model employee, well except for helping that convict escape.  That was pretty bad.  Also, I have a new, innovative product idea: envelopes.   

A rogue jail boss and a murderous convict or a modern-day Rick and Ilsa?  Definitely the first one, but still, it's fun to compare.  Also, I want to use a running participation metal as a way to impress women.  There's no joke there, just my plans for the summer.     

Some lady found an ancient marble bust at Good Will, and I can only ever find the gold ones!  Also, a would-be burglar takes a family's lawn mower, then proceeds to mow their lawn.  There is a place in the deepest, darkest depths of hell for such evil.  Enjoy! 

Watching MMA makes me feel like I can fight in the cage, then I remember that my eyes water when I stub my toe.  Also, that psycho Casey White is on the run, and I think there could be a real-life Fugitive 3 playing out; has anyone seen Tommy Lee Jones lately?  Do you think that he could be out hunting Casey White with his motley group of marshals?  Me too.  

A town living in fear from nature's most dangerous game - the turkey.  Also, a museum jacket thief is apprehended in Paris and bringing back Dracula's timeless widow's peak look.