Circling Back - Stories From The Soul

What if you could care about someone without carrying what belongs to them? 

There is a phrase I heard recently that immediately resonated with me: 

"Not my circus, not my monkeys." 

It sounds humorous, but underneath it is something deeply human. 

How often do we climb into other people's chaos before we're even invited? 

How often do we feel responsible for fixing someone else's problems, managing their emotions or making sure everything turns out okay? 

I've realised that, for many of us, there's a deeper agreement underneath this behaviour. 

If I step in, I stay useful. 

If I stay useful, I stay needed. 

If I stay needed, I stay close. 

And somewhere quietly underneath that: 

Then I won't get left. 

In this episode, I explore that pattern and ask what happens when we stop stepping in automatically. I share a personal story, explore the protective part of us that feels compelled to help, and introduce a simple question that has helped me enormously: 

"Is this mine?" 

This isn't about becoming cold or uncaring. It's about learning that I can love someone, care about them and remain present for them without taking ownership of their chaos. 

🧭 What You'll Discover 

✨ Why being useful can become tied to feeling safe and loved. 

✨ Why some protective parts see someone else's chaos as a job rather than a choice. 

✨ How we can unknowingly carry emotional burdens that don't belong to us. 

✨ The difference between caring about someone's experience and taking responsibility for it. 

✨ Why stepping back can actually empower someone else to find their own solution. 

✨ How asking "What are you afraid would happen if you stopped stepping in?" can reveal what's underneath the pattern. 

✨ Why "Is this mine?" is such a powerful question. 

🌿 Listener Takeaway 

I can care about you without carrying you. 

I can love you without fixing everything. 

I can be present without taking responsibility for an experience that isn't mine. 

Stepping back isn't necessarily abandonment. 

Sometimes, it's trust. 

Trust in myself. 

And trust that the other person is capable of finding their own way. 

🧘 Reflection Practice 

Bring to mind a situation where you've recently found yourself stepping into someone else's chaos. 

Perhaps it's a family member, friend or colleague. 

Notice where you feel that weight in your body. 

Then ask the part of you that's carrying it: 

"What are you afraid would happen if you stopped stepping in?" 

And then simply ask: 

"Is this mine?" 

Don't try to fix the answer. 

Just notice. 

About Stories from the Soul 

Stories from the Soul is my space for exploring the journey back into relationship with Self—learning to become our own best friend, honour our truth, and keep growing and becoming. 

You are seen. You are enough. You are home. 

Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming.

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Connect with me:

Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditationsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk

Podcast:

Substack: https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/podcast YouTube: https://buff.ly/l6RIeDNSpotify: https://buff.ly/Vd5lPUrApple: https://buff.ly/jPdzdR5

There is a version of generosity that slowly erodes you. 

It's the giving that doesn't fill you—it hollows you out. 

I've known this pattern personally. The instinct to anticipate what someone needs, to keep the peace, to absorb discomfort, to make things easier for someone else. And because it can look like kindness, it's easy to mistake self-abandonment for generosity. 

In this episode, I sit with the phrase, "I will no longer set myself on fire to keep others warm." 

What I've come to understand is that the pattern often goes deeper than the person in front of us. Somewhere along the way, we may have learned that giving keeps us needed, being needed keeps us close, and staying close keeps us safe. 

But what happens when that old agreement is no longer serving us? 

This is a reflection on boundaries, vulnerability, self-awareness and learning to remain in relationship with ourselves whilst still caring deeply for others. 

🧭 In This Episode 

✨ Why an "empty cup" isn't always about physical tiredness. 

✨ How we can become disconnected from ourselves whilst appearing deeply present for others. 

✨ Why someone else's disappointment can sometimes feel more uncomfortable than our own discomfort. 

✨ How we end up carrying emotions, tension and expectations that don't actually belong to us. 

✨ The power of asking: "Is this mine?" 

✨ Why boundaries aren't walls—they can be honest expressions of vulnerability. 

✨ Why "I am allowed to have a limit" can be such a powerful statement. 

✨ What changes when we stop managing other people's experience of us. 

🌿 Listener Takeaway 

I am allowed to have a limit. 

I can care about you and still be running low. 

I can love you and still say no. 

I can want to show up for you and still acknowledge that I cannot do it like this right now. 

That isn't selfishness. 

That's honesty. 

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Connect with me:

Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditationsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk

Podcast:

Substack: https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/podcast YouTube: https://buff.ly/l6RIeDNSpotify: https://buff.ly/Vd5lPUrApple: https://buff.ly/jPdzdR5

For years, I believed that growth meant constantly working on myself. 

Meditation. Therapy. Journalling. Reflection. 

Each practice brought me closer to myself, but somewhere along the way I realised something unexpected: there wasn't another problem to solve. There wasn't another layer that needed unpacking. There was simply an invitation to stop striving and begin appreciating. 

In this episode, I reflect on a recent conversation with my IFS therapist that led me to take a pause from therapy—not because the work is finished, but because I've reached a place where I can simply be. I explore what it means to become your own best friend, to see yourself with kindness instead of judgement, and to recognise that sometimes growth looks like standing still rather than moving forward. 

In This Episode 

✨ Why personal growth isn't meant to become another performance. 

✨ The surprising freedom that comes from not always needing to fix yourself. 

✨ How asking "Do I see myself?" transformed my inner world. 

✨ The shift from living by "should" to living by "want". 

✨ Why every journey needs seasons of reflection as much as seasons of growth. 

Listener Takeaway 

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this: 

You don't always need another breakthrough. 

Sometimes the next step on your journey is to stop, breathe, and appreciate the person you've already become. 

Reflection Question 

If there was nothing left to improve today, what would you allow yourself to enjoy? 

Connect with me:

Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditationsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk

Podcast:

Substack: https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/podcast YouTube: https://buff.ly/l6RIeDNSpotify: https://buff.ly/Vd5lPUrApple: https://buff.ly/jPdzdR5

Closing Thought 

There comes a moment on every journey when you stop climbing, pitch a tent, and take in the view. 

Don't rush past those moments. 

They're part of the journey too. 

Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming.

We've all experienced it. 

Someone makes a comment. A message goes unanswered. A particular tone of voice lands differently. Before we know it, we've reacted in a way that doesn't feel like us. 

But what if the reaction isn't all of you? 

In this episode, I explore one of the most powerful ideas I've encountered through Internal Family Systems (IFS): that we are not our reactions. Instead, a protective part of us steps forward when something in the present reminds it of the past. This subtle shift—from identifying with the reaction to becoming curious about it—creates space for healing, compassion, and choice.  

In This Episode 

✨ Why your reactions are usually about history, not the present moment. 

✨ How protective parts develop as intelligent survival strategies. 

✨ The difference between being blended with a part and leading from Self. 

✨ Four practical steps to work with emotional triggers. 

✨ Why asking better questions leads to deeper healing. 

Listener Takeaway 

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this: 

You are not your reaction. 

A part of you is reacting. 

And when you learn to meet that part with curiosity instead of judgement, everything begins to change. 

Reflection Question 

The next time you feel triggered, ask yourself: 

Which part of me is reacting, and what is it afraid would happen if it didn't step in? 

Connect with me:

Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/tariro/guided-meditationsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TariroMundawarara-mo7vk

Podcast:

Substack: https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/podcast YouTube: https://buff.ly/l6RIeDNSpotify: https://buff.ly/Vd5lPUrApple: https://buff.ly/jPdzdR5

Closing Thought 

Healing isn't about becoming untriggerable. 

It's about building such a trusting relationship with your parts that they no longer have to take over. 

Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming.

There is a subtle but profound difference between surviving life and truly living it. 

In this episode, I explore how many of us have unknowingly become trapped in a cycle of endurance. We push through our days, chase the next milestone, and postpone joy until some future moment when life will finally feel complete. Yet the more we wait, the more life quietly passes by. 

This reflection is an invitation to stop preparing for life and start participating in it. To savour the ordinary moments, reconnect with what makes you feel alive, and remember that this moment—not some future version of it—is your life.  

In This Episode 

✨ The difference between enduring and enjoying life 

✨ Why many of us have learned to equate productivity with worth 

✨ How "someday" becomes a trap that keeps us disconnected from the present 

✨ The importance of savouring ordinary moments 

✨ Four practical ways to bring more joy, presence and aliveness into everyday life 

Listener Takeaway 

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this: 

You do not have to wait for life to become perfect before allowing yourself to enjoy it. 

Reflection Question 

What is one thing you used to love doing that you've quietly stopped making time for?

Connect with Tariro 

Insight Timer: https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamtariromundawarara/Substack: https://tariromundawarara.substack.com/YouTube: https://buff.ly/leHyE65Spotify: https://buff.ly/WkAB1M7Apple Podcast: https://buff.ly/eFwlZZy

Closing Thought 

This is not the dress rehearsal. 

This is the life. The invitation is not to endure it, but to experience it fully.  

Honour your truth. Keep growing. Keep becoming. 

In this episode of Stories from the Soul, I explore the hidden cost of always being the strong one. The part of us that learned to stay independent, capable and self-sufficient isn't broken—it's trying to protect us. But when strength becomes armour, it can quietly disconnect us from the very thing we long for most: connection.  

This is a reflection on vulnerability, self-protection, and the courage it takes to let ourselves be seen. 

✨ What you'll discover: 

Why the "strong one" is often a protector part, not your true Self.  

The hidden exhaustion that comes from carrying everything alone.  

Why vulnerability isn't weakness—it's honesty.  

How strength can become armour that prevents connection.  

Four practical ways to soften and begin letting people in.  

Why asking for help may be one of the bravest things you'll ever do.  

Every time I ignored what I felt. Every time I stayed when I wanted to leave. Every time I said yes when I meant no. Every time I overrode my instincts to keep the peace, gain approval, or avoid discomfort.

You've become the person everyone knows you to be. 

And yet something feels off.  

For me, it began as a quiet discomfort. 

A subtle feeling that I was performing a role rather than living as myself. 

Telling someone we're proud of them may feel awkward because encouragement was never modelled for us. 

And admitting we're wrong can feel like annihilation because somewhere deep inside, a younger part learned that being wrong meant losing love, respect, or belonging.  

And if I could just do enough healing, enough journalling, enough meditation, enough inner work, eventually I'd arrive there.

But I never did.