In today's episode, I am diving deep into a phenomenon sweeping the lives of our teens and tweens—especially girls—the growing obsession with high-end skincare, makeup, and fragrance. If you look at your social media feed or walk into a sephora or Ulta, it is very clear that skincare and makeup are no longer just for women. Our girls have been drawn into complex skincare and makeup routines by glamorous influencers and persuasive marketing campaigns targeted directly at them. And it’s not just girls experiencing this, boys are interested in products like cologne, hair gel and body spray as well.
While makeup and skincare is fun for our girls, it’s important to recognize that this obsession has real implications. It can affect self-esteem, your family’s budget, and the thing that worries me most, is the impact of toxic chemicals found in many of these products on the developmental health of our kids.
I know that many of you are seeking guidance on how to approach these conversations with your kids. I promise that this episode will offer you both valuable insights and effective strategies to help foster both healthier choices and conversations with your kids about makeup and skincare. You will walk away feeling more informed and empowered to navigate this complex issue.
I’ve been thinking about doing an episode on this topic for months now. In the past year I have hosted 4 events for tween and teen girls to talk about skincare and makeup, what’s appropriate for their skin and how to choose safer products. A few months ago, one of my favorite parenting podcast, actually the only parenting podcast I listen to, Ask Lisa with Dr. Lisa Damour covered the topic of why kids, specifically a 10 year old in this case is hooked on Luxury skincare. The episode was great, but it was missing one key component, she never talked about the safety risk of some of the ingredients in these products.
So, in today’s episode I want to share some of the great points that Dr. Lisa Made to help parents address this issue, and add my own perspective.
Let’s start with the big and important question, why are young girls so obsessed with skincare and makeup? Dr. Lisa provided some great insights into this behavior that I had necessarily thought about before.
Part 1 Why are girls into skincare and cosmetics?
The first being` that collecting is truly a Timeless Tween Tradition
Remember when we were kids? It was all about Beanie Babies, Pogs, or Pokémon cards. Well, today's young girls are no different, except now, the collectibles have taken a glamorous turn into the world of beauty.
Just the other day, a friend shared a story about her daughter who was absolutely set on getting a specific pink skincare product. Why? Not just for the product itself, but because the bottle would look perfect in her collection. This story really highlights how these items are more than just skincare or makeup for our girls; they're part of a curated collection that expresses their identity and that word that I’ve come to loathe but I am going to use it anyway because they’re using it, aesthetic.
The second point that Dr. Lisa brought up is that girls are drawn to these products because they like things that are cute, flowery and fruity. It’s about the color and the smell that is youthful and fun and playful.
I am sure you Have noticed how many of these products are designed to be almost irresistibly attractive? They come in pastel colors, adorned with cute logos, and often smell like a basket of fruits. It's almost like walking into a candy store, but for your skin! This sensory appeal is a huge part of what makes these products so enticing. They're not just skincare items; they're also an experience for our girls that appeal to multiple senses. A perfect example of this is drunk elephant products. Years ago they were marketed as high-end clean skincare to middle aged women, now the packaging and hte out of box experience is playful with bright neon colors and geometric shapes. They are 100% marketing to Gen z and Gen alpha.
Dr. Lisa's third observation highlights a significant aspect of growing up: the profound influence of childhood fascination. Historically, young girls have emulated their mothers, from household chores to makeup routines to dressing up in high heels. This long-standing interest in adolescence isn't new, but what has changed is the role of social media. Nowadays, tweens not only hear about the glamorous lives of older girls, but they also see it—every day, perfectly curated on Instagram feeds and vibrant TikTok videos. Next, we'll delve deeper into the impact of social media on this phenomenon.
In essence, this isn't just about skincare or makeup; it's about collecting memories, crafting identities, and stepping into a larger, more colorful world. So, as we dive deeper into this episode, let’s keep in mind the layers and complexities of this trend—it’s much more than skin deep.
Party 2 What’s driving it.
Seeing younger girls and older girls. It’s easier for us to understand. But for younger girls. It seems like they are paying attention to their looks even earlier. Social media influencers posting their day and all their products. Older= more social media driven, yet girls are getting access to social media at a younger age. Are boys into this? Not quite, but boys are into cologne, body spray, etc.
Social media platforms are like windows into a world they're eager to join. Through these digital panes, they watch older teens showcasing their skincare routines and makeup skills, all while looking effortlessly chic and confident. It's powerful, it's enticing, and it makes them want to emulate those looks, hoping to capture a bit of that magic for themselves. It’s about playing at being older, experimenting with identities, and sometimes, it's about feeling a part of that seemingly glamorous world they aspire to enter.
The Role of Social Media:
That girl videos, sephora girl. Here’s my perfect day. Wake up, eat this. Do this skincare. These videos are influenced. For kids who don't have social media. They can get it from siblings. They don’t have to be on social media for this to be finding its way to them. Or kids with social media. It’s like a virus. You can’t contain the exposure. It’s the hot trend of the moment, good news, it will be replaced by something else.
Add about the role of marketing targeted towards girls. Store displays,etc.
So what’s driving this? You might be thinking, my daughter is 10 years old and she’s not on social media, so how can that really be impacting her?
The Ubiquity of Social Media Influence
Even if younger girls aren’t directly active on social platforms, the influence is pervasive. it finds its way to them through siblings, friends, or even overheard conversations at school. They see older teens modeling sophisticated skincare routines or showcasing their latest makeup hauls, and the message is clear and powerful: this is what it looks like to be confident and beautiful.
And, It’s not just about watching someone apply a product; it’s about the narrative that goes with it. The "That Girl" videos or the "Sephora hauls". These are not just tutorials; they are a promoting a lifestyle to these young girls that makes having these products the thing to do.
The Inescapable Pull of Marketing
Beyond the screens, the role of direct marketing is incredibly potent. Walk into any major beauty store, and you’ll see displays that are eye candy for young consumers. These aren't just shelves; they’re carefully crafted messages aimed at young minds, designed to pull them in with bright colors, appealing designs, and promises of social acceptance and personal transformation.
Store displays, particularly those in high-traffic areas like malls, play a critical role. They're often placed at eye level for younger consumers, and the imagery is directly from the social media pages they admire. It creates a seamless connection between the online glamour they aspire to and the physical products they can own. It’s a loop of influence that feeds into itself—what they see online, they seek in stores, and what they see in stores, validates what they see online.
The Early Start and the Role of Boys
it’s not just the girls—boys are dipping their toes into this world too, albeit in different ways, like with colognes or body sprays. The culture of personal care and enhancement is broadening its reach, encompassing a younger and more diverse audience.
The Viral Nature of Trends
And here's something we all know too well—trends are like viruses. They spread fast, they mutate, and before you know it, they're everywhere. The good news? They do eventually get replaced by the next big thing. But while they're hot, they can dominate our kids' interests and conversations, becoming the "must-have" or the "thing to do."
This pervasive and almost invasive nature of beauty trends through social media and targeted marketing creates a challenging environment for young girls and boys trying to find their footing in the social hierarchy of school and peer groups. As parents, it becomes our subtle task to help them navigate these waters, distinguishing between harmless trends and those that may warrant a closer look or a deeper discussion.
As we move forward, let's keep this dialogue open, not just between us but with our kids too, helping them develop a healthy relationship with trends, self-image, and social media.
Part 3. So what are the problems with this obsession? It is all these things. It’s also potentially harmful to their health.
Expensive
Capitalistic
Unnecessary
Vain
Self-indulgent
Creates Body Image and Self-Esteem Issues:
There is a Connection between skincare obsession and mental health challenges like anxiety and body dysmorphia.
The role of unrealistic beauty standards in affecting teen self-esteem.
While it's easy to dismiss this as just another phase, the implications are more profound and can ripple through their lives in unexpected ways.
The High Cost of Beauty
First, let's talk about the cost—both literal and figurative. These products don't come cheap. We've seen skincare and makeup collections that can total up into the hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. It’s a significant financial strain that can affect the entire family budget. This isn’t just about a one-off splurge; it’s often about maintaining and expanding a collection of premium products, which can be a continuous drain on resources.
The Capitalistic Hook
Then there’s the capitalistic nature of this trend. These companies excel in creating and marketing products that our kids think they need to feel accepted and attractive. It’s a perfect storm of consumerism targeted at young, impressionable minds. They’re sold not just a product, but a promise—of popularity, of beauty, of happiness. But as we know, these are fleeting, superficial gains.
The Vanity and Self-Indulgence Cycle
Vanity and self-indulgence are also part of the conversation. There's a fine line between taking care of oneself and becoming preoccupied with one's image. When kids start valuing themselves more for their appearance than their other qualities, it sets a precarious stage for their personal development.
The Psychological Impact: Body Image and Self-Esteem
Now, onto perhaps the most troubling aspect—the impact on mental health. The connection between an obsession with skincare and makeup and the rise of mental health challenges like anxiety and body dysmorphia cannot be overlooked. As these young individuals strive for impossible standards of beauty, they're at risk of feeling perennially inadequate.
Unrealistic beauty standards propagated through social media and advertising create a distorted mirror for our kids. When they compare themselves to these edited, filtered images, their self-esteem can take a real hit. They're constantly bombarded with messages that their worth is tied to how flawless their skin looks or how on-point their makeup is, which is a dangerous foundation on which to build their emerging identities.
Navigating These Challenges
As we navigate these challenges together, the goal isn’t just to steer our kids away from these products but to help them build resilience against these pressures. It's about teaching them to value themselves for who they are, not just what they look like, and to recognize the beauty in genuine, unfiltered reality.
In this conversation, it's crucial that we also provide alternatives that emphasize health, well-being, and the non-material aspects of life. Encouraging interests and activities that aren't appearance-based can help balance their perspectives and build a more robust self-image that's not reliant on societal approval.
So, as we wrap up this part of our discussion, let’s remember that our role isn’t just to protect our kids from toxic chemicals in these products but also from the toxic ideals that could seep into their self-perception. Let's foster environments where they can grow into confident, healthy adults who know their value extends far beyond the surface.
Part 4. Where’s the harm here?
Late middle/high school, it does make sense because kids are getting older. Taking good care of your skin is important. There is a basis for it. Teenage girls are turning to skincare as a form of self-care for comfort. It is better than other habits (drinking, gaming, etc.) But what are the issues that families might be facing?
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Spending money that doesn’t make sense?
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Some of the products are not meant for kids skin
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There are harmful ingredients in these products
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Feeling at odds with our kids…this can be a challenge.
Part 4: The Complexity of Harm: Beyond the Surface
Continuing our discussion on the impact of beauty obsessions among teens and tweens, it's crucial to acknowledge there are two sides to every coin. On one hand, as our kids enter late middle and high school, taking care of their skin does become more relevant. Skincare can be a genuine form of self-care, a way for teenagers to manage stress and feel good about themselves, which, let's be honest, is much healthier than some alternatives like excessive screen time, drinking, or other risky behaviors.
The Positive Side of Skincare
There's definitely a positive aspect to skincare routines. They can serve as moments of self-reflection and relaxation, helping teens unwind and take a moment for themselves. This can be incredibly valuable in today's fast-paced world where anxiety and stress are all too common.
The Financial Strain
However, while the intent to use skincare as self-care is valid, the execution can sometimes miss the mark, especially when it involves spending beyond one's means. It's one thing to invest in a few quality products that genuinely improve skin health; it's another to constantly chase the latest, often expensive, trends that promise miraculous results. This kind of spending can lead to financial stress within families, especially when it becomes a continuous expectation.
Suitability of Products
Another significant concern is the suitability of these products for young skin. Many skincare products, especially those targeting anti-aging or specific dermatological issues, are formulated for more mature skin types and may be too harsh for the delicate skin of a teenager. The use of such products can lead to skin problems rather than helping maintain healthy skin.
Exposure to Harmful Ingredients
Moreover, the harmful ingredients in some of these products cannot be ignored. As we touched on earlier, the presence of toxic chemicals—often in products marketed aggressively towards teens—can have adverse effects on hormonal development and overall health. This is particularly concerning during puberty, a crucial period for hormonal and physical development.
Family Dynamics and Conflicts
Navigating these waters can also strain family relationships. Feeling at odds with our kids over their beauty routines can lead to conflicts. It's a delicate balance—on one hand, you want to respect their autonomy and their choices; on the other, you have a responsibility to guide them towards making healthy decisions. It’s about finding a middle ground where they feel heard and supported, but also guided towards making choices that won’t harm them in the long run.
Wrapping Up: A Balanced Approach
As we conclude this part of our discussion, it's clear that while there are valid reasons for teenagers to engage in skincare, it's essential for these activities to be carried out in a way that doesn't compromise their health or create unnecessary financial or emotional strain. Encouraging our kids to explore skincare in a safe, balanced way can help them develop healthier habits that will serve them well into adulthood. Let's aim to be supportive but also sensible, ensuring that our guidance helps them navigate not only the world of beauty but also the complex journey of growing up.
What Dr. Lisa completely missed in her episode was the fact that these products often contain products that are detrimental to health, especially during key periods of susceptibility like puberty. Our kids hormonal health is being impact by many of the ingredients in the products that are targeted towards them.
I don’t want to focus today on exactly what those ingredients are as I’ve had lots of episodes on this topic, and I will link to those episodes in the show notes.
Part 5. Here’s how Dr. Lis recommends responding
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Be empathic about the ways they feel stuck. Hold ground on your values and products and money, be tender with them at the moment.
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Dr. LIsa says we have to let our kids be upset with us for not letting them have what their friends have.
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What we can offer and what we won’t offer. How can you meet them halfway? Give them the money you would spend.
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Dr. Lisa suggests bringing in a neutral party to tell our kids why these ingredients aren’t safe. It can diffuse the tension with our kids. This is how I take good care of you as I get good information that keeps you safe.
Cost-how to navigate kids wanting the money and spending their own money on it.
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Explain the need, not a regular occurrence
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Important to have a conversation about what things are worth, what we spend money on.
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This is how much I would spend, you have to use the difference but also there is more to it than just the money.
Part 6. Here are my tips on how to navigate this issue, specifically around safety.
Making no fragrance a rule is #1 in reducing their exposure. Phthalates and other harmful ingredients hide in this (the fragrance loophole) and it’s a very easy way to reduce their exposure without making everything off limits.
80/20 rule. 80% of what they are using should be free of harmful ingredients/meet your standards of clean.
Help them find products that are appropriate for their skin. Retinol is not something young kids should be using, or really anyone for that matter. 12 year olds don’t need anti-aging products. Not all ingredients are meant for young skin
Less is more. Help them understand that a basic routine that they can maintain will be best for their skin. Then maybe throw in 1-2 fun products that let them satisfy that itch to have something else. Suggestions include a charcoal mask which is great for spot treatment and something mom and daugthers can do together.
Teach them to be discerning customers. Tell them to do the research behind the products before they can buy them and to determine if they are safe. Use EWG to have them learn about the safety of the ingredients
When shopping, give them options of where they can shop, let them know what kind of products are meant for their skin and what the judge is and from there, let them make choices. It’s a controlled choice, but a choice none-the-less. Credo Beauty or other pre-approved brands that you have confidence in are where they can shop. And when it comes to going to places like sephora or ulta, do some pre-shpping with them online. Let them determine what they can buy when they are there so that they don’t feel like everything is off limits.
Shopping with a purpose is also a good lession to teach kids. Buying things that you actually need vs impulse buys. This saves money and is better for the environment.
Part 1: The Allure of Beauty Products Part 2: The Drivers—Social Media and Marketing
Social media has fundamentally changed the landscape. Platforms are saturated with 'That Girl' videos and 'Sephora hauls,' where influencers detail their perfect, product-filled days. This content doesn't stay confined to those with accounts; it spreads through networks, reaching kids via friends and siblings. It's viral, it's influential, and it's shaping desires and perceptions at a vulnerable age.
Beyond the screens, the role of targeted marketing cannot be overstated. Store displays and advertisements are meticulously designed to captivate young minds, presenting these products as gateways to acceptance and beauty.
Part 3: The Problems with the Obsession
This fascination isn't harmless. It's expensive, it plays into capitalist hands, and it promotes vanity and self-indulgence at a young age. More troubling are the potential health impacts—many products contain chemicals that could interfere with hormonal development, particularly concerning during puberty.
Moreover, there's a strong link between intense engagement with beauty standards and mental health issues, such as anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder. The pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards can profoundly affect teen self-esteem.
Part 4: The Real Harm of Beauty Products
As children edge into late middle and high school, skincare can indeed be a form of self-care. However, the issue becomes problematic when young skin is subjected to products designed for adults, or when these products contain harmful ingredients. Conflicts may arise within families over spending and the appropriateness of these products, adding tension to an already challenging phase of parenting.
Dr. Lisa Damour pointed out many aspects of this trend but missed discussing the specific health risks posed by the toxic ingredients in these beauty products. These ingredients are not just harmful; they're often targeted directly at an audience that is most vulnerable during developmental stages.
Part 5: Responding to the Craze
How do we, as parents, respond? Dr. Lisa suggests empathy. Understand why your child may feel left out or desires these products. Stand firm on family values regarding spending and product safety but remain compassionate. Appreciation for their feelings, even when they're upset, is crucial.
Introduce neutral experts who can explain the dangers of certain ingredients without the emotional charge that might come from a parent. Discuss the value of money and how spending choices reflect broader family values. You might offer them the amount you feel is reasonable for skincare, letting them decide how to use it but within a framework that emphasizes health and safety over trends.
Today's discussion aims not only to inform but to empower. Understanding these dynamics allows us to guide our children through a landscape that's markedly different from our own childhoods. Let's help them navigate this world, making informed and healthy choices that respect their growth and our values.
As we wrap up today's episode, I want to be clear that I recognize parenting is hard and that navigating these types of issues can be incredibly stressful and may even strain the relationships we have with our daughters. But these conversations are so very important. My opinion may not be the popular one, especially with girls, but we have to start looking more intentionally at the impact of our skincare and makeup on our health and the health of the planet. We have to challenge societal norms and peer influence to make choices that promote health vs detracting from it.
For the past 6 years, I have loved offering Beautycoutner as a safer alternative to conventional products, so while the business is on pause, I want to direct you to Credo Beauty. As with Beautycounter, you can shop any of the products on their site with confidence that they are safer for you, your girls and your entire family. By using the link in the show notes you help support the ongoing production of this podcast.
If you have specific questions about how to navicate this with your child, please feel free to reach out at [email protected]
Until next week
However, it is my hope that this discussion has equipped parents with valuable insights and tools to make these challenges a bit easier to manage. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. By understanding the influences of social media and staying connected with our children's interests and concerns, we can foster stronger, healthier relationships. Thank you for joining us today, and may you feel more empowered as you guide your children through these complex times.
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