There’s a moment most of us have experienced; standing in a parking lot, deciding whether to return a shopping cart or leave it behind. It’s small. Almost forgettable.

But the more I’ve paid attention to those moments, the more I’ve realized they might reveal something deeper about how we move through the world. In this episode, I start with a simple observation in a grocery store parking lot and follow it into something bigger, unseen people, invisible effort, and the quiet decisions we make when no one’s watching. This isn’t really about carts. It’s about the ten extra steps, and what they might say about who we’re becoming.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

This is an episode I recorded about two years ago, and revisiting it now, I realized something, I was already asking questions back then that I’m still wrestling with today. Questions about power, about leadership, and about what it actually means to follow Jesus. In this episode, I explore the moment often called the “Triumphal Entry,” but through a different lens: not as a celebration, but as a contrast. Two processions entering the same city, one built on force and control, the other on humility and peace. Listening back, I can hear the beginnings of a shift in me, and maybe this conversation will invite something similar for you. Not just to understand the story, but to consider which way of being we’re actually aligning our lives with.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode, I sit with a passage from Thomas Merton that I can’t seem to shake and the uncomfortable realization it stirred in me: I don’t think I trust happiness that comes easily. We live in a world built on chasing more growth, more clarity, more success, and I’m right there in it. But what if the peace we’re looking for isn’t something we achieve, but something we don’t trust? I unpack the “I’ll be happy when…” loop, how my background shaped that mindset, and why even the good things: self-help, growth, faith can keep us running. This isn’t a message from someone who’s figured it out. It’s me, a couple steps in, trying to understand why something that feels like it should set me free… is so hard to believe.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode of We Were in a Cult?, I sit down with Katja, who shares her experience of being introduced to the ICOC in Germany, not as someone born into it, but as someone searching. As a young mother trying to find her footing in life and faith, she was met in a moment where community, clarity, and certainty felt both needed and welcome.

What unfolds is an honest and thoughtful conversation about how environments like this can shape identity over time, how questions can quietly build beneath the surface, and what it takes to begin seeing things differently. Katja’s story is a powerful reminder that these experiences aren’t limited to one place or one kind of person, they’re often closer to home than we think.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at [email protected], or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

I went to a church back in December because it reminded me of something.

Growing up in the ICOC, we had what were called Special Missions contributions, big Sundays centered around giving, sacrifice, and faith. So when I heard about a “Legacy Offering,” I was curious. Not cynical. Curious.

I wanted to see what it would stir up in me.

What I didn’t expect was how much my body would remember.

From the production and messaging… to the moment a second offering bucket passed through the room… something deeper surfaced. Not just frustration, but memories. Of childhood. Of pressure. Of learning that giving could feel less like freedom and more like proof.

In this episode, I reflect on that experience, what it brought up, what I’m still untangling, and how my understanding of generosity has shifted over time.

Because this isn’t really about one church.

It’s about a bigger question:

What happens when generosity becomes something we’re told to do… instead of something that flows freely from who we are?

I still believe in giving.

I just want it to come from a different place.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Every generation inherits something from the one before it, wisdom that helped people survive and wounds that shaped how they saw the world. In this episode, I reflect on a quote from philosopher John Dewey: “If we teach today’s students as we taught yesterday’s, we rob them of tomorrow.”

What begins as a thought about education opens into a deeper conversation about parenting, faith, and personal healing. How do we honor the past without letting it dictate the future? And how do we make sure our wounds don’t quietly become the worldview we pass on to others? This episode explores the tension between learning from yesterday and leaving space for tomorrow.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode on Clemenz With a "Z", I reflect on the doctrine of original sin and the story we tell children about who they are at their core. Beginning with a quote from the book "Original Sin Is a Lie" and moving through Genesis, Romans 7, and even a scene from Harry Potter, I am wrestling with the difference between capacity and essence between being capable of harm and being defined by it. 

Reflecting on my own childhood and the experience of watching my kid instinctively show generosity, I am ask whether starting with shame shapes a different nervous system than starting with dignity. This isn’t an attempt to burn anything down, but an invitation to widen the space and reconsider the foundation we build on.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode, Higher Ways?, I wrestle with a question that’s been quietly sitting with me for a long time: What if some of what we call “deep theology” is simply human logic dressed up as divine wisdom? From heaven and hell to reward and punishment, from obedience to atonement, I explore the framework many of us inherited and ask whether love really needs a threat to function.

Drawing from my own experience in a high-control church environment and revisiting the teachings of Jesus with fresh eyes, this isn’t an attempt to tear faith down, it’s a thoughtful dismantling meant to clear space. Space for a version of faith less rooted in fear and more grounded in restoration, honesty, and love that doesn’t keep score.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected], or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I reflect on what happens on the other side of healing. We talk a lot about wounds and unraveling, about leaving and deconstructing, about anger and survival.

But what about integration?

What about the quiet phase where you’re no longer bleeding yet you’re not who you used to be either? Through the metaphor of physical scars and the unseen marks we carry in our minds and nervous systems, this episode explores the idea that healing doesn’t erase the mark, it transforms it.

If you’ve ever wondered why certain words still make your chest tighten, or why tenderness lingers even after growth, this conversation is for you. Scars don’t shout. They hum. And that hum might just be wisdom.

If anything in this episode resonated with you and you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at [email protected] or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.  

You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps.

And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:

Thanks for being here.

On this episode of Clemenz With a “Z,” I’m stepping outside my usual conversations about church and control and into something that’s been quietly sitting with me for years: the way we define success for our kids. Every June, neighborhoods fill with yard signs celebrating college commitments, and I can’t help but ask, where are the yard signs for future carpenters?

In this episode, I reflect on my own high school experience with “two tracks,” the subtle tone that labeled one path as less than, what I saw later as a teacher, and why all of this ultimately comes down to purpose.

Drawing on Viktor Frankl and even a surprising moment from Home Improvement, this conversation isn’t anti-college, it’s about dignity, meaning, and making room for every kind of intelligence. Because not every boy wants to build… but every boy deserves a world that believes he could.

If anything in this episode resonated with you and you would like to reach out to me you can drop me a line at [email protected] or drop a DM at the clemenz with a "Z" instagram page.  

You can head over to https://gofund.me/7ebb0524 every bit helps.

And if you’re looking for more reflection, honesty, and spiritual wrestling, check out my Substack:

Thanks for being here.