In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I take you inside a sermon that hit me sideways — one of those messages that sounds “biblical” on the surface, but leaves your gut twisted underneath. The pastor said men and women are “equal… but not equivalent,” and that women were designed by God to be helpers while men hold headship. And that’s where everything started to unravel. I share how that message clashed with not only my lived experience — as a former elementary school teacher, a husband, and a dad — but also with the marriage I’m in, the family I’m raising, and the partnership I watched my parents model. This episode isn’t about rebellion — it’s about relationship. It’s about pulling back the curtain on so-called “God-designed roles,” and asking what happens when we stop chasing hierarchy and start building love, mutuality, and something real.

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And as always—

This episode is another part of the We Were in a Cult? series here on the Clemenz With a "Z" Podcast. I sit down with Eugene, who joined me all the way from Russia to share his story of life inside—and beyond—the International Churches of Christ. In this series, I sit down with former members of the ICOC and ICC to listen to their stories, make sense of what we experienced, and hopefully find some healing along the way. Eugene was a freshman in Saint Petersburg in the early 90s when he first encountered the ICOC. What followed was a years-long journey of devotion, disillusionment, and ultimately, healing. Despite the distance, Eugene’s experience mirrors so many of the same patterns we’ve heard throughout this series: control disguised as discipleship, fear wrapped in love, and the long, quiet work of reclaiming your sense of self after leaving a high-control group. This conversation is a powerful reminder that the impact of the ICOC wasn’t confined to one country—it was global. And so is the healing.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at [email protected], or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524

Also—if you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.

Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!

Lately, I felt this deep pull to get away—not to escape life, but to find something underneath all the noise. So I packed up and took my first solo trip to a cabin that’s been in my wife’s family for generations, tucked right up against a river. No Wi-Fi. No distractions. Just silence, cold water, firewood, and whatever was waiting for me in the quiet. In this episode, I share what it was like to face my nerves, to find stillness in the middle of fear, and to reconnect with something I didn’t know I’d been missing. There’s a bald eagle involved. There’s a soap-in-the-river moment. There’s a whole lot of wrestling with what it means to "find your wild." And maybe, just maybe, an invitation for you to find yours too.

Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z.

Your support keeps these honest conversations going.

If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. or snag something cool from clemenzwithaz.com to help keep the fire lit.

And as always—

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I sit down once again with Alan Allard for a deeper, more honest conversation about the hard work of healing after religious trauma.

We talk about everything from the danger of certainty, to how toxic beliefs can trap us in shame and self-doubt long after we leave the system. Alan also shares the three core keys he believes are essential for moving from surviving to truly thriving — and why real healing isn’t about finding the "right" answers, but about learning how to trust yourself again.

Alan Allard is a former psychotherapist and an expert in happiness, human performance, and how to empower agency and well-being after trauma, abuse, and adversity. He works with individuals, couples, churches, and organizations who want to thrive.

Whether you're just starting your journey or you've been walking it for a while, I hope this conversation encourages you to keep going — and reminds you: you're not broken. You're rebuilding.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can keep exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” — and maybe find a little more healing along the way. You can reach out to me by email at [email protected], or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review — it really does help more people find these stories.

If you want to support the show financially, follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524.

Until next time — be gentle with yourself, stay open, and remember: you’re not broken. You're rebuilding.

What happens when the people who preach love don’t live it—and the ones you least expect to show up with kindness, do? In this episode, I tell the story of two backstage coffee gigs—one at a major Christian music festival, the other at the Warped Tour—and the surprising lessons they taught me about generosity, humility, and the quiet kind of gospel that doesn’t need a spotlight. It’s not about bashing anyone. It’s about wrestling with expectations, letting people be human, and learning to find sacred moments in the places we never thought to look.

Thanks for tuning in to Clemenz With a Z.

Maybe the real gospel is quieter than we were taught.

If you want to support the show,  follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524or head on over to clemenzwithaz.com—grab a sticker, share an episode, or leave a review wherever you listen.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue my series on idolatry in the church—but this time, I turn the lens toward something that feels almost untouchable: the cross itself. Growing up, the cross was everything—sacred, central, and surrounded by emotion. But lately, I’ve been wrestling with what it’s actually calling us to do. Is it about guilt? Worship? Performance? Or something deeper? From a deeply theatrical Good Friday service to the theology I’ve inherited—and now questioned—I’m unpacking how my view of the cross has changed, and what it might mean to follow Jesus without idolizing Him. This one’s not about answers. It’s about naming what no longer sits right… and maybe, just maybe, finding something more honest in the process.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Clemenz With a Z.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a part of the ICOC or ICC and you’d like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you.

You can reach me at [email protected] or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

And as always, if you’re enjoying the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories and conversations.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524

Or head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop—every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m truly grateful for it.

Until next time—

What happens when a church stops being about community and starts revolving around one man? In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I continue the “This Was Supposed to Be the Place” series by digging into the idolization of pastors—starting with Kip McKean in the ICOC, and then zooming out to the wider church culture where pastor worship, branding, and platform-building have taken center stage. I reflect on my own experiences, both in the church and beyond, and explore what happens when our faith is shaped more by charisma than by Christ. This one’s about power, presence, and what church could still be—if we’re brave enough to imagine it.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a part of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. But also—if something from this episode hit home for you… if you’ve ever found yourself centering your faith around a pastor, a personality, a system… and you’re working your way through it—I’d love to hear your story too.

Maybe it’s time we talk about it together, out loud. You can reach me anytime at [email protected], or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If this episode resonated with you, please take a second to rate and review the show—it helps more people find these conversations and this space. And as always: I’m just a channel. I ain’t the source.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Or you can head to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going—and I’m so grateful for it.

Until next time, stay honest, stay grounded, and keep growing.

In this episode of Clemenz With a Z, I dig into the quiet, heavy weight so many of us carry: the pressure to be who we’re supposed to be. From labels like “gifted” to the roles we’re assigned in school, church, and family, I unpack how early expectations can shape our sense of worth—and how hard it is to break free from the “land of should.” I talk about the pressure to lead, to be the strong one, the good one, the faithful one—and what it means to start asking who am I, really? This episode is about healing, honesty, and slowly walking away from the roles we never chose. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your life instead of living it, this one’s for you.

If this episode hit something in you—or if you’ve been carrying a story, a label, or a weight you’re finally trying to lay down—I’d love to hear from you. You can reach me by email at [email protected], or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

And if there’s something you wish you could say out loud—something you’ve been sitting with but haven’t found the space to share—I’d be honored to hold that space for you.

As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Or you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m deeply grateful for it.

This was supposed to be the place.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult? Or If this episode stirred something in you, if you’ve wrestled with what church has meant in your life, or if you just have a story you want to share, I’d love to hear from you.

Whether you want to process something, reflect, or even come on the podcast—feel free to reach out.

You can contact me via email at [email protected], or send a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If you’re enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review—it really helps more people find these stories.

And remember:

If you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something from the shop.

Or, you can follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.

Until next time—take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing.

Peace.

In this episode of Clemenz With a "Z," I sit down with former member of the ICOC Greg to unpack the winding road that led him from a Catholic upbringing into the heart of the ICOC. Greg’s story is one of spiritual searching, family dynamics, and the slow unraveling of certainty. With honesty and depth, he shares what it felt like to be swept up in a system that promised purpose—but delivered pressure. This conversation is part of our ongoing “We Were In a Cult?” series, and it's another raw, powerful reminder that healing begins with telling the truth. Whether you’re deconstructing, recovering, or just curious, this episode is for you.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?”—and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at [email protected], or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

As always, if you enjoy the podcast, please rate and review—it helps more people find these stories. And don’t forget: I’m just a channel, I ain’t the source.

If you’d like to support the podcast financially please follow this link: https://gofund.me/7ebb0524

Also—if you’d like to support the podcast financially, you can head over to clemenzwithaz.com and grab a sticker or something cool from the shop. Every little bit helps keep this going, and I’m so grateful for it.

Until next time, take care of yourself, stay grateful, and keep growing. Peace!