Close Quarter Dad

I want to talk a little bit about the zero tolerance policy and how we can have discussions with our children about it.

It seems counterintuitive to teach our children self-defense only to be told in school, if they defend themselves at any level, well, it's going to work against them. That they may even get kicked out of school or put on some longterm suspension.

A little background first.

The zero tolerance policy became a pretty common thing in the mid-1990s, as school administrations' adherence to certain laws were put in place back in 1994 about firearms. This is where it all began. Then it spilled over into drugs and violence.

Some school administrations have gone so far to say that if there is in-school violence, any type of fight or a situation of bullying, then both parties are going to be removed and dismissed. That’s absolute zero tolerance.

Some of us can be pretty critical about that policy. Meanwhile, others can be very accepting to it and saying, "Look, I want zero violence in our school regardless." Either way it comes down to a simple fact that if we’re teaching children personal protection, then we have to also make sure that they know how to articulate certain situations to school administrators, teachers or adults.

Today I want to share a really cool drill you can do with your children. Don’t forget, make it playful – don’t be captain serious.

 This exercise will help you teach your child to create immediate decisiveness when it comes to either threatening or threatening stressful situations. 

 It’s called The Sleeve Catcher.

The Sleeve Catcher name is actually coined after a old Japanese law enforcement tool that the police used called the sodegarami, a spiked staff used to catch the kimono of a violent criminal. They'd catch the garment and force him to the ground in order to restrain them.

The Sleeve Catcher is an excellent exercise that helps your child create fast initiative and rapid, decisive decision-making, without telegraphing their mind or body.

First show them two steps. The first is simply have them begin in a natural standing position, and then quickly step forward and slightly off center-line. Without stopping their motion, they will turn 180 degrees facing opposite in which they were standing with their hands lifted slightly in front of them, as though placing the palms on a wall that’s close to them.

The second is a little more complicated, so don’t introduce it until the first movement is done successfully several dozen times. So we don’t get ahead of ourselves, I’ll introduce the second movement at the end of the exercise. 

Now, your role. Begin by extending your arm to hold your hand about three to four inches away from their shoulder sleeve. Use a parallel grab, in other words; prepare to grip their left shoulder sleeve using your right hand.

Here’s where it gets fun.

The moment the sense that you're about to grab their sleeve, I want them to one way or the other, in the manner you showed them.At the same time, they will be pushing you away, or they're moving the arm away. Don’t make this a martial arts, it’s not mean to be some type of karate block. What I ultimately want them to do is to move behind you, and stunning you at some level.

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Usually, what I talk about is drills, techniques and exercises that you can do to engage with your children while teaching them at the same time, and having fun. But in this episode, I want to have a discussion about you.

 Specifically, I want to talk about your self-image.

 There is a Japanese concept that I find can be used to approach the discomfort of facing one’s self-image that so many adults have, especially parents. It is called Kintsugi, "golden joinery”. Oftentimes, kintsugi is characterized as beautiful bowl that's broken, shattered, and instead of just discarding it for an easy replacement of another, the bowl is put back together carefully. The cracks and imperfections created by it’s shattering  are actually used to make the bowl become more beautiful, and entirely unique.

 It's carefully pieced back together with a stronger mortar, and then gold is added along the crevasse of the breaks, and the pieces no longer present due to damage. It is the imperfections, created by wear and use that allow this broken tool to transform into a treasure.

If you follow the popular motivation gurus of the day, they encourage their students to say your morning affirmations to the mirror.

Good advise, I suppose.

The goal is in saying these affirmations to yourself, whether you create them or your guru does, it should help to carry yourself to a destination or goal you are committed to fulfilling.  The problem that I have with this model, is the definition of your self-image, hasn't quite been defined yet, has it?

Who’s doing the work of the affirmation given, the naked dude in the mirror?

If so, how do you feel about him?

I wonder, given the circumstance.

I'd like to share with you a profound moment that I recently had. It was the loss of one of my dearest friends who suddenly died.

At her funeral her entire family and friends had come together to celebrate her wonderful life. To me, something stood out… I wasn't so sure that she'd be happy with a lot of the images everyone was sharing.

Now, I get it… we want to show who we are in life, the different stages of life and how fulfilled we lived. As well, a few funny photos to show our humanity and humor. All these different experiences throughout our life shared with those most important to us after our final day has passed.

But for my dear friend, I felt, "Wow. I really wish there were photos of her that truly expressed how beautiful and wonderful she was."

Granted, it was a sudden loss, and her loved one did the best that they could in short time. But the experience gave me the realization that I want to have control over this moment in my life, how I show up for that last time everyone comes together who have been important in my life to see me off in celebration. 

So, I want to have control over that final image, the last reference.

As well, I want to have control over the actual image that I have of myself and I mean the actual physical image.

The real me.

Not the person in the mirror I program with morning affirmations. I have to BE capable of looking at my naked, true self with appreciation, confident and happy with who I am.

The reality is, not so many of us are. This is where the principle of Kintsugi comes in. 

 Stay with me here, I want to put you to task.

You see, we can say all the affirmations that we want, creating imprints in our mind to a path that we want our lives to move in. But, I challenge you instead to first take a step forward toward finding yourself the absolute best professional photographer.

First, have a deep discussion with that photographer about how you wish to show your cracks. A true professional photographer will appreciate what you are saying and be inspired to work with you.

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I’m going to recommend that maybe you ‘not’ enroll your 3-5 year old in a martial arts program. If anything, enroll them into a gymnastics, tumbling program.

You see, let’s imagine they ‘actually do’ end up getting rough with a kid in their kindergarten class. The other child ends up grabbing your child, causing her to fall over.  

Going to the ground safely, rolling, being aware of what’s on the ground and coming back to their feet is more important to their immediate safety, than that mean kindergartener.

 If you do chose to enroll your little one into a martial art at such a young age, then I strongly encourage an art like quality Judo or Brazilian Jiujitsu.

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Hey there, check out our community of fathers and men learning tactical parenting skills at: https://closequarterdad.com. See you there.

The content that you're going to learn while being immersed into this program, while it's meant to help you to understand concepts, principles, and techniques so that you can teach them to your children - it's ultimately about making you the trainer, the teacher, and the model power for your children.

In order to do that, there are many high-level concepts, some that can be dangerous. In the spirit of responsibility, I want to get to know each one of you on the path with me. I want to know who it is that I'm communicating with. I want to know how you're using these concepts and exercises to empower your children.

Chances are, if you're reading this, then you've met those expectations already. I appreciate you for that.

Over the last 20 years of studying the topic of personal protection, I've had the honor of becoming close friends with some of the best experts in the field of safety, survival, and security. It’s my goal to also bring those experts in to your life and having them share their knowledge. This is the group of men. It's a small group that have a high standard.

I appreciate you for that. Here we are. Let's get started.