Coach Lee

"If" is a poem by English poet Rudyard Kipling, written circa 1895 as a tribute to Leander Starr Jameson. It is a literary example of Victorian-era stoicism. This is a reading by Coach Lee, especially encouraging young men.

If you can keep your head when all about you   

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

1. Ask the Right Question: Should You Try to Get Them Back?

A strong partner shows commitment and resilience. If they leave at the first sign of trouble or fail to communicate, it may not be wise to invest more time and energy into them. Imagine a friend describing your ex’s actions—what advice would you give them? Often, viewing the situation from a detached perspective can provide clarity.

2. Consider If There’s Someone Else

When someone quickly enters a new relationship, they may be in the infatuation phase, also known as limerence. This stage is characterized by intense emotions and a lack of rationality, but it always fades. While waiting for limerence to end is an option, it’s important to evaluate whether this person is worth the wait, especially if they’ve shown a pattern of leaving when the initial spark fades.

3. Examine Their Breakup History

Conversely, if they’ve tried to work on past relationships, it may indicate they value commitment and are open to reconciliation. However, if their history suggests a tendency to move from one partner to another, you could be at risk of being another chapter in a repetitive pattern.

4. Evaluate Blame Dynamics in the Relationship

Some people confuse the peaceful, stable phase of a relationship with boredom and leave in search of excitement. If your ex left for such reasons and placed the blame entirely on you, it’s worth questioning whether they have the maturity to sustain a long-term partnership.

5. Reflect on Times You Considered Leaving

Consider whether the relationship was as strong as you remember. Often, the pain of loss makes people romanticize the past and forget the challenges they faced while together. Reflecting on your own doubts can help you assess whether reconciling is truly in your best interest.

Moving Forward

Give yourself time—at least three months—to process your emotions and gain perspective. During this period, focus on self-reflection and personal growth. Once the initial intensity of your feelings has subsided, you’ll be better equipped to decide whether to continue pursuing your ex or move on.

Remember, your worth isn’t determined by someone else’s willingness to be with you. If your ex fails to recognize your value, it’s their loss. Whether you reconcile or not, prioritizing your well-being will lead to a healthier and more fulfilling future.

Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

Coaching Session at https://myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/

When Your Ex Begins to Feel the Impact of Loss: Exploring the Shift in Emotional Dynamics After a Breakup

Breakups bring a challenging range of emotions. Typically, one person may feel caught off guard and devastated, while the other may seem to hold all the power. However, the emotional dynamics between the one who initiated the breakup and the person who was left behind can shift significantly over time. Known as “role reversal,” this transition often surprises both individuals, flipping the feelings of control and relief into unexpected emotions like regret or even a deep sense of loss. This article explores why this emotional shift happens, how it unfolds, and what steps you can take to navigate this new landscape with strength and clarity.

Get the Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/ebk 

1. Control Versus Loss: The Initial Breakup Dynamic

For the person who is on the receiving end, this is profoundly disempowering. Being left without a say in the decision can create a sense of helplessness. The partner who wanted to stay together is suddenly forced into a reality they didn’t choose, dealing with a mixture of heartbreak and a lack of control.

This imbalance of power and emotion places the two people on opposite ends of the spectrum: the one who left feels free and in control, while the other is grappling with overwhelming feelings of rejection and powerlessness. This initial divide often sets the stage for a major shift in emotions down the road.

2. Early Feelings of Validation vs. the Sting of Rejection

However, for the person who was left, it’s a completely different experience. Rejection cuts deeply, often shaking self-esteem and bringing up doubts about personal worth. While the one who left feels a sense of power, the one left behind is left questioning their value, attractiveness, and what went wrong.

For the person who initiated the breakup, the initial sense of validation can feel like an “elevation,” as if they’ve ascended to a new level of self-importance. They might even start seeing other potential partners as “options” rather than people. Meanwhile, the person who was left behind is struggling to make sense of it all, facing a much more painful version of reality.

3. The Ambiguous Excuses: A Shroud of Self-Discovery

However, these reasons are often surface-level justifications covering deeper emotions—such as waning attraction, diminished interest, or a lack of motivation to keep working on the relationship. These “self-discovery” justifications allow the person who left to avoid taking full responsibility for the breakup, cloaking their decision in terms that sound thoughtful rather than superficial.

For the person left behind, these vague reasons create even more confusion. They’re left wondering why they couldn’t “work on themselves” within the relationship or support their partner through the hard times. This ambiguity can make the healing process longer and more painful, as they wrestle with the underlying reasons they might never fully understand.

4. The Reality Check: When the Loss Sets In

The person who left might notice that new romantic prospects lack the depth, comfort, or familiarity they once enjoyed. Their social interactions might feel shallow or unsatisfying. The absence of their former partner can start to feel more like a loss than a liberation. This realization often catches them off guard, as they find themselves yearning for the relationship they initially walked away from.

It’s in this moment that the power dynamic begins to shift. The person who once felt validated now experiences a sense of emptiness, while the person who was initially devastated starts to rebuild and find peace.

5. Building Curiosity Through Distance: Role Reversal Unfolds

The person who was left behind is now taking time to focus on themselves, building up strength and a new identity outside of the relationship. They’re no longer defined by their former partner, which can be intriguing to the one who left. The ex-partner who once seemed eager to reconnect now appears distant and even empowered. This shift fuels the initiator’s curiosity and can stir feelings of longing.

This absence of certainty begins to erode the initiator’s sense of control, introducing feelings of doubt. The emotional tables start to turn as the one who initially walked away begins to feel unsure, while the person who was left behind is increasingly confident in their new path.

6. Keeping Your Composure as Interest Returns

Remaining composed and maintaining boundaries shows that you’re not easily swayed by their attention. This can further solidify the role reversal, prompting your ex to question the stability of their own choices. Meanwhile, you allow yourself the time and space to evaluate if their interest is genuine.

Holding back from instantly diving back into the relationship shows that the breakup has shifted your perspective. Instead of blindly forgiving past behavior, you establish a balanced framework that encourages them to demonstrate their commitment with sincerity.

7. Avoiding the Pitfall of Reverting Back

Instead, keep some emotional space, even if your ex makes an effort to reconnect. This isn’t about ignoring them but about setting a deliberate pace, one that reflects the lessons you’ve learned from the breakup. Let them re-earn your trust gradually.

If your ex genuinely wants to rekindle the relationship, they should be willing to work for it. Their actions should reflect a genuine desire for a fresh start rather than a quick return to convenience. Maintaining your standards and boundaries prevents the potential of falling back into a cycle of uncertainty and emotional imbalance.

8. Embracing Personal Growth and Balance

This period of introspection is a chance to pursue hobbies, strengthen friendships, and set meaningful aspirations. By investing in these areas, you’re creating a solid foundation for self-worth, which can help you view any future interactions with your ex through a lens of confidence.

9. Gaining a New Perspective on Relationships

If your ex attempts to return, see it as an opportunity to consider whether they align with your long-term vision of a balanced partnership. Avoid letting nostalgia lead your choices; focus on whether they genuinely fulfill your ideals.

Conclusion: Transforming Role Reversal into Self-Discovery

As you move through these changes, you may realize that the sense of rejection and loss you once felt has faded. You’ve taken time to heal, rediscovered your value, and set a foundation for new, healthier relationships. Embrace the growth, trust the lessons learned, and look forward to a future shaped by self-worth, clarity, and balance.

Get the Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/ebk 

Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

Breakups often leave one person holding all the cards, typically the one who initiates the split. If you’re hoping to reignite the relationship, it’s crucial to understand that your ex needs to feel the cost of the breakup on an emotional level. Without this sense of loss, they may never fully understand what they gave up. In this guide, we’ll explore why creating a meaningful sense of consequence can influence their willingness to reflect on and possibly rekindle the connection.

People generally avoid change until their current situation becomes too uncomfortable to bear. In relationships, this idea means that your ex may need to face the reality of being without you before they consider getting back together. Chasing or trying to convince them to return only reduces the discomfort they might otherwise feel, giving them a way to bypass the emotional reality of their decision.

By stepping back and using a period of no contact, you allow your ex to feel the impact of the breakup. This distance can help them realize what it means to lose you and may even create a sense of uncertainty that challenges their original assumptions about ending things.

At the point of separation, your ex likely felt they had control over both the relationship’s direction and the situation. They may have even felt they could come back whenever they wanted. Your goal should be to counter this sense of control by asserting your own boundaries and refusing to react emotionally or desperately.

Maintain Dignity Through Distance: The period of no contact serves as a silent declaration of self-respect and composure. By withholding contact, you show your ex that you won’t accept being taken for granted and that you’re fully capable of thriving on your own. The quiet resolve may prompt them to think, “Are they really moving on?” or “Have I made a mistake?”

Act in Unexpected Ways: If your ex thinks they know exactly how you’ll react—likely with clinginess or persistence—surprise them. Remaining composed or moving forward with confidence sends a message that you’re perfectly fine without them. This shift disrupts the original power dynamic and encourages them to rethink their decision.

When a person acts predictably, they’re easy to understand. After a breakup, your ex likely thinks they know exactly how you’ll behave, and they may assume you’ll be single or consumed by thoughts of them. Showing them otherwise can be a valuable tool.

Display Resilience in Your Own Life: Rather than allowing the breakup to control you, focus on activities that show personal growth. Pursue new hobbies, enjoy time with friends, and live life with genuine positivity. This behavior, when shared subtly, can prompt your ex to reconsider how they view you and the end of your relationship.

Show that You’re Not Reaching Out: Most people expect some degree of pursuit after ending a relationship, especially if they were the ones in control. When you maintain distance, you create an aura of mystery. With no frequent updates or outreach, your ex may start questioning what you’re up to and whether they fully understood their feelings for you.

An important factor in creating a sense of emotional consequence is letting your ex wonder if the breakup might have made it impossible to reconcile. If they’re uncertain about where you stand, they may start reflecting on whether they’ve lost their chance with you altogether. This uncertainty can act as a catalyst, making them reconsider the decision to end things.

Give Space for Reflection: In silence, you allow your ex to fill in the gaps. They might begin wondering, “Have I made a mistake?” or “Is it too late to fix things?” This time of reflection often has a more powerful effect than any words you could say.

Become Less Accessible: By showing independence, you shift the dynamic from always being available to becoming someone they may no longer be able to reach. This scarcity encourages them to take action if they truly value the relationship, motivating them to reassess what you both shared.

In an ideal scenario, your ex should approach you with a sense of humility and an understanding of the impact of their actions. For a healthy reconciliation, they should hope for forgiveness rather than assuming they automatically deserve a place back in your life.

Cultivate Mutual Respect: A successful reunion needs equality. By allowing them to approach you on their own, you encourage your ex to see you as an equal. When they initiate, they show that they understand the value of the relationship and are open to rebuilding it with mutual appreciation and respect.

Wait for Authentic Remorse: Real, lasting love requires both people to respect each other’s worth. When your ex starts to feel that they need you as much as you need them, they’re more likely to approach you with genuine intent. Silence and time allow them to reach that point on their own, building a foundation for a potential future that honors both partners’ contributions.

Rediscovering a relationship post-breakup is a challenging path that requires both patience and emotional resilience. By allowing your ex to experience the true impact of the breakup without interference, you create an environment where they can recognize the cost of their decision. Ultimately, whether or not they return, you can take pride in knowing you maintained your self-respect and allowed space for genuine reflection.

Your journey forward can be about personal growth, self-worth, and clarity about what you deserve, ensuring that whatever comes next, you’ll be stronger and more confident.

Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

No Contact: Now What?

When going through a breakup, many people understand the importance of giving space, or as I call it, going "no contact." However, once you're in no contact, the question becomes, now what? In this article, I’ll help guide you through the next steps, whether or not your ex decides to reach out.

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

1. When Your Ex Reaches Out

Stay Calm and Avoid Pressure:

Avoid Emotional Conversations:

Prepare a List of Neutral Topics:

2. Create Opportunities for Face-to-Face Interaction

Gauge Their Openness:

Keep it Short and Leave Them Wanting More:

3. What to Do if Your Ex Does Not Reach Out

Consider Their Level of Investment:

Decide Whether to Reach Out for Closure:

Weighing Your Options:

4. Building the Face-to-Face Connection

Focus on Positive, Shared Memories:

End on a High Note:

5. When It's Time to Move On

Focus on Yourself:

The Power of No Contact for You, Too:

In the end, whether or not your ex reaches out, no contact can be a powerful experience that helps you gain clarity and emotional resilience. By following these principles, you’re giving yourself the best chance for healing and, if it’s meant to be, reconciliation. Remember that a lasting relationship involves more than initial passion—it requires a willingness to work through the ups and downs together.

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

When Your Ex Begins to Feel the Impact of Loss: Exploring the Shift in Emotional Dynamics After a Breakup

Breakups bring a challenging range of emotions. Typically, one person may feel caught off guard and devastated, while the other may seem to hold all the power. However, the emotional dynamics between the one who initiated the breakup and the person who was left behind can shift significantly over time. Known as “role reversal,” this transition often surprises both individuals, flipping the feelings of control and relief into unexpected emotions like regret or even a deep sense of loss. This article explores why this emotional shift happens, how it unfolds, and what steps you can take to navigate this new landscape with strength and clarity.

Get the Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/ebk 

1. Control Versus Loss: The Initial Breakup Dynamic

For the person who is on the receiving end, this is profoundly disempowering. Being left without a say in the decision can create a sense of helplessness. The partner who wanted to stay together is suddenly forced into a reality they didn’t choose, dealing with a mixture of heartbreak and a lack of control.

This imbalance of power and emotion places the two people on opposite ends of the spectrum: the one who left feels free and in control, while the other is grappling with overwhelming feelings of rejection and powerlessness. This initial divide often sets the stage for a major shift in emotions down the road.

2. Early Feelings of Validation vs. the Sting of Rejection

However, for the person who was left, it’s a completely different experience. Rejection cuts deeply, often shaking self-esteem and bringing up doubts about personal worth. While the one who left feels a sense of power, the one left behind is left questioning their value, attractiveness, and what went wrong.

For the person who initiated the breakup, the initial sense of validation can feel like an “elevation,” as if they’ve ascended to a new level of self-importance. They might even start seeing other potential partners as “options” rather than people. Meanwhile, the person who was left behind is struggling to make sense of it all, facing a much more painful version of reality.

3. The Ambiguous Excuses: A Shroud of Self-Discovery

However, these reasons are often surface-level justifications covering deeper emotions—such as waning attraction, diminished interest, or a lack of motivation to keep working on the relationship. These “self-discovery” justifications allow the person who left to avoid taking full responsibility for the breakup, cloaking their decision in terms that sound thoughtful rather than superficial.

For the person left behind, these vague reasons create even more confusion. They’re left wondering why they couldn’t “work on themselves” within the relationship or support their partner through the hard times. This ambiguity can make the healing process longer and more painful, as they wrestle with the underlying reasons they might never fully understand.

4. The Reality Check: When the Loss Sets In

The person who left might notice that new romantic prospects lack the depth, comfort, or familiarity they once enjoyed. Their social interactions might feel shallow or unsatisfying. The absence of their former partner can start to feel more like a loss than a liberation. This realization often catches them off guard, as they find themselves yearning for the relationship they initially walked away from.

It’s in this moment that the power dynamic begins to shift. The person who once felt validated now experiences a sense of emptiness, while the person who was initially devastated starts to rebuild and find peace.

5. Building Curiosity Through Distance: Role Reversal Unfolds

The person who was left behind is now taking time to focus on themselves, building up strength and a new identity outside of the relationship. They’re no longer defined by their former partner, which can be intriguing to the one who left. The ex-partner who once seemed eager to reconnect now appears distant and even empowered. This shift fuels the initiator’s curiosity and can stir feelings of longing.

This absence of certainty begins to erode the initiator’s sense of control, introducing feelings of doubt. The emotional tables start to turn as the one who initially walked away begins to feel unsure, while the person who was left behind is increasingly confident in their new path.

6. Keeping Your Composure as Interest Returns

Remaining composed and maintaining boundaries shows that you’re not easily swayed by their attention. This can further solidify the role reversal, prompting your ex to question the stability of their own choices. Meanwhile, you allow yourself the time and space to evaluate if their interest is genuine.

Holding back from instantly diving back into the relationship shows that the breakup has shifted your perspective. Instead of blindly forgiving past behavior, you establish a balanced framework that encourages them to demonstrate their commitment with sincerity.

7. Avoiding the Pitfall of Reverting Back

Instead, keep some emotional space, even if your ex makes an effort to reconnect. This isn’t about ignoring them but about setting a deliberate pace, one that reflects the lessons you’ve learned from the breakup. Let them re-earn your trust gradually.

If your ex genuinely wants to rekindle the relationship, they should be willing to work for it. Their actions should reflect a genuine desire for a fresh start rather than a quick return to convenience. Maintaining your standards and boundaries prevents the potential of falling back into a cycle of uncertainty and emotional imbalance.

8. Embracing Personal Growth and Balance

This period of introspection is a chance to pursue hobbies, strengthen friendships, and set meaningful aspirations. By investing in these areas, you’re creating a solid foundation for self-worth, which can help you view any future interactions with your ex through a lens of confidence.

9. Gaining a New Perspective on Relationships

If your ex attempts to return, see it as an opportunity to consider whether they align with your long-term vision of a balanced partnership. Avoid letting nostalgia lead your choices; focus on whether they genuinely fulfill your ideals.

Conclusion: Transforming Role Reversal into Self-Discovery

As you move through these changes, you may realize that the sense of rejection and loss you once felt has faded. You’ve taken time to heal, rediscovered your value, and set a foundation for new, healthier relationships. Embrace the growth, trust the lessons learned, and look forward to a future shaped by self-worth, clarity, and balance.

Get the Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/ebk 

Read the full article, "Getting Mixed Signals From My Ex" at https://myexbackcoach.com/getting-mixed-signals-ex-boyfriend-girlfriend/

How to Handle Mixed Signals from Your Ex: A Balanced Approach to Getting Them Back

If you've ever been on the receiving end of mixed signals from your ex, you know how confusing and frustrating it can be. One moment, they seem interested in rekindling the relationship, and the next, they pull away, leaving you in emotional limbo. This push-pull dynamic is a common experience for many people who are trying to get their ex back. In this article, we’ll explore why your ex might be sending these mixed signals and how you can respond in a way that maximizes your chances of reuniting with them.

Understanding Mixed Signals from Your Ex

Before diving into the specifics of what to do, it’s important to understand that mixed signals usually stem from confusion—both yours and your ex’s. In most cases, your ex isn’t intentionally playing games with your emotions. They are likely dealing with their own internal struggles, trying to figure out whether getting back together is the right decision.

Why Exes Send Mixed Signals

Confusion About Their Feelings

Fear of Rejection

Not Knowing How to Reconnect

Rebound Relationships

Keeping You as a Backup Plan

What Not to Do: Avoid Over-Pursuing or Over-Excitement

Over-Excitement: Why Enthusiasm Can Backfire

To keep the dynamic healthy, you need to approach these interactions with caution. Show that you’re open to the idea of getting back together, but don’t give the impression that you’ve been waiting around for them with no reservations. After all, this is someone who broke up with you—they need to show that they’re serious about making things work before you get too emotionally invested again.

Over-Pursuing: A Sure Way to Push Your Ex Away

A good rule of thumb is to let your ex lead the way in terms of communication. If they text you, reply, but don’t initiate every conversation. Let them come to you sometimes, so the dynamic feels more balanced. In essence, you want to keep the communication flow feeling mutual, like a game of tennis where both players are equally involved.

How to Handle Mixed Signals: Patience and Discipline

1. Show Warmth Without Overcommitting

The ideal approach is to respond to their gestures with kindness and openness, while also maintaining your own boundaries. Let them see that you’re not emotionally rattled by their back-and-forth behavior. You’re okay with giving them space, and you won’t push for more than they’re willing to offer at the moment.

2. Avoid Over-Pursuing

3. Let Them Earn You Back

Don’t be afraid to let them earn their way back into your life. If they sense that you’re not going to just jump back into the relationship, they’ll realize they need to put in effort. This keeps the dynamic balanced and ensures that both of you are equally invested in making things work.

4. Stay Confident and Self-Assured

This attitude not only makes you more attractive, but it also takes the pressure off your ex. They’ll feel like they have the space to figure out their feelings without feeling like you’re waiting for them to make up their mind.

Mixed Signals and Rebound Relationships

In some cases, rebound relationships can actually work in your favor. If you give your ex space and focus on yourself, the rebound relationship may naturally fizzle out as they realize they still have feelings for you. This is especially likely if you’re practicing the no-contact rule and allowing them to miss you.

Conclusion: A Balanced Approach to Mixed Signals

Remember, the key is balance. Show your ex that you’re open to reconciliation, but don’t act too eager or desperate. Let them earn their way back into your life, and take things slow to ensure that if you do get back together, it’s for the right reasons. Patience and discipline are your greatest allies in handling mixed signals, and they’ll help you maintain your most attractive and empowered self as you work toward a potential reunion.

Emergency Breakup Kit at http://myexbackcoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

Rudyard Kipling’s poem "If" is a classic piece written nearly a century ago by the British poet. In the poem, Kipling offers a series of guiding principles, directing his son—and by extension, all of us—on how to live life to the fullest.

The poem emphasizes the importance of perseverance, discipline and personal growth. It encourages resilience in the face of life's challenges, reminding readers to persevere through adversity and always strive to rise above tough situations.

"If you can keep your head when all about you

Coach Lee - https://LeeWilson.org

https://MyExBackCoach.com

https://MarriageRadio.com

Coach Lee emphasizes how crucial timing is when it comes to winning your ex back. Acting too quickly after a breakup is a common mistake, which often results in pushing your ex further away.

Emergency Breakup Kit at https://myexbackcoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit/

By rushing things or trying to force a reconnection before the right moment, you may end up sabotaging your efforts. Coach Lee discusses why allowing your ex time to miss you is an essential part of rekindling a relationship, but there’s more to the process, as he explains in this video.

He explores the idea of emotional space and how it plays a significant role in helping your ex work through their own feelings.

Coach Lee also walks you through the signs that suggest the timing is ideal for reaching out and provides guidance on how to do it naturally, without it seeming forced.

He helps viewers understand that, although waiting can feel counterproductive, it ultimately sets the stage for better results.

You’ll discover how to recognize moments when it's better to stay silent and let things unfold organically, creating the best conditions for a new beginning with your ex.

If you're uncertain about when to make a move or how long to wait after a breakup, this video is perfect for you.

Coach Lee shares practical advice and time-tested strategies that will give you clarity and confidence in navigating the complex timing of reconciliation.

Timing isn't just about waiting—it's about knowing the right actions to take when the moment arises. Don’t miss this comprehensive discussion on balancing patience and action for the best chance of success in your relationship!

Emergency Breakup Kit at https://myexbackcoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit/

How to Set Up the Situation for Your Ex to Reach Out First

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit to get your ex back!

Breakups can be tough, but many people find themselves searching for ways to get their ex to reach out first. While it’s not about “making” your ex contact you in a manipulative sense, there are ways to set the stage that encourage them to reconnect. Let’s dive into a few strategies to make this more likely.

One psychological principle that can help in this situation is the Zeigarnik Effect. This concept refers to the mental preoccupation that occurs when something feels unfinished. The idea is simple: leave your ex with a sense of "unfinished business." When interacting with your ex—whether they reach out first or you meet up after the breakup—the goal is to create a positive experience and then leave at the high point.

For example, if you meet for coffee, focus on being playful, having a great conversation, and creating a fun environment. But instead of letting the meeting drag on for hours, you need to end it while it’s still enjoyable. After about 45 minutes to an hour, say, “It’s been great seeing you, but I have to get going.” This leaves your ex wanting more and leaves the door open for them to initiate contact later.

It’s tough to do because in the moment, you’ll feel like you’re making progress and will want to stay longer. But leaving them with that feeling of wanting more keeps you in their mind, creating the "unfinished business" that can lead to them reaching out first.

Another way to encourage your ex to reach out is by creating a sense of mystery. If your ex can see your social media or hears about you through mutual friends, keep details vague. Share a bit about what you’re up to, but don’t give away everything. If you went somewhere fun or had a great experience, mention it, but don’t go into full detail. Leave loose ends in your stories, making your ex curious about what you’re doing and what’s going on in your life.

This mystery builds up in their mind and leads to them thinking about you more often. When they can’t piece everything together, it becomes an itch they feel the need to scratch—sometimes leading to a text or call.

One of the most effective things you can do post-breakup is to choose a new focal point in your life. This could be a hobby, career goal, fitness journey, or any other passion that captures your attention. Not only is it healthy for you to focus on something positive, but it also signals to your ex that your life doesn’t revolve around them anymore.

When you focus on something other than your ex, it sends a powerful message. It shows that you have your own interests, that you’re moving forward with or without them, and that your life is still exciting. This can be surprisingly attractive. Your ex might feel intrigued by the change, curious about your new passion, and wonder why they’re no longer the center of your world.

This step can be difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary to cut your ex off—especially if you’ve been offering financial support or access to things like shared services or GPS tracking apps. Once they’ve broken up with you, they no longer have the privilege of being in your life in the same way. By cutting them off, you communicate that you respect yourself and won’t be taken advantage of.

Not only does this create space between you and your ex, but it can also make them realize what they’ve lost. When you cut off certain privileges or financial support, your ex may come to appreciate the stability you once offered. It forces them to confront the reality of being without you.

You’ve probably heard of the No Contact Rule, but its power lies in true commitment. This means no reaching out for any reason—not for apologies, not for their stuff, and not to check in on them. If they need something, let them reach out to you.

Often, people want to apologize for how they acted during the breakup, especially if they begged or pleaded. But continually apologizing can make you seem weak, and your ex might even become frustrated with it. Instead, stick to the no contact rule and let your ex feel the consequences of their decision. The absence will speak louder than words, and it will give them space to miss you.

One of the most challenging yet crucial steps is to appear pain-free to your ex. Whether through social media or mutual friends, your ex will likely hear how you’re doing. If they see or hear that you’re struggling, it could push them further away. Pain can feel like a burden, and they may start to feel relief at the breakup, believing they’ve avoided being dragged into your emotional turmoil.

Instead, project strength and happiness. This isn’t about denying your feelings but about controlling the image you project. When your ex sees or hears that you’re doing well, they may feel surprised and even question their decision. Your strength and positivity can reignite their interest in you, leading to them reaching out.

By applying these strategies—leaving your ex wanting more, creating mystery, focusing on a passion, cutting them off, committing to no contact, and projecting strength—you set up a scenario where your ex is more likely to reach out to you first. Remember, it’s not about manipulation. These steps help you regain your confidence, live a fulfilling life, and, in many cases, prompt your ex to realize what they’ve lost.