Cocoon

Among her 5 children, Alanna Smith has had just about every type of childbirth experience you can have, and each one has left an impression and shaped her perspective. In episode 10 she shares the ups and downs of childbirth—and how, by the time she had her 4th baby, she found what she was looking for in a healthy birth.

And it may not be what you expect. Her story includes frantic phone calls and late night pondering, lots of research and many prayers. There were difficult conversations and fights with doctors, and moments of insight and peace that sustained her through a controversial decision.

Alanna’s experiences and conclusions are striking and full of hard-won wisdom. And they got us thinking about what it means to have a healthy childbirth. We often think of childbirth as a success if both mother and baby come through it alive and with a minimum amount of physical scarring. Forceps bruises will fade, C-section scars will heal. But there’s no accounting for emotional distress, feeling disrespected or ignored, or being demoralized.

Obviously, childbirth is a fraught experience. It can be full of unexpected twists and turns. We can prepare as well as possible and still be blind-sided by our body’s or our baby’s unwillingness to cooperate. But still: is it enough just to come through it alive? Sometimes a C-section scar is inevitable—but what about mental and emotional scarring? How can women be better cared for during the extremely vulnerable time of childbirth?

The idea that really stuck out, no matter what situation you are in, is to be unified with those who are helping you through what is possibly the most vulnerable experience of your life. But how can we help that goal along? We’d love to hear your birth stories and how you felt most supported and cared for.

In episode 8, Misty told us about how when she was 18, she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease that made it a really bad idea for her to have biological children, and about the first few disappointments she and her husband went through as they pursued growing their family through adoption.

In this episode Misty shares each of her children’s adoption stories—from the strength she witnessed in the birth mothers, to the harrowing moments when it looked like things might not work out, and the sad and joyful and confusing moments in between.

And for those of us who are unfamiliar with adoption and don’t always know how to support adopting families, Misty points the way.

When she was 18 years old Misty Brough went from being a vibrant college freshman to being told that she was on the verge of death within a few hours. A year or so and many scans, surgeries, and treatments later, she was back at school, defying expectations and getting her life back on track. Then her doctor told her, “I don’t want you to bear children.” The risks and uncertainties—and the effects of the intense treatment she’d been through—made pregnancy a really, really bad idea.

Adoption was her only option, so instead of going off birth control or having pelvic exams and hormone checks Misty’s path to motherhood started with paperwork, home studies, and background checks.

And then the real work began.

This is part 1 in a 2-part series on Misty and Jordan Brough and how they adopted their children.

Misty and Jordan are also the owners of Adoption Arts, where they partner with artists to create and sell adoption themed art.

You’re 17—young, in love, full of life and hope and possibility. And then you discover that you actually are growing a life, and it seems as though that love and hope and possibility fade away—or suddenly disappear.

Gloria shares her experience finding her way through the betrayal, the heartbreak, and the early years of (very) young motherhood. And she talks about how she never wanted to make excuses for herself, but continued to work and build her life through it all.

She also brings up important issues about the loneliness of being a teenage mom, about the need to suspend judgment and to extend charity, and to talk to young mothers not only about how they are feeling physically, but emotionally as well. They are so young, she says, so naive, and they may not yet know enough to realize how little they know.

It’s often the first thing we do for our babies when they emerge from our bodies: put them to our breasts and hope they know what to do. Sometimes it is that easy. And sometimes it’s not. Feeding your child is the most basic and fundamental way of caring for your baby. It speaks to issues like nutrition, bonding, and infant development—so it’s no wonder people get touchy, and pushy, about it. But breastfeeding also has to do with comfort, practicality, and, sometimes, doing the impossible.

Scarlett and Brandilyn walk us through their experiences—one that was a living hell, while the other was just like heaven.

Two years ago, Suvi had a baby. He was her first and he was (and is) a beautiful, healthy boy, born from a healthy—but haunted—pregnancy. Many women experience fear during pregnancy: fear of pain, fear that something is wrong with the baby, even fear of death—their own or the baby’s. But not many women have actual first-hand experience with the realities of aternal mortality. Suvi does. And that experience brought her to a place where the cultural expectation of a glowing, happy, exclusively positive pregnancy just didn’t fit.

She tells us about her fears, how she handled them, and what her experience has both cost her and given her.

Lots of us turn to writing when life gets tough. It’s a proven form of therapy and it let’s us understand and experience our emotions so that we can untangle them and—sometimes—make something beautiful with them. As Jodie was pregnant with Anna, and realizing that she was not going to be able to raise her, she wrote about her experience, her thoughts and her fears—and her love for Anna—in her journal. We share it with you and hope that it may help you find beauty and peace and hope even in the most difficult times.

You’re 20 weeks pregnant and it looks like something is wrong with the baby. How do you spend the rest of the pregnancy? Jodie and Adrian tell us how they handled a worst case scenario and came out of it feeling strengthened, loved, and grateful.

There is always hope that out of every difficult, painful experience, there is something good to be gained. Lizzie tells about her own losses and struggles and her hope that Cocoon Stories will help her—and others—find a silver lining.

Listen in iTunes here.