CODE 3 FAMILIES

Has your first responder ever said, "You knew this was part of the job..." as though this shouldn't be an issue. And maybe you did... so why is it that you are still having a hard time with the challenges that arise? Because it's HARD!! Just because you may have known what was in store for your future with your first responder's job, does not make the challenges more manageable. In this episode Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss some of the reasons why "knowing" what's in store does not change how well you adjust to the significant challenges that you need to overcome being married to a first responder. 

We have said it before, first responder kids are more likely to be anxious and worried. The career and you as parents, may play a role in this. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss a framework of anxiety in kids that specifically addresses your role as the parent. They go over what you may be doing based on the first responder career demands and what you can do differently to help your kids better manage their worries. 

Like most first responder spouses you might be guilty of sending those long texts about all the chaos that is happening at home while they are on shift. How the tree fell over, the dog went crazy, the kids are out of control... and the list goes on. Do you know what your first responder is thinking when you text that? Do the two of you discuss the most helpful way to respond to one another about that stuff so you feel less alone with it? In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss what they notice in couples and their own relationships and give you some topics to discuss with your own spouse about this. 

First Responder families are usually pretty familiar with the the apps that can be used for 24 hour access to 911 calls associated with the department your first responder spouse works for. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss boundaries around these and the many uses, and misuses, that can come from using scanners and pulse point at home. 

How would your spouse describe your parenting style? It can be common to hear that first responders have a "short fuse" when it comes to addressing their children. I've also heard of first responders feeling their spouse is too lenient with the kids and feel negative behaviors from their children are the result of that. Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss what research tells us about parenting styles, how they impact your kids, and how these can commonly show up in first responder homes.  

Household and family responsibilities multiply when you have kids. Unfortunately, as a first responder spouse, a lot of these responsibilities can fall on you when your partner works long shifts, odd hours, and is mandatoried in to work for even more hours. When your kids are little this can feel extremely overwhelming and lonely. Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss some of their young families' recent challenges and the knowledge they have taken from spouses that have survived it all. 

Going from single parenting to double parenting has its challenges. As the non first responder spouse you can find yourself handing less and less things off since household responsibilities often default to you. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss how they split responsibilities with their spouses even when they are home and can be helping... and reassure you that changing it up will NOT ruin your kids.  

In this Episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) catch up on the chaos of recent vacations with new families of 4 as well as reflect on challenges of the first responder family and whether or not they resent the career or all the ways life could be more simple. 

The first responder career can really be all consuming. Everything going on at work is an emergency calling for the first responder’s attention. It can consume their identity, the stories they tell, and the lens they hold. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss some thoughts around boundary setting at home when it comes to things like emails and stories from work. 

Referring to their pension is of course a joke we couldn't resist... but REALLY as a first responder spouse we find ourselves carrying so much! We hold so many things regarding family schedules and planning as well as emotionally worrying about the dangers our spouses face daily. We often don't even say these things out loud, we just recharge and move forward. In this episode, Dr. Rachelle (Fire Wife) and Dr. Alma (Police Wife) discuss what a particularly hard week it has been for both of them managing the family while their husband's have been at work and reflect on all the things they hold on to while they navigate this life.