Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 25. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 25 brings you "Donkeys Live a Long Time. None of You Has Ever Seen Ethel Merman" by David S Atkinson.

David S. Atkinson is the author of "Bones Buried in the Dirt" (River Otter Press 2013), which has not been directly linked by FDA studies to enhanced attractiveness but no one has yet proven the contrary. His writing appears in "Bartleby Snopes," "Grey Sparrow Journal," "Interrobang?! Magazine," "Atticus Review," and others, as well as numerous highly respected journals that exist only in his deluded imagination. His writing website is http://davidsatkinsonwriting.com/ and he daily tries to puzzle out why scientists can design dog food that makes its own gravy but have yet to create a sandwich that makes its own potato salad.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 24. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 24 brings you "Creating a stink" by Gill Hoffs.

Gill Hoffs lives with her family and an ever-dwindling supply of Nutella in the North of England. She recently sniffed a pregnant skunk called Amy, and loved that she smelled of pine-resin and wilderness. Find Gill on facebook or as @gillhoffs on twitter, email her a dirty joke at [email protected], or leave a clean comment at http://gillhoffs.wordpress.com/. ‘Wild: a collection’ (including ‘Creating a stink’) is out now from Pure Slush at http://www.lulu.com/gb/en/shop/gill-hoffs/wild/ebook/product-21005948.html. Her nonfiction book about the Victorian Titanic will be published in January 2014 by Pen & Sword. Feel free to send her chocolate and You-Know-What. Yeah, yooouuu know.

Welcome to a special episode of Cold Reads. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

For this special episode, I am going to read a story sent by my friend David S Atkinson. This story wasn't written by David. No one really knows who wrote it at this point. It's a bit of a gag story, something that is supposed to make people crack up when they read it aloud, and that's the whole point. So here is my attempt to read "I Like Monkeys" aloud without looking over it. Wish me luck. I'm told I'll need it.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 23. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 23 brings you "Summit Lodge Road" by Darlene Campos.

Darlene Campos holds a B.A. in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. In 2013, she won the Glass Mountain magazine contest for prose and was awarded the Sylvan N. Karchmer Fiction Prize. Her work has been selected for publication 18 times. She is a writer for Kesta Happening DC newspaper and a fiction judge for Yeah Write Review.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 22. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 22 brings you "Moths" by Elizabeth Kadetsy.

Elizabeth Kadetsky's personal essays have appeared in the New York Times, Guernica, Santa Monica Review, Antioch Review, Post Road, Agni and elsewhere, and her short stories have been chosen for a Pushcart Prize, Best New American Voices and Best American Short Stories notable stories. She has been a fellow at MacDowell Colony, Ucross Foundation, Djerassi Resident Artists Program and the St. James Centre for Creativity in Malta. She began studying yoga in college, and went on to live in India as a Fulbright scholar in creative writing while studying with the yogi BKS Iyengar. Her experiences became the subject of her first memoir, published with Little Brown in 2004 and scheduled for rEprint with Dzanc Books. She is assistant professor of fiction and nonfiction at Penn State.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 21. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 21 brings you "The Homunculus" by Nancy Stohlman.

Nancy Stohlman’s books include Searching For Suzi: a flash novel, The Monster Opera (forthcoming 2013), Live From Palestine, and Fast Forward: The Mix Tape, an anthology of flash fiction that was a finalist for a 2011 Colorado Book Award. She is a co-founding member of Fast Forward Press, the creator and curator of The F-Bomb Flash Fiction Reading Series, and she recently won the Stories on Stage flash fiction contest. She’s been published in over 40 magazines, journals and anthologies and she writes a semi-weekly blog, Ask A Flash Fiction Editor. She’s currently a writing professor in Denver and lead singer of the lounge metal band Kinky Mink. Find out more about her at www.nancystohlman.com

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 20. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 20 brings you "Sludge Man Gets to the Point" by Rosalie Morales Kearns.

Rosalie Morales Kearns is the author of a short story collection, Virgins and Tricksters (Aqueous, 2012), and the founder of the Lake House collective, a group of feminist book reviewers.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 19. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 19 brings you "The Happiest Place on Earth" by William Lemon.

William Lemon received his M.A. in Literature and Writing at California State University San Marcos, then began teaching English at the Community College level. For the past several years, he has taught at Santa Monica College and Irvine Valley College. He has been published in BlazeVOX, Drunk Monkeys, and the Eunoia Review.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 18. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 18 brings you "Libor's Looking" by Andrew Stancek.

In his childhood Andrew Stancek was profoundly affected by a classic Czech poem which ends with the words “something fell…a child’s head without a body / and a body without a head.” Slightly later he pondered Achilles, triumphant, dragging Hector’s lifeless body in front of the gates of Troy. When the Russian Army occupied his hometown Bratislava, he agreed with the philosopher who said, “It was bound to end this way.” He grew to find Kafka hilarious and continues to be inspired by mythologies.

Welcome to Cold Reads, Episode 17. Cold Reads is a weekly podcast read by Nathaniel Tower. Each week, Nathaniel invites an author to send his or her wildest, funniest, most twisted story. Without reading the story ahead of time, Nathaniel records an audio version, trying to maintain his composure as the author takes the audience on a wild ride.

Week 17 brings you "Customs by Tad" by Matthew Guerruckey.

“Customs by Tad” was written for Aaron Dietz’s superhero anthology project. For more information, visit timidpirate.com

Matthew Guerruckey is the Editor-in-Chief of the literary website Drunk Monkeys and a freelance fiction writer. His short stories have appeared in Five 2 One Magazine, Connotation Press, Midwestern Gothic, The Weekenders, and will soon be featured at Bartleby Snopes. A West Coast native with Midwestern roots, he lives in North Hollywood with his wife, poet SC Stuckey, and their cats Lennon and Harrison.

Drunk Monkeys is a part of the On Impression Network. For original short fiction, poetry, and essays, visit drunkmonkeys.onimpression.com