Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk

Do you love celebrating your birthday, or are you someone who would rather pretend the day doesn't exist? Why do birthdays bring so much joy for some people, while others experience disappointment, anxiety, or complicated emotions?

It's birthday week at Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk! 🎂 Melissa just celebrated her birthday, Courtnie's is right around the corner, and we're using the occasion to explore the psychology behind birthdays, celebrations, and the expectations we place on ourselves and others.

In this episode, therapists Courtnie and Melissa share their personal birthday traditions, childhood experiences, and different perspectives on what it means to celebrate another year of life.

Courtnie shares how her 85-year-old father, who still approaches life with the energy and enthusiasm of someone much younger, taught her to celebrate her entire birthday month rather than limiting the celebration to a single day. But not everyone has the same relationship with birthdays, and that's where the conversation gets interesting.

Why do birthdays mean so much to some people and so little to others? How do our childhood experiences influence the way we celebrate ourselves as adults? And why can something that's supposed to be a happy occasion sometimes leave us feeling disappointed or overlooked?

We also explore the unspoken expectations surrounding birthdays, especially in romantic relationships and friendships. From hoping your partner plans the perfect surprise to secretly keeping track of who remembers your birthday, we discuss how celebrations can unintentionally become a measure of how loved, valued, or appreciated we feel.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why people have such different emotional relationships with birthdays
• How childhood experiences and family traditions shape birthday celebrations
• The psychology behind wanting to feel special, remembered, and appreciated
• Why some adults struggle to celebrate themselves
• Birthday expectations in romantic relationships and friendships
• Why birthdays can lead to disappointment, resentment, or hurt feelings
• How social media influences our expectations of celebrations
• The importance of communicating what you actually want for your birthday
• Why celebrating yourself doesn't have to mean spending money or throwing a huge party

Whether you're a birthday-month enthusiast, someone who prefers a quiet celebration, or someone who has complicated feelings about their birthday, this episode is a reminder that there's no one right way to celebrate yourself.

🎧 And we're not done yet! Stay tuned for Part 2, where we'll explore why birthdays can make us question where we are in life, the pressure to accomplish certain milestones, and how we can shift our focus from what we haven't achieved to appreciating the life we're living.

🎙️ Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, hosted by Courtnie and Melissa, licensed marriage and family therapists and co-founders of Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

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DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Relationships are wild. You can be self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and know exactly what you should do—and still find yourself checking your ex’s Instagram, wanting someone who doesn’t want you, ignoring red flags, or convincing yourself that you can fix someone.

In this episode of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, we’re unpacking the psychology behind some of our most confusing relationship behaviors. Why do we get attached to emotionally unavailable people? Why is it so hard to walk away even when we know a relationship isn’t working? Are you setting a boundary—or trying to control someone? And do you actually need closure, or are you secretly hoping for a different ending?

We’re talking attachment, people-pleasing, boundaries, relationship patterns, breakups, social media stalking, and all the wonderfully complicated ways our past experiences show up in our relationships.

Because sometimes the wildest part of therapy is realizing, “Wait… I do that.”

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Remember when you could stick to a routine, get everything done, work out consistently, keep up with your responsibilities, and somehow still have energy left over?

And now? You're lucky if you remember what you walked into the kitchen for.

In this episode of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, we're talking about something so many of us struggle with: comparing who we are today to who we were a few years ago, without acknowledging how much our lives have changed.

Maybe you used to be more disciplined, more productive, or more consistent. But you also might have had fewer responsibilities, less stress, and a completely different level of emotional and mental capacity.

So why do we keep expecting ourselves to function exactly the same way?

We're unpacking the guilt that comes with falling out of routines, the pressure to constantly be productive, and how easily we confuse having less capacity with somehow becoming less capable.

We also explore something deeper: Are you actually missing your old routines, or are you grieving the version of yourself you felt most proud of?

Because sometimes the hardest part isn't struggling to stay consistent. It's feeling like you're no longer the person you used to be.

If you've been telling yourself, “I used to be so much better at this,” this episode is for you.

🎧 Tune in as we talk about redefining consistency, letting go of outdated expectations, and learning to work with the life you have now instead of constantly measuring yourself against the life you had before.

Because growth doesn't always look like doing more. Sometimes it looks like learning what you can realistically sustain.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

What can you actually learn about someone in the early stages of dating, before you're emotionally invested enough to explain everything away?

Dating advice tends to focus on the obvious red flags. But some of the most useful information about a potential partner isn't hidden at all. It's tucked inside the stories they tell, the way they describe past relationships, how they respond when you disappoint them, and what happens when they're wrong.

In this episode of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, therapists Courtnie and Melisa take a different approach to dating red flags. Instead of trying to diagnose the person across the table or treating every imperfect behavior as a reason to run, we're talking about how to pay attention to relational patterns.

We unpack why someone's dating history isn't necessarily the important part, but how they tell that history can be. Can they recognize their own mistakes? Was every breakup entirely someone else's fault? What have they actually learned from the relationships they've had?

We also look at how people talk about those they dislike, why someone's reaction to a small boundary or disappointment can tell you more than how they behave when everything is going their way, and what happens when you tell someone they've hurt you.

Because compatibility isn't only about how much fun you have when things are good.

It's also about what happens when something doesn't go their way.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What someone's dating history can and can't tell you
• Why "all my exes were crazy" isn't the only thing worth listening for
• Accountability and self-reflection after past relationships
• How someone talks about people they dislike
• What happens when you say no or disappoint them
• How people respond to boundaries
• What defensiveness can look like early in dating
• Why being able to admit you're wrong matters
• Validation, accountability, and healthy repair
• Why small moments of conflict can reveal more than perfect dates

You learn a lot more about someone from their response to your "no" than their response to your "yes."

And this is only Part 1. Stay tuned for Part 2, where we're talking about the difference between attention and emotional attunement, the relationship beliefs people reveal without realizing it, what happens to you when you're around someone, and the green flags that deserve a lot more attention.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

If therapy can be a place to vent, when does venting stop being helpful and start keeping us stuck?

In Part 1, we talked about why not every therapy session needs to involve trauma processing, tears, homework, or a major breakthrough. Sometimes you really do need a safe place to talk, laugh, vent, and put down everything you've been carrying.

But there's another side to that conversation.

In Part 2 of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, therapists Courtnie and Melissa explore what happens when talking about something isn't actually helping us move through it. We break down the difference between processing and rumination, when a therapist should move from listening and validating to gently challenging you, and why a good therapist isn't necessarily going to agree with everything you say.

We also talk about something clients don't always realize: you can tell your therapist what you need. Maybe today you need to vent. Maybe you need practical advice. Maybe you need someone to challenge you. Maybe you're not ready to go deeper yet. Therapy is a collaborative relationship, and different sessions can require very different things.

And finally, we ask a bigger question: How do you know if therapy is actually working?

Because progress isn't always measured by how profound your last session felt. Sometimes the biggest signs of growth happen outside the therapy room: recognizing a trigger sooner, recovering faster, setting a boundary, communicating differently, tolerating discomfort, or responding to an old problem in a new way.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Does every therapy session need to be deep, emotional, or end with some huge breakthrough?

Sometimes you walk into therapy ready to unpack a lifelong pattern. Other times, you just need to sit down and say, “Okay, let me tell you what happened this week.” And both can have value.

In this episode of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, therapists Courtnie and Melissa challenge the idea that there is a “right” way to do therapy. We talk about why clients sometimes feel pressure to bring something important to every session, whether venting can actually be therapeutic, and why talking through everyday frustrations isn’t necessarily a waste of your therapy hour.

We also explore the difference between venting and processing, what makes a therapy session productive, and why therapy doesn’t always have to involve tears, trauma, homework, or a major realization to still be meaningful.

Sometimes the session where you laugh, talk about your week, organize your thoughts, or simply feel heard is exactly the session you needed.

And we're not done with this conversation. In Part 2, we're flipping the question: If therapy doesn't always need to be deep, when is it time to go deeper? We'll talk about when venting can turn into rumination, when your therapist should challenge you, how to communicate what you need from therapy, and how to tell whether therapy is actually helping.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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—

🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Who are you when the life you built no longer looks the same?

Big life changes don't just change our circumstances. They change our identity.

Whether it's becoming a parent, getting married, moving to a new city, changing careers, losing weight, healing from trauma, getting divorced, or becoming an empty nester, many people quietly struggle with one question: "Who am I now?"

In this episode of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, therapists Courtnie and Melissa explore the psychology of identity transitions, why they can feel so disorienting, and how to reconnect with yourself after life changes. We discuss the grief of letting go of old versions of yourself, why many people feel lost after reaching long-awaited goals, and how to build an identity that's rooted in your values instead of your roles.

If you've ever looked in the mirror and felt like you've become someone you don't quite recognize, this episode is for you.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Last week, we explored why we care so much about what other people think. This week, we're taking the next step: How do we stop letting those opinions control us?

In Part 2, therapists Courtnie and Melissa discuss why "just stop caring what people think" is unrealistic advice and what actually helps. We explore self-trust, the inner critic, boundaries, values, and how to become less dependent on external validation without becoming emotionally disconnected from others.

If you've ever struggled to speak up, set boundaries, or trust your own judgment, this episode will give you practical ways to strengthen your relationship with yourself.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why self-trust is the real goal
• The difference between confidence and approval
• How to quiet your inner critic
• Whose voice you're actually hearing
• Practical ways to build internal validation
• How to tolerate being misunderstood

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing? Or found yourself worrying about what someone thinks of you, even when you barely know them?

If so, you're not alone.

In Part 1 of this conversation, therapists Courtnie and Melissa explore why humans are wired to care about other people's opinions. We discuss the evolutionary need for belonging, how childhood experiences and attachment styles shape our sensitivity to criticism, why rejection can feel so painful, and how social media has amplified our need for validation.

Understanding why we care is the first step toward changing our relationship with other people's opinions.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why humans are wired to seek acceptance
• How childhood experiences shape self-worth
• Attachment styles and fear of rejection
• Why criticism sticks more than compliments
• How social media fuels comparison and validation seeking
• When caring what people think becomes unhealthy

Next week, we'll explore how to build self-trust, quiet your inner critic, and stop letting other people's opinions define your life.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

—

DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

What shows like Love Island reveal about dating, attachment, conflict, and why we're all so invested.

Whether you've watched Love Island, Love Is Blind, or Married at First Sight, there's a reason these relationships spark so many debates. It's not just about the drama. It's because we see ourselves in them.

In this episode of Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, we explore what reality dating shows actually get right about relationships. We discuss why people ignore red flags, why chemistry can cloud judgment, how transparency builds trust, and why the internet can watch the same couple and come to completely different conclusions.

Using popular reality TV dynamics as a starting point, we break down attachment styles, communication, accountability, emotional safety, and the psychology behind the relationships everyone loves to debate.

Whether you're watching for entertainment or secretly analyzing every interaction, this episode will have you looking at reality TV and your own relationships in a completely different way.

🎙️ Hosted by therapists from Strong Mind Mental Health.

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🎵 INTRO MUSIC:

“Good Night” by FASSounds

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DISCLAIMER:

The information provided on this podcast, Collectively Unhinged: Therapy Talk, is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as therapy or a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist-client relationship between you and the hosts or Strong Mind Mental Health, LLC. If you want to read more, check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Media Disclaimer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.