Playlist :
Radiohead - Videotape
Moby - Inside
Peter Gabriel - I Grieve
Moby - Everloving
Tool - Wings For Marie, Pt. 1
Radiohead - Videotape :
When I'm at the pearly gates
This'll be on my videotape
My videotape
When Mephistopheles is just beneath
And he's reaching up to grab me
This is one for the good days
And I have it all here
In red blue green
In red blue green
And you are my center when I spin away
Out of control on videotape
On videotape
On videotape
This is my way of saying goodbye
Because I can't do it face to face
I'm talking to you from...
No matter what happens now
You shouldn't be afraid
Because I know today has been
The most perfect day I've ever seen
Peter Gabriel - I Grieve :
It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
There’s nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
Is just the way that we are tied in
Now there's no one home
I grieve for you
You leave me
It’s so hard to move on
Still loving what's gone
they say life carries on
they say life carries on and on and on and on
The news that truly shocks is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks its empty, empty cage
And I can't handle this
I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on
Life carries on
In the people I meet
In everyone that's out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
It’s just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Did I dream this belief
Or did I believe this dream
Now I can find relief
I grieve
Tool - Wings For Marie - Part 1 :
You believed
You believed in moments none could see
You believed in me
A passionate spirit
Uncompromise
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes that
Could end all lies
Vacant, broken
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see
Cause it was you who prayed for me, so
What have I done to be a son to an angel?
What have I done to be worthy?
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
She never told a lie
Well might've told a lie
But never lived one
Didn’t have a life
Didn’t have a life
But surely saved one
See? I'm alright, now
It’s time for us to let you go
4.5.08 : ...
You've been breaking my heart more-so than usual lately. Can I say that and not worry about being victimized by vulnerability? I question this because it is a question. The tears start to splish-splash in the back of my throat when I think of all of the missing face-to-face time. Why does life hand out cheat cards when no one is ever interested in accepting them. The length of your legacy was unfairly snatched short. I've remembered every square inch of your face. With a welcoming smile constantly plastered between your compassionate sidewalk-chalked cheek bones. How could I ever forget a significance such as you. I rhetorically question that one too. Because it is a question. You with your ever constant influenceable face. I'll forever remember your face. I remember the way it used to light up in those pre-cancer days. Getting hung up on the cancer. Because cancer has become my whole-hearted-heavily-hated enemy. But in an attempt to be honest. I barely ever think of the way you looked when it clung to you like a heavy apathetic-overcoat. When I think of you. I think of only you.
4.8.08 : aphex twins - stone in focus
Sitting here with these oversized headphones slung atop these surpasingly-sad eardrums. You would have loved this song if you had heard it during your luminous laughing days. How I've fucking wept and bargain-pled for another round of your spectacular laughter. It has always been my most significant song of rememberance.
4.9.08 : ...
And it's not until you're choking on pieces of your own nostalgically hemmed-heart. That you remember why you're even smile-broken in the first place. You were one of the luckiest faces to be splattered all over the heart-space. With the inspiration and constant love from a woman that considered you to be an adopted version of her very own pre-existing trio of children. She constructed great elaborate plans for both you and your slung-stalled art career. She believed in you. She adviced you. She pushed you. She loved and listened to you. She made you believe in yourself.
4.9.08 : ...
With a blue Sharpie-marked M on the underside of my wrist. All I can do is remember the brilliant heart-bombarding that is known to come on behalf of you. And as usual. My heart capsizes within all of the love that I have for you.
4.10.08 : ...
Today is the day to follow in the footsteps of old infamous familiars. Today is the day I'll wear my tribute smile.
