COMA radio

Please visit the new COMA radio [clone] site at:

http://comacopied.podomatic.com/

Since I've pretty much run out of storage space here, I created the new site which is updated much more frequently. It can be found and downloaded in iTunes as well.

Thomas Newman - Any Other Name

4.9.09 : M

If you were still here. Walking within the vicinity of my ribcage. Today would have been a warm beautiful day. Today we'd have talked about horses always having an appetite. Easter-themed smiley cookies. And how inspiring it must have been when my grandfather drove cross-country from California to Pennsylvania with a parrot named Petey keeping him company the entire way. I miss your comfortable company.

4.9.09 : M

It's a sharp sentimental sadness when you catch yourself backstroking through pools and pools of memories. As if it weren't a common daily occurence that somehow shook-down surprised you. I always think of you. Because it's hard to wrap my heart around these 3 long years. Sometimes seeming short. Most often times it's unbelievably overwhelming to think of you being gone so long. Longing for that infinitely-elusive hug. A laughter and a smile that are both so dearly missed. How I miss you, M.

4.9.09 : still M

To think that the cancer was even capable of causing chaos in your body's courageous components. Will always be beyond belief. It wasn't fair that your body lost bits and bags and boxes of it's strength. It wasn't fair that it was you. It wasn't fair that you died that day. I wish you were here. I wish your lungs were launching laughter into this room. I wish for the only one that could ever be you.

4.10.09 : M

My feelings go without saying.

State Radio - Keepsake

Joseph Arthur - Exhausted

Puddle Of Mudd - Blurry

Sneaker Pimps - Walk The Rain

Dave Matthews - Dreaming Tree

Bjork - All Is Full Of Love

7.10.08 : love you dad

It's 2:05p and I've littered my mind with nostalgia and alcohol. I've been choking on a broken heart since that morning's 6:06a. I don't know what to do with myself. I've been wrapped in a numb haze that has nothing better to do than keep me company with it's consistency. I feel alone and unguided. My grandfather is gone and I don't know how to put my own two feet together and keep moving through this draining disaster. How do you accept this much of a magnified loss. How do you accept the loss of life that's been applied to the strongest branch of your family tree. I don't know how to feel what I want to feel or say what I want to say. I'm a functional wreck. I've been carrying his picture in my pocket for days and days. I've had his Navy bracelet wrapped around my wrist for 3+ weeks. I've securely held him in my eyesight for 30 straight years and it's not enough. It's never enough. I need more. I need so much fucking more. I need more of my grandfather's calmly-carved presence. I need his laughter. I need the sound of his chest when it's dispelling his chest full of coughs. No one can come close to this contagious France at his brilliantly-bestowed best. No one can make his goodbye any easier.

Playlist :

Radiohead - Videotape

Moby - Inside

Peter Gabriel - I Grieve

Moby - Everloving

Tool - Wings For Marie, Pt. 1

Radiohead - Videotape :

When I'm at the pearly gates

This'll be on my videotape

My videotape

When Mephistopheles is just beneath

And he's reaching up to grab me

This is one for the good days

And I have it all here

In red blue green

In red blue green

And you are my center when I spin away

Out of control on videotape

On videotape

On videotape

This is my way of saying goodbye

Because I can't do it face to face

I'm talking to you from...

No matter what happens now

You shouldn't be afraid

Because I know today has been

The most perfect day I've ever seen

Peter Gabriel - I Grieve :

It was only one hour ago

It was all so different then

There’s nothing yet has really sunk in

Looks like it always did

This flesh and bone

Is just the way that we are tied in

Now there's no one home

I grieve for you

You leave me

It’s so hard to move on

Still loving what's gone

they say life carries on

they say life carries on and on and on and on

The news that truly shocks is the empty, empty page

While the final rattle rocks its empty, empty cage

And I can't handle this

I grieve for you

You leave me

Let it out and move on

Missing what's gone

They say life carries on

They say life carries on and on and on

Life carries on

In the people I meet

In everyone that's out on the street

In all the dogs and cats

In the flies and rats

In the rot and the rust

In the ashes and the dust

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

It’s just the car that we ride in

The home we reside in

The face that we hide in

The way we are tied in

Life carries on and on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on

Did I dream this belief

Or did I believe this dream

Now I can find relief

I grieve

Tool - Wings For Marie - Part 1 :

You believed

You believed in moments none could see

You believed in me

A passionate spirit

Uncompromise

Boundless and open

A light in your eyes that

Could end all lies

Vacant, broken

Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see

Cause it was you who prayed for me, so

What have I done to be a son to an angel?

What have I done to be worthy?

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence

Difficult to see you in this light

Please forgive this selfish question, but

What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?

She never told a lie

Well might've told a lie

But never lived one

Didn’t have a life

Didn’t have a life

But surely saved one

See? I'm alright, now

It’s time for us to let you go

4.5.08 : ...

You've been breaking my heart more-so than usual lately. Can I say that and not worry about being victimized by vulnerability? I question this because it is a question. The tears start to splish-splash in the back of my throat when I think of all of the missing face-to-face time. Why does life hand out cheat cards when no one is ever interested in accepting them. The length of your legacy was unfairly snatched short. I've remembered every square inch of your face. With a welcoming smile constantly plastered between your compassionate sidewalk-chalked cheek bones. How could I ever forget a significance such as you. I rhetorically question that one too. Because it is a question. You with your ever constant influenceable face. I'll forever remember your face. I remember the way it used to light up in those pre-cancer days. Getting hung up on the cancer. Because cancer has become my whole-hearted-heavily-hated enemy. But in an attempt to be honest. I barely ever think of the way you looked when it clung to you like a heavy apathetic-overcoat. When I think of you. I think of only you.

4.8.08 : aphex twins - stone in focus

Sitting here with these oversized headphones slung atop these surpasingly-sad eardrums. You would have loved this song if you had heard it during your luminous laughing days. How I've fucking wept and bargain-pled for another round of your spectacular laughter. It has always been my most significant song of rememberance.

4.9.08 : ...

And it's not until you're choking on pieces of your own nostalgically hemmed-heart. That you remember why you're even smile-broken in the first place. You were one of the luckiest faces to be splattered all over the heart-space. With the inspiration and constant love from a woman that considered you to be an adopted version of her very own pre-existing trio of children. She constructed great elaborate plans for both you and your slung-stalled art career. She believed in you. She adviced you. She pushed you. She loved and listened to you. She made you believe in yourself.

4.9.08 : ...

With a blue Sharpie-marked M on the underside of my wrist. All I can do is remember the brilliant heart-bombarding that is known to come on behalf of you. And as usual. My heart capsizes within all of the love that I have for you.

4.10.08 : ...

Today is the day to follow in the footsteps of old infamous familiars. Today is the day I'll wear my tribute smile.

Finally... the 90's!!

001 - When In Rome - The Promise

002 - KWS - Please Don't Go

003 - Corona - Rhythm Of The Night

004 - London Beat - I've Been Thinking About You

005 - The Cure - Friday I'm In Love

006 - Suzanne Vega - Tom's Diner

007 - Boy George - The Crying Game

008 - Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer

009 - Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes

010 - Go West - King Of Wishful Thinking

011 - B-52's - Rock Lobster

012 - George Michael - Father Figure

013 - Jon Secada - Just Another Day

014 - Tom Cochran - Life Is A Highway

001 - Lindsay Buckingham - Trouble

002 - Martika - Toy Soldiers

003 - The Police - King Of Pain

004 - John Waite - I Ain't Missing You At All

005 - Paul Young - Every Time You Go Away

006 - Steve Nicks - Silver Springs

007 - Alan Parsons Project - Eye In The Sky

008 - Belinda Carlisle - Heaven Is A Place On Earth

009 - Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead Or Alive

010 - Bryan Adams - Run To You

011 - Cyndi Lauper - True Colors

012 - Howard Jones - Things Can Only Get Better

013 - Jefferson Starship - Sarah

014 - Paula Abdul - Rush Rush

015 - Prince - When Doves Cry

Myspace : www.myspace.com/damndirtywest

Youtube : www.youtube.com/fiiiiive05

This 80's mix is brought to you by the morning crew at McDowell's.

"Look... Me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds."

[01] - COMA radio intro

[02] - Steve Perry - Oh Sherrie

[03] - Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me

[04] - Mike & The Mechanics - The Living Years

[05] - Mr. Mister - Broken Wings

[06] - Foreigner - Been Waiting For A Girl Like You

[07] - Jefferson Starship - We Built This City

[08] - John Waite - I Ain't Missing You At All

[09] - Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart

[10] - Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal

[11] - Pat Benatar - Invincible

[12] - Phil Collins - Do You Remember

[13] - The Outfield - I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight

[14] - Prince - I Would Die 4 U

Myspace : www.myspace.com/damndirtywest

Youtube : www.youtube.com/fiiiiive05

This 80's mix is brought to you by Johnny 5!

xx] - Back to the Future II - Welcome to the Cafe 80's **

xx] - COMA Intro

01] - Billy Idol - Eyes Without A Face

02] - Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now

xx] - Airplane - Don't Call Me Shirley **

03] - The Cure - Love Song

xx] - Young Frankenstein - I thought I told you **

04] - Big Country - In A Big Country

05] - Journey - Faithfully

06] - Human League - Human

07] - Cory Hart - Never Surrender

08] - Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over

xx] - Spaceballs - I'm surrounded by assholes **

10] - Survivor - High On You

11] - Real Life - Send Me An Angel

xx] - Legend - We are all animals my lady **

12] - Hall & Oates - Out Of Touch

xx] - Ferris Bueller's Day Off - Bueller, Bueller, Bueller **

13] - Johnny Hates Jazz - Shattered Dreams

14] - Journey - Seperate Ways

15] - Mike & The Mechanics - Silent Running

xx] - Ghostbusters - I'm fuzzy on the whole good / bad thing **

16] - Foreigner - I Want To Know What Love Is

17] - Richard Marx - Right Here Waiting

xx] - Planes, Trains & Automobiles - You play with your balls alot **

18] - The Police - If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

19] - The Cars - Drive

xx] - Coming To America - Yes, yes, fuck you too! **

20] - Simple Minds - Alive & Kicking

xx] - Back To The Future - It was meant to be **

21] - White Snake - Is This Love

** Denotes movie sound bite