COMA radio

Deftones - "Minerva"

I get all numb

When she sings it's over

Such a strange numb

And it brings my knees to the earth

And God bless you all

For the song you saved us

You're the same numb

When you sing it's over

Such a strange numb

It could bring back peace to the earth

So God bless you all

For the song you saved us ... oh

For the hearts you break every time you moan

I get all numb

We're the same numb

And it brings our knees to the earth

So God bless you all

For the song you saved us ... oh

For the hearts you break every time you moan

And God bless you all on the earth

Rich Jacques - "Please Don't Break My Heart"

01] - Flickerstick - Beautiful

02] - Thirrd Eye Blind - Anything [acoustic]

03] - James Blunt - Fall At Your Feet

04] - The Early November - Make It Happen [acoustic]

05] - 3 Doors Down - So I Need You [acoustic]

06] - Seether - Broken [acoustic]

07] - Lifehouse - Storm [acoustic]

08] - The Spill Canvas - The Night Will Go As Follows

09] - Joseph Arthur - Honey & The Moon

10] - Dashboard Confessional - For You To Notice

11] - Bjork - All Is Full Of Love

12] - Bjork - Violently Happy

Tribute Playlist:

Moby - "Hotel Intro"

Moby - "God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters"

Philip Glass - "Koyaanisqatsi"

Moby - "Down Slow"

Tori Amos - "Toast"

Moby - "My Weakness"

Tori Amos "Toast" Lyrics:

I thought it was Easter time

The way the light rose

Rose that morning

Lately you've been on my mind

You showed me the rope

Ropes to climb

Over mountains

And to pull myself

Out of a landslide

Of a landslide

I thought it was harvest time

You always loved the smell of the wood burning

She with her honey hair

Dalhousie Castle

She would meet you there

In the winter

Butter yellow

The flames you stirred

Yes, you could stir

I raise a glass

Make a toast

A toast in your honor

I hear you laugh

And beg me not to dance

On your right standing by

Is Mr. Bojangles

With a toast he's telling me it's time

To raise a glass

Make a toast

A toast in your honor

I hear you laugh and beg me not to dance

On your right standing is

Mr. Bojangles

With a toast he's telling me it's time

To let you go

Let you go

I thought I'd see you again

You said you might do

Maybe in a carving

In a cathedral

Somewhere in Barcelona

4.9.07 : sad

Avoid it when it's most painful. I think it's what I do best. But just exactly how do you repress a year's worth of grief. How do you remember and honor a friend that's been nothing more than a memory. So much more than a memory. Nothing real to touch. It's the memory of the touch. No skin of the hand that pulled you in for those comfort-laced hugs. No sounds of the one-and-only laughter. I can hear that laugh. Her laugh. But it's been nothing more than strips of tape pulled from the recorder that's housed in my head. I'm selfish. I want more than memories and a chest full of love.

4.9.07 : silent

I know that you know. Why I'm having such a hard time saying anything to you. I feel like my voice is broken. So all I can do is write my message on a piece of paper. And set it on the corner of my desk and wait for you to come by and read it.

4.10.07 : stunned

And I don't know what the hell just happened during this 3:00a. But a woman, from I don't even know where, hit me with the hardest words that I could have ever received today. Today is M's day. A day of remembrance and recognition. All mixed with hours upon hours of a humbled heavy heart-washing. And yet. That's exactly who this woman came to my inbox speaking of. An inbox that's barely been tampered with 2-3 times. A complete stranger that has been infiltrated with the inspiration of my great friend Michelle. A stranger that had been brought to tears. Reading those received words on a day like today. Pulled the tears from me as well. Luring the full bulk of tears that I've been trying so damn hard to hold intact. To keep tightly looped within my heavy heart. Feeling like I've been stunned into a speechless sentimental here. I'm all over the place here. And I don't know how to control it. How do you keep your composure when a stranger knocked your lungs clear out into an unnanounced time-out. I am so overwhelmed. All I can say is thank you.

COMA radio is sponsored by 5design. Check out the goods here :

www.cafepress.com/5design

Lyrics to show's intro:

NURSE: Excuse me? Doctor? Do you have a moment?

DOCTOR: A moment? What's the question?

NURSE: More of a situation, a gentleman in exam 3.

DOCTOR: What's the problem?

NURSE: That is the problem, we're not sure.

DOCTOR: You got the chart?

NURSE: Right here.

DOCTOR: Not much here is there?

NURSE: No doctor, no obvious physical trauma. Vitals are stable.

DOCTOR: Name?

NURSE: No sir.

DOCTOR: Did someone drop him off? Maybe we could speak to them. Let's get some background on this fella.

NURSE: No ID. Nothing (heavy breathing in background) And he won't speak to anybody.

DOCTOR: Well, let's say hello. Good Morning, I'm Dr. Lawson. How are you today? How - are - you today?! Look son, you're in a safe place. We wanna help in whatever way we can. But you need to talk to us. We can't help you otherwise. What's happened? Tell me everything.

Random lyrics from this show's chest full of MP3's :

°°° Got my sights locked in I can see you breathe °°°

°°° Got a badge for my scars just the other day,

wore it proud for the sake of my sanity °°°

°°° Listen closely to what I say °°°

°°° Troubles will come and they will pass °°°

°°° No matter what you say you're still so blind to me °°°

°°° Here by my side you are destruction °°°

°°° Never turn your back on me again °°°

°°° Careful, you be careful °°°

°°° You're such an inspiration for the ways

that I will never ever choose to be °°°

°°° I'm sorry it's my fault I wasn't there to see whatever you became °°°

°°° How am I supposed to love you °°°

°°° Loving you might even kill me °°°

°°° I'm daring people to jump off roofs with me °°°

COMA radio is sponsored by 5design. Check out the goods here :

www.cafepress.com/5design

Random lyrics from this show's chest full of MP3's :

°°° Lets see if I'm hearing this right °°°

°°° I'm reclaiming their minds °°°

°°° But you're feeling so bad cause you know °°°

°°° I forget everything I learn °°°

°°° I've got to let it go and leave it gone °°°

One of my random writings from the past 7 years

[ from today's date or the closest to it ] :

12.19.00 : untitled

You panicked. Over the volume of the fear ringing between your ears. Lick the salt from your hand. Don't try to cover me up. Smother me. You broke me. Don't push me into the past. You broke me. I'll never leave. You broke me.

Random lyrics from this show's chest full of MP3's :

°°° You know I expected so much more from you °°°

°°° You will be dispensed with when you become inconvenient °°°

°°° I cannot live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me °°°

°°° But I'm fine °°°

°°° I won't break this silence that we've shared for so long...

I will be strong °°°

°°° My reflection says you're in pain, you're insane, can't explain

why I tend to think these things °°°

°°° Family photo, comb your hair, wear a smile, wear a tie...

lie & don't be camera shy °°°

°°° And it's beginning to get to me °°°

Another single MP3 that keeps me thinking of Michelle. She will always remain pasted to the layers of my heart.

The song's lyrics:

No more gold lights for the queen earth to keep you warm in your kingdoms

High on the waves you make for us

But not since you left have the waves come

The bar is dead and the rocket's rain is keeping you wet in your deathbed

So high on the waves you made for us

And not since you left have the waves come...

Have the waves come...

7.19.06 : I can feel you speaking to me when it rains

I've discovered another song that makes me think of you. Will be adding it to my tribute playlist as soon as I go home tonight. I've really been missing you, M. I never feel your presence in my rooms anymore. My television works fine again. And my lightbulbs never blow out anymore. The 75 watt stock has been restacked. The surplus bringing even more sadness. Because you're completely in heaven now. And it could be a while until I get to hug and feel your smile again. Just keep knowing that I miss and think of you always. Always wondering about the conversations that we could have had each afternoon. Because today I'd have probably talked to you about my sister's graduation party and my ideas for a new art piece. I'd have asked you if Big Stew still avoided you. And if you would be proud of me if I told you that I'm about to go head to head with my greatest fear. And plant the truth out in the open for everyone to see. Because I've been hoping that you're still proud of me. For all of the art that I've been making. For the solo side projects that I've kept up with. I love you, Michelle. And I already know that you're proud of me. And even from heaven... you will always be there for me.

7.19.06 : cherry pepsi for all

Today I went to Wendy's and bought a mandarin chicken salad. It's what I do when my heart is hurting. It's what I do when I'm missing you like crazy. When I can no longer stand the silence of your laughter. I hate not having you around, M. I fucking hate it. But the salad was the last thing that I had seen you eat. Because I recommended it's ingredients and you took me up on the thought of it. The evening I drove to the restaurant and picked it up for you. We sat in your livingroom and ate dinner together. We watched your sister's "Walk the Line" DVD and we breathed together. It was the last time that I saw you. The last time that I looked into your eyes. As I stepped into your grip for my final hug.

There's only one MP3 available here. It makes me think of Michelle.

These are the lyrics:

We listen to the tales and romanticize,

How we follow the path of the hero

Boast about the day when the rivers overrun,

How we'll rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize

Our way into the arms of the savior

Fading all the trials and the tribulations,

None of us have actually been there,

Not like you...

The ignorant fibbers in the congregation

Gather around spewing sympathy,

Spare me...

None of them could even hold a candle up to you

Blinded by choices, hypocrites

Won't see

But enough about the collective judas

Who could deny you were the one who illuminated

Your little piece of the divine

This little light of mine it gives your past unto me,

I'll let it shine,

to guide you safely on your way

Your way home...

Ohh, what are they gonna do when the lights go down

Without you to guide them all to Zion?

What are they gonna do when the rivers overrun

Other than tremble incessantly?

High as a wave

But I'll rise on up off the ground.

You are the light and the way

They'll only read about

I only pray heaven knows

When to lift you out

10000 days in the fire is long enough.

You're going home...

You're the only one who can hold your head up high,

Shake your fist at the gates saying,

"I have come home now!"

Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father,

Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.

"It's time now!

My time now!

Give me my

Give me my wings!"...

Give me my (x5)

"Give me my wings"

You are the light, the way, that they will only read about

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance

Burden of proof tossed upon non-believers.

You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,

Judith Marie, unconditional one.

Daylight dims leaving cool flourescence.

Difficult to see you in this light.

Please forgive this bold suggestion:

Should you see your maker's face tonight

Look him in the eye

Look him in the eye and tell him

I never lived a lie, never took a life,

But surely saved one

Hallejullah,

It's time for you to bring me home.

5.4.06 : there's something uncomfortable about writing in regards to a permanently vacant friend

You've had my full attention, M. I know you've been gesturing and talking to me. From your pictured perfect version of heaven. M's heaven. You've had plenty left to share. The multiple burnt out light bulbs and flickering television set only begin to tell a part of this story. I've felt you standing next to me. Turned around out of nowhere one day. And waived to you from the middle of my basement's staircase. Knowing that you were returning the gesture with a smile and an invisible wave of your own. You touched my shoulder as I walked into the kitchen on Easter's afternoon. And I wasn't scared. I'm not scared of your signs. I'm calm and open when you come approaching. Because you've been the only complete one. To help me through your death. You're reaching to me from a higher place. A bright beautiful place. You've been telling me that it's okay. That God took away the cancer and it's pain. That he/she has made you happy and comfortable and at peace again. You're happy and you're warm. You're okay now. That's what you've said. But I want to tell you that I miss you. And I do tell you that I miss you. As I speak and launch my lungs to the open silent air. You know that I miss you so much. I love you so much. I just want to hear your voice.

I want to again steal the nightly hugs from your grinning grip. I want to walk to you with my absurd penned sketches in hand. And let you tape them up onto your walls. I want to surprise you with cups of Starbucks chai tea and cold apple pies from McDonalds. I wish that I still had invitations to come and watch movies with you in your peaceful living room. I want to hang out with you. To sit down and eat lunch with you and laugh with you. I want to debate with you. And talk about art and it's inspiration. About refilling yourself with inspiration.....

I miss you so much. I miss you too much to even continue these words.....