Coming Out Pod

WHAT A WEEK, AMIRITE?!?!? It's been seven days since we found out the less-than-desirable results of the 2024 presidential election, and it's feeling like we could all use a candid but encouraging conversation about where things stand. But not before we hear a 1987 lesbian meet-cute! Mary Ellen Capek (who will be eighty-three next month) is a writer, an activist, and a self-described "relapsed Methodist." Her first book of poetry ("Love Lessons: Poems 1973-2023") comes out this Friday, and she's been on an impressive number of boards and committees. Mary Ellen's story includes compulsory heterosexuality, marriage and (incredibly amicable!) divorce, being the "token heterosexual" in lesbian spaces, and a ten-day women's hiking trip that forever changed her life. An expert in organizing and community building, she discusses the importance of keeping our energy up in dark times ("I'm not gonna let that sonofabitch steal my joy!"), and shares practical ways to avoid burnout. It's a funny, tender, and inspiring conversation with someone who has been doing the work her entire life.

Like Mary Ellen says, she is easily reachable! Find her on Facebook at facebook.com/mecapek and check out her website, maryellencapek.com (the piece she wrote the morning we recorded is posted at https://maryellencapek.com/some-post-election-thoughts/). Last but not least: find "Love Lessons" online and in bookstores starting November 15th!

It's eve of Halloween (or "All Hallows' Eve-Eve"), and so it seemed appropriate to do an episode all about QUEER HORROR! When writer and film analyst BJ Colangelo was first on the pod back in March of 2022, we scratched the surface of the indelible link between queerness and the horror genre. Now, in honor of spooky season, BJ is back with her wife Harmony for an exhaustive deep dive! The Wives Colangelo (TM) discuss how, when it comes to horror, "the absolute building blocks and foundational texts of the genre are either made by queer people, or they are queer stories." It's an episode full of revelations (Chucky has a non-binary kid?! Hellraiser is based on gay S&M clubs?!) and controversial hot takes! Whether you're a horror aficionado or, like Lauren, you only ever watch the smooching scene compilations on YouTube, it's a thoroughly delightful and absolutely fascinating episode about how our community SLAYS the horror genre (#halloweenpuns). Listen...IF YOU DARE!!

Check out BJ's writing at /Film (SlashFilm) and follow her everywhere at @bjcolangelo, follow Harmony on Twitter and Instagram at @veloci_trap_tor, and purchase "Sleepaway Camp" through DieDieBooks or digitally at Amazon! Also listen to This Ends at Prom wherever you get your podcasts, and follow @ThisEndsAtProm on all platforms.

It's National Coming Out Day, and Lauren is joined by the hilarious and talented Catherine McCafferty, host of the digital series Pretty Gay! Pretty Gay (which is also how Catherine identifies) is an interview series in which Catherine goes on mock dates with queer comedians and creators, and this season even has her bringing on her ex-girlfriend (#brave). Catherine explains how, throughout high school and college, she genuinely never had an inkling that she might be queer, despite once telling a therapist that she was going to marry a man and "watch him die," after which she would get to have a "second life" where she dated women (classic!). Catherine and Lauren commiserate over how difficult breakups are when your entire queer identity feels tied to your first relationship, and bond over having BOTH done shows that required them to go on fake dates (that sometimes felt real...). Plus, Catherine discusses playing the FMK-inspired "finger, U-Haul, ghost" with her very own mother!

Season 2 of Pretty Gay is airing right now on Patreon at patreon.com/PrettyGay. Only $5/month to see alllllll the gayness (and there's even a 7-day free trial)! Also check out Pretty Gay's YouTube channel at youtube.com/@PrettyGayShow, and follow Catherine on Instagram and TikTok at @catherine_mccaff. Happy National Coming Out Day, everybody!

Lauren sits down with artist Boy Jr. (they/them) to talk relationships, gender, and their upcoming album "I Love Getting Dumped." Shortly after graduating, Boy Jr. (who describes their gender identity as "a non-binary unknowable entity who lives in your walls") was very interested in getting top surgery and starting testosterone. However, as they began to embark on their music career, they got the distinct sense that their success as an artist "hinged on being as desirable as possible to as large a pool of people as possible." As a result, they put gender on the backburner and leaned heavily into their femme identity. But if there's one thing we know about queerness, it's that you can't suppress it forever! Boy Jr. shares how much more authentic they feel now that they're "making decisions based on comfort instead of...desire to feel desirable." Plus, we discuss their deep foundational love for Joe Jonas, and the etiquette around giving your exes a li'l heads up when you're releasing breakup songs about them.

Follow Boy Jr. on Instagram at @boyjrofficial, on TikTok at @boyjr.69, and on Twitter at @BoyJrMusic. You can also find them as "Boy Jr." on YouTube, Patreon, Fiverr, and alllll the music platforms. Last but not least, check out their Linktree at linktr.ee/boyjr, and look for the release of "I Love Getting Dumped" at the end of October!

Tahitia Timmons' parents were hippies, and so Tahitia had been around queer people since childhood. But when she came out to her mother as a teenager, Tahitia was shocked - and angry - to be met with the response "Why would you choose to be gay when you're already Black and a woman?" Tahitia shares how it wasn't until years later when one of her own children came out to her that she finally gained a real understanding of (and compassion for) her mother's fear-based response. We have a fascinating conversation that runs the gamut from asexuality to the evolution of lesbian stereotypes to that first queer heartbreak that just GUTS you. Plus, Tahitia explains how her company, Conscious By Us, tackles DEI specifically from a health (especially mental health) and wellness perspective.

There are a ton of places where you can find Tahitia! Check out her website, consciousbyus.com, connect with her on LinkedIn, and follow her on Instagram at @consciousbyus. Also, check out all the folks she shouts out at the end of the episode!

New episode coming at you next week, but first: it's time for another Lez Hang Out POD SWAP! Countless Coming Out Pod guests have talked about how stumbling upon the now-infamous Lesbian Masterdoc figured into their coming out stories. In this episode, Leigh and Ellie take a deep dive into the doc itself!

Welcome back to Lez Hang Out, the podcast that googled “Am I Gay” before it was cool.

This week Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out to talk about one of the most controversial and widely read pieces of modern lesbian “literature” on the internet, the Lesbian Masterdoc. The 31-page document titled “Am I a lesbian?” first appeared in 2018 and experienced a rather large resurgence during the pandemic shutdowns of 2020 (when people actually had enough time to read a 31-page document).

For those of you who somehow managed to avoid reading the Masterdoc, it is essentially every “Am I gay” quiz from 2002 onward condensed into a 31-page pdf. The main issues that we have with the Masterdoc are that it greatly oversimplifies the experience of compulsory heterosexuality, completely ignores all nuance involved with sexuality (to an almost comical degree), and uses exclusionary language when the doc absolutely can apply to anyone who experiences attraction to women. It also somewhat reads like an attempt by the writer to get her straight best friend to sleep with her. However, we still want to give some props for the Masterdoc being very purposefully inclusive of trans and nonbinary lesbians and at the very least not giving off terfy vibes.

Even though the Masterdoc should certainly be taken with many grains of salt, some of the experiences listed really hit home (a little too hard if you ask Leigh). We’ve said it before, but comp het is a doozy! We dive into our own experiences with navigating comp het back in our ‘straight’ days and lament about why straight women have to speak so negatively about their male partners all the time (be less confusing, straight women!). If you are looking for a fun activity to bust out at your next shindig, we absolutely recommend pulling out this bad boi (fun for the whole family!) and seeing how many of your straight friends get clocked by the Masterdoc.

Follow us on Twitter: Lez Hang Out (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay questions at the end of every episode. You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and follow on Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). Find us individually on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok at Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida).

Writer Elliott Maya (they/them, and "a sprinkle of he/him in, like, a fruity Victorian dandy boy way") has a real way with words, in case you couldn't tell from that parenthetical. Raised in the *extremely* strict Jehovah's Witnesses religion, Lio and their brother were also the only Black kids at their school. As if this weren't enough, Lio started going through puberty quite early, which coincided with them realizing that they were "not like the other girls, in many ways." Lio knew that college was their only chance of escape, so they started working at the age of twelve. Along the way, they attempted to hide their queerness in high school by becoming a gay bully...but in an ironic twist, they ended up becoming "horrifically" attracted to their (also queer) victim. Besides being an absolutely HILARIOUS storyteller, Lio also has Long Covid, and started the group Covid Cautious Queers. We spend the latter half of the episode talking about the ways in which Lio's illness has changed their life, and the (easy!) ways you can help not only them, but everyone in your community.

First thing's first: follow Lio on Instagram at @bougiebasquiat, and please please please see their bio for links to their GoFundMe, their Health Hub, and their Ko-fi! You can also follow them on TikTok at @transnaruto, and check out their *gorgeous* website at elliottmaya.com. Last but not least, follow @covidcautiousqueers on Instagram, especially if you're in Southern California. It's Pride Month, y'all - let's be there for Lio!!

OH, HELLO, EVERYBODY! The pod is coming out (wink!) of hiatus for Pride Month, and we're kicking things off in a big way with Nashville singer/activist Heather Mae! Heather recently dropped her new single "Kissing Girls," which is not only a "super-queer bisexual Pride mega pop song" but also serves as a reclaiming of her own coming out story. Mercilessly bullied for her weight throughout childhood, Heather's only solace used to be the music videos she would run home to watch every day after school. But when she started attending Sunday school in the fourth grade...the bullying stopped. As a result, Heather became deeply invested in both the Church and the purity movement, and although all of her early kisses and pseudo-relationships were with girls, she truly never believed that they "counted." Heather shares how isolating with her partners during lockdown and re-examining those early experiences (not to mention learning about comp het for the first time!) made her want to write a song that captured "the sonic embodiment of queer joy and liberation." It's a beautiful, celebratory episode and the perfect way to start off Pride!

Follow Heather on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter at @heathermaemusic, and check out her website at heathermae.net and her YouTube channel at youtube.com/heathermae, where you can watch the official music video for "Kissing Girls." "Kissing Girls" is streaming everywhere, so go listen and add it to your Pride playlists!

Lauren couldn't put the podcast on hiatus without doing one of her favorite kinds of episodes: namely, a REDUX! When producer and writer Jenn Lee (formerly Jenn Lee Smith) was first on the pod in July of 2022, she was celebrating the publication of a book she had co-edited called "I Spoke to You with Silence: Essays from Queer Mormons of Marginalized Genders." Jenn herself was raised in the Mormon religion, and despite having come out in 2008, she had chosen to remain in a monogamous marriage with her husband of twenty-one years, with whom she shares three children. Suffice to say that a lot has changed for Jenn since the summer of 2022. She explains how the book tour for "I Spoke to You with Silence" kicked off a chain of events, and shares how her love for her children has only deepened now that she is finally living as her whole self ("I have been able to love them so much more since feeling right in my own body and skin"). Plus, Jenn describes her experiences on the dating apps as a "little post-Mormon gayby," and Lauren asks Jenn a question that she's been mulling over ever since the day they first met...

Connect with Jenn on Facebook at facebook.com/jennlee.smith2, and follow her on Instagram at @bewilderfilm. Also, check out her upcoming documentary at homecourtfilm.com and on Insta at @homecourtfilm!

Pop-punk/alt-rock artist Chloe Star is so obviously comfortable in her own skin that you would never know she struggled fiercely with her sexuality throughout her adolescence. Chloe's mother is Native American, and so Chloe grew up going back and forth between the radically different worlds of Los Angeles and her family's reservation. Some of Chloe's stories from this time are deeply relatable (such as Googling "am i gay quiz" and secretly having a huge crush on Kristen Stewart while all of her friends were Team Edward/Team Jacob), but she was also grappling with more than her share of darkness. This culminated in Chloe being sent to an incredibly intense three-month wilderness treatment program at the age of sixteen; her mother's last-ditch attempt to free Chloe from addiction. Chloe's upcoming single, "Wasted Youth," is all about that experience, which she finally feels a sense of closure on a full decade later. We have a funny, vulnerable conversation about first loves, coming out at diners, songs about exes, and much more!

As of this Friday, March 22nd, you can stream "Wasted Youth" everywhere! Also follow Chloe on Instagram and TikTok at @frenchtoastkiller, and watch the videos for "Fool," "Found My Peace," and "Happy Place" on Chloe's YouTube channel, youtube.com/@frenchtoastkiller!