Commit One

This is one movie that if they actually tried to rip off another movie it would have been an improvement! Will, Mike, and Sam travel to the world of 80s cop films with the forgotten "gem" from 1987: Fatal Beauty. Starring Whoopi Goldberg in the main role along with Sam Elliot as a bodyguard and love interest (yeah, with all due respect we didn't get that one either), the film follows Whoopi's sometimes-undercover cop character as she digs into the drug trade so much that we had to do a disclaimer at the beginning of this episode to address it and, at the time of the film's release, it almost gained an X rating from the MPAA for its content....it's THAT involved. Despite the interesting backstory, the film proves to actually be a boring slog and just becomes lost in all of the better 80s cop films of the time. Yet, despite wanting to completely forget this one altogether, the Commit One crew is here to dig deep into this film that even the director wanted out of.

Will the torture ever stop??? Will, Mike, and Sam revisit the world of the Jeepers Creepers franchise that they covered in the very first Trilogy of Torture by looking at the reboot film that stumbled over itself right out of the starting gate with the 2022 entry Jeepers Creepers: Reborn. With no cast returning (not even Jonathan Breck for his role as the Creeper) and no involvement from the original creator Victor Salva (which is honestly a good thing in the grand scheme of things), this film tries to do something new with the story and twist things around, but fails miserably in the storytelling area along with some stilted acting at times, laughable CGI, and so much obvious green screen usage you will wonder if the budget ran out halfway through. When you can make Jeepers Creepers 3 look passable, you know something has gone terribly wrong. Yet, it is perfect cannon fodder for the Commit One crew who wises this doesn't come back for the next 23 years or more.

Can someone PLEASE explain to us why the critics didn't like this one? Will, Mike, and Sam take on a 90s classic film that helped make Damon Wayans a household name (as well as give many, many quotable lines) in the 1995 military comedy Major Payne. Co-starring Karyn Parsons (of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame), the film features Wayans as a tough Marine who becomes the commanding officer of a bunch of misfit JROTC cadets. Yeah...even with the military theme it is a bit paint-by-numbers. While predictable at times, it still holds up as a favorite despite somehow qualifying for the podcast with a low critic score (but the audience score was much better). At least the late Roger Ebert liked it, and that is one critic the Commit One crew can agree on as they take on this fondly-remembered piece of 90s film.

Note: As Sam explains in the opening to this episode we ran into technical difficulties with the recording to the effect that the timing seems a bit off in places. We do apologize for this as we could not fix this in time and we may do a re-release later on down the line with it corrected, but we do hope it does not distract from your enjoyment of the episode.  

Nothing says "I love you" like a pickaxe to the head! Will, Mike, and Sam celebrate Valentine's Day in their own....unique....way by looking at a holiday-themed horror movie that, while technically breaking the rules for the podcast ratings-wise, still has several flaws in the 2009 remake (cue Will's grumble) My Bloody Valentine 3D. Starring Jensen Ackles of Supernatural fame as it was getting very popular (in fact co-star Jared Padalecki from the show was in his own horror film as well that same year), the film lives up to its title in spades with the typical slasher-movie villain, but also features some wooden acting, terrible and nonsensical plot development, and characters you really cannot root for. This is one Valentine's Day gift that the Commit One crew just wishes could be returned to the store.

Not to be confused with the STARZ series (at least it didn't rip off a classic tale). Will, Mike, and Sam kick off 2023 with a look back into the past....we guess....with the 2008 film Outlander. Starring Jim Caviezel as the titular outlander who is really a humanoid alien (don't worry that doesn't spoil anything as you know that in the first five minutes) who must adapt to Anglo-Saxon Viking culture to hunt a monster under the guidance of King Hrothgar (played by John Hurt) and must use his "magical" ways to defeat these odds....wait a minute....this is a rip-off of Beowulf!!! Despite the protests of the English teacher of the group (Will), the Commit One crew is still destined to look at this film that just hits the massive battle cry of "meh" by the end.

Wait....this seems awfully familiar....oh well. Will, Mike, and Sam wrap up Christmas Month and 2022 with your Hater's Choice episode as they look at a 90s Christmas classic for many people, albeit pretty much being a copy-and-paste story with the 1992 film Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Even with the cast from the original film returning, including Macaulay Culkin as Kevin, this film really just an excuse to use New York as a location while all other logic is thrown out the window (including the original film's character development save for the villain Harry...yes the only one with any kind of development was the VILLAIN). We mean, really, HOW is Kevin able to even get out of the airport?? However, despite it's flaws it is still a good movie to look back on (along with the near scene-stealing moments with the legendary Tim Curry) and the Commit One crew can't think of a better way to end out the year. 

Well...at least we got a classic internet meme out of this. Will, Mike, and Sam continue Christmas Month with a cult classic holiday horror film that is most known for "Garbage Day!" and the MASSIVE overacting skills of the main character with the 1987 film Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2. Starring Eric Freeman in his first lead role (wherein he receives conflicting direction from the director and the producer), the film follows up the original film by following the younger brother of the first film's killer. However, don't worry if you haven't seen the first one because this film spends it's first third recapping the entire original film. Even with it's unintentional comedic aspects, the film proves to be a boring chore to watch with the majority of the film being flashbacks until the main character/villain finally moves the plot forward. This is one film that the Commit One crew wishes just stayed under wraps, but for the sake of the podcast it cannot remain silent anymore.

Oh JTT.....you left Home Improvement and upset Tim Allen for this?!?! Will, Mike, and Sam continue Christmas month with a film that they have been collectively avoiding for three years but knew that it had to be done eventually with the 1998 Disney film I'll Be Home for Christmas. Starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas fresh off of his Home Improvement and The Lion King voiceover fame in a role that has really no redeeming qualities, this holiday film features a true Disney plot that makes no sense, sends a confusing message, has very little in the way of ANY development, and an ending that just wraps everything up very quickly to meet a 90-minute runtime. But hey, that's Disney for you! Even though the main character is very punchable and they would rather have let this one just fall into obscurity, the Commit One crew is still ready to give this film the holiday bashing that it deserves.

Our eyes! OUR EYES! Will, Mike, and Sam kick off their third annual Christmas month with a film that was nominated for Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment with the 2006 holiday "classic" Deck the Halls. Starring Matthew Broderick and Danny Devito as two neighbors that get into conflict over Christmas lights (and the holiday in general) with one being obsessed with Christmas traditions and one that just wants his house to be seen from space. Yes, that is pretty much the premise. With the film checking off a lot of the Christmas family comedy cliches and two guys that are really just boneheaded, it is no wonder that this film only garnered 6% on Rotten Tomatoes. Although it does have its moments, this is one film that the Commit One crew wants to just be a shining example of what not to do for family entertainment.

When will these college documentary students ever learn? Will, Mike, and Sam bridge the gap between Halloween and Christmas months with a found footage film that, although it is technically a bad film with a third act that goes SO off the rails, is actually a pretty decent film with the 2013 horror film Devil's Pass. Featuring no actors of note (typical of a found footage film), the movie at first seems like a rip-off of The Blair Witch Project except in the snow and freezing terrain of Russia until it takes such a sharp left turn that even Will (who had not been able to finish the film before recording) can't get his head around it to the point where you can actually hear his brain explode. Even with its flaws in acting and plot, it is still a path that the Commit One Crew feels is worth taking.