Commit One

If a 2019 film of the same name could win Best Picture, then this one would get the Golden Raspberry for being the worst. Will, Mike, and Sam dive into 80s B-movie cheese with the 1982 film Parasite. Directed by B-movie icon Charles Band (who is making his first appearance on the podcast but certainly won't be his last) and featuring Demi Moore in her first starring role, the film shows how NOT to do a dystopian-like film with poor, stilted acting, terrible fight sequences that even slow-motion cannot help, and a plot with more holes in it than Swiss cheese. Even though good practical effects at points save this from being Skeleton Man terrible, it is still so mind-numbing that the ending feels like a complete and utter letdown. There is no cure for this one as the Commit One crew looks at this true product of the 1980s that even Demi Moore herself says is the worst thing she had ever been in.

FINALLY.....The Rock has made his first appearance on the Commit One Movie Podcast! Will, Mike, and Sam take on yet another video game movie (it's all Will's fault!) but this time in space with the 2005 film Doom. Starring Dwayne Johnson (who was still being billed as The Rock at the time) and Karl Urban, this film takes one of the pioneers of the first person shooter video game genre and throws almost all of the excitement out of the window as well as the established story in favor of poor lighting (for atmosphere!), weak character development, a barely coherent plot, and slow pacing for a film based on a fast-paced video game series (though with at least one awesome scene). It's time to take a trip to Mars with the Commit One crew as they press start on this one.

When a former president has to come out of retirement just to bash your movie, you KNOW that you've done something wrong! Will, Mike, and Sam take a leap into history (well, wrong history at times but still history) with their first war movie in 1965's Battle of the Bulge. Starring Henry Fonda and Robert Shaw, the film presents what not to do when it comes to presenting certain times in history in sacrificing accuracy for "entertainment" in an overblown war epic. Long, boring, and just completely wrong all around ad the Commit One crew is here to (unfortunately) break it all down.

Dude.....bro....did you bring the bug spray? Will, Mike, and Sam endure this "dude" dialogue and more poor decisions from people in authority in the 2007 creature feature Ice Spiders (wow, who picked this one??). Starring no one of note besides a small role for producer Stephen J. Cannell (and before you say "but what about Vanessa Williams?" Wrong one), this film shows what happens when you mess with nature and create giant spiders that can take the cold. Honestly, after so many creature disasters of humans messing with nature you would think someone would have learned by now! However, without these poor decisions, we would not have these bad movies with poor scripts, terrible CGI, and cringe-inducing dialogue that keeps this podcast going. So, bundle up with the Commit One crew as they get spun up in the web of this one.

Well, let me tell YOU something brother!....YOUR MOVIE STINKS!! Will, Mike, and Sam lay the smackdown on another film as Hulk Hogan makes his return to the podcast in his first starring role and the WWE's (then-World Wrestling Federation) first film with 1989's No Holds Barred. Also starring Kurt Fuller and Tiny "Zeus" Lister (which this film is where he received his nickname), the film is a very poor and cheesy attempt at bringing the wrestling world onto the big screen with some very odd results. A main character that presents zero character flaws, a flimsy script, so many clear laws broken with no police called, and even a finale where no one seems to care about health and safety, it actually really does represent the WWE in the 80s. With this also being WrestleMania weekend (and coincidentally Hogan co-hosting the event), it seemed like a perfect time for the Commit One crew to pin this one down.

Another Frankenstein movie....really? Who thought it was a good idea to try to make a comedy out of this and put Willy Wonka himself in the main role, while also putting it in black and white? Wait a minute....what are we saying??? APRIL FOOLS HATERS!! Will, Mike, and Sam have a little fun with their format in the spirit of April Fool's Day by looking at the Mel Brooks' classic 1974 film Young Frankenstein. Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Teri Garr, Madeline Kahn, and Kenneth Mars in one of the finest casts put together, Brooks puts together a timeless classic in comedy (that still boasts a Certified Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes) with a plot that both honors the Universal films/novel and also creates its own identity for years to come while also giving many quotable lines and memorable scenes. It's a film that one can tell all involved had a lot of fun with and still holds up to this day. It is the Commit One's crew honor and privilege (not to mention relief to do a GREAT movie for a change) to cover this classic film.

Where's Hans Gruber when you need him....oh, right. Will, Mike, and Sam return to sequel territory as they witness Bruce Willis taken on Russian gang members (with none of the actors actually Russian) and the city of Moscow as John McClane in the 2013 film and fifth film in the Die Hard franchise, A Good Day to Die Hard. With the first original script specifically made to be a Die Hard film since the original classic and Jai Courtney as McClane's son Jack, the film is a fast-paced mess with a very thin plot in favor of action sequences (including a very long car chase sequence where McClane should have died or at least have some injury TWICE) that had to be crammed into a runtime of just over 90 minutes. This really embraces the phrase "turn off your brain and enjoy the stupid" as the viewer has to follow the poor script and inconsistencies, but the Commit One crew is ready (well almost all, Mike is doing this one under protest) to be "Russian" through this.

Darn you Fox Kids!!! Will, Mike, and Sam discover what happens when an American company takes three short films from a popular Japanese property in both countries, edits them down and smashes them together, and throws it on the screen to both joy and confusion in the 2000 film Digimon: The Movie. While Will and Sam do still enjoy the film from their childhoods (Mike not so much), they still look at both the good parts and the many, many bad parts with so many plot holes by the third act it is a wonder how a coherent story was made at all. Despite a good source (even the American-dubbed version) from the anime series, the film still fails to be a good starting point for anyone remotely interested in the Digimon franchise. However, the Commit One crew is here to de-digivolve it all down and even discuss the anime itself (with Mike being dragged along) to try and make sense of this mash-up gone wrong.

What happens when you have a movie that is set and filmed in Texas? Well you get three Texans like Will, Mike, and Sam (mostly Will and Mike) want to talk more about their hometowns and Texas in general than talk about this interesting, but still confusing mess that is 2017's Time Trap. Starring the older brother of Luke and Owen Wilson, the film makes and attempt at a decent time travel story and has some actual good decisions by the characters, but lacks any real explanations or major action sequences to hold its promising start to its strange end. It is definitely something that has to be heard to be believed and the Commit One crew at least do not have to make a jump to the left to discuss this.

What do you get when you try to make a knockoff film of an already bad movie? You get the 2012 film American Warships! The Asylum is back again as Will, Mike, and Sam look at their first mockbuster film that takes the already ridiculous premise of Battleship (really, HOW do you make a movie based on a board game???) and adds more ridiculousness and awful CGI to make a confusing mess of a film that even Apollo Creed himself (Carl Weathers) couldn't save this waste of money, film, and time. "Thunder" strikes in more ways than one in this disaster (just don't remind Will) as the Commit One crew takes on this poor excuse for a sci-fi film.