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Your 8-year-old slams the door. Your 11-year-old melts down over homework. Are they too old for this? In this episode, I explain what big kids are really asking for when they fall apart, and what to do next.
I'm Michelle Puster, a licensed therapist, Emotionally Focused Family Therapist Supervisor, and a mom of three who has used Hand in Hand Parenting in my own family for over 10 years. We look at the attachment science behind meltdowns in kids ages 5 to 12: what Spitz observed in 1945, Bowlby's secure base and safe haven, Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson's upstairs and downstairs brain, Dr. Laura Markham's empathic limits, and Hand in Hand's Staylistening. We also talk about how stress moves through the body, and I walk you through a simple 3-question pause for the next time your child falls apart.
FREE resource: Guided Pause + Regroup, a short guided audio for those reactive moments. The link is in the show notes.
If you're enjoying the show, a rating and review helps more parents find it.
This show is for educational purposes only and isn't a replacement for private psychotherapy. I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
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A physiotherapist, craniosacral therapist, and Hand in Hand Parenting instructor joins Michelle to unpack what's really happening underneath kids' big behaviors — and why "fixing it" so often misses the point.
Drawing on attachment theory and an Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) lens, Shelley Clark explains why meltdowns after school, sibling fights, and "it's not about the banana" moments are the nervous system completing a stress cycle — and why leaning in, rather than correcting, is what actually helps kids (and parents) come back into balance.
Topics covered: EFFT and attachment-informed parenting, "no to the behavior, yes to the feelings," the body's stress response cycle, Hand in Hand Parenting tools (Staylistening and playlistening), and why parents can't always lean in — and why that's human, not a failure.
Free resource: Pause + Regroup, a guided tool for reactive moments — link in show notes.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
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A therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) shares the parenting moment she's kept private for years — and the attachment-based shift that changed how she responds to her kids' hardest behaviors.
Michelle breaks down why difficult behavior is a signal of distress, not defiance, using Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), attachment science, and brain development research (Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Laura Markham, Hand in Hand Parenting). She shares her own story — including the moment that pushed her to stop parenting from punishment and start parenting from connection.
Topics covered: EFFT and attachment theory, "flipping the lid," co-regulation, gentle/connected parenting, and why self-compassion matters as much as any parenting technique.
Free resource: Pause + Regroup, a guided tool for reactive moments — link in show notes.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
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Your grade-schooler shuts down after school. Your preteen slams their door and won't talk. It's one of the hardest moments in parenting — and one of the most misunderstood.
In this episode, Michelle sits down with Joss Goulden — a Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor and mother of two now-adult children, ages 22 and 20 — for a conversation that reframes difficult behavior entirely. Joss explains what's actually happening in a child's nervous system when they withdraw, melt down, or become defiant, and why it's never about disrespect. She shares the "wind-up toy" metaphor for how small daily stresses accumulate into meltdowns that seem to come out of nowhere, walks through nine types of attachment play that help children of every age move through big feelings, and offers one of the most moving descriptions of authentic repair and apology you'll hear on this podcast.
In this episode you'll learn:
Topics: Aware Parenting · attachment-based parenting · nervous system regulation in children · fight-flight-freeze response · attachment play · regression play · trauma-informed parenting · repair after rupture · grade-school parenting · preteen parenting · co-parenting alignment · Natural Learning · homeschooling · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT
Guest: Joss Goulden — Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor
🌐 awareparenting.com.au
🎓 Yelling to Connecting — 6-week online parenting course
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik
🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
__________________________________________
...
When Rebecca Sheikh lost her mother, something in her shifted beyond grief. She found herself understanding, in a deeply embodied way, just how enormous separation actually feels — and how desensitized we, as adults, have become to how big that experience is for our children.
In this episode, Michelle sits down with Rebecca Sheikh — a certified Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor and regional coordinator for the UK and Sub-Saharan Africa — for a conversation that moves fluidly between deep personal vulnerability and clinically grounded parenting wisdom. Rebecca shares what her mother's death opened up in her own understanding of attachment and loss, what "loving limits" actually sound like in real family moments, why play should almost always come before correction, and her own honest admission that despite decades of training and titles, her husband and three kids remain the hardest people for her to truly listen to.
In this episode you'll learn:
Topics: Aware Parenting · attachment-based parenting · trauma-informed parenting · non-punitive discipline · loving limits · attachment play · separation anxiety · sleep and bedtime struggles · Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT · parent burnout · self-compassion for parents · nonviolent communication · Hand in Hand Parenting · inner child work · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · grief and parenting
Guest: Rebecca Sheikh — Certified Level 2 Aware Parenting Instructor, Regional Coordinator (UK & Sub-Saharan Africa), Chair of the International Attachment Network
🌐 flourishingchildhood.com
🎓 Yelling to Connecting — 6-week online parenting course
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik
🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
__________________________________________
...
Just when you finally understand your child's current stage — they move into the next one, and you have to learn everything all over again.
In this episode Michelle sits down with Rachel Thomas, a therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy — an attachment-based approach that helps caregivers show up as accessible, responsive, and engaged so children can develop secure attachment. As a parent of two young adults, ages 19 and 21, Rachel has lived every stage of this work both clinically and personally — including, on the day of this recording, sending her son off for his sophomore year of college.
Rachel shares some of her most honest parenting stories: the frustrated morning school-drop-off that changed after a tragedy made her rethink how she said goodbye each day, the time her son hid her phone under the couch because he wanted her attention, and the day her middle schooler asked her to stop touching him — and what she did with her own grief about that request.
In this episode you'll learn:
Topics: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT · attachment-based parenting · secure attachment · ARE model accessible responsive engaged · anxious attachment parenting · avoidant attachment parenting · parenting teens · parenting young adults · letting go · empty nest · parent grief · parent guilt · raising adult children · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · parent self-compassion
Guest: Rachel Thomas — Therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy
🎓 Yelling to Connecting — 6-week online parenting course ✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik 🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
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...
Play is one of the most powerful, and most overlooked, tools in peaceful parenting. In this episode, Michelle shares why play works so well to defuse tension, build connection, and help kids (and parents!) regulate big emotions, along with simple ways to bring more playful moments into everyday parenting.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
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...
Have you ever felt like you had to choose between understanding your child and actually holding the limit? Between empathy and authority? Between connection and correction?
Allison Zangari Arnett — Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and certified Emotionally Focused Family, Couple, and Individual Therapist with over a decade of experience — is here to tell you: you do not have to choose.
In this episode Allison and Michelle explore one of the most powerful reframes in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy — that you can validate your child's feeling without validating their behavior. That connection before correction is not softness — it is strategy. And that what looks like a screen battle is almost never really about screens.
Allison also brings something rare to this conversation: she is a brand new mom of a 6-month-old, which means she is navigating this work personally in a whole new way — and her honesty about her own reactivity, her own fear of getting it wrong, and her own need for support makes this one of the most human and relatable conversations on the podcast.
In this episode you'll learn:
Topics: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT · EFT for families · EFCT · connection before correction · validate the feeling not the behavior · screen time and limits · parent-child repair · blended families · divorce and parenting · high-conflict families · parenting teens · limit setting with empathy · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · attachment parenting · parent emotional regulation · repair after yelling · family therapy Tampa
Guest: Allison Zangari Arnett is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is a certified Emotionally Focused Family Therapist, Couple Therapist, and Individual Therapist. She has over a decade of experience working with individuals, couples and families who are struggling to communicate and reconnect in their relationships. She specializes in divorce/blended families, navigating parenting concerns, boundaries and limits for children, high conflict families, and increasing closeness in family relationships. She owns a private practice in Tampa, Florida, and is a wife and mother of a 6 month old baby girl.
www.zangaricounseling.com
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik 🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
__________________________________________
...
Sibling conflict can push even the most patient parent to their limit. Michelle breaks down what's really happening beneath the bickering and fighting, and offers grounded, science-backed strategies to help you stay calm, set loving limits, and guide your kids toward connection instead of chaos.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
__________________________________________
...
When your child is struggling — really struggling, in a way that scares you — the hardest part is often not what is happening with your child. It is the helplessness. The fear that no matter how much you love them you cannot reach them. And what Emotionally Focused Therapy calls "attachment panic" — the state a parent enters when their child is suffering and emotionally unreachable.
In this episode Michelle sits down with Corien Boers — certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and supervisor from the Netherlands with over 25 years of experience working with families, including deep clinical work with children and adolescents navigating eating disorders — for one of the most moving and clinically grounded conversations on the podcast.
Corien introduces the concept of "professional nearness" — the idea that being genuinely touched by a family's pain is more powerful than professional helping — and shares what happens to the parent-child bond when a child is in crisis and the parent's loving intent comes out sideways as control, rigidity, or anxiety. She also offers something that every parent of a struggling child needs to hear: when a child pushes you away, storms off, or shuts down completely — they are almost never saying "I don't need you." They are saying "I am overwhelmed and I do not know how to reach for you."
This episode is for any parent whose child is going through something hard — not only families navigating eating disorders, but any parent who has ever felt shut out, helpless, or terrified that their love is not reaching their child.
In this episode you'll learn:
Topics: Emotionally Focused Family Therapy · EFFT · Emotionally Focused Therapy · EFT for families · eating disorders and family therapy · adolescent eating disorders · attachment panic · parent-child disconnection · parenting a struggling child · child mental health · teen mental health · parent anxiety and fear · helplessness in parenting · family bonds under pressure · gentle parenting · peaceful parenting · conscious parenting · attachment parenting · child withdrawal · oppositional behavior · family repair · professional nearness
Guest: Corien Boers — Living in the Netherlands. Married and mother of three. She started her career working with disabled children. From there, she began working in a youth psychiatric hospital and became a family therapist in the inpatient and outpatient units that treated children with an eating disorder. After a few years, she made the transition to adult psychiatry while remaining in the field of eating disorders. Not only in the Netherlands, but she also worked at the intensive treatment program for adults with eating disorders, "Be-Leef," in Portugal. Currently, she works in her own practice and provides counseling to couples and individuals.
She is an Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist supervisor and a sidekick trainer for the EFCT training programs.
She is passionate about strengthening connections within families and relationships. Giving people a voice—about themselves, to themselves, and to the people they love.
https://www.praktijkcorien.nl/englishversion
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup: https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwlL8Ik \
🌐 compassionateheartparenting.com
This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services.
Join me each week for a tail from the trenches of parenting burnout and how I (and you) can use mindfulness, mediation and self-compassion to find your inner calm and a little more sanity in your parenting.
You’ll get a story from my heart and a quick win you can use the same day.
A free gift for you: the RAGE Break, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created the Rage Break because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
This story was brought to you by “Yelling to Connecting.” If you or someone you know struggles with yelling at your kids, losing it, or being constantly on edge this course will be a helpful tool.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.
__________________________________________
...
From the publisher's feed
Compassionate Heart Parenting | Peaceful Parenting for Real Life
You love your kids deeply — and you still lose it sometimes. You're in the right…
This podcast is for parents who are drawn to gentle parenting, peaceful parenting, conscious parenting, and Hand in Hand Parenting — but who also know how hard it can be to stay calm in the real, messy, overwhelming moments of family life.
Hi, I'm Michelle — mom of 3, recovering yeller, and Emotionally Focused Family Therapist. I've been through parent burnout, depression, and anxiety, and I climbed my way out using the very tools I share here. Now I help parents find their inner calm so they can show up the way they actually want to — with patience, connection, and confidence.
Each episode gives you:
Topics covered include: Gentle parenting tools · conscious parenting · peaceful parenting · Hand in Hand Parenting · parenting with self-compassion · yelling and parenting shame · emotional regulation for parents · parenting burnout · mindful parenting · sibling conflict · setting loving limits · attachment parenting · parenting anxiety · Dr. Laura Markham · Dr. Daniel Siegel · connection before correction
This podcast is for you if:
✨ Free Guided Pause + Regroup:
https://link.innovorise.com/widget/form/Pm5Uy0ezEwvqKxwlL8Ik
🌐 Learn more: https://compassionateheartmindfullife.com/
🎓 Ready to go deeper? Yelling to Connecting is Michelle's 6-week online parenting course — grounded in science, rooted in compassion, and designed to help you finally yell less and connect more.
This content is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. Compassionate Heart Parenting does not provide psychotherapy services. If you need mental health support, please seek a qualified professional in your area.