CongreGate

Today we answer a few questions from our listeners about church leadership and discipling kids. We also chat about the Superbowl and faith of some of the players. Carson Wentz, Nick Foles, and many of their teammates have been a refreshing witness for Christ. We are thankful to see men living for Jesus in a very public way.

Our friend Stephen asks, "Can you discuss the Biblical reasons for elder vs. pastor-led churches?"

Mark says that appointing elders is the New Testament model of leading a church and gives a few examples. Can God use other models? Yes. But we do think there is a best model based on the New Testament church.

Shawn shares a quick history lesson on church leadership during the westward expansion and how this has affected church leadership today. We also share some of the freedoms of having a few elders working together. For example, pastors often burn out physically and spiritually, but when the responsibility is shared, the burden is also shared.

Our friend Matt asks, "I've heard you talk about not trying to talk your children into accepting Christ, baptism, or communion, rather letting them come to you when they are ready. Any practical ways to bring up the topic and get them thinking about these areas?"

We talked about how to know when our children are saved and ready to be baptized in a previous episode. One of the best ways to have intentional spiritual conversations with your kids is through the practice of regular family worship. Shawn encourages fathers to lead their families in regular conversations about scripture. By creating a regular time to talk about God, children will learn to ask questions and look to their parents for answers to their questions about spiritual things.

Thank you for writing in with your questions and comments. We always appreciate hearing from you!

Today we are talking about church shopping & the consumer mindset. More than ever, Christians "shop" for the "perfect" churches. With a church on every corner in some areas of the country, we have no lack of choices. Just like we go to Starbucks and have thousands of drink options, we expect to go to church and find dozens of options for music and programs.

Are we even "shopping" for the right things? What about looking for churches that preach from the Bible with people that love each other in true community? Is this good and healthy for the church in America?

It's human nature to be always searching for more because we need to find satisfaction in Christ. Unfortunately, most people aren't finding satisfaction in Christ and continue trying to fill their lives with things.

People have always struggled with self-control, so this isn't a new sin issue. It's important to search our heart motivations for the things we consume, the appetites we develop, and the expectations we have.

How do you contribute to the consumer mentality in your home? We talk about a few things we've noticed in our own homes. Are we teaching our children to worship the right things?

We encourage you to examine how many hours you spend consuming media vs. consuming scripture. It's not that we believe all media is evil, but there needs to be balance. Let's be intentional about what appetites we are feeding and what habits we are forming in our families.

For the past few years, our church has been encouraging and building leaders in Moldova through short-term missions trips. Mark and Micah just returned from another trip and share some of the things they are doing and teaching in Moldova to help build godly leaders there.

In Moldova, the official church is the Orthodox Church. Most people believe they are Christians, but follow a works-based religious system. There are smaller groups of Baptist and Pentecostal Christians that are hungry for the word of God and eager to hear Biblical teaching. We have been investing in their leaders by teaching principles from Mark's book, A Faithful Man. 

In addition to teaching the men how to lead their families and their churches, they also had the opportunity to talk about age-integrated church. One of the churches was so excited to learn about the age-integrated church model that they decided to transition right away.

Our main focus has been to challenge the men to love their wives and families by leading them well. The women are encouraged to see their husbands excited about learning and growing as leaders. Many of the challenges the families face are very similar to the struggles we face here, like raising children well and balancing the demands of family and ministry. We are encouraged to see how the power of God's word transcends cultural boundaries and changes lives.

Mark and Micah also share their funniest cultural experience...a trip to the sauna. Thankfully, our Moldovan friends decided to wear swim shorts for them (something they don't normally do)! After sitting in the roasting hot sauna for 20 minutes, they jump into a cold pool. And then back to the sauna again! It gets better. Just listen to the story...

Today's topic isn't one we normally like to think about. Are you prepared for death or disability? What steps can you take to provide for your family if you die unexpectedly or become disabled? We all like to think we will grow old with our wives, but it's important to take the time to make contingency plans for our families. As husbands and fathers, we have a responsibility to prepare our families for our death if it should precede theirs.

Praise God we live in a time and culture where women and children aren't left homeless and destitute if the husband and father passes away. But as we reflect on the recent deaths of friends and family members, we see the burden of organization and provision for the family left on the widows. One way we can love and serve our wives is to leave them with organized plans so that they have a smaller burden if we unexpectedly pass away or become disabled and unable to work. We share a few practical tips for putting together an organized folder of information that our families will need one day.

Shawn talks about internet password management. In the age of online accounts for everything, we need to leave our wives with a list of passwords to access important accounts like bank and insurance information. He recommends using something like Keeper Security to store and organize passwords and online accounts.

Mark shares some of the records he keeps in his folder including information for life insurance, health insurance, homeowners insurance, disability insurance, mutual fund accounts, social security numbers, car titles, vaccination & health records, passports and more. He also includes a list of people to call for home repairs, tax preparation, car repairs, etc. Many of us have these things written down somewhere, but they are not organized. We encourage you to write them down and store them in one place and let your wife know the information is there if she needs it. You can also use Dave Ramsey's Legacy Journey product to work through some of those plans.

Finally, we talk about some different types of insurance we should have set up to help provide for our wives and children if something should happen to us. We share a story about some friends that purchased long-term care insurance, not knowing if they would need it. When the husband developed Parkinson's a few years later, the wife was left with the means to pay for his care without debt. She is grateful that her husband took the time and spent the money on long-term care insurance.

We believe that it's important to plan ahead for these life circumstances, as much as possible, but also want to stress that you will leave a spiritual legacy for your family as well. Take the time to prepare these practical things, while you continue to seek ways to encourage and grow your family spiritually.

What steps have you taken to prepare in the event of your unexpected death or disability?

We've talked about our annual planning practices a few times, but today we wanted to focus specifically on the importance of planning for tithing and giving, as well as some of the more practical questions about how to set goals and ways to give.

Micah talks about the encouragement he received as a young man to take the Financial Peace University class from Dave Ramsey. That wise advice helped him begin good financial habits as a young married man. He observes that when he and his wife plan and budget regularly, they are also able to save and give more.

We talk about how regular financial planning meetings with your wife can be a leadership issue. As husbands, we can provide leadership and show love to our wives by talking about our finances, especially with wives that thrive with a plan.

Mark talks about the difference between tithing and giving. Does the Bible actually say we need to give 10%? Is it okay to give to other ministries and missions work instead, or should that be above and beyond the 10% tithe to the church?

We also talk about e-giving options. Our leadership is currently considering how to use e-giving tools wisely with our congregation. Why do we still "pass the plate"? We chat about the implications of giving in person vs. online. For example, parents of young children might want to continue to give in person as an example to their children. What about the 3% credit card processing fees?

Do you find that you give more when you plan to give more? We'd love to hear your thoughts!

The beginning of the year is a great time to look back and evaluate how you spent your time and energy the previous year, and make new goals for the upcoming year. We don't love the idea of resolutions, but setting clear, achievable, purposeful goals can be a great motivator as you begin a new year.

We talk about some of the goals we set for last year and how they played out. We each share a couple of the most successful goals we completed or habits we formed in 2017. It turns out many of our favorites were just simple, but meaningful, things like reading as a family or having breakfast together.

We also reflect on some of the hard things we experienced this year, including death, illness, and strained relationships in our families.

We want God to stretch us so that we grow in devotion to Christ this year, so we chat about our hopes and goals for the upcoming year. Mark hopes to be more grace-filled, less critical, and more thankful. He also has the desire to write another book. Shawn is praying to trust the Lord more with life circumstances and for gentleness in parenting. Micah hopes to be more intentional in discipling his children and friends that are new believers. He is also praying about responding positively to his children. (Anyone sense a theme here? Parenting is hard work...right!?)

We heard many of the same types of goals and prayer requests from our congregation as we prayed for them this week. We encourage you to think back over last year and make time to do some planning for the upcoming year.

You can also encourage your children to set goals and develop good habits for the year. Shawn recommends Exploring the Bible to help your kids develop the habit of daily Bible reading and study.

We'd love to hear about your goals & habits for the year! Do you take time to evaluate and plan at the beginning of the year?

Are you managing your time wisely? American culture seems to celebrate busyness, but is this really healthy? Today we chat about time management, stewardship, and some techniques we use to manage our own time well.

We talk about getting up early to use the quiet morning time wisely. Shawn makes the case that good time management starts with a good night's sleep and a regular morning routine. We recommend a few books that we have found to be helpful in creating routines and priorities.

We also talk about planning ahead, for the year, for the month, and for the week. We each have regular habits and routines (family dinner, for example) that are the priorities. Then we talk and pray about other opportunities and choose the best things. We like to do the hard things first. We also highly encourage you to put your phone down and consume less media.

Finally, Micah talks about creating flexibility for meeting other people's needs. We have a tendency to make all of our decisions about ourselves, but our time is not our own. As believers, we need to be available to serve other people as needs and opportunities arise.

You've heard it before: Leaders are readers. (Thank you, President Truman!) Whether you are leading in your family, your church, or your workplace, filling your mind with good ideas and stories will enhance your life and your leadership skills. This year we've shared experiences with Steven Curtis Chapman, missionaries, and pastors. We've thought through current culture issues with some of the best Christian leaders of our time. And we've enjoyed taking a step back from our regular lives to read stories that give a chance to rest and be renewed. All because we read some great books this year!

Today we're sharing some of our favorite books of the year. We hope you take the time to read and learn from some of these books.

We all agree, our favorite book of the year was Between Heaven and the Real World by Steven Curtis Chapman. We've all been fans of his music for many years. We appreciated his honesty about his marriage and his struggles through losing a child. We experienced new layers of meaning to many of his songs after learning about the circumstances in his life when he was writing the music.

Mark and Shawn recommend The Insanity of God by Nik Ripkin. It's the stories of a missionary family that served in Somalia and other places where the church is persecuted. It's a powerful look at some of the toughest places on earth and how the gospel is working in the lives of people there.

Shawn recommends This is Our Time, a book about how we can be faithful Christians in our time in history. The first chapter alone (about smartphones) is worth the cost of the book. This is a great gift book for young people!

For those that might be tired of hearing about all of these cultural issues in the church, Micah recommends Restoring All Things. It's not just talking about people helping with issues in theory (abortion, racial reconciliation, trafficking, etc.) because they include stories of people doing meaningful work to make a difference in all of these areas.

We think it's important to include some fiction reading in our book lists each year. Mark recommends Daniel Silva novels and Shawn enjoys reading Charles Dickens books. Some other books we highlight are Essentialism, The Vanishing American Adult, Martin Luther, and Gods at War.

Tell us about your favorite books of the year! We'd love to hear about them!

And just a reminder...we'll be taking a couple of weeks of from recording new podcast episodes for a couple weeks to enjoy Christmas festivities with our families. We'll be back with new episodes in January!

It's almost Christmas! It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of the season and become selfish during the holidays. Our kids are focused on presents and we, as adults, are focused on getting our to-do list finished.

We think it's important to plan some activities that help our families focus on loving and serving our community, so we're talking about how not to be a selfish pig during the holidays!

We have a few ideas and traditions to share to help you focus on giving and serving this Christmas.

Micah says his kids love going to Dollar Tree to buy gifts for each other. The gifts are small, but they learn a lot from it and look forward to it each year.

We mention several organizations that you can help with your money or your time. Some have "gift catalogs" that allow you to choose gifts like chickens, sewing machines, and bicycles that can change the lives of needy families in poor countries. Shawn's family has enjoyed providing a few gifts for children in an orphanage where a young woman from our church is serving. If money is tight, many ministries have opportunities for you to serve with your time.

Mark suggests visiting the elderly during the holidays, either in the nursing home or at their homes. You can visit people you know individually, or schedule a group outing to sing Christmas carols. Many older people are unable to travel to church and find great joy in singing carols with kids. They love the chance to tell stories to people. Mark tells a story about his friend Hilda that used to be a surgical nurse for Billy Graham's father-in-law. She loves to tell people about it.

Our home groups usually go Christmas caroling in different places each year. Some go to nursing homes and some carol around their neighborhoods. Not only is this a way to bring joy to other people, it can also be a good evangelistic opportunity as well.

You don't have to do all of these things to get rid of selfish attitudes in your home. We encourage you to add a couple of new traditions to spend time focusing on loving and serving people in your community this year!

And, as always, we'd love to hear some of your ideas! How do you fight selfish attitudes and help your family to focus on giving during the holidays?

Samaritan's Purse

Operation Christmas Child

Alamance Pregnancy Services

Christmas Cheer

Today we are talking about a difficult topic. What do you do when a friend takes his own life? A few weeks ago, Shawn learned that a close friend of his had taken his own life, leaving behind a wife and 4 children. CJ was a veteran of both the Army and the Navy and outspoken Christ follower, but under the surface, he was struggling.

How can a man that loved the Lord passionately and that was by all appearances happy, decide to end his life? Sadly, a few minutes of past trauma can rule a person's life. They can be deceived into believing that the world and their family are better off without them. Whether caused by PTSD or something else, as many as 22 veterans take their lives every day. Shawn shares how CJ's widow is becoming involved with an organization that helps fight veteran suicide.

We also discuss suicide in general. Suicide has become the 2nd leading cause of teen death after accidents. Our culture glamorizes death in some ways. One example is the recent Netflix series "13 Reasons". Young people faced with bullying and mounting responsibilities don't know where to turn for help. As parents and church leaders, we need to be looking for signs of trouble and making ourselves available to counsel and encourage those who are struggling.

At CJ's memorial service, the pastor preached a strong gospel message. Shawn shares the most memorable part of the message. "Was it selfish?...Yes...Was it sinful?... Yes...Was it wrong?...Yes...BUT Was it forgivable?...YES!" We believe that suicide is sinful and selfish, but it is forgivable because we serve a God that paid the penalty for ALL of the sins of believers.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, we urge you to talk to someone. Get help. And if you know people that are struggling, keep pursuing them. Push them to get help and be available to talk. Church leaders, be aware that there are most likely people in your congregation that struggle with thoughts of self-harm, even those that have a strong relationship with the Lord. Be on the lookout for ways to help and encourage each other!

Mission 22 - United in the War Against Veteran Suicide

Operation Heal Our Patriots - a ministry of Samaritan's Purse, helping to heal wounded veterans

The Hopeless World of "13 Reasons"  - with Jon Stonestreet