Connectedness

Alex Elle’s The Company We Keep helped me through the hardest friendship season of my life. In this episode, I share a heartfelt summary of the book, my own story of being rejected by one friend and ghosted by another, and the lessons that are teaching me how to choose people who choose me.If you are grieving a friendship, healing from ghosting, or learning to speak up for what you need, this conversation is for you.In this episode, I talk about:

• Why The Company We Keep by Alexandra Elle arrived at exactly the right time for me, and how her earlier book How We Heal shaped my healing journey
• What emotional safety really means in a friendship, and why it is such a precious gift we give each other
• A green flag story from the book about a friend who explained her silence, and what that kind of care can teach us about communication
• Why ghosting has become a go-to in so many superficial relationships, and why Alex Elle decided she would no longer tolerate it
• How many of us were never taught to use our words in relationships, and how to start practicing
• How a scarcity mindset can hide the friends who are already in our lives
• Why not everyone is on the same healing path, and how reciprocity and intentionality help us spot misaligned relationships
• The difference between a healthy boundary and a barrier built from fear
• Affirmations for choosing people who choose you, honoring your needs, and taking up space without worrying about being too much
• What readers on Goodreads are saying, including the honest critiques

My invitation to you: let’s commit to being emotionally safe friends. Let’s communicate openly, explain our silence when we need space, and look for alignment in the friendships we choose.📖 Get the book: https://bookshop.org/a/114328/9780593...🎧 Subscribe to the Connectedness Podcast ✨ Join the Filled Cups community: filledcups.com💬 Tell me in the comments: what is one quality that makes a friend feel emotionally safe to you?If this episode meant something to you, please like, subscribe, and share it with a friend who could use some tenderness today.Connect with me:   / filled.cups   |   / fernandabrasileiro  #TheCompanyWeKeep #AlexElle #Friendship #EmotionalSafety #ConnectednessPodcastDisclaimer: This episode is a personal reflection and book discussion. It is not a substitute for professional mental health support. The link to the book above is an affiliate link and I may earn a small commission from a purchase.#TheCompanyWeKeep #AlexElle #AdultFriendship #Ghosting #EmotionalSafety#FriendshipGrief #ConnectednessPodcast #BookReview #HealingJourney #FriendshipAdvice

Making friends as an adult can feel intimidating, and this conversation with Rachel Magario will leave you feeling hopeful about it. Recorded in person in Denver, Colorado, this episode of the Connectedness Podcast is a heartfelt chat between two friends of 29 years about how to make friends, keep them, and stay kind to yourself along the way.

Rachel Magario is a motivational speaker and AI strategist who was born in Brazil, moved to the U.S. for college, and has built a life around community, resilience, and authentic connection. In this episode she shares the three things that help her make friends wherever she goes: building a relationship with yourself, putting yourself out there without taking it personally, and bringing fun and real presence into every room.

In this episode, we talk about:- How to make friends as an adult, even when you feel nervous or out of place - Why community carried Rachel through some of the hardest seasons of her life- What a latin dance convention taught us about friendship (Rachel made at least five new friends in one day!) - Living with ADHD and giving yourself compassion on your slow days - Recovering from heart bypass surgery and listening to what your body needs - Friendship ghosting: why it hurts, how to respond, and why grace goes both ways- Moving 29 times and learning to connect quickly with new people

TIMESTAMPS

0:00 Welcome to the Connectedness Podcast (live from Denver)

1:06 Rachel's story: Brazil, college in the U.S., and reinventing your identity

3:18 Greater Than Your Condition: Rachel's new Substack newsletter

3:47 How community and friends help you get through hard times

5:25 Why we're together this weekend: the Brazilian zouk convention

7:07 Heart bypass surgery, recovery, and getting her energy back

8:02 ADHD, self-compassion, and working with your natural cycles 10:08 Rachel's friend-making superpower

10:54 Moving 29 times and learning to connect fast

11:57 Three keys to making friends as an adult

12:23 What salsa class taught Rachel about collecting information

13:44 Put yourself out there: the AirPods story

15:08 When Rachel lost her friend-making powers and how she got them back

16:00 Why being present is the real game changer

16:26 The dance class moment that could have ruined her day

17:41 Friendship ghosting and what to do when someone pulls away

19:54 Extending grace to others (and to yourself)

20:24 Closing thoughts and where to find Rachel

🔗 CONNECT WITH RACHEL MAGARIO Substack (Greater Than Your Condition): https://substack.com/@rachelmagario

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachelmagario/

JOIN THE CONVERSATION Have you ever made a new friend in an unexpected place? Or been ghosted by someone you cared about? Share your story in the comments and send Rachel some love. Your stories help other people feel less alone.

If this episode spoke to you, please like, subscribe, and share it with a friend who could use a little encouragement. It truly helps more people find the Connectedness Podcast.

The Connectedness Podcast explores friendship, romance, belonging, and the relationships that make life richer. New conversations are shared regularly, so subscribe to join us.#ConnectednessPodcast #HowToMakeFriends #AdultFriendship #Friendship #Ghosting #ADHD #Connection

At 12 years old, Mare survived a traumatic brain injury that erased her memory and forced her to rebuild her identity from scratch. Decades later, she founded Oshanah, a personal development practice rooted in neuroplasticity, to help other people do the same thing, on purpose.

In this episode of Connectedness, Mare and I talk about what happens to a woman's sense of self after years of mothering, caretaking, and putting everyone else first. We talk about why identity loss in motherhood is so common, why it usually surfaces around the empty nest years, and what it actually takes to feel like yourself again.

We cover:

• What it was like to relearn her own identity at 12 after a traumatic brain injury
• How neuroplasticity means the brain (and who you are) can always change
• Why so many women quietly lose pieces of themselves in motherhood
• The "shelves" theory of how the brain builds habits and reactions
• Mare's signature exercise, Design Your Ideal Me, and how to use it
• Why finding purpose matters at every stage of a woman's life
• What to do if you feel like you're grieving a version of yourself you can't quite remember

If you're a mom heading toward an empty nest, or you've ever looked in the mirror and wondered where you went, this conversation is for you.

Connect with Mare:🌐 Website: oshanah.com📸 Instagram: instagram.com/oshanah._personal_development

Connect with Connectedness:If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it too. Like, subscribe, and leave a comment telling us what part of this conversation hit home for you.

#Connectedness #Motherhood #EmptyNest #Neuroplasticity #IdentityJourney

Jenny Ferran was a French teacher at a school with a tough reputation when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019. She thought the hard part would be the diagnosis itself. It wasn't. The hard part came later, when she realized she'd spent years operating out of fear, measuring her worth by how useful she was to everyone else, and living a life that looked right from the outside but didn't feel like hers.In this episode, Jenny talks about the moment her students, kids who'd been written off by their own community, showed up for her with more love than she knew what to do with. She talks about the offhand comment from a teenage boy that cracked something open in her ("I know my worth"). And she talks about Christian, a quiet student who left a letter on her desk during breast cancer awareness month, telling her he'd just lost his own mom to the disease. What grew between them over the next year became one of the most healing relationships of both their lives.Jenny also opens up about leaving her marriage, stepping back from being the daily presence in her sons' lives, and eventually walking away from teaching altogether, all in the name of finishing a healing process she couldn't ignore anymore. She's now writing a memoir called Conversate about illness, teaching, and what it means to find yourself again.This is a conversation about connection in its most unexpected forms. About the difference between being needed and being seen. And about what it costs, and what it gives back, to finally ask yourself the question you've been avoiding: am I happy with who I am?🎧 Like, Subscrbe, and Listen to more episodes of Connectedness 📝 Follow Jenny's writing on Substack https://substack.com/@jennyferranvillanueva📝Find updates on her memoir: https://jferranbookscom.pagenest.ai/ 📍 Filled Cups events + community: https://www.filledcups.comIf this episode moved you, we'd love to know: has there ever been a conversation that changed the way you saw yourself? Jenny has this exact prompt on her site, so go answer it for her, and tag us too.#ConnectednessPodcast #FilledCups

Evan Oliver moved to Charlotte in her 30s with her husband and baby daughter, ready for a fresh start. Two weeks later she lost her job, and she didn't know a single person in the city. So she did something most of us are too scared to do. She posted one honest TikTok video asking if anyone wanted to be friends.That video went viral in Charlotte, and over 700 women messaged her. In this episode, Evan talks about what happened next: meeting up with over a hundred of those women one by one, hosting a neighborhood Halloween party that brought out 150 people, starting a book club, and building an entire community from nothing.We talk about what it actually takes to make adult friendships work, including the difference between being social and being someone who puts in the effort, how to know when someone isn't the right fit for you (and why that's okay), navigating ghosting and emotional maturity in friendships, staying connected to friends from your old city while building a new life, and why liking and commenting on your friends' posts matters more than you think.If you've ever moved somewhere new and felt lonely in a room full of people, or if you just want a reminder that building your people is possible, this episode is for you.Follow Evan on TikTok: @evanalexisoliverListen to Connectedness wherever you get your podcasts, and subscribe here on YouTube so you never miss an episode.00:00 Introduction to Evan's story02:00 Moving to Charlotte and getting laid off03:30 The TikTok post that changed everything07:00 Hosting the neighborhood Halloween party11:00 Being candid about who you are28:00 Ghosting and emotional maturity in friendships32:00 Dealing with the grief of moving away36:00 Why engagement matters to your friends39:00 Final thoughts and how to find Evan#Connectedness #AdultFriendships #MakingFriendsAsAnAdult

What if the thing you spent your whole life blaming yourself for was never a character flaw at all?In this episode of Connectedness, I sit down with Kathleen Long, founder of Coached by Kath and an ADHD life coach who spent over 20 years in education before being diagnosed with ADHD herself at 41. Kathleen coaches adults, teens, and families, and she brings a national board certification, trauma insight certification through NAMI, and two decades of lived classroom experience into every session.We talk about what it felt like for Kathleen to realize, decades into her career, that her brain simply works differently. She opens up about the grief that came with a late diagnosis, the years of being called too sensitive or too dramatic, and how rejection-sensitive dysphoria shaped her relationships long before she had a name for it.We also get into the emotional exhaustion of masking, how ADHD shows up differently in romantic relationships and friendships, and why so many people feel like everyone else got a manual for life that they never received. Kathleen shares how therapy, support groups, and small daily habits helped her unlearn shame and start rebuilding her self-worth from the ground up.If you've ever wondered whether your emotional intensity, forgetfulness, or sensitivity means something is wrong with you, this conversation will feel like the exhale you didn't know you needed.In this episode we cover the following: 00:00 Introduction to Kathleen Long 02:15 Realizing you have ADHD after 20 years in education 05:02 The grief of a late diagnosis 08:37 Rejection sensitive dysphoria and misdiagnosis 11:07 What masking really looks like day to day 13:22 How ADHD shows up in romantic relationships 20:47 ADHD and adult friendships 24:02 Self-esteem, self-worth, and "the manual nobody gave you" 29:34 Rebuilding self-love after a late diagnosis 36:01 What to do first if this episode feels like youConnect with Kathleen Long: Website: https://coachedbykath.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdcoachkath/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachedbyKathLLC/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathleen-m-long/Connect with Connectedness: If this episode brought something up for you, I hope you'll sit with it a little. Maybe it's time to look at your own story with a little more compassion or have a conversation with someone you love about what's really going on underneath the surface. That's what connectedness is all about.Please like, subscribe, and share this episode with someone you love.#ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDAwareness #ADHDCoach #ADHDRelationships #Masking #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #SelfWorth #ConnectednessPodcast

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother or father, you already know the confusion isn't really about one bad day or one hard conversation. It's a whole way of surviving that gets built into you before you even have words for it.In this episode of Connectedness, I sit down with Dr. Nzinga Cates, victimologist, licensed clinical mental health counselor, and one of the first researchers to center the lived experience of Black daughters raised by narcissistic mothers. She's also the author of What Happens in This House and Black Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, and she brings both her clinical expertise and her own healing journey into this conversation.I share more of my own story in this episode than I usually do, including what it looked like to set boundaries with my mother that eventually led to estrangement. Dr. Cates and I talk about what actually happens inside a narcissistic household, the roles kids get assigned (golden child, scapegoat, invisible child), how gaslighting and lack of privacy shape a child's sense of self, why so many of us don't recognize the pattern until our late 30s or 40s, and what it looks like to unlearn all of it as adults.If you saw yourself in anything we talked about today, I want you to know what Dr. Cates told me: you are not alone, you are not too sensitive, and you are not imagining things.Learn more about Dr. Nzinga Cates: Website: https://catescounselingandconsulting.com/ Books: What Happens in This House: A Memoir of Strength, and Black Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Healing the Wounds That No One Could See (plus companion workbook)Dr. Cates is also available to see clients through Headway:https://care.headway.co/providers/nzinga-catesTimestamps: 0:00 Intro [add timestamps once you finalize edit]Connect with me on socials: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fernandabrasileiro/https://www.instagram.com/filled.cups/If this episode meant something to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Like, subscribe, and keep showing up for connection, including the connection you're building with yourself.

What happens when the life you built for 17 years falls apart overnight? Nicole Bright knows. She's the founder of the Nicole Bright brand, a strategic decision advisor during divorce, and a transformational speaker who helps high achieving women hold onto clarity, composure, and control during one of the most disorienting seasons of their lives.In this episode, Nicole opens up about the moment her marriage exploded, why she left with almost nothing, and how she had to rebuild her entire sense of self after years of losing her voice in a toxic relationship. We talk about the difference between coaching and advising, why she treats big life decisions like business decisions, and the three C's she now teaches other women: clarity, composure, and control.This conversation isn't just for women going through divorce. It's for anyone in a season of starting over, whether that's a new job, a new city, a breakup, or becoming a mother. If you've ever felt like you lost yourself inside a relationship or a role, this one is for you.We cover:- The moment Nicole's marriage fell apart and how she left within a month- Why she calls herself her own first client- The real difference between divorce coaching and divorce advising- How to make big life decisions using the same logic you'd use in business- Rebuilding your identity when it's been wrapped up in a marriage- Why "who are you becoming" matters more than "who you used to be"- Nicole's new collaboration with stylist Donna to help women feel like themselves inside and outConnect with Nicole Bright: Instagram: @nicolebrightofficial Facebook: Nicole Bright Official Website: https://nicolebright.com (grab her free clarity worksheet here)If this episode moved something in you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Leave a review, subscribe, and keep filling your cup.#ConnectednessPodcast #DivorceRecovery #RebuildingYourself

Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt like the woman looking back at you didn't quite match who you've actually become? That is exactly where today's conversation begins.My guest is Donna Hundley, founder of The Designed Presence™ and also the founder of Curvy Chix Chariot, one of the nation's first mobile fashion boutiques for plus-size women. Donna spent over 25 years helping organizations align who they are with how they operate, and after being laid off in 2024, she realized that so many accomplished women were carrying that exact same kind of misalignment personally.In this episode, Donna gets honest about a moment many of us know all too well. She talks about being the woman everyone called "sunshine," the one who always showed up dressed and smiling, while feeling completely broken on the inside. We talk about what it means to honor your evolution instead of judging yourself for changing, how to figure out whose voice you are actually hearing when you look in the mirror, and why she believes identity always comes first and style comes second.We also get into her Presence Room experience, an intimate dinner gathering for women over 40 where phones are put away and real conversations happen, and why she believes so much of healing starts with raw and honest relationships between women.This conversation is a reminder that alignment is not something you find once and keep forever. It is something you have to keep coming back to as you grow and change, and giving yourself permission to be seen exactly as you are today might be one of the most important things you ever do for yourself.If this episode speaks to you, please share it with a friend who needs to hear it, and leave us a review wherever you're listening. It genuinely helps this little community grow.Connect with Donna Hundley:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedesignedpresence/LinkedIn: Donna HundleyWebsite: https://thedesignedpresence.com/Connect with Connectedness:Instagram @Filled.Cupswww.filledcups.comTimestamps:0:00 Intro2:08 What was happening when Donna first noticed the misalignment6:16 From Curvy Chix Chariot to The Designed Presence10:51 Why identity comes first and style comes second13:00 Where to start if you feel successful on paper but disconnected inside21:23 A moment of identity shift she witnessed in a client25:38 Inside the Presence Room experience29:38 Other ways Donna supports women and organizations32:11 Closing thoughts#PersonalGrowth #WomenOver40 #SelfIdentity #Alignment #ConnectednessPodcast

[TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains a brief mention of sexual assault. Please take care of yourself as you listen.]What does it really mean to "find yourself" after trauma? In this deeply moving conversation, I'm joined by Caroline Wienecke, author, entrepreneur, and storyteller behind the novel Finding You: Beyond Broken Pieces, a story of a woman who must learn to reclaim her voice, her identity, and her sense of wholeness after an unimaginable experience.Caroline shares her own healing journey with such honesty and courage — from the years she spent silently holding everything together, to the sleepless nights that eventually became the pages of her book. We talk about what it actually feels like to live through trauma while the world keeps moving, why healing is messy and non-linear, and why speaking your truth, even when it's terrifying, might be the most important thing you ever do.In this episode, we explore:Why trauma doesn't just change what happens to us — it changes who we becomeHow journaling and storytelling helped Caroline process what words alone couldn't expressThe surprising gift of vulnerability and why letting people in is where healing really beginsWhat to do when you feel stuck, isolated, or like you're just going through the motionsCaroline's one message for anyone who feels broken right nowWhether you're navigating something painful, supporting someone you love, or just curious about the deep connection between storytelling and healing, this episode will leave you feeling a little less alone.📖 Caroline's novel: Finding You: Beyond Broken Pieces🌐 Connect with Caroline: carolinewienecke.com | @carolinewienecke on Instagram & LinkedIn🎙️ Connectedness is a podcast about the relationships, experiences, and moments that help us better understand ourselves and each other. New episodes drop regularly — subscribe so you never miss one.💬 If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.📩 Connect with Fernanda: filledcups.com | @filled.cupsCHAPTERS:00:00 Trigger Warning00:20 Welcome & Guest Introduction01:53 Who Was Caroline Before Trauma?03:14 The Moment She Knew She Wasn't Living as Herself05:11 About the Novel: Finding You: Beyond Broken Pieces06:25 What "Finding Yourself" Really Means08:38 How Storytelling Became Her Healing11:14 How Trauma Reshapes Identity13:44 The Hardest Part of Healing Nobody Tells You16:31 Practical Tips for Getting Back to Living Your Life18:33 Why Speaking Up After Trauma Is So Hard22:20 Creating Safe Spaces for Difficult Conversations23:37 How Connection Shaped Her Healing Journey26:09 What Caroline Is Still Learning27:55 A Final Message on Healing, Courage & Connection29:15 Where to Find Caroline