I am chatting with my guest, Stephanie Pavlantos, about how we can support our friends who have a child or children with special needs.   

Stephanie is mom of three and her son, Matthew, was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was a toddler.  She shares with us the grief that came with his diagnosis and how all the hopes and dreams she had for him had to be surrendered.  We talk about how not only is having a child with special needs emotionally draining, but all of the physical demands it takes as well.
Stephanie shares that even though a mom with a special needs child may not be asking for help or telling you that she is struggling, she probably is.  She is probably very lonely and could use a friend.  Because Stephanie has walked in these shoes, she shares some great ways that we can step up and love our friends well who have a child with special needs.  She encourages us to not let the child's disability scare or intimidate us.  Your friend needs you.  She needs your help and support and Stephanie is going to help educate us on how to do that well. 

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

Today, I am chatting with Peyton Garland and our conversation is all about vulnerability and why it is so important in our friendships. Vulnerability is the foundation of any close, deep friendship.  Without vulnerability, our friendships don’t go as deep as they should and they remain more surface-based.

We talk about why vulnerability is so important in our friendships.  Even though it is so important, it can be scary to open up and let people into those parts of our messy life that we would rather remain hidden.  When you allow your friends to see you both when you are up and when you are down and when you open up to them honestly about what is going on in your life, your friendships will have depth.  When you share with your friends what is on your mind, your concerns and your fears, you begin to build a meaningful bond.  Being vulnerable strengthens relationships.  Vulnerability makes it impossible for your friendships to be fake or superficial.  When you are open, honest, and raw with your friends, they can also feel safe to share their true selves with you.  Letting your guard down can feel risky, but making the choice to show your friends your true self, flaws and all, is the only way to build those deep friendships we all crave and need. 

Peyton is the author of the book "Not So by Myself" which has been promoted by TED talk speakers and a Former White House Press Secretary. In her book she speaks openly about experiencing loneliness, finding forgiveness, and discovering that we don't need to be perfect in order to be happy or to be loved by God.  Acknowledging our imperfection allows us to fully experience the grace given freely to us by God.

CONNECT WITH PEYTON:
Instagram: @peytonmgarlandauthor
Website: https://peytongarland.me

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

Today is Part 2 of my conversation with Brandy Traylor.  We chat about the importance of being in a bible study, and Brandy shares with us an exciting new way to make bible study easy for everyone.  The Coffeehouse, set to open virtually early October 2021, and as a member you will have access to on-demand bible studies written by women who get you. As well as easy-to-follow study guides to help transform your life, and relevant monthly specials that meet you right where you are at.  At the Coffeehouse, you can decide to do the bible studies independently, or I would suggest getting a group of friends together and diving into God's word together.
 
She Laughs Ministries online Bible Study Coffeehouse is a place to sip on God's Word so your soul can be filled. There you can find rest from the demands of day-to-day life, live each day more fulfilled, and receive support and encouragement from women just like you in the Coffeehouse community.  Click here to head over to She Laughs Ministries page and check out the Coffeehouse to get more information.   

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

CONNECT WITH BRANDY:
Website: She Laughs Ministries :  The Coffeehouse
Instagram: @shelaughsministries
Facebook: shelaugh

Today is Part One of my conversation with Brandy Traylor, and we are talking all about prayer.
 
 Have you ever wondered that if prayer is one of the greatest tools given to us, why don't we use it more when it comes to our friendships?  We know that prayer moves the heart of God, but it is something that most of us don't practice regularly in our friendships.  We may throw out an occasional "I will pray for you" in passing, or on a Facebook post, but are you really? Are you really praying for that friend?  No judgment here my friend, I am the first to admit my guilt over saying I would pray for someone, and then never following through on my good intention to pray for the friend.
 
 In my conversation with Brandy, we chat about the importance of prayer, and why for many of us it can be hard to go to our friends and ask them to pray for us.  Sometimes our need for prayer can make us feel venerable. We all like to portray that we have it all together even though if we are honest with ourselves, we don't. Sharing with our friends our struggles or issues that we need prayer on can sometimes expose areas in our life that we would like to keep hidden from others.  We know we were not designed to walk through our struggles alone, and one of the greatest gifts we have been given is the ability to bring our struggles and concerns to our Heavenly Father. We also talk about how it can also feel awkward initially to reach out to a friend and ask if we can pray for them.  For most if this is not something regularly practiced, we can struggle with this feeling awkward and uncomfortable. The good news is the more we reach out to pray for our friends, the easier asking to pray for them becomes.
 
 Whether it's praying together, praying for your friend in your own prayer time, or asking a friend to pray for you, prayer is a powerful way to strengthen our faith, and a great way to be there for your friends.
 
 I pray that this conversation leaves you encouraged by the power of prayer and the power of coming alongside friends and regularly praying for each other.   My challenge for you after you listen to this episode is two things:  First, reach out to a friend and find out how you can pray for them today and second, reach out to a friend and share something that you are carrying and to ask them to lift it up in prayer for you.  Please let me know how it goes!
 

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

CONNECT WITH BRANDY:
Website: She Laughs Ministries :  The Coffeehouse
Instagram: @shelaughsministries
Facebook: shelaugh

With the beginning of the school year in full swing, and most of our kids being back to in-person learning, I thought that this would be the perfect time to have a conversation about our kids and growing their friendships.  We all want our kids to be a good friend to others, but do we just cross our fingers and hope they turn out to be a great friend?  Of course not.  We all want the child who is kind, inclusive, compassionate and friendly.  We can all agree that none of us wants our child leaving other kids out, gossiping, or being a bully at school.  But how do we make sure that our child grows up with the strong character traits that will make them a great friend?  I don't have all of the answers, but my guest today can hopefully shed some light on this topic for all of us and help us better teach our kids to be a good friend.

My special guest today is Pastor Julie Pratt.  Pastor Julie is the Family Life Pastor at Harvest Chapel, located in Sandwich, Illinois.  I have known Pastor Julie for about a year and I knew that when it came time to talk about our kids and the ways that we can help to raise them to be a great friend, she was the person I wanted to have this conversation with.

Pastor Julie shares with us about intentional parenting.  We just can't just leave to chance that our kids are going to make the right decisions without us guiding and teaching them why it is important that they are a good friend to others.  If they don't learn early how to be a good friend, as they grow, they won't have the foundation to build upon.   

Our kids have been entrusted to us by God and it is important that we parent them with intentionality.  Part of that intentional parenting is shaping our children's character.  We talk about the different character traits that a great friend has and how it is never too early to start modeling and sharing with our children the importance of being a good friend to others.

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

With the rate of infertility growing and people being more open about sharing their journey through infertility, the chances of you having a friend experiencing this is probably high.  Going through infertility can be emotionally taxing on someone.  If we have not walked the road of infertility ourselves, then we may not know how to best support our friend, or we may be hesitant to show up for them because we are concerned we may do or say the the wrong thing.

Today, I have my sweet friend Becka Butler with me.  Becka shares her journey through infertility and gives simple practical ways we can show up for our friends who are going through this challenging time. 

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

Can we disagree or have different views, and still be friends?
I want the answer to this question to be, YES!! Of course we can disagree, and still be friends.  Unfortunately, what I have seen taking place throughout the last year and a half tells me that a lot of us think the answer to this is actually,  no. 
The last 18 months has given us a lot of opportunities to have different views and opinions with those closest to us.  With those different views and different opinions, it creates opportunities for a friendship to be strained, or in some cases, the friendship to be completely broken.

Today, my friend Mary Ann Griffith and I talk about how it is possible to have different views, and opinions and still remain friends.  Mary Ann is a licensed therapist, and she helps us tackle this topic.  I think each of us can think of at least one friendship that has been strained due to having different views, but this conversation will encourage you that just because you have a different view doesn't mean your friendship is over.  I found this conversation so helpful for myself in my own relationships, so I have no doubt it will be helpful for every single person who is listening.

CONNECT WITH MARY ANN:
Instagram: therenewalsession
Podcast: The Renewal Session

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

Did you miss me?  I took the last month off, but boy does it feel good to be back!  In this episode, I give a little recap about my time off.  After homeschooling the girls last year, my husband and I made the decision to send them back to public school this year.  I share a bit about what lead to that decision and how I am still struggling with questioning whether I made the right decision.
 
Also, I share about how I took last month to intentionally learn what it looks like for me to try to "rest."  When I say "rest," I am not talking about sleep, which also is very important, but mental rest.  What I am referring to is taking time to do the things that refuel and recharge you.  For me, as someone who is so busy taking care of everyone and doing, doing, doing, "rest" is not something that come naturally to me.  This last month, I was able to dive in a bit to see what exactly helps to refuel and recharge me.  I think that the most important thing I learned is that "rest" is something that I need to weave into the rhythm of my everyday life.  It should not be something that I try to do when I find myself completely empty and depleted.  I do not have it all figured out yet, but what I do know is that when I take the time to recharge and to refuel, it not only benefits me, but it also benefits all of the people that I do life with.  When I am in a better place,  it is a win for us all!

Before I wrap up this episode, I take a few minutes to talk about something that has been very heavy on my heart.  I talk about the tension and division that a lot of us are feeling over the COVID vaccination.  I do not get into a lot of depth in this episode on this topic because next week I will have my friend Mary Ann back with me to unpack this topic a bit more.  I just want to encourage you that where ever you stand on the issue, we should not be fighting each other over it.  Our friendships are too important to be torn apart by whether or not someone feels the same way we do about COVID, masks, or the vaccine.  I want to remind you that we have a real enemy out there who wants nothing more than to divide and destroy us and to destroy our relationships.  Right now, he is loving the amount of tension and division that is going on amongst us, even in our own families.   Although it may seem like our battle is against those who oppose our view, let me remind you that it is not.  In Ephesians, Paul writes that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but it is against the spiritual powers of evil.  Satan wants nothing more than to cause division and separate people from each other.  We see and feel the division in our Country, the division in our local community, the division in our families and the division in our relationships & friendships.  That division is the devil's goal, and far too many of us are playing right into his hand. Let us not lose focus on our calling: to LOVE GOD & LOVE PEOPLE.  The enemy wants to distract us and bring discord amongst us to get us off track from our mission and our calling. 
Next week, Mary Ann and I will dive deeper into how we can love our friends, especially those that we disagree with on important issues.  Hopefully, we will give you some insight and tips on how to love our friends and love them well, even when we don't have the same opinions and views. 

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

This episode is all about how to create a Friendship Bucket List and why they are important to create.  I also talk about how we can take the great ideas we have for our friendships and make them a reality.  I know that so many of us have great ideas and plans we would love to make happen with our friends, but sadly, if you are anything like me, I struggle with putting all of my great ideas into action.
 
I give you some ideas of what a Friendship Bucket List could look like and then some steps to make them happen.  A Friendship Bucket List or Friendship Goals, whatever you may want to call it, gives us things to look forward to and also helps us to prioritize our friendships.  Life is crazy busy and unless we take the time to slow down and be intentional with checking the items off of our bucket list, many great ideas and plans will never become a reality.  I hope that this episode inspires you to make your own Friendship Bucket List and start planning out what things you are going to make a priority this year.  Let's have some fun! 

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

On this episode, I am joined with my friend, Brandy Traylor, and we are talking about being left out.  No matter how old we are, or how many times we have been left out by our friends over the course of our life, it hurts.  When we are left out, for most of us, it triggers those insecurities that scream at us telling us that we are not "insert your own insecurity here" enough to be included.  Each of us wants to know that we are loved, valued, and important, and when we are left out, sometimes we interpret that as we are not loved, valued or important.  Brandy and I talk about what it has looked like for both of us to be left out at various times with our friendships.  We also discuss the difference between being intentionally left out and being unintentionally left out and how to identify the difference in each situation.  We talk about how we can shift out focus off of feeling that our worth is found in people, and shift it to knowing that, with Christ, we are enough.  People are going to let us down and hurt us.  That is part of living in a sinful world.  When we learn to stop letting other people's actions define our worth, that is when we find true freedom.

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.