At some point in our life we will have a friend who is pregnant.  This is a practical episode packed with do's and don'ts to support the pregnant friend in your life.
 
CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.

If I were to ask you, "Do you want to change the world?"  I think your response would be "YES!!"  We all want to make an impact and make a difference.  What if I told you that we all have the ability to make difference in someone's day?  Each of us has the power to make a difference in someone's life by simply being intentional.
 
In this episode, I have my good friend Abby Emert joining me.  This amazing woman as taught me all about the importance and power of being intentional.  When we talked, Abby shared about when she was growing up and how she learned to be intentional.   She learned by watching her mom being intentional in her friendships.  She watched her mom always take the extra step with making friends feel loved and important.  When Abby saw the fruit that came from her mom's actions of being intentional, she knew that it was something that she wanted to carry on with her friendships as she grew up.

Abby talks about how even though she is a busy mom and wife, she makes time to be intentional.  Sometimes, we overthink and overcomplicate how easy it can be to be intentional.  It can be as simple as dropping off a little gift or treat for a friend, but can also be just  sending a text to let a friend know she is loved and you are praying for her.
We wrap up the episode with Abby giving us some simple ways we can start to be intentional in our friendships today.  Not everyone is wired this way, but when we start small with trying to build intentionality into our daily routine, each of us can begin to build stronger, more meaningful friendships.

SHOWNOTES: The Power of Being Intentional

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast. 

Today, I have my friend Bailey T. Hurley with me and we are talking all about friendship breakups.  Bailey is a Friendship Coach and I knew she was the perfect person to have this conversation with.  I know it doesn't sound like a fun topic, but the truth is we have all walked through a friendship breakup at some point in our lives.  Bailey shares her expertise on how to navigate through a breakup and come out healthier on the other side.  She talks about how important it is that, even if we choose to not continue a friendship with the person, we still reconcile with the person.  It important when a friendship is coming to an end to have the opportunity to talk it out together, have the chance to apologize, and to hear the other person's side of the story.  It may seem easier to just walk away from the friendship without having the chance to talk it out or get closure, but Bailey stresses that making the effort to have the conversation with that person to talk it through will help to make things less awkward in the future when you run into your old friend at the grocery store.

Bailey also encourages us that just because a friendship has ended does not mean that there is something wrong with us.  Most friendships don't last forever, and as our seasons of life change, so do our friendships.  After walking through a friendship breakup, allow yourself to grieve the loss of that friend and talk it through with a trusted friend and/or counselor/therapist.  Just because one friendship has ended in a breakup doesn't mean that all of your friendships are destined for failure.

A little more about my friend Bailey T. Hurley:

Bailey T. Hurley is everyone’s favorite community cheerleader.  Bailey takes simple, creative ideas and turns them into easy rhythms for women to confidently pursue their people, despite their busy schedules. She has written on the topic of friendship for publications like: She Reads Truth, Deeply Rooted, and Grit and Virtue. Bailey holds an MA in Leadership from Denver Seminary.  She leads a community group with her family, serving twenty men and women every week in their home.  She also hosts her own friendship workshops for the ultimate friend date experience.  She currently lives in Denver, CO with her husband, Tim, and kiddos: Hunter and Liv.  Click Here for more information on Bailey's Friendship Coaching Sessions. 

CONNECT WITH BAILEY:
Instagram: @bailey.t.hurley

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast.
SHOWNOTES: Friendship Breakups

Today, I have Ashley with me and we are talking about how we can do a better job being there for a friend who is grieving the loss of a baby.  Ashley's daughter, Bridget, was stillborn at twenty-four weeks gestation and Ashley knows first-hand what it is like to walk through the grief of losing a baby.  She shares with us how important friendship is when someone is walking through grief.  When you go through something that is so incredibly traumatic and forced to deal with such a great loss, you really find out who your true friends are.  You find out who is willing to walk with you through the valley and who is willing to sit with you in your grief.
 
Ashley gives us practical ways we can show up for our friends who are grieving their baby.  She shares with us things that may be helpful to say to a grieving friend and things not to say.  Most of us can get uncomfortable when we have a friend who has experienced this kind of loss because we don't know what to say, or what to do.  Ashley reminds us that the worst thing we can do for a friend walking this road of grief is to not show up or be there for them.  Backing away from our friend during this intensely emotional time because of our discomfort is one of the worst things we can do for our friend.  This interview will help you better learn how to show up and love on that friend who is grieving the loss of their baby.

Ashley Opliger is the President and Executive Director of Bridget’s Cradles a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization based in Wichita, Kansas.  Bridget’s Cradles donates cradles to over 1,050 hospitals in all 50 states and comforts over 26,000 bereaved families each year.

Ashley is married to Matt and they have three children: Bridget (in Heaven), and two sons, Branton and Brenner.   She is a fully-devoted follower of Christ who desires to share the hope of Christ and Heaven with families grieving the loss of a baby.

SHOWNOTES: Supporting a Grieving Friend

CONNECT WITH ASHLEY:
@ashleyopliger
@bridgetscradles

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast. 

On today's episode, I am talking with my new friend Jaclyn Weidner.  Jaclyn is the host of the Ready to Thrive Podcast.  She is also the author of Tangled: A Soul Care Revival Guide, which is 6 week study guide to  help women get to the root of what is keeping them tied up in anxiety, depression, anger, and a whole lot more.  I have loved getting to know Jaclyn better and she brings so much wisdom to our topic today on how to have those crucial conversations (a/k/a hard conversations) with a friend.
Nobody likes them.  Everyone dreads them.  They can be awkward and create anxiety going into them, but the reality is that they will come up in our friendships at some point.  We have three choices when we need to have these conversations.  We can ignore them.  We can have them, but handle them poorly.  Or, we can have them, but handle them well.  Jaclyn gives us some great examples of how we can have these crucial conversations and do them in love.   She encourages us to not run from these crucial conversations.  When tough conversations are handled well, we can see the fruit from those conversations in our relationships.  Our friendships can get even stronger when we go through a hard season together and make it to the other side.   

CONNECT WITH JACLYN:
Instagram: @jaclyn.weidner

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast. 

In today's episode, we are going to dive in and chat about friendships and our expectations.  I know that many of you would say that we should not put expectations on our friends, but the reality is that we do.  We all have certain things that we expect of our friends.  Our expectations can include how we feel our friends should treat us or respond to us, or how much we expect them to be available to us.  We can also have expectations about how often we would want them to reach out and check in on us, or maybe how often we would like to spend time with them in person.  The bottom line is that we all have expectations when it comes to our friendships.   

It can be unhealthy in a friendship when either the expectations that we place on others are unrealistic or when we have an expectation that is not clearly communicated to our friend. One sure-fire way to damage a friendship is to have an expectation that goes uncommunicated to the other person.   We cannot expect our friends to read our minds, yet too often, we are surprised when they can't.   If there is some way that a friend is falling short of what your are expecting of them, you need to share it with them.  Give your friend a chance to be aware that an expectation exists and is not being met.  That open communication also gives your friend the chance to either step it up and meet that expectation, or if that expectation is outside of something they can do, then they are able to speak up and let you know that they can't meet that expectation.  Honest and straightforward communication gives you the opportunity to adjust your expectation with that friend and ensure that both of you are on the same page.  When both of you are on the same page with your expectations, those expectations will tend to produce a healthy, flourishing friendship.

SHOWNOTES: Friendships & Expectations

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast. 

Summer is HERE!!! Who doesn't love summer? 
I have my good friend Kelly on the show again today and we share some simple, practical ways to be intentional this summer with getting together with your friends.  My hope and prayer is that after listening to this episode, you will be excited to find ways to get together this summer and invest in your friendships.  Kelly and I give you 6 ideas of some fun, yet simple ways you can plan a get together today! These ideas also help you get to know your friends better. When we know our friends better, it helps grow and deepen our friendships. 

#1. Favorite Things Party: Each guest brings 3 of their "favorite things."  Each friend's favorite thing must remain at the set price limit.  Each friend will write her name on a piece of paper 3 times. When it is time to start the exchange, the first person lets everyone know what her favorite thing is and why, and then she draws 3 names to send her "favorite thing" home with. This continues until all names are drawn and everyone has 3 new favorite items to bring home.

#2. Meal Prep Night: We all have to make dinner, so why not kill two birds with one stone.
There are a few ways to do this and make it fun and simple. After you select your friends who want to prep some meals with, have everyone pick one meal ( or 2 if you want to make double the meals), the host sends out the list of all  of the ingredients for the recipe, and then each person brings their ingredients to the meal prep night.  Meals for the week . . . done! 

#3. Swap Night: Your junk may be your friends' treasures! This is a great way to get some new treasures for free. Who doesn't love free? Get together with some friends and bring a bag of things you want to get rid of and set the goods out for each of your friends to pick through. At the end of the night, whatever has not been claimed as someone's new treasure can then all be put into a bag and someone can be designated to drop it off somewhere donations are accepted.  As my twins say, "sharing is caring!" 

#4. Cookbook Club:  This would be such a fun monthly girls' night!  Have everyone order the same cookbook and get together and have each person make something different out of that cookbook.  A week before the meal, the host can send out a text or email with all the recipes each person will be bringing so that you can make sure its balanced.  This could also be fun to do with a dessert cookbook if you want to avoid the formality and complexity of a meal and just enjoy some sweets!

#5. Wine Tasting:  Each friend brings a bottle of wine in a paper bag, so no one can see who brought which bottle. The host secretly pours for everyone, not letting the others know whose bottle she is pouring.  After everyone has the opportunity to taste all the wines, then the host has everyone guess who brought which bottle of wine. I would highly suggest that the host supply some type of prize if someone can pair all of the wines with the friend who brought it.

#6. Fondue Night: The host provides the fondue and then ask each guest to bring something to dip. Just make sure to confirm what everyone is bringing so everyone doesn't bring the same thing.  Too many strawberries make for a boring night.
 
CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!! Let me know why you love this podcast. 

Today, I have my friend Merritt Onsa with me talking all about how we can do a better job supporting our friends in their dreams.

Merritt is a trail guide for the passionate, creative, Christian woman who wants to get over her fear of failure, comparison, and imposter syndrome so she can get moving on her God-shaped dream.  She encourages women to start chasing their dreams and stop wasting time second-guessing themselves, procrastinating, or trying to be perfect.   She feels it is a tragedy when our God-shaped dreams stayed hidden because of our fears and insecurities.  Merritt hosts weekly conversations on The Devoted Dreamers Podcast, talking with Christian women about their dreams, their fears, and how God has transformed their faith through the process of attempting courageous endeavors.  She was the perfect person to have this conversation with and I know that you will agree after you listen.

During our conversation, we talk about why it is so important to support our friends in their dreams.  Starting something new can be scary and overwhelming.  It is so important to be able to point your friend back to their "why" when things get hard during their journey and they may want to quit.  Your support and encouragement of your friend's dream means more than you know.  Showing support can be as simple as just asking your friend about how it's going with the dream they are pursuing or if there is anything you can do to help.  She also urges us to make sure to take time to celebrate our friend in both her small and big successes as she moves forward following her dream.

We also talk a little bit about what to do if you are the person who is pursuing your dream and it feels like there is nobody there supporting you.  Don't worry,  there is some encouragement out there for you.  We encourage you to be brave and to chat with your friends to let them know what you need from them.  Sometimes people don't give us the support we need because they don't realize that we need it.  Just you making your friends aware of how important it is that they show interest in what you are doing may be all you need to do to turn the lack of support into the support and encouragement you need.  We also discuss ways to create new circles of support if, after talking to your friends, you are still lacking the support from your existing friends that you need.

This conversation is encouraging for both the person who wants to know how to support her friend in a dream and for the dreamer who is looking for ways to find support as she pursues her dream.  You won't want to miss this conversation.


CONNECT WITH MERRITT:
Facebook:   Devoted Dreamers   
Instagram:  @merrittjo
Website:  merrittonsa.com


CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  @heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
If you are loving this podcast and its helping you with your friendships, would you head on over to iTunes or your favorite podcast app and leave a rating and review?
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!!  Let me know why you love this podcast. 

Today, I am joined with Brianna Heida.  Brianna shares her story with us about her journey with struggling with a chronic illness and how her friendships have helped her in this very difficult journey. 

Brianna shares some great insight on how, in general, we are very good at meeting needs when our friends have an acute illness or have surgery.  We fix a meal, drop by for a visit, or send flowers, but what happens when there is no getting better?  What happens when the diagnosis that our friend has been given means there is no getting better on this side of eternity?  How do we show support when this is our friend's new normal?

We talk about how following the first month of  Brianna's diagnosis, she had people who were doing all of the appropriate gestures: dropping of meals, stopping by for a visit or texting to check in on her regularly.  But after the first month, Brianna noticed that most of her support went silent and she was left to navigate her new normal with little support.  We talk about how we believe that most people have good intentions to be there and be a support to a friend struggling, but the busyness of life becomes a thief.  We become distracted in our busyness and our great intentions to be a supportive friend slowly fades away. 

Finally, Brianna shares with us some great ideas that we can put into practice for the friends in our lives who are struggling with a chronic illness.  Her suggestions are super practical and have the ability to have an amazing impact on your friends day.  Don't miss this episode if you are looking for ways to show up in your friends life who is struggling with a chronic illness.  

CONNECT WITH BRIANNA:
Facebook: briannaheida
Instagram: @briannaheida
Website: paintedprayers.org

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
If you are loving this podcast and its helping you with your friendships, would you head on over to iTunes or your favorite podcast app and leave a rating and review?
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!!  Let me know why you love this podcast. 

On this weeks episode, I have a very special guest.  My guest is licensed therapist Mary Ann Griffith. Mary Ann helps us dive into the importance of discerning our friendships.

One thing we can all agree on is that we all are BUSY!  It's a common theme among most people these days.  Since the amount of time we all have to give to our friendships is limited, we need to choose to pour into relationships that have the potential to be life-giving, not life-sucking.  We only have so much bandwidth, so it's crucial that before getting "thick" with a friend,  we evaluate our friendships.

Mary Ann breaks down how to take closer look at our friendships and to see if our friendships are what she calls "green light, yellow light, or red light" friendships.
Green light friends are the lifegiving friendships that will grow and bloom into beautiful relationships.

Yellow light friends are those friendships  you with whom need to proceed with caution. Some examples of these are friends who seem to gossip about everyone, or friends who seem to rotate through a BFF regularly.

Last, we discuss the red light friends. These friendships have little to no boundaries and can be manipulative.  These friendships, without redirection and establishing healthy boundaries, will end up being toxic.

We also chat about how each one of us has a "story" that plays a part of the kind of friend we are. Unfortunately, most of us at some point in growing up developed some unhealthy traits that we bring into our friendships that can make us a "yellow light or red light" friend.  Mary Ann shares about how sometimes if a "yellow light or red light" friend is loved well and has good friends who are willing to teach them healthy boundaries and how healthy friendships should function, they can go from a "yellow light or red light" to a "green light" friend. 

If we can create healthy boundaries in our friendships, it gives us the agility to protect how much we give of ourselves to our differently lighted friends and we are able to protect our time and our own emotional well-being.

You won't want to miss this episode and all the wisdom that is packed into it.  My prayer is that it will help so many of us to do a better job having discernment in our friendships.

CONNECT WITH MARY ANN:
Instagram: therenewalsession

CONNECT WITH ME:
Facebook:  Connecting in the Chaos
Instagram :  heather.oncken
Email : [email protected]
Click here for my free guide Simple Ways to be Intentional in our Friendships.
If you are loving this podcast and its helping you with your friendships, would you head on over to iTunes or your favorite podcast app and leave a rating and review?
Click here to leave me a review at iTunes!!  Let me know why you love this podcast.