Conscious Conversations with Cam

What is a toxic relationship? As with anything, there is a spectrum of toxicity, but for the sake of this episode, I'm going to define toxic relationships as relationships formed on trauma bonds. 

Trauma bonds occur when we go through periods of intense love and excitement with a person followed by periods of abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. This can be in the form of emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and so on. When you experience extreme lows followed by extreme highs, you can get addicted to the cycle of toxicity, and bond with the other person also experiencing this rollercoaster of emotions. 

In most cases, this trauma feels familiar because it started at home and during childhood. As adults, we subconsciously attract toxic relationships that mimic childhood abuse and environments as a way of attempting to call attention to (or ultimately heal) the trauma. Unfortunately, instead of healing, many of us get locked into relationships that we know are not for our highest good. 

On the spiritual side of things, toxic relationships come into our lives to initiate healing. However, what happens on the practical level is that we become addicted to the toxic cycle and the other person. We begin to rely on another person to do the healing for us, and when those low-lows come, we seek those high-highs as temporary comfort. In truth, all you need to heal is yourself, and the desire to break those toxic patterns. 

So have you attracted a toxic relationship? If so, ask yourself: 

What kind of environment were you raised in? 

How were you shown love as a child? 

Does chaos feel safe? 

As adults, that addiction to chaos and that instinct to seek out comfort from toxic individuals will continue until you choose to heal from your trauma. Toxicity is drawn to us as a way to initiate healing, but it is up to us to discover the hidden pattern and heal it.

Next time you are in an argument, or feel triggered, or find yourself in an extreme low with your partner, identify the trigger and ask yourself how far back it goes. Follow the trigger’s line of energy. When was the first time you felt this way? Does the trigger connect to a memory? Go back to an event or a person?

When you identify where your trigger is coming from, you’ve done half the work right there, and you can begin to heal. 

And when you experience an extreme low and you feel that urge to go back to them, ask yourself: 

Why? 

Do you truly love them, or are you afraid of being without them?

Are you afraid of being alone? 

What are you avoiding within yourself?

Why do you believe that you don't deserve real, stable love?

To truly heal, you have to sit with yourSelf and feel. We have to feel it to heal it. It can be painful and uncomfortable, but being on the other side is so worth it -- to be free.

Once you begin the work, you will begin to realize the trauma wasn’t love after all, and that you became addicted to a toxic cycle of abuse. (Another possibility: both partners realize the pattern, and begin to work on themselves, and grow and heal together)

You deserve real, true, authentic love, and you deserve to heal. <3

Sending you all love,
Cam Kashani 
Sacred Queen Embodiment Guide
Inspirational Speaker

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

I’ve really been leaning into my divinity and embodying what I have come to call my Sacred Queen, and as a result, feeling inspired to share more of what may typically be triggering. And so this week, that topic is: Sexual Shame.

We live in a society that demonizes sex. That conditions us to believe that it is sin, wrong, bad, etc. This leads us to growing up believing that WE are in fact bad, dirty, wrong, sinful, etc. But sex is a part of the human experience, and a beautiful part at that -- in fact, when used properly, sex can be a tool for ascension.

So what happens to us when we deny a part of ourselves, and call ourselves bad, wrong, sinful etc.? Rebellion, anger, and SO MUCH SHAME. And if you recall, on the scale of consciousness, shame is of the absolute lowest vibration (whereas love, peace, enlightenment are highest).

When we embrace ourselves fully, including our sexuality, and even more so our SACRED sexuality, we attract and create opportunities for growth and healing. Sex with someone on your level of consciousness, who you love, who you feel safe and open with, can be a beautiful act of ascension.

Women are especially conditioned to feel shame surrounding sex. Often being labeled as “whores” or “sluts” -- while men are applauded and high-fives. News flash: shaming women does not just affect women, it affects all of us -- humanity as a whole. We are all connected. The shame keeps feeding the shame. It’s a vicious cycle.

By denying our true divine essence, we end up resenting ourselves, and as a result, creating a hyper sexual society that objectifies women. 

Men need to stop shaming women, and women need to stop shaming themselves. It’s when we start to heal from that shame that we can fully see and embrace the truth of who we are and our true self. 

Men, on the other hand, are shamed for experiencing emotions, and raised being told that ‘real men don’t cry', and shamed for having feelings as a child. They are constantly shut down. This drives them to unhealthy coping mechanisms that include unhealthy, wounded sexual practices -- and only knowing how to feel through sex. That’s part of why porn addiction and sex addiction are rampant in today’s society. 

Mindfulness and consciousness when applied to sexuality is key to creating that space for your healing and growth. You want to honor yourself, your body and your divinity. 

So how do we begin to heal this?

Ask yourself: are you engaging in sex out of love? Self love? True authentic embodiment and enjoyment? 

Or is it from wounding? In search of external validation? Are you disconnected from your true Self? Engaging in sex out of boredom? Or hurt? Or trauma? 

Engaging in sex from this space of lack, will only end up leaving us feeling empty or hurt, and as a result, searching for more → addiction. 

Validation can only come from within.

So today, I leave you with this: 

What is your intention when you have sex? 

AND.

What would you do differently if you loved yourself only 10% more?

By honoring yourself, and loving yourself, you create room for growth, awareness and healing.

Sending you all love.

Love,

Cam Kashani

Award Nominated Divine Feminine Leadership Coach and Inspirational Speaker 

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

We all have our shadows, our darker parts that we’re told not to look at. We’re taught to reject darkness, but on the path to healing, we need to accept and love our shadows. We need to embrace our darkness. 

On that note, today we’re talking about divorce and breakups. I myself am very happily divorced. But I definitely wasn’t happy when it happened-- it nearly killed me, no joke. Abandonment, hurt, betrayal and rejection—divorce can be brutal. Not to mention, my divorce took two years.

During that time I was super depressed. I didn't want to feel and I used substances to escape, Many dissociate in various ways, from drugs, to alcohol to overworking or even sex.

We’re not taught how to heal trauma, only to avoid it.

But avoiding the pain is allowing it to control you.

So one day, I decided I didn’t want that story to define me anymore —I wanted to define it.

As painful as various events in our lives are, they are all happening for us. The spiritual context of the human experience brings a sense of peace and clarity. All these things happen for a reason: your soul calls them in to learn and evolve. 

My divorce turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, because it made me who I am now. I used to be a scared little girl, but now, I’m a loud and proud woman that takes up space and embraces my power. I no longer outsource power, I am my power.

And you. You are powerful. You are a badass. You are the creator of your life, and you are the one who gets to decide whether to be a victim or to be empowered. You always have a choice to call your power back and become everything you are capable of being. 

Do you want it?

And if so, how to heal?

It begins with Intention. Intentions are so powerful. Declare to yourself and to the Universe what you want.

From there, take small steps, and give yourself time -- honor where you are and where you’re going.

Ask for help. Get out of your head and your ego and either start reading books, sign up for seminars or hire a trauma-informed coach or therapist who has put in the work (someone that truly knows what they are doing). That’s what I did -- hiring a coach (shoutout to Greg!) was the best decision I made and led to me becoming one myself.

Lastly, acceptance. Accept the reality and trust you will heal. And as incredibly painful as it can be, you have to feel to heal. Don’t drown out your emotions or numb yourself. A feeling fully felt lasts only 90 seconds. (mind blown right?)

With all this in mind, I leave you with this thought: 

Who am I capable of becoming when I am fully in my power and nothing else has a hold on me?

Sending you all love.

Cam
Divine Feminine Leadership Coach, Inspirational Speaker

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

I was never taught boundaries and had to learn my lessons the hard way. Many of you are likely in a similar position. We are taught to be mindful of others, but not ourselves, which results in negativity and resentment towards ourselves, which then gets projected outward.

So, what is a boundary? A personal boundary (according to Google) is ‘the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.’

Let’s take this a little further. Boundaries could be described as integrity with yourself first, and others as a result - not the other way around, which is typically how we are taught. We are taught to put others first, but this is flawed. Integrity starts with you, and your experience with the outer world is always a mirror. If you don’t love and honor yourself, how are you able to truly and authentically do so for anyone else? 

With boundaries, we make Self-honoring choices  that end up resulting in our highest good. Many of us were trained to make choices that benefit others, but at the cost of betraying ourselves. 

This is a learned behavior, based on experiences we have gone through in our lives. In our society, it is common to interpret healthy boundaries as rejection. Many people become offended or feel insulted by someone else putting up a boundary, but all this indicates is that they don’t have a good relationship with themselves. Remember, everyone is operating at their own level of consciousness. 

A person who has a healthy relationship with boundaries will hear and honor your boundaries. They will not judge you, call you selfish, gaslight you, or attempt to make you feel bad in any way. A person with a healthy relationship with boundaries will respect yours and honor you, and at times, may even thank you for teaching them more about the power of boundaries. 

Boundaries are absolutely essential to creating a happy, healthy relationship that lasts, with yourself and others. When we don’t set boundaries, we betray ourselves and thereby create subconscious resentment and negativity. Eventually, that negativity gets projected outwards and onto other people - and that never ends well. 

Of course, some people won’t respond well to you setting boundaries. While this can be unpleasant, someone that won’t respect your boundaries may no longer be serving your highest purpose anymore. Honoring yourSelf will reveal the people in your life that will honor you, too. Like I said, everything is a mirror.

When I started setting boundaries, some people couldn't handle it, and that’s okay. I am worthy of loving and honoring mySelf, and you are too. 

--
Hope you enjoyed this episode. Check out to camkashani.com to sign up for insightful emails and updates!

With love,
Cam Kashani, Inspirational Speaker and Divine Feminine Leadership Coach 

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

What is judgment? Judgment is the act of making yourself or others wrong and is only present when we judge ourselves. You see, outer experience is a reflection of your inner reality, so when you find yourself being judgemental, you are also allowing yourself to be judged. 

So - do you judge others or compare yourself to others? Here’s what I mean: I went to go pick up my kids from school the other day. I was wearing a workout outfit, a sports bra, and some yoga pants, which meant you could see the big tattoo on my side - which I love and means a lot to me. But some other moms were staring at me and  making comments about the tattoo. 

Fortunately now, with the amount of work I've done myself, and as a Leadership coach, that doesn’t phase me at all. I know they are just judging themselves and holding themselves back, which is why they feel the need to judge me. 

Judgment comes from a low vibration place and is the result of dark energy festering within you. That energy has to go somewhere, and so we project it on those around us.

When we do the work to heal and stop judging ourselves, then we can begin to stop judging others and allow them to be themselves. If you engage in self-judgment, you will be judgmental of others. When we let go and allow ourselves to be the divine free beings we are meant to be, we are also freed of the need to judge others. 

One of my favorite quotes is from Ram Dass, a spiritual teacher, and I'll butcher it but it's something like this:

When you go out into the woods, and you look at the trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is...the minute you get near humans, you lose all of that. And you are constantly saying ‘you are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.

When you stop judging yourself and others, the judgment you face from the outside world will become irrelevant. When you do the work to identify your divine path, you’ll be able to let rude comments roll off your back - but you have to start from within. To help you start the healing process, and to get you thinking about judgment, I’ll leave you with these questions: 

• What is the #1 judgment you have about yourself?
• Whatever that judgment is, can you love yourself anyway? 
• Can you forgive yourself for that thing you judge?

And remember -- You don’t *have* to forgive yourself, or release self-judgment - but it is your choice to continue to hold onto negativity. The more you become aware of your self-judgment, the higher your energetic vibration will be, and the more yourself you will be. And the more free you will be. <3

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

Forgiveness is an act of self-love; it has nothing to do with anyone but yourself. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the pain, negativity, and darkness that you have experienced in your life. But, when someone does something that hurts or offends you, do you let it go, or do you hold on to it? 

When we experience something negative, it’s so easy to get stuck replaying the story of what happened. We hold onto the fact that we were hurt, or traumatized, or somehow impacted negatively. While those feelings and experiences are very real and valid, it doesn’t serve you to hold on to negativity when you could set yourself free with forgiveness. 

To live a powerful life, you have to get out of victim consciousness. You have to forgive what has happened to regain your power. When you suffer a trauma, you have to do the work to help release it to move forward and live a powerful, happy, empowered life. 

But forgiveness is hard. It is much easier to stay angry, to continue blaming those that have hurt you for the hurt you feel today. Doing the work to forgive and move on is not easy, but it is worth the power you will feel once you let go. Take your power back and heal. Take your power back and forgive. 

Now, I’m not saying to just forget what has happened to you and go right to forgiveness. Forgiveness requires you to process what you have gone through and to experience all the emotions that it brings up. Hurt, anger, abandonment - every aspect of the pain is important, but once you have processed, it is just as important to let go. 

You get to choose. You can choose to hold on, or you can choose to let go. You are powerful enough to make that choice, and forgiveness can set you free. 

So, what does forgiveness look like? As someone who has done a lot of forgiving in her lifetime, I have included a guided journey in this episode to help you begin to forgive. 

Every experience in your life leaves an impression on your body, so we have to find where the pain lies, look at it, learn about it, and process it so that eventually, you can forgive and release yourself from the anger that is within you. You can heal yourself, and with a little work, you could be living a peaceful life free from the weight of holding onto your trauma. 

As always, I’d like to leave you with a question: If I’m not forgiving the other person, who am I truly not forgiving? 

Explore forgiveness and self-love by listening to episode 5 of the Cam Kashani Show! 

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

What other people do or say has nothing to do with you. 

When I was a kid, I took everything personally. Probably until my early 30s, when I started doing work on myself. I thought everything someone said or did meant something about me. I was severely bullied as a kid - for being fat, for being an immigrant, for everything, and of course, I took it personally. I hated the way people treated me and wondered why they were so mean, but I also wondered: what was wrong with me?

In my mind, the behavior of my bullies sparked the idea that I wasn’t enough, or that I didn’t belong. Little did I know that my bullies were projecting their own pain and anger onto me, and as a quiet, non-confrontational child, I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. 

I held onto this belief for a really long time.

Our worldview is profoundly shaped by the experiences we have as children, and when we don’t take the time to do the work to overcome early trauma and shame, we end up feeling like a scared little kid in an adult body. When I was a little older and started dating, feeling like I wasn’t enough came up again and again. Yes, I was cheated on, and at that moment I felt like there was something wrong with me. 

Someone who cheats has a lack of self-worth and a lack of self-love. Some people might try to make you think they were just ‘really horny’, but let’s get down to the truth of it: a cheater fears full intimacy and being seen for who they are because they do not love themselves or feel worthy. Sadly, it is usually the person who is cheated on that begins to think that something is wrong with them, and it harms their self-worth. Well guess what: it has nothing to do with you.

Other people treating you badly is indicative of their unresolved trauma and their level of consciousness, not yours. You have nothing to do with it. It isn’t personal. 

When you can let go of the need to assign hidden meaning to other people’s actions, you can begin to view the world with neutrality. To be able to observe and listen without taking anything personally can give you so much power, and can give you the chance to experience the world without pain or hurt. 

How can you begin to work with your inner child? When a trigger comes up, when someone says or does something that takes you to a place of sadness or anger, you must address it head-on. Acknowledge the pain you are experiencing, then try to grant yourself forgiveness to release your pain. Nothing will mess with you anymore: Healing will make you un-fuck-with-able.  

Heal your shit so you will be able to see that other people’s shit is just their unresolved trauma. Heal. Forgive. Let go. 

Learn about self-liberation, empowerment, consciousness, and healing your inner child by listening to Episode 4 of the Cam Kashani Show. 

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

Your truth matters. Your voice matters. Your experience matters. In a society that conditions us - especially women - to stay quiet, it is so important to speak up and own your truth. 

I didn’t start speaking up for myself until my early thirties. I was afraid of conflict, of not being liked, and of not being accepted. Part of the problem was that I hadn’t done the work to get to know myself. In moments where I felt like I should speak up, I didn’t understand why I felt that way and had no words to express the feelings I didn’t understand. Instead, I would freeze. The empowered human knows and speaks their truth. 

You owe it to yourself to do the work to get to know who you are. You deserve to love yourself so that you can be your own biggest cheerleader. The only person that needs to love, like, and accept you is you. 

Not speaking up for yourself is a form of self-betrayal. When we don’t speak up, resentment builds within us. Outer experience is a reflection of inner reality, so when you don’t speak up on the outside, you deny a piece of yourself on the inside.

We are conditioned to believe that not speaking up is often the ‘kind’ thing. We stay quiet to preserve people’s feelings; but what about YOUR feelings? Your feelings are valid and important, and there is always a way to express your truth from love and clarity.

When did you learn that it wasn't safe to be ‘you’? Take a moment to reflect on experiences throughout your life that may have made you feel it wasn’t safe to speak up. Think about a time when you spoke your truth and were told to be quiet, or that you were wrong, or were otherwise shut down. How did that make you feel? And did those experiences shape how you own your truth today? Do you allow yourself to speak, or do you shut yourself down?

Just like how adults made you feel unworthy as a child, shutting down your truth and not allowing yourself to speak up supports an underlying sense of unworthiness. Well, guess what: You are worthy. Your truth is worthy. You are a divine creation, so remind yourself every day: You are fucking worthy!

Enough playing small and staying quiet: stand in your power and speak your truth! Tell everyone: this is who I am, and this is what I’m here for, and this is what I expect, and this is what it looks like - all with love and grace. 

Your truth deserves to be heard. How other people receive you is not your responsibility as long as you show up as a conscious human being. If people have a negative reaction, or you trigger somebody: good. Triggers can help us to identify underlying wounds, so whether you know it or not, your truth could help someone else to reclaim theirs.

When was the last time you didn’t speak up for yourself and why?  Get super specific, and try to identify the underlying fear that stopped you from speaking up. Maybe you were afraid of not being liked, or not being accepted - whatever it is, acknowledge that fear without judgment towards yourself. If you feel embarrassed or ashamed, that’s okay too. Be with the feelings and allow yourself to become comfortable in that truth to begin to heal. 

When you are ready, go a step further and ask yourself: If you were just 10% braver, what would you have done differently? 

Like I said before, I grew up never speaking my truth. When I did the inner work, I let go of the feeling of unworthiness I had lived with for so long. I identified my limiting beliefs and I reprogrammed them, unlocking the key to loving myself.

Everything you have been taught about staying quiet and keeping your opinions to yourself is a lie, and it is time to start doing the work to heal your fear. You matter, your truth matters, and you deserve to be seen and heard.

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

Today’s topic is: Body shame. It is everywhere, running rampant, impacting everyone. 

Body shame is when you deny, hate, or reject any part of your physical being. But, why are we taught to deny, hate, and reject ourselves rather than being taught to love every beautiful part of us? 

As children, we are programmed by society to believe that we are not inherently enough. We are told we aren’t beautiful enough, we aren’t thin enough, we aren’t enough period - and we buy into it. So many of us struggle with intense body shame for years (or a lifetime) as a result, and learning to deprogram those ingrained beliefs can take an immense amount of effort. 

Body shame isn’t natural. We are meant to love, accept, and be ourselves. We are born worthy, and everything else is a lie. Everything else is a projection from society. Let’s dump that shit, and redefine what it means to love ourselves and feel beautiful. 

Try asking yourself these four questions: 

1. What is the dialogue like with your body?
   Hold on, are you saying we should be talking to our bodies? Yes! When you listen to your body and really pay attention to it throughout the day, its needs and wants are loud and clear. Your body needs love, it needs nourishment, and it needs fuel. When you truly tune in to a conversation with your body, it will tell you what it wants to eat, when it wants to sleep, etc.
   
   
2. Does your body feel safe? 

You may not even realize just how unsafe your body feels until you ask yourself this question. For years, my body didn’t feel safe: I hid it, I repressed it, I was ashamed of it. Now, on the other side of that, living in a body that does feel safe - I wish this glorious feeling for all of you. 

       3. Do you trust your body? 

Your body shows up for you every day. Your lungs keep breathing, your heart keeps pumping - everything is working, but do you trust your body?
  
      4. Do you hide your body? 

I used to. When I look back at that version of me, hiding her body, I have so much compassion. She didn’t know any better. 

As a child, I had a terribly negative inner dialogue with myself and my body. I was the “fat” kid, and years of adolescent body shame led to an amphetamine addiction that would follow me for more than two decades along with a series of eating disorders. “Anything to be thin,” as I would say. Now, when I look at myself I just see this glorious, powerful woman. All that hatred and shame could be unlearned, and today, I can reflect on my former self with compassion. 

In this episode of the Cam Kashani show, I share stories from my past and pieces of wisdom that helped me escape body shame and fear and step into my true self, and to live in harmony with every part of my being. Listen to the full episode here and be sure to check out my Instagram for more on my self-love journey! 

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani 

Episode 1 

What is your definition of beauty? Is it one that serves you? Is it one that empowers you and inspires you, or is it one that hinders you and brings you down? Is it one that constantly puts you in a place of comparison? 

A little over a year ago as the pandemic began, I had an epiphany, so to speak. I realized that I had had enough body shame, and was sick of being told by society’s standards that I was not enough. I knew I had to take my power back - and that’s exactly what I did. I created my own definition of beauty, did a ton of inner work, and gave society a big old ‘F-you!’ in the process! 

The moment I allowed myself to let go of the standards I had been pursuing for so many years, I felt free. I finally felt like I was me, and I had broken free of those false standards that had held me back for so long. Loving myself was never about changing who I was or how I was, it was about learning to love myself unconditionally. 

True unconditional self-love means loving all parts of yourself - even those parts of you that may have made you think you weren’t enough. You have to let yourself be who you are despite societal programming, and the sooner you can break free of that, the sooner you can take your power back. 

But how do you begin to heal? For me, it started in the mirror. I learned to stop comparing. I learned to love what I saw and appreciate what I have. I learned to access my inner child who, like the adult me, was hurt and never felt good enough about herself. Together, we learned to be within ourselves and to feel good enough exactly as we are. 

Imagine what your life would be like if you could look at yourself and love every part of you. Society has conditioned you to be critical of the way you look, the way you work, the way you behave - but what if you could just love yourself for exactly who you are? No improvements needed. 

I went from legitimately hating myself and my body and living with a constant negative internal monologue to learning to love every part of myself. It’s time for us to start loving ourselves, and witnessing ourselves as the Divine gifts we are created to be, and as a result, living more freely and as a bonus, loving and witnessing everyone else. 

Remember to follow me on IG @cam_kashani