Conversations with Thomas

In this episode, Thomas dives into the antidote to modern life’s relentless hustle: JOMO, the Joy of Missing Out. He unpacks how the fear of missing out (FOMO) hijacks our brains, triggering stress and anxiety as we compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reels.

Thomas explores how choosing JOMO is an intentional act of self-care and resistance to the culture of busyness—embracing rest, solitude, and presence without guilt. Drawing on neuroscience, he explains why downtime is essential for emotional health, creativity, and resilience, activating the brain’s “default mode network” to help us reset.

You’ll also discover practical ways to cultivate JOMO in your own life, including mindful boundaries, digital detoxes, and creating rituals that honor your need for quiet and restoration. With wit, wisdom, and a healthy dose of humor, Thomas makes the case that sometimes the best night out is simply staying in.

Ever find yourself five decisions deep into a life that doesn’t feel like yours?

In this episode we dive into the deceptively subtle—but wildly transformative—difference between making decisions and living by choice. (Spoiler: only one of them usually involves panic-sweating while pretending to be fine.)

From neuroscience to spiritual wisdom, childhood stories to adult crossroads, this episode is a love letter to your agency. You’ll learn how to shift from people-pleasing and autopilot into embodied, aligned living—one brave choice at a time.

If you’re tired of performing perfection and ready to start choosing on purpose, this episode will help you reset your internal compass—and remind you that your life is yours to live, not just manage.

As I like to remind my clients, “A decision is what you do. A choice is who you are.”

Let’s start there.

In this episode of Conversations with Thomas, we get intimate with the emotional bruises that won’t stop showing up—the patterns, inner critics, and silent spirals that keep tugging at our peace. Thomas explores the concept of pain points—not just passing discomforts, but persistent sore spots that often hold the key to our healing and personal power.

With warmth, humor, lived truth, and a dose of science (no eye glaze, promise), Thomas walks us through five essential ways to identify your core pain point—by tracing patterns, decoding the inner critic, exploring old narratives, and reclaiming the parts of yourself you’ve been trying to outrun.

You’ll hear:

•          A personal story about what a missed text really meant

•          A journaling exercise to help you gently meet your pain

•          Research from the APA and Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett that reminds us why unhealed pain repeats

•          A powerful quote from James Baldwin to anchor you in resilience

Oh—and if you’ve been trying to prove your worth, this episode might just convince you that your power has nothing to do with performance.

Bring your journal. Bring your truth. Nervous giggles welcome.

In this bold, heartfelt, and hilariously honest episode, Thomas dives deep into the powerful realization that your truth doesn’t need to be applauded to be valid. 

With wisdom, wit, and a touch of science, he unpacks how approval-seeking can quietly hijack your identity—and what it really costs when you silence your truth to fit in.

Drawing from his memoir Little Fag, Thomas shares a raw story of growing up gay in a world that demanded perfection, and the freedom he found when he finally chose authenticity over approval.

You’ll also get a 5-question “Approval Inventory,” a truth-telling daily practice, and a gentle but fierce reminder that living your truth is one of the most radical acts of self-love.

This is your permission slip to stop performing and start breathing.

A Gentle Note Before You Begin to Listen

This space holds truth—and sometimes, truth is tender.

The story I share here includes reflections on suicidal thoughts and lived experiences with mental health struggles. If this is a sensitive subject for you, please honor your heart as you read or listen. You have full permission to pause, skip, or return when it feels safe.

You are not alone.

Your well-being matters more than any story.

If you or someone you love is struggling, I encourage you to reach out to a trusted support, therapist, or crisis resource in your area. There is help. There is hope. And there is healing.

With deep respect for your journey —

Welcome. Please begin when you’re ready.

Start with How You Failed

In this episode of Conversations with Thomas, we flip the script on how we usually measure success. Thomas invites us to start by sharing our failures—the messy, mortifying, oh-shit moments we’d rather keep hidden. Because when we tell the truth about how we fell down, we give ourselves and others permission to get back up.

Drawing from his own life—like the day he almost ended it all at Bow Falls in Calgary—Thomas shares how failing to take his own life became his biggest triumph. That failure woke him up to the power of living, to the fierce desire to turn pain into purpose. And he reminds us: failure isn’t the end—it’s the forge that shapes us.

Alongside personal stories and scientific insights (like how the brain’s error-monitoring system actually helps us grow), Thomas weaves in humor and heart, showing us that failure is life’s way of recalculating the route.

He also shares how his own “coaching misfires” became the catalyst for authentic, human-centered connection—and extends an invitation to listeners to explore the gold in their own failures.

So, take a deep breath and join Thomas in this brave conversation. Because in the end, our failures aren’t proof we’re unworthy. They’re reminders we’re alive, we’re learning, and we’re loved.

Let your failure become the compass that points you to what matters most. 

A Gentle Note Before You Begin to Listen

This space holds truth—and sometimes, truth is tender.

The story I share here includes reflections on suicidal thoughts and lived experiences with mental health struggles. If this is a sensitive subject for you, please honor your heart as you read or listen. You have full permission to pause, skip, or return when it feels safe.

You are not alone.

Your well-being matters more than any story.

If you or someone you love is struggling, I encourage you to reach out to a trusted support, therapist, or crisis resource in your area. There is help. There is hope. And there is healing.

With deep respect for your journey —

Welcome. Please begin when you’re ready.

Start with How You Failed

In this episode of Conversations with Thomas, we flip the script on how we usually measure success. Thomas invites us to start by sharing our failures—the messy, mortifying, oh-shit moments we’d rather keep hidden. Because when we tell the truth about how we fell down, we give ourselves and others permission to get back up.

Drawing from his own life—like the day he almost ended it all at Bow Falls in Calgary—Thomas shares how failing to take his own life became his biggest triumph. That failure woke him up to the power of living, to the fierce desire to turn pain into purpose. And he reminds us: failure isn’t the end—it’s the forge that shapes us.

Alongside personal stories and scientific insights (like how the brain’s error-monitoring system actually helps us grow), Thomas weaves in humor and heart, showing us that failure is life’s way of recalculating the route.

He also shares how his own “coaching misfires” became the catalyst for authentic, human-centered connection—and extends an invitation to listeners to explore the gold in their own failures.

So, take a deep breath and join Thomas in this brave conversation. Because in the end, our failures aren’t proof we’re unworthy. They’re reminders we’re alive, we’re learning, and we’re loved.

Let your failure become the compass that points you to what matters most. 

Best for: Humans. Especially the ones trying really hard not to be.

Ever felt like a beautiful disaster wrapped in a hoodie of self-doubt? Good. You’re in the right place. In this heart-cracking, belly-laughing episode, Thomas explores the liberating concept of being flawsome—that sacred sweet spot where your mess meets your magic. Popularized by Timber Hawkeye in The Opposite of Namaste, flawsome is about embracing your imperfections not as liabilities, but as your own weird and wonderful superpowers.

Thomas serves up soulful insight, relatable stories, a little science (just enough to impress your therapist), and a real-world practice you can do without needing to sage your house or solve your childhood trauma in one go. You'll meet flawsome legends like da Vinci, Lucille Ball, and Mr. Rogers—and also hear about that time Thomas accidentally called himself a "life couch" at a speaking gig. #TrulyIconic

This episode is perfect for:

•          Anyone who’s tired of pretending they’ve got it all together

•          Recovering perfectionists

•          Folks still figuring-it-out

•          Anyone who’s ever autocorrected their “inner growth” into something much less holy

•          People who find Rumi and ridiculous real-life moments equally healing

Come for the laughs, stay for the radical self-acceptance—and leave knowing you don’t have to be flawless to be fabulous.

Rituals That Bind Us

In this soulful and insightful episode, Thomas Kevin Dolan explores the quiet power of ritual—the small, sacred acts that tether us to meaning, to one another, and to ourselves. Broadcasting from Honolulu, Hawai`i, Thomas begins with a heartfelt land acknowledgment and a warm welcome into a conversation that blends research, personal story, and practical wisdom.

From the science of rituals to childhood memories of finding peace in a field of grass, Thomas reflects on how even the simplest acts—like bedtime questions, noodle nights, or lighting a candle—can become anchors of connection and care. You’ll hear about rituals that have sustained his marriage, grounded his nervous system, and created a sense of home in the world.

He also introduces “The R.I.T. Way”—a three-step method to help you reflect, intend, and tend to rituals of your own. Whether you already have rituals or are just beginning to notice them, this episode invites you to celebrate the beauty in the ordinary.

To close, a powerful quote from Audre Lorde reminds us that caring for ourselves through intentional practices isn’t self-indulgence—it’s revolutionary.

Expect:
 — Research-based insights on the psychological power of ritual
 — Personal stories from Thomas’s life and memoir Little Fag
— A three-step method for creating your own rituals
— A blend of humor, heart, and grounded wisdom
— Gentle inspiration to make meaning in your own daily life

Tune in and discover how ritual—no matter how small or quirky—can be a radical act of love.

Thanking Our Mistakes

What if your biggest mistakes were actually your best teachers?
In this heartful (and slightly sparkly) episode of Conversations With Thomas, we explore the radical idea of not just learning from our faults—but actually thanking them.
 
You'll hear:

•          Why mistakes are neurologically good for us (yes, science backs your awkward moments)

•          A hilarious coaching fail that became a turning point

•          Two soul-nourishing practices to transform regret into growth

•          A love letter to 1988 (featuring a very delayed, very fabulous coming out)

•          How kintsugi, Carol Dweck, and cosmic whiteboards all tie into your healing journey

This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s real, tender, sometimes cringey... and wildly human.
Because your cracks aren’t your failure—they’re your art. 

The Platinum Rule

In this episode of Conversations with Thomas, we explore a powerful shift in how we relate to one another: from the Golden Rule to the Platinum Rule—"Treat others the way they want to be treated."

Thomas Kevin Dolan invites you into a soulful conversation blending science, story, and spirit. You'll hear insights from psychology, queer wisdom, and personal healing journeys—including a tender story from his book Little Fag: A Story of Self-Acceptance and Healing—that reveal how the Platinum Rule creates deeper, more compassionate connections.

With a practical practice called The Platinum Swap, Thomas offers a tangible way to embody this heart-led principle in your everyday relationships. Whether with loved ones, chosen family, or even yourself, this episode is a reminder that true love begins with listening.

What You’ll Learn:

•          The difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule—and why it matters

•          How empathy and interpersonal neurobiology deepen connection

•          Ways queer communities model expansive, attuned love

•          A story of relational healing through the Platinum Rule

•          A simple 10-minute practice to strengthen any relationship

•          How to love others (and yourself) with more nuance, care, and curiosity

Who It’s Perfect For:

•          Heart-centered humans looking to deepen their relationships

•          Coaches, therapists, and helpers who value attuned connection

•          Those ready to practice empathy as a verb—not just a feeling