By Elaina Jones
The podcast currently has 27 episodes available.
"You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing."– Richard P. Feynman
In episode 20, Do Your Future Self a Favor, Elaina is joined by entrepreneur, certified professional coach, and author Ryan Stanley in a discussion about living purposefully and redirecting your energy to become the best version of yourself. All our actions and thoughts take energy, why waste that energy worrying about what someone else thinks about you and the choices and decisions you make regarding your life? It’s your journey, your story, you are the architect. Take back control by living purposefully, unapologetically, and authentically. Be honest and true to yourself and take the road that leads you to live your best life.
Topics Discussed:
Ryan Stanley
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"Race and racism is a reality that so many of us grow up learning to just deal with. But if we ever hope to move past it, it can't just be on people of color to deal with it," she wrote. "It's up to all of us—Black, white, everyone—no matter how well-meaning we think we might be, to do the honest, uncomfortable work of rooting it out."– Michelle Obama
In episode 19, Racial Trauma, Elaina is joined by energy healer and author Adele Wang and academic scholar Cherice Escobar-Jones in a discussion about the impact and effect of racial trauma. Racial trauma is the result of continuous exposure to racism, racial bias, and discrimination. The stress and anxiety which develop can trigger reactions and responses like posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). When an individual is oppressed, marginalized, and stripped of their human rights, they can reach their breaking point, and their reactions and responses are not going to rational. Indifference and turning a blind eye are just as dangerous. How many more will unjustly lose their lives simply because of the color of their skin?
Elaina [00:20:48] My ancestors experienced that, and we were told the stories and shared the experiences from generation to generation, to generation, to generation.
Adele [00:23:31] It doesn't just go away, and that's true. It lives in the psyche.
Cherice [00:26:07] After time after someone's getting bit, once, twice, three times, four times, five times on the sixth time, they might react maybe a little irrationally because it's just accumulating over time.
Adele: [00:38:00] The difference between bigotry and racism, racism has the element of power.
Cherice: [00:39:16] We can't deny that the effects of hundreds of years of colonialism and slavery is not somehow still present within our language, within our institutions within all of those spaces.
Elaina [00:40:34] When you strip somebody generation after generation, year after year, decade after decade. And you continuously marginalize them, and you continually make them feel less than human. You don't get to control how the reaction comes out.
Adele Wang
SmarfArt
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“I was actually manic a lot of the times that I would take on workloads, and I would say, ‘Yes, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.’ I was conquering the world, but then it would all come crashing down and I would be more depressed than ever.” — Demi Lovato
In episode 18, Bipolar Disorder, Elaina is joined by comedian and podcaster, Sofia Elkin, and certified health and wellness coach, Saralyn Salisbury-Jones, in a discussion about living and thriving with Bipolar Disorder.
There are many misconceptions when it comes to Bipolar Disorder, formerly known as manic depression. Bipolar disorder is a mental impairment that causes unusual shifts in energy, moods, activity levels, and concentration. Some may experience manic episodes, which are often presented as long periods of high energy, loss of sleep due to the reduced need for sleep, and for some, a loss touch of reality.
In this episode, Sofia and Saralyn their personal experiences and address the following:
Sofia Elkin
Saralyn Salisbury-Jones
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"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."– Warsan Shire
In episode 17, Wine Tears and Jellybeans, Elaina is joined by entrepreneur and vocal coach Katti Powell along with author and Relationship and Dating Coach Ieva Kambarovaite in a discussion about their experiences, challenges, anxieties when it comes to dating in their 40's.
Dating at any age is a challenge. As we grow, learn mature, and discover who we are as individuals, one would think that dating and finding someone to connect with would become more comfortable. For some, that is not always the case. Our life experiences and journeys shape our worldview, and often we carry the weight of past experiences into new ones. How do we move beyond these fears and anxieties to find not only ourselves but a life partner?
In this episode, Elaina and Katti share their personal experiences as Ieva offers an objective point of view, evaluating both female and male sides to this new world of dating and relationships. In the discussion, they address the following:
Katti Powell
Ieva Kambarovaite
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"Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality, and physical characteristics, warts and all, and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question."– Willard Scott
In episode 16, Feel the Feels with Connie Anne Holman, Elaina is joined by a licensed therapist and life coach, Connie Anne Holman. They discuss how to allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment and the importance of not suppressing your feelings.
In this episode, Elaina and Connie took a deep dive into what it means not to judge your feelings or to label them as good or bad or right or wrong. They discussed how to get to a place of self-acceptance and self-compassion. Connie shares many strategies and insights she has implemented along her journey to develop self-love and self-appreciation.
This episode is jam-packed with authentic experiences embracing love and acceptance. This discussion addresses the following:
Connie Anne Holman
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"A hope warrior is someone who is always working on themselves so that they can better encourage others, refrain from judgment, keep an open heart, and ultimately spread hope.” – Hope Warrior Project
Bonus Episode, Hope Warrior Project, Elaina interviews Stephanie Martino and Lydia Zuniga, the women behind the Hope Warrior Project. Elaina introduced the Hope Warrior Project in Episode 3, The Strong Black Woman Syndrome.
The Hope Warrior Project is a community that helps women identify their strengths, and they create togetherness. They have a fabulous Hope Warrior Academy, where they go through different books, mindfulness activities, and connect it to their lives and learn different strategies of coping with life and being vulnerable.
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"Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who's worth your kindness & who's just taking advantage of you."- Unknown
In episode 15, To Help or Not to Help, Elaina and Tracy discussed the reality of recommending people for jobs, going out of one's way to help someone else, and the common pitfalls of helping and supporting those who may not deserve it. They also explored experiences with the lack of support and challenges in professional settings
We help others for the good of our own heart and not expect anything in return. But does that mean that we have to continue to help you after they appear not to appreciate the help or are taking advantage?
Professionally, we often find people who are very intelligent and hardworking and motivated. We form bonds based on mutual respect and understanding. When we recommend someone for a job, we are staking our reputation. Sometimes we support people, and they perform well and sometimes not so much.
Tracy shared an experience when recommending someone for a position did not go well. Now I am careful to decide whether to help someone or not.
Sometimes people use you for their motives and then once reached, will never be back. Please do not take these minor things; they can only burn you once. Life is long. Opportunities come and go. We need people at every point, so we also not need to burn the bridges. Maybe today you need others, and at another point in life, they may need you. Life is always like this. There always be ups and downs, never a straight road.
We should listen to people, but still, it should be our choice to help them or not. It may make us feel stressed that it is perceived that we must help others at any cost.
When we recommend someone for a job, we are staking our reputation at a certain point. So, we have to have those limits and those boundaries in place.
It feels like we're a double minority in the workplace. We are not only deal with all the everyday things as a woman in corporate America, but also, we have to deal with the toxic relationship between another woman in the workplace, and it's unfortunate.
I think we have to get to a place where if we started focusing more on ourselves and stop worrying about everyone else and do some good for somebody else. Only If we believe that person deserves it, and if you don't, maybe have a conversation to help them understand what they need to do to earn your help. I'll be honest. Everybody doesn't deserve it.
Find another way to give back, and don't let it ruin a friendship or any relationship. But if you are that person that continually puts others' needs above your own and you always put your neck out there for people, don't let the same individual keep burning you. Don't do that to yourself.
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Have you ever wondered why certain things annoy you? Does someone popping their gum irritate you? How about if someone cracks their knuckles, drinks directly from the carton, or leaves dirty laundry on the floor? If so, have you ever been curious about why certain things bother you? In episode 14, Pet Peeves, Elaina and Tracy shared a few of their pet peeves and discuss what they believe to be the root cause.
Tracy expressed how the lack of manners and common courtesies push her buttons. She provided the example of a man at the station who hopped in front of her to get on a train first. Men who don’t hold the door open. Kids who don’t speak when they enter a room, please, and thank you. Social etiquette, this is something that’s lost in society today, and people don’t have it.
Pet Peeve can form from a negative experience that’s just hanging out in our amygdala. And when those situations come up, we get triggered.
Elaina challenged Tracy’s expectations of men. Tracy responding with, all women want men to hold doors but like to stand there until the man opens the door. I know it’s silly, but I kind of feel like with women, that whole us being precious and us being adored. I think that’s been lost. So, when it happens, it just kind of annoys me. Like, Ugh, do you not see I’m a woman standing here.
Elaina responded with, well, it was lost when we decided to burn our damn bras and demand for equality.
Elaina shared how people not following the rules set a terrible example and breed entitlement. You are setting a bad example because you’re not following the rules. You’re so special that you don’t have to abide by the rules like the rest of us? I am a person that believes in structure and processes. It also annoys me when I always find clothes land next to the laundry basket on the floor, not in the laundry basket.
Pet peeves may seem small, strange, petty, but if we take a step back, we can often trace back to a previous incident that triggered the reaction or planted the seed.
It’s just interesting to me because a lot of us know that some things annoy us, but we don’t take that time to think deeper about it. I think if more of explored why things bother us, we become self-aware and have more control over our actions, reactions, and emotions.
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We've all heard the sayings that money can't buy you happiness, and that money is the root of all evil. We need money, yes? If money wasn't a factor, what would you do? How would you live? What dreams and goals would you achieve? If money isn't stopping you, then what's getting in your way? In episode 13, What's Stopping You? Elaina and Tracy shared what they would do if money weren't a factor and how creating and implementing simple goal plans can help you achieve your dreams.
Often, we let finances get in our way of living the life we want to live. And that makes sense because there's not much you can do without money. Constant worrying and denying ourselves can take a toll on us mentally and physically.
Many of us are living to work and not working to live. We all need a break. If you can't take a luxury cruise right now, spend the day at the lake. Make short- and long-term goals, enjoy making the plan rather than fixating on it never happening.
Money does not determine your happiness, but having more money can add some pleasure in your life. The perception or reality of not having enough money creates anxiety and results in depression for some.
Money cannot buy happiness, but at the end of the day, we need money to fulfill all necessities of life. Don't let money or the lack of funds keep you from your goals and dreams. Start small and grow big.
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Have you ever experienced microaggression? If you have, how did you handle it? If you feel you have not, how do you know you haven’t? Microaggression is a term used for brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicates hostile, derogatory, or negative prejudicial slights and insults toward any group, particularly culturally marginalized groups. In episode 12, Back of the Bus, Elaina and Tracy discussed various experiences with microaggression and racism and their impact on worldview.
Many of us face microaggressions daily, and some may be unaware that we are or may not know how to respond or if we should respond.
Elaina shared how she and her daughter were on an elevator with three Caucasian women, and they were cheering about being in the back of the bus.
Tracy recalls when a former peer assumed the chicken meal someone had for lunch because she was the only other black person in the office.
Microaggressions are like mind games and can weigh on one’s mental state and well-being. Sometimes they are so subtle you may not even notice. Other times you may doubt or question yourself as to whether you are wrong, sensitive, or overreacting.
If the offender is someone you know, like a peer, having a conversation with them, calming could be viewed as an opportunity. They may be ignorant of the implications of their comments. Discuss it with the person without attacking their personality and without judgment.
Elaina shared how, when she was a teen working in a shoe store, one of her co-workers told her how their husband did not like black people, but he would like her because she was different. She was completely unaware of how offensive the comment was, and she thought she was complimenting me.
If we are talking about strangers, it’s probably best to walk away to avoid an altercation.
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The podcast currently has 27 episodes available.