As we go through struggles in life that don't make sense we look for files from our programs to support us. When we have not been through something before it is like being 4 again because we don't know what to do. Our normal coping mechanisms are not applicable to this situation. Many of us are in the consciously incompetent place and most of us are emotional like being 4. It is natural at this times to deflect, reflect, blame and shame. Neuro Linguistic Practitioners have processes to use.