Counseling On Demand

We are doing something new. It's called what was I thinking Wednesday. Fred is kicking things off by talking about his own "what was I thinking Wednesday." We all have moments where we think "what was I thinking," share them with us on Instagram @rileycounseling.

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We are taught that we are dams. We have to take a lot of pressure from life and it is our responsibility to manage the flow of the pressure. For our purposes the dam metaphor represents holding back. The first question you must ask if if you are dam that has been built to carry all of life's pressures. Fred gives an exercise to help you balance life's pressures and perfect your damn.

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Today we are talking about an experience Fred is having with someone who is experiencing relationship trauma. Most us have experienced trauma and all of us have had various types of relationships. Fred talks about what we can learn from this person experiencing relationship trauma.

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Mistakes happen and when they do apologies should happen. Fred is teaching you how to apologize. When you apologize it is called repairing. It is important that within your apology you commit to change a behavior. An apology does not require you to feel shame. 

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The mind can attend to four major events at a time. It doesn't have an endless ability to pay attention so it selects the most significant or most important. When we try to go to sleep, our mind is worried about losing those things and can have trouble settling down. Imagine you're in charge of the flight tower at the airport. Imagine your task list is airplanes. You can only attend to so many planes.

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One of the best things for any relationship is self-awareness. That's absolutely key. Don't worry so much about being aware of your spouse or partner, it's easy to point the finger. Be aware of yourself. Relationships are about commitment. We're always evaluating our commitment. Self-awareness helps you be aware of your real level of commitment. That level of commitment can change. It can get stronger as you get closer. It can also wane.

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Our bad habits can become like anchors in our life. They can feel good and important to us, but they actually interfere with our ability to move forward. Fred Riley likes to use animals as a way to explain concepts. There is a village in Africa that reveres the baboon. For a few weeks out of the year, they bring fruit into the middle of the village to serve the baboons. The baboons get to feast.

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Fred notices a lot of teenagers are misdiagnosed because families blame the problems on the teenager rather than the teen being a symptom of a problem. Sometimes you have to fix the system rather than all of the parts.

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It's that time of the year to start making New Years resolutions. First off, your resolutions have to be realistic and purposeful. Why are you making that New Years resolution? Is it really important to you? Fred talks about how our brains react to New Years Resolutions.

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Why aren't young boys getting enough access to mental health care? Fred sees this all the time. We are talking about the barriers that impact boys getting the correct mental health care. Suicide rates in teenage boys are going up here is why and how we can help.

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