In this episode, I talk about being married. We are taught to go to college, get married, have kids, and buy a house. These goals should make us happy right? I did these steps, but I was not happy.

Marriage is not easy as it looks. As a young adult, I didn't know that my marriage was going to be a failure. I only knew of fairytales and happy endings. I had to learn the hard way by suffering and being in a toxic relationship. After more than a decade, I realized what a marriage should and should not be. My husband was not a man. He was my man child. I took care of him and my children. I was the man in the relationship. This relationship was draining. He didn't work so I had to make up for what he couldn't to keep my family stable. As a mother, I did everything in my power to make sure my children were safe, healthy, and fed. It got to a point where I gave up in this relationship. It was the only way to stay sane. 

In this episode, I talk about what it was like being a 17 year old teen mom. This was the transition of being the fun pretty girl into teen mom. Life was going so well until a big curve ball took me back to the beginning. I describe the verbal abuses from everyone around me. Family and friends turned their back when they saw me as a pregnant teen. I grew up with my kids learning as I went along with no guidance. I talk about raising my toddler while having a newborn son who had many episodes of seizures. He then was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. I speak about the struggles of adjusting to the many new changes in my life. Digging deep into troubled pasts that made me learn and grow into a stronger person. I did what was best for my children and not what was best for me. 

It’s been 16 years since I was in high school.  I talk about a comparison of my daughter in high school now versus myself in high school 16 years ago. It was a long time ago. I recalled what it was like being more confident in high school. I met my first love. My high school sweetheart changed my life. I had to balance making good grades while skipping class often. I was more rebellious at this point in time. I was at the height of everything. My confidence was at an all time high. I had a brand new identity. I had new friends. I even hung out with my family more because I was finally proud to be asian. The seniors had an off-campus lunch. I wasn’t a senior, but I still had senior lunch. Sneaking around came easy for me. At 15 years old, I was going out to the club. I describe how I never got caught going out.

Hey y’all and welcome to the very first episode Country geisha. I’m your host, Holly Sarah.

I’m not your stereotypical Holly. I’m Holly with black hair and black eyes.

So, how did an Asian girl get to Tennessee? Well, my parents were refugees that ended up in Nashville. My dad is of Chinese descent who lived in Cambodia his life and my mom is Cambodian. They met in the refugee camp before rekindling their romance in America. Truly, they are the American dream.

Their dreams were big they wanted more for me and my siblings.

I am the middle child out of five children. My grandparents raised me, my siblings, my cousins.

My grandparents didn’t speak English so we only spoke Chinese at home and English at school. Let me just say my grandparents are hardcore traditional. Thank god for my grandparents. If not for them, I wouldn’t be able to speak my native tongue. Teochew is a Chinese dialect that I speak. It’s not a common Chinese dialect. So, I cannot understand Mandarin or Cantonese unfortunately.

Being the first generation Asian American, I had to adapt to my surroundings.

I was taught to respect and uphold my traditional values, but also to learn to fit into the southern ways. Let me just say if you had strict parents like mine you would understand that it was hard living a double life. Life is a balance and I balanced it well.

My parents taught me to be responsible at a young age.

Growing up in Nashville, I walked and talked like everyone around me, but I was always different because I’m half Chinese and Cambodian. I’m not white. I’m not black. So, I never fit in. People didn’t even know what Asian people were. They mistook me for being Mexican.

Yes, people are very ignorant. Did you know that racism is normal?

I remember always falling for the white boys with blonde hair blue eyes. They never liked me because I was the smart Asian kid. No one ever saw me as their equals. I was the minority so I was outnumbered.

In middle school things got better I was Vice-president of the student council. Wow, people actually voted for me!

We always want what we can’t have! There was this one guy that I had the hugest crush on. He was also the President of the student council. Still, I was heartbroken because I will just always be that friend to him. I was going to be enough for someone someday. I made it a goal.

This is a story of a country geisha!

Thank you for listening to my first episode.

We’re just getting started!

Hey y’all! My name is Holly Sarah.

I’m an Asian girl from Nashville, TN, but I am currently living in the Bay Area.

Tune into my podcast

To hear about my life struggles of raising my fun & challenging autistic child while also raising a teenage daughter all by myself.

Take an adventure with me as I revisit living in Cambodia and moving back to the US.

And of course, Let’s talk about all the crazy relationships.

And trying to stay active while aging

Last but not least come laugh and hangout with me

This is my story of a country geisha.