Couples Therapy In Seven Words

Why get married? There's little or no social stigma or legal penalty, at least in most Western cultures, for having sex, having kids, or owning property together as a couple without being married. So what makes marriage significant?

In this episode we put that question to Rabbi Michael M. Cohen and Alison Hill, a married couple from Manchester, Vermont. They share what they've learned about marriage from being married themselves for over 30 years (with a great origin story!), and then answer a listener question: the writer wants to get married before she gets pregnant; her boyfriend also wants kids, but doesn't want to get married. Is this a deal-breaker?

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

We interview Dr. Janis Spring, author of After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, which has sold over 600,000 copies in the past 26 years and has just been published in a third edition. Dr. Spring tells us about her approach to helping couples deal with infidelity, talks about some of the changes she's seen over the past decades, and tells us what's new in the third edition of her book.

Then we pose a listener question to Dr. Spring: Is it cheating if he's using porn without his wife's knowledge?

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

A special episode by request for the month of Elul, the month in the Jewish calendar immediately preceding the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. We talk about the concept of teshuvah, and how it relates to faith and forgiveness.

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

Why is faith important in your relationship, even if you're not religious? We talk about three kinds of faith, each of which plays a critical role in how we see ourselves, our partners, and our relationships.

Then we handle a listener question: His wife seems to be having an emotional affair. Is he right to feel hurt, or is this toxic jealousy? And what does that have to do with faith?

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

What does it take to have a happy marriage for over 40 years? And how can the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) help couples get there? Susan and Bob Epstein are certified Life Coaches who use the MBTI to help their clients reach their goals and improve their relationships. We interview Susan and Bob about their work and their marriage, and then present them with a question from a listener who is afraid that doing the MBTI might tell him something about his marriage he'd rather not know.

Susan's website is here.

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

Barbra is Black, grew up in Uganda, and became a Jew by choice after she married Doug. Doug is white, grew up outside of Boston, and was and is a "very secular" Jew who is now the president of a synagogue. They live and raise their children in Vermont, one of the least racially diverse states in the country. What's that like? How are they affected by racism and antisemitism, individually, as a couple, and as parents? Listen to their fascinating stories in this episode! 

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

We interview Dr. Christine DiBlasio, a psychologist and 4th degree Black Belt in Kempo-Jujitsu Karate, about her innovative programs using concepts of Empowerment Self Defense to help survivors of sexual abuse. Together with Dr. DiBlasio, we consider a listener's question: how can she get over her tendency to shut down whenever a relationship starts to become sexual?

 

Wondering about the idea of affirmative consent? Want to learn about ways of preventing partner violence, both in the general community and on college campuses? Dr. DiBlasio shares her passionate commitment and expert knowledge about these and other topics in a lively discussion in this episode.

 

For more information about Dr. DiBlasio's work, see her guest blog post here. 

 

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

 

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

 

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

 

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

 

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

What is faith, and why is it crucial for relationships, even if you're not religious? Faith isn't the same as religion or spirituality. And it's the opposite of fundamentalism! Find out why. For our listener question this time, "Edna" wants her marriage to go back to the way it was before her husband told her he thinks he might be gay. What to do? And what does that have to do with faith?

 

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

 

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

 

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

 

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

 

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

How do you get hold of yourself when your partner is freaking out, or freaking you out? We talk about shame and guilt, getting to the right argument, and tolerating ups and downs without panic. Then we handle a listener question: How can I stop hounding my husband who cheated on me?

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Like this podcast? Review us, like us, follow us, and do all those other kinds of wonderful things to us! It helps people find the show.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort

How does trauma affect relationships? We talk a bit about the next topic in Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark, and then turn to an interview with Rabbi David Edleson. Rabbi Edleson talks about his work doing rabbinic counseling with couples, his role as a congregational rabbi, and his life as a gay man in a 38-year relationship.

Send in your questions: email us at [email protected], or just visit brucechalmer.com. We'd love to hear from you!

And let us know if you'd like to be interviewed on the show! Visit brucechalmer.com/podcast for more information.

Dr. Chalmer's book Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back is available here, or wherever you get your books.

Music: Besamim (Spices) by Bruce Chalmer, performed by Fyre and Lightning Consort