Courage;

As people age, and start to physically weaken, they become increasingly reliant on caretakers and family members. While, in many cases, elders are well taken care of and their aging may bring families closer, on the other hand, elder abuse is becoming increasingly frequent in our society. Today, we delve into the various forms that elder abuse can take. We kick the episode off by looking at the scope of elder abuse and neglect. From there, we dive into each of the forms of abuse and their various manifestations. We begin by looking at physical abuse, which is where force is used to constrain or cause bodily harm. We then move onto the emotional and sexual abuse of the elderly. This can take several forms, which we explore in some depth. After this, move onto elder neglect. Although elders may be suffering, they are oftentimes hesitant to say anything out of fear of who will take care of them if their neglectful or abusive caretaker leaves. Then, we look at financial abuse of the elderly, and ways to potentially safeguard against it occurring. We round the show off by talking about some of the symptoms and signs to look out for if you think that there may be a case of elder abuse. Remember, it’s important to take care of our elders, and to make sure they do not come into any harm. Tune in today!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Learn more about the definitions of elder abuse and neglect. 
• Physical abuse: What it is, the different forms it can take, and some of the symptoms.
• Ways that Shari and her siblings take care of their mother and make her life ‘normal.’
• Find out what emotional elderly abuse is and the various manifestations of it.
• Why it’s important for caretakers to have some reprieve during their shifts.
• Women are disproportionately affected by elder abuse for several reasons.
• Learn more about elder sexual abuse and how it affects this age demographic.
• The different forms that neglect can take and why it’s underreported.
• What financial elder abuse is and how to take precautions against it happening.
• How Shari helped the elders in her family get financial protection.
• A range of symptoms to look for when there’s a concern about elder abuse.

Tweetables:

“Elder abuse more frequently affects women.” — Shari Kastein [0:13:06]

“The main thing is we want to get help for the victim, the elderly person, and we want to make sure we’re watching the caretaker and their activities.” — Shari Kastein [0:28:06]

“We can make sure our loved ones are taken care of. We want to make sure that their golden years are really that. That they’re golden and they are living the life that they deserve.” — Shari Kastein [0:29:34]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shari Kastein — https://www.sharikastein.com/

Shari Kastein on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-kastein-65754339/

Shari Kastein Email — [email protected]

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre — http://www.survivorshelpline.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre Hotline — 1800 770 1650

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre Help Text Number — 20121

FreeWill — https://www.freewill.com/

Today we are talking about courage as a sexual assault survivor in this difficult time we face as a global community. It may be that you are currently held captive in this COVID confinement or perhaps you are an adult who has survived sexual assault as a child. Whatever situation you find yourself in today, we want to help you heal from the most violating crime and let you know that there is help for you. Even though many services have been suspended due to the coronavirus, we can assure you that we are open and available whenever you need us. The courts are also open and there are safe places to retreat to. We have received a resource guide from the National Sexual Assault Coalition which we are going to walk listeners through today, discussing what is currently happening in our nation as far as sexual violence goes. What becomes clear is that all the programs in the nation are committed to finding new and innovative ways to serve victims. Even though we are not all the same boat, we are in the same storm, so connect with us so that we can support you along your journey to healing. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The situation of captivity and seclusion that some victims suffer during the pandemic. 
• A word of reassurance: all the helplines, courts, and safe places are operational 24/7. 
• Find out how you can reach out for help without even speaking a word. 
• How social distancing regulations have increased the risk of abuse for the elderly. 
• The current situation might exacerbate preexisting traumas in sexual assault survivors.
• The expected increase in the need for sexual assault services once the stay at home orders are lifted. 
• How we are collaborating with health care providers and administrative agencies to help victims during the pandemic. 
• Understanding that the everyday stress surrounding the crisis might trigger survivors. 
• The importance of realizing that no two crimes, response, and interventions are the same.

Tweetables:

“Courage is the ability to do what is right even when we are afraid.” — Shari Kastein [0:03:56]

“The physical distancing that we have been required to keep during this time, during this global pandemic, has increased the risk of abuse among many older adults who are now isolated in their homes and in the facilities that they may reside.” — Shari Kastein [0:05:24]

“Please know that it may not look like the services we are accustomed to but we are doing our very best to get programs to be out there to do what they do best—and that’s answering your call.” — Shari Kastein [0:13:18] 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shari Kastein — https://www.sharikastein.com/

Shari Kastein on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-kastein-65754339/

Shari Kastein Email — [email protected]

Family Crisis Centers — http://www.familycrisiscenters.org/

Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault — https://www.iowacasa.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Center — http://www.survivorshelpline.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Center Hotline — 1800 770 1650

Iowa Victim Service Call Center Help Text Number — 20121

National Sexual Assault Coalition — http://nccasa.org/our-work/initiatives-projects/national-sexual-assault-coalition-resource-sharing-project/

I talked about domestic violence, some examples of DV behavior, what happened during COVID 19, safety planning, talked about how Immigrants can be abused because of their status, some examples of this, and gave information about our services and the helpline.

---

La violencia doméstica es un patrón de comportamiento utilizado para mantener el poder y el control sobre una pareja íntima. Los inmigrantes pueden enfrentar desafíos únicos, como cuando un abusador usa su estado como una forma de controlarlos. En este episodio, nuestra consejera bilingüe  habla sobre algunos ejemplos de comportamiento de violencia doméstica, incluidas situaciones exclusivas de los inmigrantes. También habla sobre la planificación de seguridad, lo que está sucediendo durante la pandemia de COVID-19 y qué recursos están disponibles para buscar ayuda.

Iowa Victim Service Call Center - 1.800.770.1650

Iowa Victim Service Call Center - textea IOWAHELP a 20121

Iowa Victim Service Call Center - http://www.survivorshelpline.org/ 

Sexual assault and sexual violence are prevalent in our society, and it’s estimated that one in five women in the country will be a victim at some point. In this episode, Shari talks about the issue. She begins by unpacking some of the common myths around sexual violence. From thinking you can spot a rapist by the way they look to blaming the victim for not fighting back, some beliefs around sexual assault can be harmful. Shari also addresses date rape and sexual violence in marriage. She wants people to understand that just because they have had consensual sex with someone at a prior time, it is still rape if you do not consent to that specific moment. Along with this, Shari discusses the effects that sexual assault has on its victim, the importance of building a safe support network with people who validate your feelings, and some of the resources available to victims in Iowa. Remember, as a victim, you are not to blame, and no matter how alone you may feel, there are many ways to reach out. Be sure to tune in today!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Shari debunks some of the most common and harmful myths around sexual assault.
• Some date rape and marital rape misconceptions that Shari clarifies.
• The Iowa Victim Service Center is available 24/7 for anyone in the state.
• The damaging long-term psychological effects that sexual assault has on its victims.
• It is so important for victims not to blame themselves. It’s all on the rapist.
• How to deal with stressful flashbacks and triggers that take you back to the incident.
• Some of Shari’s triggers and what she does to self-soothe afterward.
• How you can support someone who tells you about a sexual assault they’ve experienced.
• Crucial resources available to you if you have been the victim of sexual assault. 

Tweetables:

“Sexual assault is a crime of opportunity.” — Shari Kastein [0:01:53]

“The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving us feeling scared and ashamed and alone.” — Shari Kastein [0:05:28]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shari Kastein — https://www.sharikastein.com/

Shari Kastein on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-kastein-65754339/

Shari Kastein Email — [email protected]

Family Crisis Centers — http://www.familycrisiscenters.org/

Iowa Coalition Against Sexual Assault — https://www.iowacasa.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Center — http://www.survivorshelpline.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Center Hotline — 1800 770 1650

Iowa Victim Service Call Center Help Text Number — 20121

Catholic Charities — https://www.catholiccharitiesdm.org/

Crisis Intervention Service — http://www.cishelps.org/

ACCESS — https://www.assaultcarecenter.org/en/domestic_abuse/

Riverview Center — https://riverviewcenter.org/

Family Resources Center — https://www.famres.org/

Rape Advocacy Program — https://rvap.uiowa.edu/

While the range and scope of domestic violence cases are vast, each case displays the same kinds of dynamics, and fortunately, there are many resources where help can be sought. In today’s show, we study some of these common dynamics and also provide a comprehensive list of the different services available throughout the state of Iowa and beyond to victims in need. We begin by addressing the centrality of power and control in a situation of domestic violence, speaking about the notion of gaslighting, and how a victim is manipulated to feel responsible for their own abuse. The next common denominator is the phenomenon of cycles of violence, the reality that abusive situations play out in repeated beatings that gradually increase in intensity over time. It is important to have a safety plan in place to manage a situation like this, and Shari shares a few pointers for tactics a victim can use at home to try and dodge conflict as much as possible. However, at some point, the time comes when the victim of abuse might need to reach out and ask for help and this episode acts as a resource in that regard too. Shari shares many of the institutions across Iowa who make it their duty to care for people who have been abused. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The central place that power and control have in the dynamics of domestic violence.
• Mind games or gaslighting a batterer will employ to convince a victim they are deserving.
• Another key element in domestic violence dynamics: cycles of violence.
• A metaphor of riding a bicycle uphill to describe increasing cycles of violence.
• Services and contact details available to victims of domestic violence in Iowa.
• A reminder that courts, police, shelters, and so on are all still open during isolation.
• Pointers for safety planning: strategies to manage domestic violence.
• Looking for somewhere in the house to be used as a safe place to avoid violence.
• Claiming space by learning to make stories up about tasks that need your attention.
• Finding a safe person to speak to and inform about your violent situation.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shari Kastein — https://www.sharikastein.com/

Shari Kastein on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-kastein-65754339/

Shari Kastein Email — [email protected]

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre — http://www.survivorshelpline.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre Hotline — 1800 770 1650

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre Help Text Number — 20121

Family Crisis Centers — http://www.familycrisiscenters.org/

Council on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence — https://csadvsiouxland.org/

Catholic Charities — https://www.catholiccharitiesdm.org/

ACCESS — https://www.assaultcarecenter.org/en/domestic_abuse/

Crisis Intervention Service — http://www.cishelps.org/

Helping Services — https://www.helpingservices.org/

Iowa Family Services — https://www.iowafamilyservices.com/

Children & Families of Iowa — https://cfiowa.org/

Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence — https://www.icadv.org/

The National Domestic Violence Hotline — 1800 799 7233

In our first full-length episode, our host Shari tells the story of abuse she endured and how it led her to the work she has been doing to help victims for many years. We hear about the early days of Shari’s marriage, her perception of her husband as a good person and then what changed as things took a turn for the worse after moving to Oklahoma. Shari talks about the horrendous behavior and acts of abuse her husband inflicted on her and her daughter, its cyclical nature, and what happened to finally set her on the path toward seeking help. The abuses were not over for Shari at that point though, and the story progresses to a point where we hear another tragic act of assault which left lasting scars on her and her daughter. 

Things begin to look up after that though, and Shari speaks about the amazing people who helped her and her daughter recover physically before having to endure the pain of the trials and prosecution of the offender. More bumps in the road come after that though and Shari talks about the unfairness of the US law system which lets some of the worst injustices slip through with little to no punishment. It was all leading somewhere though and we hear from Shari about how her anger translated itself into courage that helped her find and use her voice, and how this organically developed into social work she began doing in the form of helping other victims. We wrap things up hearing about how much Shari’s will to help other victims grew after its early stages, and it all revolves around the central theme of the power of courage. Tune in to walk with Shari as she shares her painful story that leads up to tremendous growth and a crisis center which has helped thousands of victims over the years.

Key Points From This Episode:

• The difference between Shari’s peaceful upbringing and violent marriage.
• Moving to Oklahoma and how Shari’s violent husband couldn’t find work.
• How poor Shari and her husband were when he took his anger out on her.
• Cyclical habits of escape and coming back home Shari experienced after violent events.
• What Shari’s husband really did with the paychecks she earned at her multiple jobs.
• The first time Shari’s husband struck their child and wanted to cut her wedding ring off.
• Differences in reception Shari experienced from attorney’s offices after seeking help.
• The warning Shari got from the judge after he wrote a protection order for her.
• How amazing it felt after Shari got the protection order and how cautious she was.
• Living in an old trailer and then an apartment after Shari became homeless.
• A huge betrayal Shari experienced by a friend on Thanksgiving.
• How the police found Shari’s daughter’s abuser in a divine intervention of fate.
• Initial moments of Shari’s daughter’s recovery at the trauma center.
• Going to a shelter for battered women after Shari’s daughter had recovered at the hospital.
• The briefings and interactions Shari had with police leading up to the court case.
• All the court hearings and how police had suspicions that the crime had more suspects.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shari Kastein — https://www.sharikastein.com/

Shari Kastein on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-kastein-65754339/

Shari Kastein Email — [email protected]

South Dakota Victim’s Compensation Board — https://dps.sd.gov/victims-services/crime-victims-compensation

US Department of Justice — https://www.justice.gov/

Welcome to the first episode of Courage, a podcast that tells the stories of, and provides resources for victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, human trafficking, homicide, and other violent crimes. In today’s episode, listeners will get a brief introduction to the founding principle of the show, the key role courage plays in helping victims of violent situations break free from them and find a path toward healing. We hear about the years of experience our host has in the field and the life-changing experiences she has both witnessed and experienced through this work. This introduction also gives an idea of how long-lasting some violent situations can be, how they are exacerbated in the current crisis, and where to find resources that still exist. Join us for this episode and those still to come and take part in our study of power and control over a person’s wellbeing and how courage augments a path from that toward freedom.

Key Points From This Episode:

• What courage is: doing the right then even when you’re afraid.
• The victims, survivors and other listeners this podcast acts as a resource for.
• The years of experience in the field of assisting victims of domestic violence our host has.
• The most important thing about domestic violence work: helping those in need.
• How many times domestic violence victims leave and return to abusive partners.
• Resources and personal stories that will be shared in this podcast to help people.
• Assurances that despite exacerbations and limitations since COVID, there are still resources.
• A suggestion for who to call if you are experiencing abuse.

Tweetables:

“Courage is an element that is not in the absence of fear, but courage is doing what you believe to be right even when you’re afraid.” — Shari Kastein [0:00:05]

“What’s important is the thousands and thousands of survivors that have come across our paths in the last three decades.” — Shari Kastein [0:00:55]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shari Kastein — https://www.linkedin.com/in/shari-kastein-65754339/

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre — http://www.survivorshelpline.org/

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre Phone Number — 1800 770 1650

Iowa Victim Service Call Centre Text Number — 20121