CNN (Corgi News Network) Special Report
By Margo Corgi
Shiloh, IL—Noodles & Company was allegedly bad company for a disabled patron and his wife on Monday (April 6, 2026), when an employee who identified himself as the restaurant's operator declined to serve the family, citing the canine as the reason.
He said he couldn’t allow the couple to dine in his restaurant because of the dog.
When TR showed the operator the service animal’s ID badge, the owner said it didn’t matter and added that the canine was not a service animal because he had witnessed it being petted.
With that, TR—a poorly trained journalist unlike me—grabbed his cell phone, which features an official PRESS credential from the Illinois Press Association on the back and started streaming, at which point the perpetrator of a misdemeanor offense under Illinois law fell silent except for continually asking us to leave the place of business.
Watch for the upcoming satirical stream, because the incident is a joke! In 2026, a business operator unfamiliar with the ADA is downrights (sic) comical.
The video's end reveals that the responding law enforcement officers (two out of view) failed to address the service-animal issue.
“That’s partly my fault,” admitted TR. “The restaurant was occupied, and I was uncomfortable verbalizing my condition in public when I followed the operator’s call to 911 with my own call.”
I’ll post the police response to the 911 call obtained by TR through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request.
Although he failed to file a police report at the scene, the 62-year-old followed up the next day and provided an audio- and video-recorded statement to the responding officer (a newly hired Marine Corps veteran), who apologized for the oversight.
Unfortunately, we [the people who enforce the Goddamn law] aren’t always familiar with everything in the ADA [Americans with Disabilities Act]," said Officer Arkim Lewis of the Shiloh Police Department in Shiloh, IL.
But the 35-year veteran reporter won’t take a litigious tirade off the dining table.
“This is the last spaghetti straw,” he proclaimed. “My Corgi and I have worked together for ten years, and been hassled by Amtrak, Eckert’s, White Cottage, Dairy Queen, Tavern on Main, a number of hotels… I’ve written about ADA compliance for years and would be a hypocrite if I didn’t stand up for myself.”
He admits that filing complaints can be arduous—especially for individuals who have difficulty with keyboarding, writing and speaking —but the offbeat reporter considers himself fortunate to be an artist.
“I qualify for pro bono attorney support from the VLAA (Volunteer Lawyers and Accountants for the Arts) in St. Louis,” he said. “Without them, I might not be able to go litigious on the pasta-peddling [profanity redacted] cavatappi corporate conglomerate who could let this happen.”
He said he doesn’t need another reason, “but I’ll give you one. I had a half-an-arm friend in school named Rick Arnold, who later became my editor. One day, for the ungracefulness of God, he was ridiculed in the bathroom by three [profanity redacted] adolescent [profanity redacted] sons of bitches who were waving two fingers in his face—mimicking the grotesque plastic and metal hooks prosthetic he was forced to wear in those days, and I failed to join in on the retribution fun. Instead of having his back, I let Rick go solo, violently swinging his sharp metal hooks within an inch of their laughing faces, out of the bathroom and all the way down the hall to the safety of their classroom. This is for YOU, my deceased buddy!”
Arnold had facial paralysis and a severe speech impediment—an impossible hurdle for a newsman. Obviously he was much more: a [profanity redacted] Special Ops soldier in the war for the truth. Nothing could keep Arnold from his mission in life.
“You think I’m a [profanity]?!, human rights haters,” TR declared. “Thank your God, Rick can’t get his hooks into you!”
#CNN #corgi #servicedog
