Craft Disservices

Strap on your space rollerblades and get ready to wait in line at the DMV as Craft Disservices returns to explore a cult camp hit!

Jacob Gulliver of Hot Chocolate Media is back on the show and he's brought the overlooked "Jupiter Ascending" with him! Jupiter Jones is a mild-mannered toilet cleaner with a dog fetish, but when the tater-tot of her dreams skates in to protect her from Soylent Blue-swilling aliens, she embarks on a galaxy-spanning adventure and discovers that she owns the Earth! Technically, all telescopes belong to her!

We both pick apart and praise this imaginative romp from the minds of the Wachowskis and on our journey we talk Wizard of Oz parallels, wonder why space rollerblades never became the new Bullet Time, explore the Wachowskis' Lucasian naming aesthetic, ask "Whither YA?", decry toxic fandom, and declare Channing Tatum the pasta salad of modern cinema!

Jupiter Ascending makes Cloud Atlas look like My Dinner With Andre! Listen today!

Jupiter Ascending Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 26%
Metacritic: 40
IMDB: 5.3/10

Savor Hot Chocolate Media on Facebook and Twitter and read up on their 2018 MN Fringe show!
https://www.facebook.com/hotchocolatemedia/
https://twitter.com/HotChocMedia
https://www.minnesotafringe.org/2018-show-information/remy-raygun-of-the-space-brigade-a-build-your-own-space-opera

Find out more about CONvergence 2018 and Hot Chocolate and Enterprising Indiviudals' live shows!
http://www.convergence-con.org
http://schedule.convergence-con.org

Surf differential equation fields with us on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Slip on the electrodes and get ready to synchronize with another notorious Hollywood head-scratcher!

Alex Bledsoe, author of over 20 fantasy novels, joins the show for a look at the second-worst movie of all time, Exorcist II: The Heretic, aka E2TH! Linda Blair is back as Regan MacNeil, but this time she's traded her pea soup for a pair of tap shoes and has to use her vaguely-defined spiritual powers to defend the world against a swarm of demons and her own evil, sexy self! It's a film that could have only come from the mind of John "Zardoz" Boorman...and his "creative consultant", Rospo Pallenberg!

Join us as we look at one of Hollywood's first blockbuster misfires and, along the way, we discuss filling big shoes, why 0% looks better than 20%, the value of a reverse barometer, art thriving under restrictions, the Land of Dairy Queen, Teflon von Sydow, Third Man zithering, and pitch a team of New Age X-Men!

You don't have to be as drunk as Richard Burton to enjoy this show, but it couldn't hurt! Listen today!

Exorcist II: The Heretic Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 20%
Metacritic: n/a
IMDB: 3.7/10

Check out alexbledsoe.com and follow Alex on Facebook and Twitter!
http://alexbledsoe.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Author-Alex-Bledsoe-176299128296/
https://twitter.com/AlexBledsoe

Pre-order Alex's new book, The Fairies of Sadieville!
http://amzn.to/2zcZmbj

Thumb-wrestle over a Play-Doh heart with us on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Fire up the generator and dust off Ol' Reliable because we're back with an episode that will send you to a better place!

John Edward Moret is the programmer for the Trylon Cinema in Minneapolis and he joins the show this week to sing the praises of a lost classic, The Travelling Executioner! Stacy Keach stars as Jonas Candide, an ex-convict and ex-carny with a portable electric chair and a gift for putting the condemned at ease. But when he's tasked to put the beautiful Marianna Hill to death, things go off the rails in the style you'd expect from an early '70s movie. Right down to the unexpectedly explosive climax!

Join us as we look at the auteurism of '70s cinema, discuss the value of Rotten Tomatoes, talk rooting for Dirty Harry, explore the Variety archives, John talks the post-Vietnam American crossroads, Aaron pitches a Bud Cort double feature, and we reveal the existence of the real travelling executioner himself, Jimmy "Dr. Zogg" Thompson!

This show could easily be described as "tone-deaf to its own ridiculousness"! Check it out!

The Travelling Executioner Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: n/a
Metacritic: n/a
IMDB: 6.3/10

Find out more about the Trylon online!
http://www.trylon.org

Walk in the Fields of Ambrosia on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Grab your big gun and disregard the currently negative view of firearms regulation in the modern political climate and lock and load for a new episode!

Author and returning guest Melissa "Frickin" Olson is back on the show to put the collar on Last Action Hero! We partner up on this episode to take shots at the action movie satire that was so ahead of its time, it was way too early and frankly had trouble finding an audience. While we're on the beat, we'll indulge in a little more film school talk, discuss living in the shadow of Jurassic Park, catalog action movie tropes, check in with a young(er) Charles Dance, and examine the cosmology of a "Purple Rose" situation!

Plus, we speculate on what the plot of Jack Slater 4 actually was, what Angie Everhart would be like as a co-worker, assemble a Schwarzenegger meta-timeline, Aaron posits a "Roomiverse", Melissa tells him to take it easy, and we somehow tie the movie to Deadpool and America's Sweethearts!

This movie is the Wizard of Oz with guns and it's somehow not as cool as that sounds! Look! Elephant!

Last Action Hero Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
Metacritic: 44
IMDB: 6.3/10

Pick up Melissa's new book on Amazon!
http://amzn.to/2zbEDDj

Look! Elephant! And our pages on Facebook and Twitter!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Take that hotdish out of the oven because it's time for a forgotten Midwestern classic!

Co-host of the Just Enough Trope podcast Diane Blumenfeld joins the show this week as we strap on our tap shoes, don our Mount Rushmore hats, and smear Vasoline on our teeth for Drop Dead Gorgeous! We look at the 1999 satire of a small-town Minnesotan beauty pageant and judge just how well it did in the accuracy round. Along the way we wonder why all the smoking, whether or not Amy Adams could pass for "real", whether or not this movie really gave us the Gilmore Girls, and what exactly was the deal anyway with the '90s and high school films?

Plus, we tally r-words, look at the last gasp of "fun" Asian stereotyping, examine the birth of Allison Janney as a "pro taker-downer", and talk "Midwestern" eyebrows!

We can't take our eyes off this film . . . get your ears on us!

Drop Dead Gorgeous Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 44%
Metacritic: 28
IMDB: 6.6/10

Check out the Just Enough Trope podcast!
http://www.justenoughtrope.com

Follow Just Enough Trope on Twitter!
https://twitter.com/justenoughtrope

Split some hotdish with us on Facebook and Twitter!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Hickory dickory your dock because it's time to rock out to The Adventures of Ford Fairlane!

Writer, actor, and podcaster Sam Landman joins the show this week, as we wade into the septic masculinity of this 1990 headstone to Andrew Dice Clay's shtick and career . . . and we maybe find a watchable movie in there? We take on the "Delirious Dilemma" as we ask ourselves if a film that has aged poorly can still provide entertainment outside of its offensiveness. Especially if it's a Renny Harlin film.

While we're on the case, we try to separate Andrew Clay Silverstein from "The Diceman", lament the abbreviated film career of Morris Day, try to coin "hanging the koala", talk unpopular wacky '80s action movies, and invent the crutch-shield. Plus, Booty Time, Sam resolves to track down that girl from the Young MC video, Aaron drops a late-game Deadpool comparison, and Joel Silver makes it all possible through the magic of cocaine!

You're ten seconds away from a surprisingly satisfying conversation about an embarrassing film!

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 29%
Metacritic: 24
IMDB: 6.3/10

Check out Sam's one-acts at oneactaweek.tumblr.com!

Listen to Sam's podcast, Aging Poorly!
http://www.agingpoorly.com

Follow Sam on Twitter!
https://twitter.com/droningennui

Howl with the bros and goombas at us on Facebook and Twitter!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Put on your dog mask and sneak back onto the set of your own movie because it's time to watch The Island of Doctor Moreau!

Blogger, podcaster, and theater manager Matt Gamble joins us this week as we examine this cautionary Hollywood tale of ego, excess, and eatin' the hand that feeds you. We take on the role of the Victorian protagonist as we chronicle the travails of this doomed pic, from the muddled themes to the dual tyrannies of Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer.

Along the way, we examine the wisdom of Rob Morrow, the inexperience of Richard Stanley, the beginning of the end for New Line Cinema, contemplate toxic masculinity in a beast-man scenario, look at Brando's "legendary contempt for acting", giving birth to a kitten, Kilmer's Brando, the mystery of the Missing Hootkins, and we talk VHS cover art nostalgia!

This episode starts with "Ooh, cool beast-men!" and ends in a full-on, animal-person orgy! Listen to this show and go to Dog Heaven today!

The Island of Doctor Moreau Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 22%
Metacritic: none
IMDB: 4.4/10

Check out Matt's website at wherethelongtailends.com!

Listen in to Matt's podcast at High and Low (Brow)!
http://wherethelongtailends.com/podcast-2/

Check out Matt's theater online!
https://www.showplaceicon.com/Browsing/Cinemas/Compare?Cinemas=8863&Date=2017-09-22

Obey the law and follow us on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Strap on your Power Glove and spit out that sesame cake 'cause we're headed into Congo!

Author Melissa F. Olson joins the safari as we explore this throwback, "lost world" movie, the "flop" that somehow made more in 1995 than Braveheart, Get Shorty, Heat, 12 Monkeys, and Bad Boys. BAD BOYS. On our adventure through this "perfect storm of nonsense", we talk the joy of bad movies, snake vision, gorilla head shots, Winston flashbacks, living in the shadow of Jurassic Park, and being trapped in the World's Most Avoidable Car Accident!

We also wax nostalgic about Blockbuster, wonder what'll be on Sean Connery's gravestone, admire Bruce Campbell's scream face, respect the Linney, detour into Anaconda, question what's happening between Dylan Walsh and that gorilla, and a whole lot of Mummy talk! Plus, I unexpectedly throw myself on the tracks for this "perfect storm of nonsense," and Melissa refuses to acquiesce to the damn, dirty robot apes!

This episode is all about having your sesame cake and eating it, too! More!

Congo Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 23%
Metacritic: 22
IMDB: 5.1/10

Check out Melissa's website at melissafolson.com!

Buy Melissa's books, like her upcoming novel Switchback, on Amazon!
http://amzn.to/2wdJcJS

Be the latest thing in communication with Craft Disservices on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

The colon train keeps rolling along and then explodes this week as we shoot through Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever!

Author and film critic Mark McPherson joins the show to look at the world's worst reviewed film, and we try to figure out the math on how many dead Canadians $70 million will buy you. In our discussion of this "film", we talk about critical impartiality, how easy it is to hide a microscopic robot, using landmines as an offensive weapon, making Ray Park look stupid, and whether or not a good movie can follow a "we open over water" beginning. Plus we discuss the superior Game Boy Advance adaptations, a Lucy Liu intervention, the "Matrix Syndrome", Neil Breen, a steady diet of Hostess cakes, and Mark name-drops Surf Ninjas!

This episode is 800% better than this backwards-firing gun of a Canadian TV pilot deserves. In the (hypothetical) words of Gene Shalit, "Ballistic severs me from my will to live!...something something 'ecks'". Sever yours today!

Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 0%
Metacritic: 19
IMDB: 3.6/10

Check out Mark's reviews on moviespoon.com and on Twin Cities Geek, and visit his personal website at MadnessMark.com!

Get Mark's books on Amazon!
https://www.amazon.com/Mark-McPherson/e/B019N6M54A

Keep the party going with Craft Disservices on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice

Come take a listen to the only movie-related podcast on the internet, Craft Disservices! Our mission: to review the films that critics rejected but audiences embraced; be they prime rib or pulp, genre or general, we give films a fighting chance to entertain us.

On our first episode, we enlist with 2008's Punisher: War Zone, a movie that asks the question, "What would happen if you tried to recycle that guy from The Wire?" I don't know if we find the answer, but I do know it would be written in blood with a singed dreadlock.

Jacob Gulliver of Hot Chocolate Media joins the show to discuss this misunderstood masterpiece, and we cover important topics like Doctor Strange's Hawaiian shirts, awkward political commentary, Eustachian tubes, rooting for the monster, and a startling confession about The Dark Knight!

This show is more entertaining than a barrel of parkour gang members on meth! Listen today!

Punisher: War Zone Scores
Rotten Tomatoes: 27%
Metacritic: 30
IMDB: 6/10

Follow the exploits of Hot Chocolate Media on their Facebook and Twitter or on their website at http://www.hotchocolatemedia.net!
http://www.facebook.com/hotchocolatemedia
http://twitter.com/HotChocMedia

Check out the final weekend of HCM's Minnesota Fringe show, Waiting for Gygax!
http://www.fringefestival.org/2017/show/?id=20171291

Keep the party going with Craft Disservices on our Facebook and Twitter pages!
http://www.facebook.com/craftdisservices
http://www.twitter.com/craftdisservice