Genuine listening is the key to their confidence
It’s not what they say but the way you listen, that helps people to share the deepest parts of themselves.
We often think we listen… but do we?
Are we really listening or are we just taking turns to speak?
In a recorded conversation we’re away from the distractions of other things as we’re on task, with a job to do. There are two important parts of any conversation, speaking and listening. When you’re recording someone their role is to speak and your role is to listen. Obvious, yes! But I don’t mean listen I mean – “LISTEN!”
Creating confidence and connection are the first things needed for someone to feel relaxed enough to open up and reveal the more interesting parts of their Life Story.
When recording someone it’s not our role to speak. Sure, we have a role to engage from time to time, to ask a pertinent question, add a little context to the story or even add some of our self to help the conversation flow but our primary role is to help them express themselves and speak their story. Our roll is to stay attentive and to listen.
Get active – Listen
Unlike speaking which is obviously an active task, listening which appears passive is a very active task, albeit in a different style.
Listening can be a task that requires great effort or it can be a sheer indulgence with no effort. Where you’re simply swept away with the stories being told. Compare for a moment listening to a boring lecture versus an amusing and skillful storyteller. Your active in ways you don’t realise when really listening.
Proving to them and yourself that you’re listening
As a great listener, when someone speaks to you they know you are hearing and understanding them, that you care what is being said and therefore you care about them. What greater compliment can you pay than show that. Once realised, they start to open up and build on their confidence to express themselves more. Only then will they share those amazing stories with you. This can’t be faked, you really do have to listen, care and respond genuinely. There are many places during a conversation, due to interruptions where you’ll be caught out if you don’t.
Have you had the experience where you’ve been talking and the conversation has been interrupted?
Then on returning the other person has no interest at all in continuing to hear what you had to say. Possibly they’ve even forgotten what you were saying or even the topic. Doing this to the person your recording, is like saying, “I’m only going through the ropes here and I don’t really care what you have to say.”
To prove to them and yourself, that you’re listening, are you able to remember, quote and recommence a conversation that’s been interrupted, at any time?
What you say in that one act is “I care so much about what you say, that despite the interruption, I remember what you said enough to ask you to continue, as I want to hear more of what you have to say.” Anyone would be complimented by that level of attention and with that sign of interest their confidence increases and they continue to open up.
Attitude to good listening
Even if you’re unsure how to listen well, there are a few guidelines that you should keep in mind.
* Make a conscious choice to find the topic useful and interesting
* Listen with a purpose and expectation of what you hope to hear
* Maintain an open mind
* An enquiring attitude will maintain an interest
* Desire to learn and have fun
The way to become a better listener is to practice “active l...