Ever feel like there's no room for people like you? Like you're standing outside looking at a closed door? What if the Christmas story we learned—the cold stable, the heartless innkeeper—isn't quite right?

In this final part of our Nativity series, Matt Edmundson unpacks the real context of the Christmas story. Through the Greek word 'kataluma', Palestinian home layouts, and Middle Eastern hospitality culture, we discover something surprising: this isn't a story about rejection. It's a story about making room.

[02:30] The Story We Think We Know

Mary and Joseph arrive exhausted. No room anywhere. A grumpy innkeeper. Jesus born in a stable. It's in every Christmas card and school play. But the word translated 'inn' actually means 'guest room'—the same word Luke uses for the upper room at the Last Supper.

"The nativity isn't a story about no room. It's a story about making room."

What we discover:

• Why first-century readers understood this completely differently
• How Palestinian homes were actually arranged
• Why turning away David's descendant would have shamed the whole village
• The community that gathered to help, not reject

Key takeaway: Jesus was born into a crowded family home where people squeezed up to make space—not cold rejection.

[11:00] The Shepherds and the Open Door

The shepherds weren't romantic figures—they were social outcasts. Many rabbis considered them unclean. Yet they were the first invited to meet Jesus.

"They didn't wait in the fields hoping someone would come find them. They didn't assume the invitation wasn't really for people like them. They went to Bethlehem. They knocked on the door. And when they arrived? The door opened."

What we explore:

• Why the 'wrong' people got the first invitation
• What the shepherds did that we often don't
• How wonder and curiosity open doors

Key takeaway: The invitation was real, even for people who had every reason to doubt it.

[14:00] The Problem of Preemptive Rejection

Matt shares his own story of wandering away when football teams were being picked, pretending he wasn't feeling well, making sure he was never standing there waiting to be last.

"You can't build real relationships on a lie. The acceptance was never for the real me. It was for a version of me that never existed."

What resonates:

• Why self-protection becomes self-fulfilling prophecy
• How we pre-decide our own rejection
• The exhausting work of performing for acceptance
• What happens when we drop the act

Key takeaway: By protecting ourselves from rejection, we guarantee we'll never belong.

[21:00] What Happens When You Knock

Matt reflects on the community in North Carolina who welcomed him when he first explored faith—people who opened their homes and made room at their tables.

"Jesus made room for us by taking our place. The cross is where rejection landed on him, not on us."

The hope offered:

• A God who makes room for us
• Welcome that cost Jesus everything
• From tolerated guests to friends
• An open door waiting for anyone who knocks

Key takeaway: The door is open—not because we've earned it, but because Jesus paid the price to keep it open.

Your Next Step

• Stop wandering away - Notice when you're removing yourself before anyone can include you
• Start simple - Tell God you're curious. Ask him to show you if any of this is real
• Find a table - Is there a community where you could stop hovering at the edges?
• Drop the performance - What would it mean to show up as yourself?

For more info, please visit https://crowd.church/talks/the-nativitys-open-door

When you picture the nativity, who comes to mind? Mary and Joseph? The wise men? There's one character who carried the whole journey and never gets a mention in the credits.

In this Christmas talk, Ade Birkby makes the case for the most overlooked member of the Christmas story: the donkey. Before you dismiss it as quirky, what he shares might just change how you think about service, success, and what really matters in our age of 'main character syndrome'.

Journey with us through:

• [03:40] Why the donkey deserves a second look
• [11:30] Three traits worth learning: dependability, obedience, humility
• [17:30] Applying this to real life
• [23:00] Conversation Street: putting it into practice

[03:40] The Unsung Hero

The nativity donkey carried Mary on a journey of 75-90 miles through rough terrain. Four to seven days of hard, unglamorous work. And when the job was done? It stepped back into the background.

"The donkey did the hard work. As far as we can tell from scripture, it did not complain, didn't make a big deal about it. And when his task was complete, they stepped back into the background."

What we explore:

• Why donkeys are actually highly intelligent
• Biblical symbolism of donkeys as humility and peace
• The contrast with today's 'main character syndrome'

Key takeaway: Faithful, unglamorous service often matters more than visible achievement.

[11:30] Three Traits Worth Learning

Ade unpacks three characteristics from the donkey that we could all learn from.

Dependability - "Whoever can be trusted with very little, can also be trusted with much." (Luke 16:10)

Obedience - "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." (John 14:15) - genuine obedience comes from love, not fear.

Humility - "God opposes the proud, but shows favour to the humble." (James 4:6)

"What are you doing when no one is watching?" - Matt Fraser, 5x CrossFit Champion

Key takeaway: These aren't glamorous traits, but they're the ones that build genuine character.

[19:30] The Christmas Charity Problem

Christmas sees record numbers of volunteers. But what about the rest of the year?

"Most of our work is done by the people who are working with those charities all year round. The rest of the year, there is nowhere near the same interest."

Key takeaway: What does our seasonal generosity say about our dependability and humility as a culture?

[23:00] Conversation StreetWho are the 'donkeys' in your life?

The discussion turned to those who do unglamorous work without recognition—cleaners, chair-setters, tea-and-coffee volunteers, partners holding things together at home. The suggestion: write a handwritten note this Christmas to someone who does the unseen stuff.

Main character syndrome

Josh admitted he's suffered from it. Matt reflected on how autobiographies only capture highlights—never the 90% of life that happens in between. It's the regular stuff that makes the biggest difference.

What's your equivalent of putting the chairs out?

Matt shared making the bed 350 days a year—never asked, never thanked, just the right thing to do. Ade shared becoming his wife Sonia's primary carer and now doing all those little things he used to take for granted.

Consistency beats intensity

Small, bite-sized nuggets of consistency build up over time. Ten minutes daily in the Bible beats an ambitious hour-a-day plan that falls apart. The basics, done consistently, are really powerful.

Visit: https://crowd.church/talks/the-nativitys-unsung-hero

Planning the Nativity - Dan Orange

How much planning does your Christmas take? The time off work, the presents, the family arrangements, the food. Now imagine planning 700 years in advance.

In this talk, Dan Orange draws surprising parallels between our Christmas traditions and God's extraordinary preparation for the first Christmas. From prophecies through Isaiah centuries before the event to stars positioned at creation for the Magi to follow, discover the meticulous love behind the nativity story - and what it means for your life today.

[03:00] Christmas Planning Chaos

Dan shares his experience of Christmas in a large family - 28 people around the table, hiring the village hall, a 'military operation' of organisation.

"When I was asked to do a talk about Christmas, I was struck by God's planning - so many things that he brought together for the original Christmas."

What we explore:

• The parallels between our Christmas traditions and God's preparation
• Why familiarity with the nativity can breed spiritual sleepwalking
• Looking at invitations, carols, guests, decorations, presents, and the feast

Key takeaway: God's planning makes our most elaborate preparations look like a last-minute dash to the shops.

[05:00] God's 700-Year Invitation

When we send Christmas cards, we might post them weeks early. But God's invitation came through Isaiah 700 years before the event.

"How about 700 years before the event you tell someone what's going to happen? Now that's planning."

What we discover:

• Isaiah's prophecy naming Jesus as Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace
• Micah identifying Bethlehem as the birthplace
• Over fifteen Old Testament prophecies pointing to this moment

Key takeaway: God wasn't improvising. He was orchestrating.

[10:00] When Heaven Couldn't Stay Quiet

For the announcement, God sent angels - including Gabriel, 'the one who stands in the presence of God.'

"Whenever the Bible talks about an angel visiting, the most common first words seem to be 'do not be afraid.' Which to me says it was an imposing, impressive sight."

What we explore:

• Why angels weren't the gentle figures we put on Christmas trees
• The multitude of heavenly hosts breaking into song
• Mary's Magnificat - possibly the first Christmas carol

Key takeaway: Heaven simply couldn't keep quiet about this event.

[17:00] A King in a Cattle Shed

Everything had been prepared - prophecies, angels, songs. And yet, no room at the inn.

"It doesn't matter where he was born. Jesus is God's son. His lineage is the same. The fact that he was born with the cattle is neither here nor there."

What we learn:

• Why humble beginnings don't diminish royal identity
• The significance of Zechariah's words about small beginnings
• What this means for our own identity as God's children

Key takeaway: Your circumstances don't define your identity - your Father does.

[19:00] Decorations Written in the Stars

God put stars in place on day four of creation - ready for the Magi to follow centuries later.

"Perhaps it was a collection of stars, perhaps planets aligning. Or perhaps it could have been something we've never witnessed since or ever will again."

What we discover:

• How creation itself was prepared for Christmas
• Theories about the star - planetary conjunction, supernatural phenomenon
• The wise men's gifts telling the whole story: gold, frankincense, myrrh

Key takeaway: Whatever the star was, it was planned from the beginning.

[24:00] The Feast is Open

Dan points to heaven as the ultimate Christmas celebration - an open invitation to all.

"The feast is open to all who accept the invitation. Jesus the king is waiting to share heaven with us."

What we explore:

• Revelation's invitation: 'Let the one who is thirsty come'
• Heaven likened to a wedding feast
• God's planning extends to salvation itself

Key takeaway: He's planned Christmas. He's planned salvation. It's open to all.

[26:00] Conversation Street

The panel discusses practical ways to stay focused on Jesus during Christmas busyness.

Highlights:

• Claire's nativity scene prayer: 'Jesus, be the centre'
• Dan's family tradition of reading the Christmas story on Christmas morning
• Sharon's playlist of meaningful carols and Advent calendar with names of Jesus
• The 'do not be afraid' message for our anxious world
• What God's humility in becoming a baby means for us

https://crowd.church/talks/planning-the-nativity

How many podcasts have you listened to this week? How many experts have told you how to live? We're drowning in guides. And yet somehow, we've never felt more lost.

In this honest conversation, Matt Edmundson explores Paul's observation to the Corinthian church that feels uncomfortably relevant today: "You have countless guides in Christ, but you do not have many fathers." Not more content. Not more opinions. More dads.

Matt shares his own story of spiritual fatherhood with Dave Connolly, including a fork-in-the-road conversation in 1995 that changed everything. Plus, the beautiful moment of walking his spiritual daughter Jen down the aisle at her wedding.

[03:00] The Problem with Information Overload

Research shows that beyond a certain point, more information actually makes our decisions worse. Psychologists call it "analysis paralysis." We have access to more wisdom than any generation in history, and yet...

"None of them know my name. They're not invested in my life. They won't be there when the advice doesn't work out. They offer influence without investment."

What we explore:

• Why information overload is a major source of stress
• The difference between guides and fathers
• What Paul meant by "countless guides"

Key takeaway: We don't need more opinions. We need more dads.

[11:00] What Makes Spiritual Fatherhood Different

Matt shares a quote that captures the essence: "When my father died, I realised he was the only man on the planet who wanted me to be better than him."

"A therapist helps you become functional, then you graduate. A coach helps you reach your goal, then you move on. But a spiritual father? They walk with you for life."

What we explore:

• Different goals: self-actualisation vs Christlikeness
• Why permanency matters in discipleship
• The power dynamic that Jesus subverts

Key takeaway: The goal isn't a better you. It's Christlikeness.

[15:00] Not Control, But Release

The idea of spiritual fathers has been weaponised in some church contexts. Matt addresses this directly and explains what healthy spiritual fatherhood looks like.

"A spiritual father isn't above you. They're ahead of you — walking a few steps in front on the same path. And their job is to help you catch up, not keep you behind."

What we explore:

• Warning signs of controlling relationships
• What "releasing" looks like practically
• Dave Connolly's approach: "You can hear God just as well as I can"

Key takeaway: It doesn't matter what decision you make, they'll still be there. That's what makes it fathering and not controlling.

[27:00] Conversation StreetDoes a spiritual father have to be older than you?

Not necessarily. It's about maturity and being further down the track in specific areas. Paul told Timothy, "Let no one despise you for your youth." Someone younger might be further ahead in a particular aspect of faith.

What about biological and spiritual fathers?

They don't have to be different people. But spiritual fathers can complement biological fathers beautifully. Will shared that his son now talks about someone as a spiritual father — and there's no competition. It's the beauty of God's bigger family.

How do we protect against spiritual control?

The warning signs: when you're not allowed to think for yourself, can't disagree, questioning gets you ostracised. A true spiritual father is releasing. They'll give their opinion but won't manipulate you with it.

Join the conversation at crowd.church

https://crowd.church/talks/everyone-needs-a-father-so-who-wants-to-be-one

Do you ever do all the "right" Christian things and still feel like something's missing? Like you're somehow gasping for air even though your spiritual lungs should be working just fine?

In this honest conversation, Matt Edmundson explores the topic of koinonia - the Christian community - and asks what happens when we try to do faith with only one lung.

Journey with us through:

• [03:00] The early church in Jerusalem - what 3,000 new believers actually did
• [07:00] Understanding koinonia - more than just hanging out
• [09:00] The two lungs of faith - why both are essential
• [14:00] Why Christian community has a different foundation
• [17:00] When church has hurt you - honest talk about toxic communities
• [20:00] Matt's personal story of community showing up
• [29:00] Conversation Street - practical wisdom from the community

[09:00] The Two Lungs of Faith

Matt shares an analogy that helps make sense of why we can feel empty despite an active prayer life and regular Bible reading.

"My relationship with God and my relationship with the community are equally essential to living the abundant life Jesus calls us to."

What we explore:

• The first lung - your relationship with God through Christ
• The second lung - koinonia, this divine fellowship with others
• Why wrong attitudes, consumer mindsets, and past hurts can collapse the second lung
• What happens when both lungs start working together

Key takeaway: Both lungs are meant to work together. That's the design.

[14:00] Why Christian Community is Different

So what's wrong with gym classes or book clubs? Nothing. But Christian community has a different foundation.

"Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people. In his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us."

What we discover:

• How the cross demolishes barriers between people
• The Ethiopian widow and Galilean fisherman - unlikely family
• Living from the overflow of favour already received
• What makes koinonia audaciously different

Key takeaway: The foundation changes how the whole thing works.

[17:00] When Church Has Hurt You

Matt addresses the elephant in the room - churches fail at this all the time.

"I didn't want to need anyone. I didn't want to be vulnerable. I didn't want to risk being hurt again. Independence felt like strength."

Honest talk about:

• Toxic, judgmental, and cliquey church experiences
• Matt's own journey of wanting to leave
• Why walking away doesn't always solve the problem
• Fighting for what community is meant to be

Key takeaway: The failure of churches around community doesn't invalidate God's design.

[29:00] Conversation StreetHow do we actually do community in a digital age?

Anna observed that our modern world keeps us digitally connected but physically separate. Sharon and Matt shared how they've had lodgers for almost their entire 27-year marriage. But this isn't for everyone - the key is knowing yourself and finding what works for you.

What if nobody invites me?

Matt talked about how the default is waiting for someone else to make the first move. Rather than waiting, you can start it yourself. His football example: when Liverpool play, he texts a WhatsApp group and they come round. 90% of conversation is football. But 10% isn't.

How do we take relationships deeper?

Anna highlighted the difference between breadth and depth. Her advice: start small, ask one or two people for coffee, take the pressure off. Most of the time when you invite someone, they're delighted to say yes.

For more information about this episode, visit: https://crowd.church/talks/when-following-jesus-alone-leaves-you-feeling-empty

Do you get that nagging feeling your faith should be...more? Not more religious activity or more church programmes, but something deeper, something that actually changes how you live Monday to Friday?

Mark Buchanan challenges how we think about discipleship with an uncomfortable truth: simply attending church does not make you a disciple. Saying a prayer 15 years ago does not make you a disciple. Reading the Bible occasionally does not make you a disciple. So what does?

In this refreshingly honest conversation, Mark draws a powerful distinction between pupils who collect knowledge and disciples who develop Christ's character. Using Jesus' selection of his unlikely twelve disciples, he explores what radical commitment looks like in real life - including honest discussions about busyness, hard seasons, and what changes when you move from cultural Christianity to genuine discipleship.

[06:00] Pupils vs Disciples - A Distinction That Changes Everything

Mark starts with a comparison that stops you in your tracks.

A pupil attends an institution to acquire knowledge. A disciple joins a community to develop character - specifically, the character of Jesus.

What we discover:

• Pupils attend at set times with holidays; disciples sign up for an all-day, every-day thing
• Pupils learn from different teachers; disciples learn everything from one teacher
• Jesus chose his twelve based not on their knowledge or position, but on who he knew they would become
• Why a motley bunch of fishermen, a tax collector, and a zealot shaped the history of the entire planet

Key takeaway: Jesus is looking at you right now saying, I know who you can be. I know what is in you.

[10:00] What Jesus Actually Demands

Mark unpacks Matthew 28:19-20 and Mark 8:34 with uncomfortable honesty.

We are basically saying as a disciple, I do not get to call the shots anymore. I cannot be a disciple and get my own way all the time. I cannot be a disciple and find it convenient all the time. I cannot be a disciple and play it safe.

Real talk about:

• Why baptism creates a clear line: before (not following Jesus) and after (following Jesus)
• The submission required to obey everything Jesus commanded
• Why we have to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily
• The promise that matters most: Surely I am with you always, right to the very end of the age

Key takeaway: Being a disciple is about following without questioning, and that is difficult - but you are not doing it alone.

[17:00] The Real Test of Discipleship

Mark takes us to John 13:35 where Jesus reveals the surprising test of true discipleship.

By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. What an interesting acid test to apply. Only disciples of Jesus could love the other disciples that they are taking this journey with.

Why this matters:

• The test is not memorising scripture or knowing doctrine perfectly
• Jesus' twelve were a motley crew with different personalities - some lovable, some difficult
• Yet they found friendship, relationship, and love because they followed the same Lord
• People found this strangely attractive and felt safe joining this unlikely community

Key takeaway: The love that comes from being a disciple is the powerhouse that draws others to Christ.

[22:00] Conversation Street - When Faith Is Not Convenient

Anna Kettle gets brutally honest about the reality of following Jesus through different seasons.

I have definitely had seasons of life where it has been very exciting and I have been passionate about my faith, and seasons where I have been very discouraged and life has been hard, and I am like, oh, I do not really know if I wanna do this.

Community wisdom:

• Matt's struggle with busyness as his biggest enemy to discipleship
• Mark Buchanan's journey through a horrendously difficult season and God's question: Do you really think I would leave you swinging in the wind?
• Why standing still means losing Jesus as he keeps walking through the storm
• Anna's journey from head knowledge to heart relationship, including dying to desires through infertility and loss

Key takeaway: Discipleship becomes about prioritising your growth in Christ, not just attending church on Sunday.

[27:00] Cultural Christianity vs Real Discipleship

The conversation tackles an uncomfortable reality about Western Christianity.

When being a Christian makes your life absolutely dire, you would not dare say you were a Christian unless you were gonna be a disciple. But here, where we face minimal persecution, it feels like it is possibly two different things.

What emerged:

• Iran now has a million Christians despite horrendous persecution - possibly the fastest growing church in the world
• When being a Christian is costly, you only do it if you are genuinely committed
• In places where it is easy to be a Christian, we have created cultural Christianity - claiming the label without following Christ's example
• The difference between head knowledge and discipleship: one builds character through counting the cost

Key takeaway: Where you have counted the cost, that is how character grows.

[44:00] What Discipleship Actually Looks Like

Practical patterns emerged from the conversation about how discipleship works in real life.

Discipleship is definitely not a program. Jesus did not have the book, you know, 101 ways to disciple your friends here. I think he just did life with them. For me, discipleship is about doing life with people that have this common belief in Christ who will spur you on.

Three main patterns:

• Structured one-to-one relationships: Meeting regularly with someone further along in faith for prayer, accountability, and encouragement
• Peer-to-peer community: Small groups at similar life stages who meet to pray, share, and push each other on without hierarchical leadership
• Life-on-life proximity: Opening homes and letting people see real life - not the Instagram version but the messy reality

Key takeaway: Following Jesus was never meant to be a solo sport - Jesus had 12 disciples who did it as a group, like a team.

[53:00] The Challenge - Go As Radical As You Dare

Mark Buchanan closes with what might be the most important words of the evening.

Just urge everybody - go as radical as you dare and then push a bit harder. It is scary, but it is phenomenal. And if we do not do it, we will never really understand what the Lord has in store for us. Let us treat it as if it is not optional.

Practical next steps:

• Seek people out whose faith you respect and ask them for coffee or dinner
• If you cannot think of who to seek out, pray - God will definitely open those doors
• Recognise that Jesus is looking at you saying, I know who you can be
• Remember: he is not asking for perfection, just commitment to the journey

Key takeaway: That nagging feeling your faith should be more? That is Jesus inviting you to stop being a pupil who collects knowledge and start being a disciple transformed by walking with him daily.

Shaping Grandkids Who'll Remember You

Ever wonder if you'll be remembered? Not just as "Grandma" or "Grandad" who gave good presents, but as someone who actually shaped lives, who passed on something worth catching?

In this honest conversation, Dave Connolly unpacks the story of Lois - an ordinary grandmother whose sincere faith rippled through three generations so powerfully that Paul wrote about it in 2 Timothy. This wasn't a perfect family with everything sorted. Eunice married outside the faith, Timothy's father was absent, and the household faced real complexities. Yet somehow, a grandmother's authentic walk with God changed everything.

Dave shares vulnerable stories including his own parenting regrets, weekly rhythms with his five grandchildren, and the powerful impact of telling 'miracle stories' about God's provision. You'll discover why sincere faith matters more than perfect parenting, how to shape grandchildren without controlling them, and practical ways to leave a legacy that outlasts you.

Journey with us through:

• [06:00] Lois, Eunice, Timothy: Three generations of sincere faith
• [12:00] What made Lois's influence last across generations
• [20:00] Legacy and intentional investment in grandchildren
• [38:00] Finding grace despite parenting failures
• [48:00] Regrets about not asking grandparents more questions
• [54:00] Why writing your story matters

[08:00] Sincere Faith That Carries You Through

Dave unpacks what Paul meant when he described Lois's "sincere faith" in 2 Timothy 1:5. This wasn't religious performance or perfect theology - it was an authentic, tested, genuine relationship with Jesus.

"Sincere faith in my experience has been the thing that carries you through life. A sincere faith. Because you're talking about a real faith, one that you have a personal saviour, personal relationship, personal walk."

What we explore:

• Why authenticity matters more than perfection in passing on faith
• How Lois influenced despite her daughter's choices
• The difference between religious routine and genuine relationship
• What it means for faith to "live" in someone

Key takeaway: Sincere faith isn't inherited like property - it's caught through relationship and example.

[16:00] Second Chances as Grandparents

With refreshing honesty, Dave shares how being a grandparent feels like getting a second go at things you feel you did poorly as a parent.

"If I said to men, write down all the things you do really well as a dad, you could give them a large stamp and there'd still be space on it. But if I said what you do really poorly, you could give them a roll of wallpaper."

Real talk about:

• Carrying guilt about past parenting failures
• Why grandchildren are God's blessing, not replacements
• How finding grace changes everything
• The privilege of investing in the next generation

Key takeaway: Don't concentrate on your failures - address them, ask God to strengthen you, and move forward with grace.

[22:00] Miracle Stories and Tea Time Traditions

Dave shares how he and his wife Julie deliberately tell their grandchildren what they call "miracle stories" - real encounters with God's faithfulness over the years.

"They love these stories. They want to know more and more and more. Not fairy tales or Joe Bloggs' story, but things, God encounters that Julie and I have had with God over the years."

Practical ideas:

• Weekly "one good, one bad" at tea time to create space for prayer
• Telling the same stories repeatedly - children need repetition
• Creating simple traditions like throwing stones in water
• Letting grandchildren experience joy without overthinking safety

Key takeaway: Share your real stories of God's provision - these give grandchildren a framework for understanding their own lives when challenges come.

[38:00] Finding Grace Despite Broken Beginnings

Dave vulnerably shares his own story of growing up with absent parents, sofa-surfing from a young age, and how becoming a Christian changed everything.

"As I became a Christian, somehow in God, I found so much more grace for them. Without finding that grace, I don't believe we could have been part of leading them to the Lord."

Hope for:

• Those carrying wounds from imperfect parents or grandparents
• Understanding that honouring doesn't mean ignoring harm
• How God's grace enables restoration
• Breaking cycles through authentic faith

Key takeaway: Even imperfect, broken people can pass on sincere faith when they encounter God's transforming grace.

[48:00] Regrets We All Carry

The conversation turned to a universal regret - not asking grandparents more questions whilst we had the chance.

"If I could go back in time and do something different, what would you do? I'd talk to my Nan and just get her stories from her." - Matt Edmundson

For everyone:

• Why we didn't ask when we were younger
• The importance of recording stories now
• How Sharon's grandmother wrote "Lost and Found" about her life
• Making time to honour grandparents whilst you still can

Key takeaway: Don't wait. If you still have grandparents, ask the questions now. If you are a grandparent, write your story - even if just for your grandchildren.

[50:00] Different Grandparents, Same Love

Jan shares how her mum and mother-in-law bring completely different gifts to grandparenting - one more cuddly, the other doing baking and historical trips. Both create brilliant memories.

"They're unique. Those grandparents aren't in competition. We just want to love and love freely." - Dave Connolly

Wisdom about:

• Why comparison kills joy in grandparenting
• How Dave works alongside his daughter's father-in-law (who isn't a Christian)
• Teaching grandchildren through bonfire night traditions
• Complementing rather than competing with other grandparents

Key takeaway: Your unique contribution matters without diminishing what other grandparents bring.

When Your Sibling Gets Everything

Do you ever replay conversations with your parents, mentally counting all the times they mentioned your sibling versus you? Or felt that hot flush of resentment when your brother gets praised for doing what you've been doing faithfully for years?

This week at Crowd Church, Mike Harris—one of five siblings himself—explored sibling relationships through one of Jesus' most famous stories. But instead of focusing on the wayward younger brother, Mike zeroed in on the older brother: the faithful one, the reliable one, the one who did everything right... and still felt invisible.

In this honest conversation, Mike unpacks the toxic dynamics of favouritism, the exhaustion of being the responsible sibling, and what happens when comparison steals your joy. Through biblical sibling rivalries that go spectacularly wrong (Cain and Abel, Joseph, Jacob and Esau), he reveals how God doesn't airbrush family dysfunction but engages with it honestly.

Journey with us through:

• [03:45] The Bible's messy family album
• [08:20] The older brother's complaint
• [14:30] 'This son of yours'—when resentment breaks family bonds
• [24:10] The father's surprising response
• [33:50] Conversation Street: navigating sibling rivalry
• [47:30] Jesus as the perfect older brother

[08:20] The Older Brother's Resentment

Mike reads the older brother's bitter complaint when he discovers his wayward brother is getting a party:

Look, all these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him.

What we discover:

• Why the older brother's resentment feels completely justified from his perspective
• The significance of 'this son of yours' instead of 'my brother'
• How comparison transforms service into 'slaving'
• The pain of doing everything right and still feeling invisible

Key takeaway: The older brother isn't irrational—he's been faithful, reliable, obedient. Yet his brother gets celebrated whilst his loyalty goes unremarked.

[24:10] What You Already Possess

The father's response reveals something the older brother couldn't see:

My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.

Mike unpacks this powerful truth:

Everything the father has belongs to the older brother. He's always been there. He's always had access to everything. He's got intimacy with his father. He's got the relationship. But he can't see it because he's too busy looking at what his brother's getting.

What this means:

• The older brother's problem wasn't having less—it was not recognising what he possessed
• His father's constant presence, unlimited resources, unconditional love were always available
• Comparison blinds us to the richness right in front of us
• Measuring our lives against siblings steals joy

Key takeaway: When we're too busy watching what others receive, we miss what we already freely have.

[33:50] Conversation Street - Dealing With Sibling Rivalry

Several people shared their experiences with sibling rivalry and reconciliation.

How do we practically manage these visceral feelings?

Mike's honest response: "It's really hard." But he pointed to recognising our true identity as children of the King, co-heirs with Christ. When we understand our position in God's family, it alters how we view earthly family dynamics.

We have to humble ourselves. We have to say, 'Actually, I'm going to forgive.' Even if they haven't asked for forgiveness.What if reconciliation isn't possible?

Mike acknowledged the brutal reality: "Sometimes reconciliation isn't possible in this life. And that's really painful." But he pointed to ultimate hope—that in Christ, all things are being made new, including broken family relationships.

The exhaustion of being the responsible one

Several people resonated with always being expected to cope, to manage, to sort things out. Mike didn't minimise this: "It's not easy being the older sibling, being the one everyone depends on."

But he redirected to the relief available in Christ—we don't have to be perfect older siblings because we have a perfect older brother who's already done everything required.

Key takeaway: Reconciliation requires someone to go first, to humble themselves, to extend grace before it's deserved—just as Christ did for us.

[47:30] Jesus - The Perfect Older Brother

This is where Mike's talk shifted from diagnosis to hope.

Jesus is the older brother who doesn't stand outside and say, 'I'm not coming in.' He's the one who comes after us. He's the one who leaves the party to find us.

What Jesus did:

• Had everything—glory, honour, intimacy with the Father
• Laid it all down for wayward siblings
• Pursued reconciliation at the cost of his life
• Gave up his rights and position
• Came to earth, lived perfectly, died on a cross

Mike explained: "He gave up his rights. He gave up his position. He came down to earth, lived a perfect life, and then died on a cross so that we could be reconciled to the Father."

Key takeaway: Where the older brother couldn't move past resentment, Jesus moved toward his wayward siblings—offering reconciliation not based on what we deserve but at infinite cost to himself.

[52:15] Your Next Steps

Mike left us with practical actions for this week:

Recognise what you already have. You might be so focused on what others are getting that you're missing the richness of what you possess—relationship with the Father, access to His resources, His constant presence.

Examine your resentment honestly. Don't spiritualise it away. If you're bitter towards your sibling, acknowledge it. Bring it into light. Resentment grows in darkness.

Consider reconciliation. Romans tells us: "If it's possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." That includes siblings. This might mean initiating a difficult conversation or choosing to forgive without being asked.

Remember your identity. You're not defined by birth order, parental favouritism, or how you compare to siblings. You're a child of God, co-heir with Christ, deeply loved regardless of achievement or family rank.

Lay down your pride. Pride says "I deserve better" or "They should apologise first." But reconciliation requires someone to go first, to humble themselves, to extend grace before it's deserved.

Key takeaway: The older brother had everything. He just couldn't see it because he was looking in the wrong direction.

This conversation is perfect for:

• Anyone struggling with adult sibling rivalry
• People who feel invisible despite being the responsible one
• Those dealing with parental favouritism or comparison
• Anyone exhausted from measuring themselves against siblings
• People exploring reconciliation in broken family relationships

Join the conversation at crowd.church

When Your Parents Won't Let Go

How do you honour difficult parents? What does biblical respect look like when your mum won't accept you're an adult, or your dad's choices have caused genuine hurt?

Jenny Mariner brings twelve years of teaching teenagers and raising two young children to this honest exploration of one of the Bible's most challenging commands. She unpacks the crucial difference between childhood obedience (temporary) and honour (permanent), offering practical wisdom for navigating complicated family dynamics with grace.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why learning obedience as children shapes our entire lives
• The shift from obeying parents to honouring them as adults
• What honour actually looks like in practice
• Setting healthy boundaries without dishonoring parents
• Handling controlling, absent, or abusive parents
• Finding peace by accepting your parents' limits

[03:00] Why Childhood Obedience Actually Matters

Jenny shares a powerful story from her teaching years about a student who wouldn't obey anyone, constantly wandering corridors and disrupting others.

"This child is not learning how to function in society. That is what learning obedience when you are young is about - none of us get to do whatever we want all the time."

What we discover:

• God is a God of order, not chaos - Genesis shows this clearly
• No society has ever successfully run on anarchy
• Learning obedience helps us trust our parents, which helps us trust God
• Childhood is where we learn our place in society and relationships

Key takeaway: Obedience isn't about crushing personality - it's about learning that healthy societies need structure.

[08:00] The Critical Shift - Obedience to Honour

Jenny makes the crucial distinction many of us miss about what changes when we become adults.

"The overall key point in a nutshell is that obedience is important in childhood and honour remains a permanent obligation throughout our lives - whatever the dynamics in your family."

Understanding the difference:

• Exodus 20 says "honour" not "obey" your parents
• It's the only commandment with a promise attached - long life
• As adults, you're responsible for your own choices
• But honour doesn't end when childhood does

Key takeaway: You don't have to obey your parents as an adult, but you're still called to honour them.

[14:00] What Honour Actually Looks Like

Jenny gets practical about what honouring parents means in everyday life.

"Honouring in the Bible is about treating someone with proper respect and value. It's about saying, you are my parent. You birthed me, you raised me. You did your best, even if actually your best was inadequate."

Practical ways to honour:

• Speaking about them with care and respect
• Seeking their wisdom (without blind obedience)
• Regular communication - Jenny schedules specific days her mum sees the kids
• Using technology for distance relationships
• Providing emotional and practical support as they age

Key takeaway: Honour is active, not passive - it requires intentional choices about how we treat our parents.

[24:00] Healthy Boundaries Are Biblical

Jenny challenges the false idea that honouring means having no boundaries.

"Despite everything I've said about honour and communication and respect and care, it is okay, it's biblical to have healthy boundaries."

Real talk about boundaries:

• Genesis talks about leaving mother and father to become one with your spouse
• If parents are overbearing, boundaries protect your marriage
• Boundaries create space for healthier relationships
• In abusive situations, harsh boundaries are necessary and right

Key takeaway: Boundaries aren't dishonoring - they're about creating space for genuine relationship.

[32:00] Making Time as Adult Children

The conversation explores what honouring looks like when life gets busy.

"One of the things my mum has said to me is like, you are always in such a rush to have time to hear me. I've tried to be really intentional - actually I value her and I want her to know that."

Practical wisdom:

• Don't let busyness create long gaps between contact
• Slow down enough to genuinely listen
• Your parents aren't just there when you need them
• Intentional time matters more than perfect visits

Key takeaway: Honouring parents includes actually making time for them, not just fitting them in when convenient.

[45:00] When Parents Are Difficult But Not Abusive

A comment raised the common scenario: constantly critical, boundary-crossing parents who drain you emotionally.

Matt Edmundson responded:

"Honour doesn't mean unlimited access to you or letting someone repeatedly hurt you. I think sometimes honouring is actually establishing really good boundaries and sticking with them."

Jenny added from experience:

• The more you deal with your own stuff through therapy and friends, the better you navigate it
• You might need strict boundaries in one season
• Accessing your own healing helps you handle similar situations better over time
• Remember that hurt people hurt others

Key takeaway: Your own healing journey directly impacts your ability to maintain healthy boundaries with grace.

[48:00] Honouring Abusive Parents

Jenny was unequivocal about keeping yourself safe.

"You definitely have to keep yourself safe. There isn't anything that would suggest otherwise in scripture. Worst case scenario would be no contact at all."

Difficult truths:

• Safety always comes first
• No contact might be necessary and that's okay
• Even then, consider what small honour might look like
• Think carefully about where you share your story
• Forgiveness doesn't mean letting people off the hook

Matt added crucial perspective about reporting abuse - it needs to stop, not just for you but potentially for others.

Key takeaway: Honouring doesn't mean exposing yourself to ongoing harm. Sometimes the boundary has to be absolute.

[53:00] Absent Parents and Forgiveness

Jenny shared about a friend whose father disappeared for twenty years then reappeared.

"It was interesting that he had just done enough forgiving that he was able to handle his dad reappearing on the scene. He'd done the business to deal with that rather than just sitting in the resentment."

Hope for absence:

• Processing pain doesn't contradict honouring parents
• Hold both truths in tension
• What does honour look like? It might not be very much
• Ask God what he's leading you to do specifically

Key takeaway: It's okay if honouring an absent parent doesn't look like much - but forgiveness work matters regardless.

[57:00] When Becoming a Parent Changes Everything

Matt and Dan both reflected on how their perspective shifted dramatically.

Matt shared:

"I didn't really understand what mum and dad went through as parents until I became a parent. I was a lot more empathetic to some of the situations they faced. My respect and my admiration for my parents grew when I became a parent myself."

Dan agreed:

"You think before you're a parent that you are tired, that you have lots of things to do. And then you become a parent, you go, 'No, I wasn't tired and I had nothing to do.' It's that stark."

Key takeaway: Parenting gives you empathy for what your parents faced that you simply couldn't understand before.

Finding Peace in Accepting Limits

Jenny's most powerful moment came when she talked about her sister desperately wanting their parents to change.

"I have learned some peace, which I feel is God-given peace from accepting my parents' limits. They're not beyond change, but it's unlikely. I can have more peace if I say, 'This is how they currently are. How do I honour and respect them? What are the healthy boundaries? What can I do within the current scenario rather than rallying against it to change all the time?'"

This isn't giving up - it's finding peace in reality rather than constant frustration.

Biblical Motherhood And Why It Looks Different To What You May Think

Ever feel like women can't win? Too focused on motherhood or not focused enough? This week, Sharon Edmundson explores what the Bible actually says about motherhood - and it challenges both the Pinterest-perfect pressure and the career-first narrative.

In this honest conversation, Sharon shares four biblical principles that ground motherhood in something bigger than cultural expectations, and three practical roles that show how motherhood reveals God's character. From vulnerable stories about mum guilt to addressing childlessness and difficult parent relationships, this message offers grace-filled wisdom for wherever you are in your motherhood journey.

[08:00] When Cultural Messages Leave You Exhausted

Sharon names the reality: "We are seen as either being too focused on motherhood or not focused enough, and it can be exhausting."

She shares stories from her own life - friends with complicated relationships with their mothers, friends desperate for children but unable to have them, and her childhood friend Jane who spent years wondering about her birth mother after being adopted.

"Whatever your motherhood story looks like - whether you're honouring the mum who raised you, grieving the one that you wish you had, or figuring out how to be the mum your kids need - God's grace is big enough for you too."

What we explore:

• Why neither the 'perfect mother' nor 'career is everything' narrative satisfies
• How cultural pressure creates impossible standards
• Why God's perspective on motherhood is refreshingly different
• The reality that motherhood touches all of us in different ways

Key takeaway: You don't have to choose between the Pinterest-perfect mother or the career-focused woman - God offers a third way.

[08:00] Four Biblical Principles That Change Everything

Sharon walks through foundational truths from Scripture that transform how we view motherhood:

Principle 1: Motherhood is God's Good Idea

"God could have designed humans to just appear, fully formed. No nappies, no sleepless nights, no teenage years. But he didn't. He chose the messy, relational way. Why? Because He's relational."

Principle 2: Children Are a Blessing, Not a Burden

Sharon unpacks Psalm 127's imagery of children as arrows: "Warriors don't just keep their arrows permanently in their hand. They aim them, they release them, and they trust them to hit their target."

Principle 3: God Gives Children Value

"There's a God-given dignity in motherhood. But it is not the underlying basis of our value or our worth. Our value is in that we are made in God's image. So a woman without children is as valuable as a woman with children."

Principle 4: Motherhood Isn't the Most Important Thing

"If we make children the most important thing in our lives, we're putting them in God's place, and they aren't designed to handle that kind of pressure."

Key takeaway: These principles free you from cultural pressure whilst giving motherhood profound purpose.

[16:00] Three Roles That Reveal God's Heart

Sharon explores three specific roles mothers play:

Authority Exercised Through Serving

"If you're a parent of small children or teens and you're trying to be their friend, you might be missing part of your purpose as a parent. They don't need you to be their friend. They need you to take your God-given role of authority over them for their good."

But she quickly adds: "God's way of doing things is that authority is about serving."

Love Characterised by Delight

Sharon gets personal about seeing a photo of her child in a giraffe costume: "You know, those flashbacks of like, oh, that was just so cute and lovely. And just that warm affection thinking about it."

"How amazing to think that God delights in us like a mother delights in her children."

Teaching Woven Into Daily Life

"When our kids were little, we used to have Bible reading and prayer at breakfast. That worked for a time, and then it didn't work. But as the verse shows, learning can take place anywhere, just in daily life."

Sharon shares how picking her daughter up from school became their most meaningful conversation time - even though her daughter could have made her own way.

Key takeaway: Biblical motherhood is about serving authority, delighted love, and everyday teaching moments.

[28:00] Conversation Street - The Real QuestionsCan I Be Both Career-Focused and Faithful as a Mum?

Sharon's honest: "I'm not sure I totally have the answer. I think the key thing is to know what is God asking you to do? Are you doing all the things you're doing because you are giving in to pressure from other people or because of some sort of insecurity?"

Anna adds crucial wisdom: "Motherhood isn't one season, it's lots of little ones. It's about knowing the exact season you're in and how much you can manage in that season, and being realistic."

What Do I Do With Mum Guilt?

Sharon gets vulnerable about years of guilt over sleep training that didn't work with her daughter:

"For years, I looked back at that going, I don't think I got that right. Have I damaged her? Then I felt God say, 'Apologise to her.' So I went and apologised to her. I think it was only last year. She was like, 'Oh yeah, it's fine.' And I've been able to let it go since then."

Anna reinforces: "Nobody gives you a manual. You just learn as you go. So there has to be grace - asking God for wisdom, but also having grace when it goes wrong. There's another day, clean start."

How Can Childless Women Live Out Spiritual Motherhood?

Jan speaks powerfully: "It's clear in the Bible that to be a mother is not just to be a biological mother. A 20-year-old can be mothering a teenage girl. It's about caring, giving time, investing in. That's what being a mother is."

Anna recommends Ruth Corden's podcast for more on this: "She talks about having a mother's heart but empty arms. She's a social worker dealing with vulnerable children - that's part of what she believes God's called her to do."

How Do I Trust God When Motherhood Feels Hard?

Anna gets brutally honest: "A lot of motherhood is just Groundhog Day. Clean the hamster, make the dinner, make sure everyone's done their homework. A lot of nagging, a lot of cajoling. It's a bit of a slog, and it can be tedious."

Sharon shares her approach: "I think being able to be honest before God and just go, 'I'm really not enjoying this right now.' Then choosing to be thankful even when we don't feel it. 'Thank you, God, that I have a kitchen floor to clean.' Sometimes that was through gritted teeth."

How Do I Honour a Dishonourable Parent?

Sharon uses David and Saul's example: "David drew the line - 'No, you are not killing me. There's a line you're not going to cross.' But he wouldn't harm Saul because God had put him in that position. He put boundaries in. It was this far and no further."

Jan adds practically: "Sometimes it might mean keeping your visits short, having boundaries, protecting yourself."

Key takeaway: These aren't easy questions with simple answers - but God's grace meets you in the complexity.