Our guest today, Sam, leads us to the grand finale of Season 2! He shares about learning how to trust himself to make positive change now that he’s gotten a year clean. We discuss how many of us used to make changes in our lives due to survival or self-sabotage until it just became normal. We hope for change in recovery to look more like growth, but how do we know the difference? We take a look at whether we’re running from something we need to deal with or running toward improving quality of life. We are learning to redirect the perseverance we had during addiction toward new goals and cope with the feelings that stand in our way. We find that the root of our addiction (even after we’ve put down the substance) is dealing with feelings. If we are using our survival mindset to deal with them, survival is all we get. We do the work to change our mindset, which changes our feelings and actions. Our goal in recovery is not only to gain more abundance, but most importantly, to gain an abundance mindset.

Tool References: Super Powers (Toolkit 1), The Other Side of Fear (Toolkit 1), Our Normal is not Normal (Toolkit 2)

Our guest today, Jaclyn, has over two years clean and breaks the ice with some humor around navigating dating in recovery! Through conversation we explore our motivations behind sex, relationships, and most importantly the relationship we’re building with ourselves along the recovery journey. Not only are we learning what we’re looking for in others, we’re discovering what it is WE have. Afterall, the other person isn’t the only one who has to bring things to the table in the relationship! We talk about how we end up attracting whatever we’re giving- for good or bad. Beyond dating, practicing intimacy with anyone can be tough, even with friends or a sponsor. We all carry around past negative experiences that our minds have created stories about- “She doesn’t care...He’ll hurt me...I’m not good enough.” These stories often need some updating to make room for new experiences to happen. We discuss how recovery gives us the ability to examine our stories and provides us with the choice of writing a new one. Vulnerability takes risk, but the reward? Connection.

Tool References: Perspective (Toolkit 1), Check Motivation Light (Toolkit 2), Vulnerability (Toolkit 2), Editing the Story (Toolkit 3)

Today, Elyse brings in our guest Arianna who describes her journey with gaining tools in recovery yet having trouble with accumulating clean time. She talks about the “switch” and how there seems to be a struggle between our old self and the one we’re learning to grow into. Elyse describes this as being something that we’re actually constantly doing throughout our recovery journey; there are many layers of surrender and changes that a life in recovery demands. Besides the desire to use a substance, there are other aspects of life that we find new tools to deal with as well, like romance and finance. Awakenings may happen for some in large climactic moments, but they can also be realizations that growth is required in more areas of life. Through discussion, we explore how a lot of areas still have similar basic needs- from substances to sex and relationships to finances- the core needs could really be fun, comfort, security, feeling loved...Luckily, the recovery journey directs us toward letting go of our old coping mechanisms and finding new ways to get our needs met. Arianna points out the importance of having a group of supportive people who can offer us security when we’re still working toward building it within. As we replace unhealthy things with the healthier versions, we learn to fill the void without the chaos. The side benefit? Realizing that the journey of growth is much more exciting anyways.

Tool References: The Switch (Toolkit 1), Core Needs (Toolkit 2)

Today, Elyse brings in our guest Arianna who describes her journey with gaining tools in recovery yet having trouble with accumulating clean time. She talks about the “switch” and how there seems to be a struggle between our old self and the one we’re learning to grow into. Elyse describes this as being something that we’re actually constantly doing throughout our recovery journey; there are many layers of surrender and changes that a life in recovery demands. Besides the desire to use a substance, there are other aspects of life that we find new tools to deal with as well, like romance and finance. Awakenings may happen for some in large climactic moments, but they can also be realizations that growth is required in more areas of life. Through discussion, we explore how a lot of areas still have similar basic needs- from substances to sex and relationships to finances- the core needs could really be fun, comfort, security, feeling loved...Luckily, the recovery journey directs us toward letting go of our old coping mechanisms and finding new ways to get our needs met. Arianna points out the importance of having a group of supportive people who can offer us security when we’re still working toward building it within. As we replace unhealthy things with the healthier versions, we learn to fill the void without the chaos. The side benefit? Realizing that the journey of growth is much more exciting anyways.

Tool References: The Switch (Toolkit 1), Core Needs (Toolkit 2)

Today we have our guest Genesis with a year and some change clean. She tells us how giving recovery a try helped her to let go of using, and also gave her awareness to see all the other issues. She identifies some barriers most of us struggle with- procrastination, lack of discipline, and impatience. In our discussion we end up drilling down to the root of these problems such as fear, insecurity, and shame- scripts that affect our thinking based on past experiences. These roots are what we are learning to tackle as they were the same roots that we ended up using over in the past. Although awareness can be painful, Marc points out that when we don’t face it and take positive action, those things will pop up and sideswipe us when we least expect it. On the flip side, we can trust the tools that others in recovery have shared are helpful for them. Some solutions that we’ve found for recovery from substances such as meditation, reaching out to others, and observing our thoughts we also find helpful for all other barriers. As Genesis puts it- I can have hope for solutions to other things because I’ve found a solution to using by hearing others share their own journey.

Tool References: Roots of Use (Toolkit 1), Snow Globe (Toolkit 3), Right Sizing My Space (Toolkit 3)

Theresa, with 45 years clean talks about her recovery journey and taking care of her body, mind, and spirit. She walks us through how she started out- just starting with staying clean, just showing up at the gym, just sitting still for a couple minutes- and how these things evolved over time. She shares her realization of learning the importance of some of these aspects simply by experiencing the consequences of not doing them- the learning curve of life. We talk about the difficulty with some of these big concepts in early recovery and how someone can be struck with awe when trying to comprehend long bouts of recovery when they’re brand new. Theresa puts it this way-sometimes we watch someone who seems to be really good at something and think I could never do that, but it's important to remember that they only got that way from doing it every day. The most important thing is really just to start-not about what it looks like. Remember that the journey has ups and downs but the only way we experience any of it is if we take the first step forward. Showing up is good enough and good enough is the antidote to healing.

Tool References: You Must Be Present to Win (Toolkit 1), Riding the Wave (Toolkit 2), Roadtrip (Toolkit 2)

On today’s episode, our guest Keri gets current about some of the tougher recovery subjects- from doing an honest self-assessment to moving through grief in recovery and mending the wreckage of our past. In our conversation today, we discuss some of the core issues that arise from these experiences and how we’ve navigated them. Through honestly looking at our patterns, we’ve been able to identify the feelings that threaten to endanger our recovery- guilt, shame, grief, resentment, fear...As addicts, we tend to avoid feeling because we want to steer clear of pain but have found that avoidance itself is the problem. We talk about solutions to dealing with feelings so that they no longer rule our lives and how we’ve found freedom by walking through them, together. These tools have helped us make sense of the new life we are creating in recovery and find freedom from the baggage we’ve been carrying.

Tool References: The Double Life, Pressure Cooker, Grieving Your Past, Do You Want to Feel Better or Be Better at Feeling? (All Toolkit Book 1)

Our guest today, Seth, tells us he’s just hit his five-year mark in recovery! He shares about coming to a point that feels a lot like stability and maintenance. But what about what led up to that point? The instability, self-will, and damage? We discuss some tough subjects today such as coping with suicidal thoughts and their relationship to addiction and recovery. We also talk about how tools we have learned that worked for recovery have also worked for our mental health and still apply today. Seth puts it well- the first five years are about gaining these tools then we come to the point where it’s all about keeping them sharp. So how do you do that? We talk about how creating community and working on ourselves remain basics but the details blossom and grow. Life continues to hold challenges for us, even in recovery, but when we share what’s honestly going on and accept help, we’ve found that we stand a chance. With the help of others, we’ve learned how to find the tools we need to continue and given the support we so desperately need when we just can’t do it alone.

Tool References: Nothing Matters (Toolkit Book 3), Something Matters (Toolkit 3), Vulnerability (Toolkit Book 2), Communication (Toolkit Book 1)

Our guest, Markus, joins us today to talk about insecurity, loss, and goals. As usual we find that our seemingly unrelated topics actually have a lot to do with each other. First, we throw an idea around- insecurity- and how we believe it shapes the ways in which we show up in the world- needing to appear larger than life, or, on the other end of the spectrum- constantly apologizing for existing...In essence, it’s a need to be something that is anything other than the right amount of space that we take up in the world- a general insecurity that who we are isn’t enough. So how did we get that way? We propose the idea that insecurity is built from painful experiences that have created fears in our lives. When we experience pain and loss we develop fears- fear of being abandoned, fear of not being accepted, fear of being seen....in order to deal with these fears we took on these personalities-maybe we became a perfectionist, acted the victim, or strived for perfection...In recovery, we bring many of these skewed personalities with us, and it may even be astonishing that this is not who we really are! Who are we, then? It may help to identify what we’re attracted to in others, such as honesty and kindness. Maybe it’s getting back to who we used to be when we were a child- brave and curious...We discuss what spiritual principles are and how we can use them to find our authentic selves- courage itself is actually a solution to move through fear, honesty helps us to examine our fears, trusting others helps us believe there’s a way out from the fear. We act on these goals, despite how we feel, and we start to bloom into the versions of us that were meant to be. We stop apologizing for who we are, overcompensating for who we’re not, feeling the need to be perfect, or thinking that we require saving...by acting on our values and surrounding ourselves with those who do the same, we become the people we were always meant to be. Welcome to security, serenity, and joy.

Tool References: Right Sizing My Space (Toolkit 3), My Authentic Self (Toolkit 3)

In this episode, we talk about faith and how we’ve utilized it to chart a new course in our lives. If you see the word “faith” and cringe, you’re not alone! Some of us know exactly what that means, and some of us feel lost or angry when the word is thrown at us when we enter recovery. We’ve found that most humans, especially addicts, have trouble letting go of fear to make room for new growth which involves venturing into the unknown. During addiction, the goal was clear- to use, which gave us a pretty clear destination as we charted our chaotic path. In recovery, there’s a lot to figure out and we might have no idea where to go! Maybe we start with some guardrails of things that we feel attracted to such as creativity, honesty, connection, or hope.... We discuss how taking positive action has led us to where we are today, and how making small meaningful changes and receiving guidance helps to light our path even when we can’t see it ourselves. Faith, for us, has been knowing that when we are doing things that align with who we want to be, then the rest will figure itself out over time. If we put our foot forward in a meaningful direction, we stand a chance.

Tool References: Connecting the Dots (Toolkit 1), Letting Go of the Outcome (Toolkit 2), One Degree (Toolkit 2)