What if the most painful part of grief isn’t the loss itself, but the belief that you’re doing it wrong?

That quiet voice that says you should be further along… that you should be handling it better… that somehow, if you had done one thing differently, they might still be here…

I hear that voice every single day in my work. And I’ve felt it in my own grief too.

But here’s the truth: you’re not doing grief wrong. We’ve just been taught to understand it wrong.

In this episode, I’m joined by David Kessler, one of the world’s leading grief experts, known for his work on the five stages of grief alongside Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and the author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.

But to me, David isn’t just an expert.

He’s a friend. And he’s the man who stood in my backyard less than a week after my son Sammy died… who sat with my husband and my youngest son, holding our fear and our shame without trying to fix it.

When I felt called to go deep into the redwoods to face my own darkness, David was the one who said, “I’ve got them.”

He supported my family then, and he remains a steady presence in our lives today.

David Kessler isn’t just a grief authority. He’s someone I deeply trust.

In this conversation, we pull back the curtain on what healing actually looks like beyond the myths and the stages we’ve been sold. We explore why grief is never linear, why acceptance isn’t a finish line, and why meaning doesn’t come from the death itself, but from the life you live afterward.

We explore: 

Why the pressure to “move on” actually keeps people stuck in grief

What the sixth stage of grief really looks like beyond the theory

The subtle mistake people make when trying to “find meaning” too soon

Why grief has no timeline, and what to trust instead

A powerful reframe for guilt that can instantly soften self-blame

What we misunderstand about “prolonged grief” and why it matters

Why old wounds resurface during loss and how to work with them

The difference between surviving your grief and being transformed by it

One belief about healing that quietly holds so many people back

How even the most traumatic loss can eventually become something sacred

Don’t forget to check out David’s work at grief.com. His new workbook, Finding Meaning, is available at griefbook.com and comes with a free three-part class to help walk you through it. 

As always, I want to hear from you. Share your story or send questions to [email protected]. And if you need a place to connect with people who truly get it, visit the Grief Healing Collective. None of us were meant to do this alone. Let’s cry out loud together.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I sit down with someone whose wisdom has shaped so many of our lives for decades, spiritual teacher and author Iyanla Vanzant. In her newest book,  Spiritual Hygiene, Iyanla introduces a framework for understanding loss that can transform pain into deep and abiding strength and grace. 

As two mothers who have both experienced the devastating loss of a child, we speak honestly about what grief teaches us. Iyanla shares about losing two daughters, Jamia and Nisa, and how those experiences were profoundly different. When Jamia crossed over, grief taught her the difference between grief and mourning. By the time Nisa transitioned, she had already spent decades doing the deep inner work of spiritual hygiene. Because of that, she was able to meet the second loss from a very different spiritual place, still grieving but grounded in what she had learned.

Iyanla  reminds us that it’s from our most broken states that we can begin to reconfigure our body, mind, and soul in new ways.  

We explore:

The idea of spiritual hygiene and why healing begins with returning to wholeness

Why the loss of love pulls us into grief quickly and deeply

Grief as a powerful teacher and  initiator in a grief-illiterate society

The key difference between grief and mourning

The moment Iyanla  realized she had to let her daughter go nine months before she passed

How to stop the  “should have, could have, would have” guilt loops in which  so many grievers stay stuck. 

How to release negative thoughts that feel sticky. 

The spiritual moments that shaped Iyanla’s path, including a mysterious encounter during postpartum depression and the message she received after her second loss

Remember to check out Iyanla’s book Spiritual Hygiene and her new show The Inside Fix. You can also connect with Iyanla through her website and on Instagram.

If you’d like to share your story or ask a question, email [email protected].

And if you want to get healing support and connect with others on the same path, visit the Grief Healing Collective.

None of us were meant to grieve alone.

Let’s cry out loud together.

Welcome to this special extended episode of Crying Out Loud. I’m Dr. Laura Berman.

As I share throughout this podcast, on February 7, 2021, my 16-year-old son Sammy was sent a drug dealer by Snapchat who sold him counterfeit drugs laced with  fentanyl. Like many parents, I believed my child was safe at home. We had talked about social media safety. I worried about online predators, explicit photos, and the risks teenagers face online. But it never occurred to me that drugs could be ordered through social media and delivered to our home as easily as ordering takeout.

What happened shattered my heart and my understanding of what “safe at home” really meant.

In the days, months, and years after losing Sammy, I began recording reflections simply to process what I was living through. I wasn’t thinking about creating a podcast. I was simply trying to survive the unimaginable. Those recordings eventually became what I now call The Losing Sammy Diaries.

This episode brings together four chapters from The Losing Sammy Diaries, recorded across the weeks, months, and years after Sammy’s death. Each chapter offers a snapshot along my trajectory through grief, showing how pain, understanding, and healing gradually evolve over time.

Chapter One: Ground Zero

One Week After Losing Sammy

What the earliest days of grief actually feel like

The story of what happened to Sammy and the growing fentanyl crisis

The dangers of social media platforms that many families like mine were blind to

The powerful and surprising response I got  from families across the country 

The role of surrender and softening in the midst of devastating loss

Why being present with pain and releasing it from the body can be an important part of grief healing

Why I made the difficult decision to leave my home and family for a bit just a few weeks after Sammy’s death 

Chapter Two: The Redwood Odyssey

Three Months After Losing Sammy

My profound personal odyssey experienced in the Redwoods of California

How somatic experiencing opened a new doorway for processing grief

The emotional releases that can happen when grief moves through the body

The healing power of nature, long walks through the forest, and hugging trees

My unforgettable “glittering forest” experience in the redwoods

The seeds of something new that were beginning to form

Chapter Three: Two Funerals and a Birthday Party

Six Months After Losing Sammy

What my mother’s death taught me about moving with loss

The difference between spiritual connection and spiritually bypassing pain

The unexpected role my dog played in my healing

The fifteen-minute grounding practice that can help you move grief through the body

Why allowing ourselves to receive love from others can be part of healing

The beautiful release ceremonies and the two funerals we had honoring Sammy’s life

Why there is no right or wrong way for partners to grieve in a marriage

The deeper questions grief raises about what remains after death

Chapter Four: The Metamorphosis

Three Years After Losing Sammy

The origin of the Crying Out Loud 

The moment I realized grief had fundamentally changed who I am

What happened on our first ever grieving mama retreat

The insights I’ve gained around healing after years of navigating loss

The practices that helped me begin rebuilding life

The Six Pillars of Healing that grew out of this journey

How grief can become a portal for transformation

This episode is about living our truth, feeling our feelings, and allowing love to continue even after loss.

We want to hear from you!. If you’d like to share your story or have a question or topic you’d like covered, reach out at [email protected].

If you’re looking for live healing resources and connection with others walking a similar path, check the Grief Healing Collective, a supportive community where people navigating loss come together to share experiences, learn tools for healing, experience live healing sessions and support groups.

None of us were meant to grieve alone. Let’s cry out loud together.

Welcome to the first episode of Crying Out Loud. I’m Dr. Laura Berman, and this podcast is for anyone who has lost someone, loves someone who’s grieving, or longing for support in carrying  the weight of their pain. It’s the grief companion I wish I had, where science, psychology, and spirituality meet, and where practical tools help you heal.

Five years ago, I never imagined I would be here. I was a well-known and busy  love and relationship expert. But on February 7, 2021, my 16-year-old son Sammy was sent a drug dealer by Snapchat who sold him counterfeit drugs laced with  fentanyl. I had experienced painful loss before,both my parents, my grandmothers and others close to me. But suffice it to say,  Sammy’s death showed me how much the heart can hold.

Grief can transform you. Not because it gets smaller, but because we grow bigger around it. In this episode, I share some of my grief journey and what I’ve learned is possible in healing. 

We explore: 

The story of Sammy’s passing

Why grief is not something to fix or finish

The Six Pillars of Healing that changed my life and can change yours

How to surf the waves of grief instead of drowning in them

How grief can become a portal of transformation

The concept of “getting bigger” around your grief

Why it’s important to never  apologize for crying

How loss reshapes friendships and relationships

What it means to continue loving someone beyond form

This episode is about living your truth, feeling your feelings, and letting love continue beyond form. 

If you want to share your story or have questions, email me at [email protected]. Check out The Losing Sammy Diaries at your leisure to get a sense of how grief evolves over time, and if you want to get healing support and connect with others on the same path, visit the Grief Healing Collective. None of us were meant to grieve alone. Let’s cry out loud together.

Crying Out Loud is a grief companion for anyone carrying loss. Hosted by Dr. Laura Berman, bestselling author, therapist, and grieving mother, the show blends clinical guidance with spiritual insight to support healing on every level. Each week features conversations with experts, healers and mediums to help regulate your nervous system, honor your grief, and explore continued connection with loved ones on the other side. You were never meant to grieve alone. Let’s cry out loud together.