Cozy late-night bed episode where I realize something big: what I thought was “depression” was actually something much different—and it runs deep.After your supportive comments on my last video, I traced where the pressure comes from… all the way back to my fundamentalist Mormon upbringing, perfectionism, and generational trauma around being “good enough.” This is me pulling the curtain back, naming the pattern, and committing to something brand new.If you relate to heavy self-judgment or perfection pressure, I’d love to hear what hit for you.I’m Calvin (Cultured Boy)—ex-fundamentalist Mormon with 44 siblings, rebuilding life through curiosity, creativity, and honesty.🙏 Like + subscribe for more real-time conversations like this.Follow me on instagram: instagram.com/calvinwayman0:00 🛏️ Cozy late-night “Ashamed” ep + bedtime upload • 0:45 🙏 Like/subscribe + quick “Cultured Boy” origin (44 siblings) • 1:41 🧩 Recap of last “depressed” ep + money/work context • 3:35 💡 Real root: not depression—shame • 4:09 🫂 Big lesson: honesty + community support = “maybe I’m okay” • 5:27 🕳️ “Where did the shame come from?” + deeper backstory setup • 6:00 🗽 NYC + Mormon vs fundamentalist Mormon context • 8:18 🧠 Joseph Smith / narrative reframing + polygamy thread • 12:55 🧨 Doctrine shift: LDS ends polygamy + kicks out polygamists • 16:10 🌟 “Not all bad”: beauty of community/family feeling • 18:06 🧬 Fundamentalism = trauma/rejection + persecution pattern repeats • 22:47 🔒 Insecurity → tighter control (rules, dress, hypervigilance) • 27:02 ♻️ Shame cycle + “can’t mess up” perfection wiring • 29:18 🏁 “Kingdom of God or nothing” = all-or-nothing pressure • 31:10 🎯 Dreams trigger the same “celestial kingdom” pressure wiring • 36:32 ❤️ Hidden good: a part of me deeply cares about living true • 38:32 🧊 Pattern interrupt: you’re still good—even when it’s not perfect • 39:43 🌍 Reframe: the pursuit is beautiful (Middle East doc leap) • 42:49 🔥 Commitment: break the shame pattern in me • 44:26 ✅ Wrap: accept process/outcomes → freedom to keep going • 44:53 🌙 Gratitude + “stay hungry, stay curious” sign-off

I think I’m depressed… and I’m recording anyway.This episode is unpolished on purpose — dishwasher running, no clean resolution, just me telling the truth in real time. I talk about leaving a fundamentalist Mormon cult, starting my life over, moving to New York City, making Hearts Unknown, going a year with almost no income, and the fear that taking a sales job again could bury the creative rhythm I’ve fought to find.If you’ve ever felt stuck between survival and your dream… I get it. And if this helps you feel even 1% less alone, that matters.Where are you at in your process right now? If anything resonated, tell me in the comments.Please like the video, subscribe to the channel, and follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/calvinwaymanTime Stamps0:00 — I think I’m depressed & hitting record anyway 🎙️1:03 — Why I need to speak even when I feel low 💭2:26 — Wanting to be real in a polished world 🪞3:23 — My story: leaving a cult & starting over 🌱4:46 — Moving to NYC, kids, rebuilding life 🗽6:10 — Quitting sales to chase something real 🎯7:46 — Going to Israel & making Hearts Unknown 🎥9:18 — Putting my art out… and it not popping 📉11:20 — Still believing in chasing what feels true ❤️12:53 — Feeling trapped, not knowing what’s next 😔14:07 — Debt, grinding, and questioning my path 🔄16:10 — Wanting people to feel less alone 🤝17:43 — The shame of making almost no money 😶‍🌫️18:21 — The “maybe” story & trusting the process 🌾22:43 — Choosing time with my kids over money 🎄25:06 — Fear of losing my creative rhythm 🎨27:37 — Optimism even when things feel dark ✨29:44 — Facing accountability with myself 🧭31:07 — What really matters: making meaningful things 💡33:16 — Pride in surviving a year with no income 🛠️34:05 — Dreaming of being the next Bourdain 🌍36:14 — Hoping money can fuel creativity, not kill it 🔥38:10 — Why structure hits differently after control 🧠40:24 — Protecting the creative part of me 🌿41:54 — If others can make it work, maybe I can too 🚀42:45 — Closing: stay real, stay curious 🤍

In this episode of Cultured Boy, I share my raw, unfiltered take on the Renee Nicole Good situation and what it reveals about how we process truth in a polarized culture. Drawing from my background growing up in a fundamentalist Mormon cult, I explain why I’m obsessed with questioning narratives instead of blindly choosing sides. As new footage and perspectives emerge, I walk you through my own changing reactions and the uncomfortable accountability that often gets ignored. This isn’t about defending a camp—it’s about confronting how fast tragedy happens and how certainty can become dangerous. My real aim here is simple: less tribalism, more truth, and a deeper commitment to seeing people as the full human beings that they are.Please like, comment, and most importantly--SUBSCRIBE! I'm new to YouTube and I'm trying to let the algo know that this ought to get pushed to more people. Your engagement with the content means a lot to me. You can also follow me on Instagram! I post there every week, and engage with people there. www.instagram.com/calvinwaymanTime Stamps: 0:00 Cultured Boy intro: ex-cult lens 👓0:13 Renee Nicole Good situation—my take 🚨0:27 Raw + unpolished on purpose 🎙️2:13 What happened: shot by ICE 💥2:49 My reaction roller coaster 🎢3:28 My background (how I scan angles) 🧠5:05 44 siblings + cult context 😳8:02 Polygamy history (why I exist) 🏛️16:18 “Narrative-locked” explained 🔒19:08 Politics predicts interpretations 🧩20:48 1st video: sick to my stomach 🤢24:37 New angle: did he get hit? 📹28:27 Body cam changes the read 😬29:44 “Drive, baby, drive.” Then shot 🗣️32:04 Hard take: accountability exists ⚠️39:02 Exit the binary: everyone’s a sibling 🤝44:17 I’m not here to tell you what to think 🧠49:45 Unearned certainty is dangerous 🧪51:30 Closing question: what’s your aim? 🎯56:38 NYC dispute story: empathy flips it 🌃1:04:33 My aims: truth + good for people 🌱1:04:46 Outro: stay curious ✌️

Episode begins at 00:01:31

What happens when a homeschooled comedy YouTuber and a former fundamentalist Mormon boy (also homeschooled) compare childhoods?Chaos. Laughter. Trauma bonding--and a surprising amount of sneaking out through windows.In this episode, Rae (@RaesWAYOverdoingIt) opens up about her intensely controlled upbringing—no pants, no dancing, no locked doors, no autonomy—and how she secretly built a creative empire anyway. From tracking her money in a ledger at 13 to filming 250 Amazon videos just to fund her escape, her story is WILD.We also talk about:• Calvin’s life in a literal polygamist cult (44 siblings, 4 moms)• How both of us had to sneak to be ourselves• The weird things parents punish when they’re threatened by your freedom• Why people hate when you succeed• Turning your most painful memories into art• Processing childhood control, religious fear, and the hunger for autonomy• And why dancing on a VidSummit stage somehow brought us togetherThis conversation goes deeper than either of us expected. It’s raw, hilarious, heartbreaking, and empowering.If you grew up homeschooled, religious, controlled, sheltered, or just “different”—you’re gonna feel this one.Welcome back to Cultured Boy. Let’s dive in.00:00 The “Cult of Homeschooled” Cold Open 🎒00:54 Calvin’s 44 Siblings Intro 🤯01:46 Rae vs Taylor Swift: The Numbers 📈02:40 We Met Dancing on Stage at VidSummit 🕺04:04 Homeschool Myths & Secret Nerd Superpowers 🧠07:28 Polygamist Schoolhouse vs Southern Homeschool 🏡11:29 Teenage Money Ledgers & Hustling for Freedom 💸18:02 Sneaking Jobs, Cash & Forbidden Wendy’s 🍔23:41 Why You Can’t Tell Everyone Your Good News 😶‍🌫️30:30 No Proms, No Dancing, No Pants: Control 101 💃🚫43:35 “I Started YouTube So People Would Finally Like Me” 📹49:12 Screwed Windows, No Locked Doors & Punishing Autonomy 🔒1:09:35 250 Amazon Videos & The Great Escape Car 🚗1:21:00 Turning Homeschool Trauma Into Comedy & Cash 🎭1:28:39 You’re Not Late—All the Rules Are Made Up ⏰

Ep 36: New York comedy isn’t just punchlines — it’s logistics, ego, nerves, and a whole lot of behind-the-scenes problem-solving.In this on-site Cultured Boy episode, I spend the night with my friend Zoe — a stand-up comedian and weekly show producer in Manhattan — as she’s juggling a fresh breakup, the politics of building a lineup, getting ready, barking for the show, and then actually getting on stage. What starts as a simple question (“what’s it really like trying to make it as a female comic in NYC?”) turns into something deeper: a late-night conversation about philosophy, “othering,” and the surprising moral mission that’s quietly driving everything she’s doing.It’s chaotic, funny, intimate, and real — a basement show, a full day in motion, and a reminder that you can’t judge someone’s life (or their act) by the cover.0:00 😵‍💫 Episode begins3:00 🏙️ Welcome to Zoe’s Manhattan producer lair6:10 🎭 The science (and politics) of a comedy lineup9:45 💄 “Putting on my face” — makeup as a job requirement12:50 📵 Post-breakup relapse fears + “lock it in publicly”15:40 🚩 The control/freedom clash that ended it18:50 🗣️ Barking the show + needing a co-producer22:05 🧠 Frankfurt School + “what makes a Nazi?” (casual)24:55 👖 Outfit spiral: leggings vs jeans vs being “heard”31:40 🍱 Microwave survival meal + pre-show jitters34:55 🚗 Car ride chaos + barking in the wild37:45 🎤 Zoe’s set: breakup jokes & “spermicide” opener41:00 💍 “Elope for Google benefits” + exclusivity fight44:40 🤔 Post-show: “so much effort… for what?”47:20 🐄 Philosophy → animal rights: the real engine50:05 ❤️ “I care so much” + the long game strategy52:45 😂 Comedy as a shield-dropper: why it’s effective55:35 🌊 Closing reflection: there’s always more to the storyFollow Zoe: Instagram - @zoecomedy

Ep 35: Cultured Boy is evolving.This episode is a late-night honesty drop about leaving a cult, rebuilding my life, and now reshaping this show into something more real, more cinematic, and way closer to the action.No more forcing episodes.Just the most honest, human, story-driven work I can make.If you’re into curiosity, culture, and people becoming themselves — you’re in the right place.Stay curious.Timestamps0:00 Cultured Boy is changing forever 🎭0:29 Leaving a cult & waking up like a fish in water 🐟1:11 Is the show ending? 🔄3:12 Cultured Boy becomes an organism, not a podcast 🧬3:35 Making it harder on purpose (artist mode) 🎥5:56 Anthony Bourdain energy enters the chat 🌍7:43 New confidence after leaving a worldview 🔥11:50 Only one person believed in me: me ✋12:17 Realizing: my gut was right ✔️16:24 Career plan: make a living being Calvin 🤯20:28 Acting like the AI apocalypse already happened 🤖23:00 I love going first on scary things 🥇26:11 Ending the weekly episode schedule ❌31:04 Society treats people like herd animals 🐄34:01 Choosing to be Calvin, not a copy 🦋36:59 Only creating what truly matters ✨39:11 Aversion to coercion (post-cult clarity) 🛑44:20 Goal: The realest content on the internet ⚡48:44 Deep gratitude for the whole journey 🙏54:47 Surprise twist: I love parkour 🐈‍⬛58:45 Rollerblading fear → breakthrough moment 🛼1:02:03 Next episodes: story-driven, up close 🎬1:06:33 Final invite: stay curious 🐾

Ep 34: In this Sleep Drunk episode I talk about quitting my day job, escaping a fundamentalist Mormon cult, making a documentary in Israel–Palestine, writing kids’ books for my daughter, and why I’m done chasing the “right way” to do YouTube—and only making art that actually matters to me. 🎥🪞💥TIME STAMPS:0:00 – Breaking all the rules 🎬0:25 – Who I am & the cult backstory 🥸2:02 – What this episode is really about 🧭3:09 – Confession: I hate following rules 🙅‍♂️4:12 – Realizing all rules are made up 💥6:18 – Quitting my day job to make films ✂️💼7:15 – Going to Israel & Palestine from pure curiosity 🌍✈️8:21 – Hearts Unknown: making a doc no one asked for ❤️‍🔥9:20 – Writing a children’s book for my daughter 📚11:12 – Art that matters to me first 🎨12:00 – Rebelling against thumbnails, titles & algorithms 📉📸13:24 – Real vs scripted in the age of AI 🤖✨16:19 – Redefining Cultured Boy as a show 🎭22:35 – Wanting to capture real NYC life 🌆24:35 – Making episodes 10x harder on purpose 🏋️‍♂️27:49 – Remembering little-kid Calvin the artist 👦🖍️32:14 – New children’s book with Belle: The Last Mirror 🪞37:18 – Betting on the long, uncertain road of creating 🎲38:06 – I can’t do anything that isn’t my thing 🔗✂️40:00 – Authority vs elders (and why it matters) 👑🧓41:50 – Appreciating Robert Greene 📖43:44 – Rethinking Jordan Peterson 🧠47:20 – Discovering Jung & Nietzsche and the shadow 🕳️52:00 – Mormonism, repression & extreme shadow eruptions 🧨55:43 – Shifting from “being good” to being whole 🧩❤️56:12 – Role models of realness: Rogan, Peterson, etc. 🎙️57:59 – I don’t want to care what you think (kind of) 😅59:59 – Why realness is the only long game ♾️1:00:54 – Sleepy outro & what’s next 🌙

Episode 33: 11/11. I used to roll my eyes at “meaningful numbers.”Then when my dad was passing, everything changed.In this time-capsule episode I share why 11:11 won’t let me go: leaving a fundamentalist Mormon cult, standing up to my dad, two years of distance, two years of honest reconnection after his stage-4 diagnosis, and the moment that changed everything. It’s about anger, boundaries, forgiveness—and betting on honest art over the algorithm.Time Stamps:0:00 — 11/11 upload + why 11:11 keeps finding me ✨0:45 — Quick intro: I’m Calvin, aka Cultured Boy 👋2:35 — Deconstructing the cult = waking from The Matrix 🟩4:49 — My dad: complicated, loved by all 45 of us ❤️‍🩹6:07 — Violence growing up: the 17-year-old curfew beating 🥊7:43 — Therapy, anger, and a vow to stop abuse 🚫10:18 — Barbecue showdown: “Cute arms,” sarcasm escalates 🧨16:17 — Drink thrown; I block a punch: “Don’t ever [__] touch me” 🛑23:20 — Front-yard face-off: naming the violence out loud ⚡️26:20 — “Never come back.” I take space—and hold my line 🧭33:00 — The pattern: sweeping things under the rug 🧹34:31 — One text that mattered: “Thank you” from my mom 💌40:27 — Two years of distance; seeing the man, not the tyrant 👀44:00 — Returning for dinner: short sleeves, full-circle moment 🌀47:01 — Stage-4 cancer: reaching out right before I knew 🩺48:56 — Two honest years: talks, apologies, humanizing him 🗣️52:55 — “Which one would you give back?”—a practical gut-check 🧩54:39 — The last visit; he wakes: “Calvin, you made it.” at 11:11 ⏱️1:01:21 — Locked out at the very end; choosing peace anyway 🕊️1:03:03 — Why 11:11 now sticks; dreams of my dad 🌙1:05:22 — Your turn: What did this evoke in you? 💭1:06:06 — Sign-off: stay hungry, stay curious—follow the white rabbit 🐇

Episode 32: Welcome to another Sleep-Drunk episode of Cultured Boy — the late-night, unfiltered version where I hit record when I should be going to bed. 💤In this one, I talk about what it really takes to make the kinds of decisions that look impossible from the outside — leaving a job, a marriage, a religion, or an old version of myself. I share the fears I faced walking away from a fundamentalist Mormon cult (yep, the one I was born into with 44 siblings), how I built a new life from scratch in New York City, and why the scariest choices are often the most honest.If you’ve ever felt stuck between what’s safe and what’s true — this episode’s for you.💬 Topics: fear, courage, reinvention, leaving religion, creativity, self-trust, New York City, authenticity.✨ Subscribe if you’re into deep, honest storytelling that explores how curiosity can change a life.#CulturedBoy #CalvinWayman #SelfDiscovery #Authenticity #LeavingReligion #Cults #Courage #LifeDesign #NYC #PodcastTIMESTAMPS: 0:00 Sleep-Drunk Truths ☕️0:11 Making Impossible Decisions 💭1:21 From Cult Kid to New Yorker 🗽3:10 A Time Capsule for Future Me ⏳5:32 Why Fear Isn’t the Enemy 😨8:04 The Leap: Quitting My Job ✂️10:08 Fear vs. Bigger Fear ⚖️12:37 The 10-Year Test ⌛️15:01 Make the Decision, Then Make It Right ✅17:54 Expansive or Contracting? 🌌20:44 Growing Your Zone of Control 🌱25:19 10% to 11% Progress ➕28:58 The Hardest Decision: Leaving the Religion 🔥33:00 Breaking the Spell 🧠37:02 Questioning Everything 🤔41:14 One Life That’s Truly Yours 💫47:36 Gratitude for the Journey 🙏52:59 The Radar of Awareness 🛰️55:01 Moving to New York ✈️1:00:35 Normalizing the Impossible 🌆1:05:09 Full-Time Creator Life 🎬1:07:15 Returning Home, Feeling the Contrast 🪞1:09:03 Cults, Culture & Curiosity 🌀1:10:50 You’re Capable of More Than You Realize 💪1:11:49 Closing Thoughts & Goodnight 🌙