Remember the Hercules episode where an artisan was creating living clay statue women that would love you no matter what? Was this Disney predicting a future of lonely socially inept men finding love in inanimate objects? Probably not, but it is fascinating to see human beings finding new and inventive ways to complete their Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Happy holidays you grinchy goons! Join you favorite sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy as we dig into the dastardly schemes of state abduction, Santa's string of breaking and entering, and how you can benefit from private fascist sponsorship in your quest to threaten minorities and uncover inconsequential schemes of faux voter fraud!

In lighter news someone named Adolf Hitler won an election in Namibia. In more unfortunate news the worst of the pandemic and economic collapse is about to rock the United States to its core. Look to your friends, family and neighbors, and do what you can to help one another because the government isn't going to save us.

India broke a record y'all! Celebrate with your favorite sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy as we slink through gay orgies looking for that anti-gay guy and witness overt corporate evil in the highest of court in the land. Keep your head up folks, we're almost there.

Who knew that in the year 2020 Amazon would be employing the Pinkerton's on warehouses workers in Europe. Furthermore, who knew the Pinkerton's would be incorporated in the country of Sweden, guess the Nordic Model isn't what its all cracked up to be after all. Needless to say these are bad things, and people usually say that it is better to not dwell on bad things, but we here from hilltop of Mount Cynicism think otherwise. Problems can only be solved if they can be identified so on this day we say like Maui from Moana "You're Welcome", you now know of some bad things, now go tell your friends and have them tell their friends and maybe eventually we'll have enough people to do something about it.

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Sources:

Rebates for Overdoses:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/27/business/mckinsey-purdue-oxycontin-opioids.html

Pinkerton's Are Back Baby:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/5dp3yn/amazon-leaked-reports-expose-spying-warehouse-workers-labor-union-environmental-groups-social-movements?utm_source=pocket-newtab

LMPD Punches Man's Face:

https://spectrumnews1.com/ky/louisville/news/2020/11/26/man-hit-by-officer-while-filming

The market will never save us from climate change, because the market as it currently operates only exists to generate profits, no more no less. Everything we as consumers buy exists solely to make profits. The destruction of the environment will only stop when it is no longer financially advantageous to destroy the environment.

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Sources:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/nov/19/climate-crisis-markets-economic-system

Tossin' kiddos and flippin' them rocks with your super silly sad sacks Jimmy and Timmy! In this sleuthful rendition we get the dirt on illicit police activity, taste the blandest of Biden brand beer, and go for the world record kid toss with the help from our boys at Kentucky State Police!

Gandhi like every human that's ever existed is a mixed bag. He wasn't the epitome of evil, but he wasn't perfect either, In the struggle for an independent India he played a crucial role. but his idea of what an independent India would look like, however is downright garbage. If you enjoy having the image of people you admire completely destroyed then come aboard the Cynic Empowerment Express! Choo choo!

Purdue Pharma went under, but don't you worry, the Sackler family safely sequestered their money by divesting it from Purdue Pharma and reinvesting it into other companies, so they won't lose much if any money at all. In other news pollution the world over is killing babies, which isn't new news, but we have the numbers now so that's fun. Oh, and colonialism never ended, the aesthetics just changed, if this episode doesn't make you ROFLMAO then you just might be a working lady and or man and or person?

Knowledge bombs getting dropped by your favorite two dopey sad sacks Timmy and Jimmy. Be amazed at how we continually find bad things to say about Musk. Be awed at how we find new ways to poop all over organized religion. Be amused at our childish use of potty humor and MUCH MORE!