Cynspiration

Hello Hive, let’s get another meaningful Monday up and away!  

Are you ready to start reclaiming your time? YES!  

Are you ready to improve your mental wellbeing? YES! 

Want more time to work on your passion project? OF COURSE!

Sounds great, right? 

But what if I tell you that to do this you have to learn to say ‘NO!’…… Hmmm!

“Successful people say no to almost everything.” ~ Warren Buffet

The Disease To Please

 

Why do we struggle so much to say no even when we know that not doing so is detrimental to us in some way? It is a common affliction but especially prevalent amongst women.

Little girls are ‘Sugar and spice and all things nice’ and to be acknowledged as a ‘good girl’ usually has meant sublimating our wants and needs to please and caretake others. People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focussed on earning approval and love.

Denying your true feelings due to fear of the response is draining and places a massive strain on your time, energy and emotional wellbeing. We want others to like us and accept us; we want to show up for them, meet their expectations, and please them.

However, this can change into an unhealthy lack of boundaries, a blurring of what is reasonable and manageable and contribute to a negative cycle of low self-esteem, loneliness and feelings of failure, So what is the cure?

“It’s only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” ~ Steve Jobs

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – Find Out What It Means To Me

 

Aretha Franklin sang it loud and proud; now, it is your turn! Listen in to these bookmarked play points. Your strategy for saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, embracing your power and respecting and being respected by others starts here!

* The Sky Won’t Fall Down (05:33)

* Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say (05:54)

* The Universe Will Not Punish You For Having Boundaries (05:58)

* Get Clear On Who You Are And What You Want (06:29)

* What Is Your Motivation? (07:13)

* Get Ready For Resistance (07:39)

* Walk Your Talk (08:09)

* You’ve Got The Power (09:05)

* The 10 Things You Need to Say No to Right Now! (09:59)

“Our first and last love is self-love” ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Start Being Your Own Best Friend

 

Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. You are none of those things. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say yes all of the time doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself.

You have the right to have your wishes and time respected. Taking care of your own needs is no less selfish than taking care of others, YOU are a somebody too!

Words Of Wisdom – Quotes To Reflect Upon

‘You will always have a hard time saying no as long as you care more about how you are perceived outweighs how much you care about yourself.’

‘You become useful..but you don’t realise until too late that the exploitative joke is on you.’

‘Before you can master the art of saying ‘No’, you have to clearly define what it is you are saying ‘Yes’ to by saying and acting on ‘No’.’

‘Emotional Political Correctness is Boring AF!’

‘Everything sold cheaply is boring because there is already an abundance of it! Know your worth!’

‘Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.’

Themes In This Podcast

 

Self-Respect

Boundaries

Self-Worth

People Pleasing

Giving Too Much

Negative Feelings

Taking Control

 

Connect with Cynthia

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Welcome Listeners! This week I am going to speak about an important subject – Boundaries.

We all need them as every healthy relationship and interaction depends upon them. Setting and maintaining boundaries is an essential skill that many of us never actively learn.  We tend to just muddle through until now.

So start by giving yourself the gift of undisturbed time to listen in on how to set up, maintain and reap the benefits of boundaries.

‘Your Boundaries Protect The Inner Core Of Your Identity And Your Right To Choices’ ~ Gerard Manley Hopkins

What are Personal Boundaries and Why are they so Important?

A personal boundary is whatever your limit is about how others treat you. What you will or won’t tolerate.  They protect our sense of self-identity and stop us from being overwhelmed by the demands of others. They signal to others how we want to be treated, and prevent us from feeling used, being spread too thin, or in desperate need of defending ourselves.

They also empower us to stand in our own space without blaming or playing the victim. We get to take care of our own “stuff” and don’t wait for another person to solve all our problems.

‘Givers Need To Set Limits Because Takers Rarely Do’ ~ Rachel Wolchin

Good Fences Make Good Neighbours

A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue that they may be violating or crossing a boundary.  While most people will respect your boundaries when you explain what they are and will expect that you will do the same for them; some people don’t understand where you end and they begin.

People who try to invade your space are not thinking about you or how pushing the limits of your boundaries will affect you. They feel entitled to get whatever they ask for because in their minds their needs are more important than yours. Our earliest experiences around trust can form the blueprint for how we interact later in life.

If we have had our trust violated in any way, then it can make it difficult for us to know when our boundaries are ignored, or we may not even know what our limits are.

We cannot change others. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouth, the choices they make, or their reactions. The bottom line is that since you can’t change other people, change how you deal with them!

Let’s explore boundaries in more detail. I have bookmarked play points for you to listen to at your leisure:

Why Having Boundaries Is A Win/Win For You (01:49)

What Are Personal Boundaries? (03:35)

How Boundaries Are Set In Childhood (09:13)

Repercussions In Personal Relationships (11:24)

Identify Your Limits (13:08)

Examples of Healthy Boundaries (13:32)

Signs That You Lack Personal Boundaries (15:43)

How to Set Boundaries (17:14)

Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (18:30)

What do Healthy Personal Boundaries Feel Like? (20:59)

Don’t Worry, Be Happy (23:18)

 

‘Daring To Set Boundaries Is About Having The Courage To Love Ourselves, Even When We Risk Disappointing Others’ ~ Brené Brown

You Are In Charge Of Your Choices

The better you know yourself, the better you can understand and choose to be around the people that best mirror the kind of life experience you want to have. Gently allow yourself to imagine how your life will be different when you learn to speak your truth. How will you change? How will your daily life become richer? How might you feel more authentic in your relationships? Keep your vision at the forefront of your mind as you make the decisions that are best for you, day by day.

Expect some push back when you first start exerting your boundaries but look upon it as resistance training that flexes the muscle of your boundary and makes it stronger! The more you practice,

Greetings and welcome to this week’s Cynspiration podcast in which I will be talking to Christina Frey about the best ways to overcome one of the most common problems faced by almost everyone – Find the Guts to Speak on Public!

‘Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. Don’t ignore the longing to make a difference’ ~ Steven Covey.

Just the mention of it is enough to make everything clench and beads of sweat to form on your forehead, right? We almost all need to speak in public at some time in our lives; a speech at a wedding, a presentation, a sales pitch or a podcast yet the fear of having to put yourself front and centre can be crippling. It is more important than ever to be able to pitch your ideas and product in an ever-competitive entrepreneurial world in your own unique and compelling voice. 

When You Own Your Voice, You Own Your Power

At the heart of anxiety, surrounding speaking in public or to a target audience is confidence. Christina says that it is our inner critic that holds us back and stops us sharing authentically. We fear being judged. We fear not being enough. We fear making mistakes. We fear our message will be ignored or ridiculed. We fear being rejected. We fear that we will stumble over our words.

‘A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman. But the search for that voice can be remarkably difficult’ ~ Melinda Gates.

When we put ourselves forward, it can be quite threatening to ourselves and others. We crave approval from those closest to us and yet they can find it disconcerting to look at us in a different light. They (and we) have a psychological schema in place about who we are, how we behave and our place in the world and this can compel us to subdue and suppress our voices to maintain the status quo, even as adults. When we put ourselves forward to speak to others in a business capacity, we present as experts or knowledgable but are we feeling that inside?

Christina explains the psychology surrounding the fear of speaking out: [05:05]

What can we do to find our voice, claim our space and speak with confidence?

Speak For Success

‘All the great speakers were bad speakers at first’ ` Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Everyone starts from the same baseline when it comes to personal presentations and even the most charismatic speakers such as Tony Robbins did not always have a commanding presence and compelling delivery – they had to learn and practice too! Listen in to Christina give her best advice to get you to speaking for success and facing forwards on your journey as a confident person and successful entrepreneur.

 

Get into the Right Mindset

* Acknowledging Your Limiting Beliefs (19:36)

* Find Your Message (20:10)

* Observe As Many Public Speakers As You Can (22:35)

* Join A Public Speaking Class Or Group (23:25)

* Make Use Of All the Free Information Available Online (26:22)

 

Get Ready To Deliver

*  Don’t allow being self-conscious to hold you back (27:15)

* Talking to the Man (or Woman) In The Mirror (28:00)

* Listen To and Love The Sound Of Your Voice (28:26)

* Breath (28:40)

* Avoid Stimulants Before Your Talk/Video (28:56)

* Wear Comfortable Clothes (30:25)

* Take Time To Prepare (31:01)

* Enjoy Audience Feedback and Acknowledge Your Success (35:39)

 

‘When you speak about something you passionately care about, you will be more comfortable and more confident in your element’ ~ Brian Tracy.

 

You’ve Got This!

Public speaking is a gift though it can feel like an ordeal when you are first starting. It allows you to share your energy and ideas with your target audience, add value to the world with your ideas and business and in return, gain confidence, take chances, expand your skills set and vocabulary and build your courage.

Unresolved childhood trauma can haunt us in ways that often don’t seem direct. It impacts us emotionally, physically and mentally, causing us to think, feel and act in a certain way.

 

It’s important to break any misconceptions that childhood trauma only involves physical danger or harm.

Anything that leaves a child feeling alone, vulnerable, overwhelmed or terrified is traumatic. 

Like most internal programs, we can’t see it. We are unaware of the inner conflict that is going on, and we only get to see a behaviour or a reaction as a result of dealing with this trauma.

If someone lacks trust in people, we call them defensive, awkward, unapproachable.

If someone is fearful, we label them as unsuccessful, weak, unfocused.

If someone is depressed, we call them moody, uninterested, distracted and unmotivated.

We make assumptions and judge people without taking the time to understand why they feel this way. 

Be aware that undesirable on-the-job behaviours can stem from childhood neglect or abuse and aren’t always laziness or a poor work ethic.

We need to approach the problem at its root cause, not at the symptom level. Until we discover the root cause of these behaviours and symptoms, we can’t move forward in the way we desperately want to.

We can paper over the cracks by tackling the behaviour and making small changes. But this symptom management is only a temporary solution; the driving force of these actions is still working off the same limited program.

For example, a mother’s unresolved trauma may interfere with her ability to respond to her infant sensitively. That can affect the development of attachment in her child and potentially contribute to the intergenerational transmission of the trauma.

When you actively work on getting to the root cause you can release it at its deepest levels and re-program the stories, feeling and actions that are associated with these beliefs. Profound healing can take place as you free your mind from the control as you dissociate yourself with the events that took place.

To Change Behaviour, we Need to Understand Behaviour.

Trauma denial is a big part of why we are still stuck both on a personal and a professional level. 

If you want to grow personally, professionally, and financially, you need to get to the root cause of what is holding you back.

Healing your trauma heals your life.

Obvious vs. Hidden forms of Childhood Trauma

Experiences are traumatic because they are unexpected, unwanted, and you are powerless to stop them.

Obvious trauma that tends to affect all involved include:

* the loss of a loved one to illness or death

* a natural disaster

* an accident

* suffering physical abuse

* being displaced and moving country

Less obvious experiences can be just as traumatic for a child and have severe consequences for the long-term.

Environmental trauma:

* living in poverty

* abruptly changing schools

* a sick sibling

* going through an operation

* living with parents who are always fighting

* living in a violent or dangerous community

* watching a parent getting hurt

Emotional traumas such as:

* a humiliating experience at school

* being bullied

* being always put down and shamed by a parent figure

* not getting proper attention from a caregiver

* having to take care of a parent

* being neglected

* being abandoned by someone you love

Sadly, an all too common form of childhood trauma is sexual abuse. And many types of sexual abuse go overlooked.

Any form of inappropriate sexual behaviour can have long-lasting effects on a child. Being stripped down as a punishment for being ‘bad’, for example,

Hi and welcome! The buzz around the Cynspiration Hive this week is setting GOALS.

Yep, we all have ’em but do we always follow through with ’em? There are many reasons why people fail to achieve the targets that they set for themselves. Today we are going to look at the 8 most common goal-setting mistakes and learn how to avoid them!

 

“All good performance starts with clear goals.” Ken Blanchard

 

 

Why Are Goals So Important?

Put simply, we all need something to aim for and strive towards. It is what keeps us moving forward in life. Setting and achieving goals helps us to improve the quality of our life and that of others. We commonly use goals to improve our health, relationships, finances, business success, and even personal happiness. If you want to succeed, you need to set goals!

“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” Bill Copeland

 

Be SMART About Your Goal Setting

If you are unsure of the goal-setting process, the S.M.A.R.T framework offers a checklist to help guide your goal setting, improve your focus and clarify your ideas. Let’s look at what the acronym SMART stands for.

S is for Specific

It’s essential to be as specific as possible when setting goals. Ask yourself: What do I want to achieve? How will I get there? When should I have achieved this goal by?

 

M is for Measurable

Having a goal which can be quantified in some way makes it a lot easier to track your progress. Include precise amounts, dates, and so on in your goals so you can measure your degree of success.

 

A is for Achievable/Attainable

This focuses on how important a goal is to you and what you can do to make it attainable. It may require developing new skills and changing attitudes. Strike a balance between reaching higher and resisting the urge to set goals that are too easy.

 

R is for Relevant

This is your ‘why’. By keeping goals aligned with this, you’ll develop the focus you need to get ahead and do what you want. 

 

T is for Time-specific

You must give yourself a deadline. When you are working on a deadline, your sense of urgency increases and achievement will come that much quicker. You will know when you can celebrate your success!

 

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” Confucius

 

Where Does It All Go Wrong?…… And How To Get It Right!

 

Let me talk you through some of the most common mistakes that people make when they think about goals and how to remedy them so that you hit your target and don’t shoot yourself in the foot!

 

Bookmarked PlayPoints for Reference

* Unrealistic Goals (01:38)

* Focusing On Too Few Areas (02:34)

* Underestimating Completion Times (04:00)

* Not Appreciating Failure (04:45)

* Setting Other People’s Goals (05:30)

* Not Reviewing Progress (06:09)

* Setting Negative Goals (06:50)

* Setting Too Many Goals (07:36)

“If you have a dream, you can spend a lifetime studying, planning, and getting ready for it. What you should be doing is getting started.” Drew Houston

 

Let’s Get Started – NOW!

There is literally no time like the present. Fall is the time of year for new starts. We have a new season, a new academic year, a new financial quarter and the perfect opportunity to start doing the groundwork to make next year a year of power, progress and pride. So let’s dive in and unload those incredible skillsets within to make goals that can truly enrich our lives. What will you decide to accomplish today?

Welcome to this week’s Cynspiration where we speak with Gareth Morgan about a something that resonates to the very core of our being – Alignment. What is Alignment? What does it mean to be aligned? How does it help us and others on our journey as human beings and as entrepreneurs?

 

“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” Jack Canfield

What Is Alignment?

Everything starts on the inside – e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g! 

Do you remember a time when you felt on top of the world, and everything went perfectly? Your coffee was the just the way you like it, the traffic signals all stayed on green, you got an unexpected new promotion or client or bonus. 

That was no accident. That was you being in a state of alignment! Everything you were doing energetically, mentally and emotionally was in perfect accord and it felt good!

We are all given a set of unique talents but to make the most of it we must have a purpose and one that resonates with our deepest principles. Our personal integrity, in harmony with our thoughts and actions, allows us to move through life with a sense of clarity and feeling of ease – that is alignment.

 

When you are in alignment, everything lines up for you.

Gareth shares his own personal journey and his observations about what it means to dig deep to find the core values that you build your life and your business upon. Listen in as he gives advice and techniques to help you achieve alignment that will take you to where you need to go.

Bookmarked Play Points for Reference

Gareth’s overview of alignment (06:47)

Alignment with Self (08:44)

How to find alignment in day to day life (09:29)

What knocks people out of alignment (14:37)

When life throws us a curveball (15:18)

How to get back into alignment (22:54)

How did Gareth find his spirituality/values (25:56)

Get in flow with yourself (30:28)

Dealing with procrastination (31:22)

Practice to get you there (36:49)

Check-in on yourself (39:14)

Gareth on visualisation (42:11)

Gareth’s definition of Inspiration (44:21)

 

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” President Woodrow Wilson

 

How Alignment Helps Your Business

The value of your brand comes from what is important to you. Having a robust, defined set of values and mission statement provides a powerful decision-making filter for your business. It gives you clarity on the actions that you need to take in your business and creates a genuine connection with your customers.

Additionally, a product or service that is the reflection of values has a tendency to stand out and to be perceived very differently in the market, which is increasingly more important with the massive number of choices available today.

 

What Are The Personal Benefits?

The peace that comes from living your beliefs. 

Less stress

Life starts to feel easier

You ditch habits that no longer serve you

A renewed sense of purpose and belief in your own abilities

Better interactions with others – professionally and personally

You appreciate more

 

“You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance every second.” Tony Robbins

 

Let it come. Let it go. Let it flow.

Gareth acknowledges that even with the best of intentions, life gets in the way. It can be very discouraging when your business receives a knock,

Welcome to this week’s Cynspiration personal coaching session. Today we are going to tackle a problem that affects many people, yes, even ‘high flyers’ – Imposter Syndrome!

 

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me feel very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” ~ Albert Einstein

 

Have you ever felt that you don’t belong? That you don’t actually deserve your job and your accomplishments? 

 

Welcome to the club! Over 70% of people report feeling like a fraud in their lives, even a genius like Albert Einstein! It’s a mind-trap!

Let’s get that clear! It sits there waiting to ambush you and keeps you playing small. In business and in society, the problems we face require the best people to step up. But many hold back because they feel that luck rather than ability lies behind their successes. They dread that sooner or later, some person or event will expose them for the fraud that deep down they believe themselves to be.

Far from being a realistic self-assessment, the Impostor Syndrome mind-trap prevents people from believing in themselves.

 

Imposter Syndrome Unmasked

 

We all struggle with self-confidence at times, but Imposter Syndrome is an inner narrative playing over and over on a constant loop. It can limit our courage to go after new opportunities, explore potential areas of interest or put ourselves out there in a meaningful way. So what are the symptoms of Imposter Syndrome? Let’s expose those tricky thoughts that keep us stuck. 

 

Bookmarked play points for reference

Procrastination [02:38]

Giving into Fear [03.05]

Addictions [03:13]

Conflict [03:20]

Negative Self Talk [03:49]

 

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh Oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they are going to find me out now!” ~ Maya Angelou

 

Why do we feel this way, and why has it been so difficult to shake off? 

 

The answers lie in thought patterns that we have inherited, feelings of insecurity, sometimes it is environmental. It particularly affects women. Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women such as Michelle Obama and Maya Angelou have spoken out about how they are affected.

Women have sex-role societal expectations thrust upon them early on and feel the need to be perfect and please people and often feel they fall short of what they are ‘supposed to be’.

Imagine how much talent the world is missing out on because of this pernicious problem? How much leadership is being undermined? How many people are missing out on achieving their true potential? There is some good news, though.

 

Free to Be You

 

This toxic cocktail of intense self-doubt doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

So how do we reframe those thoughts and use them constructively to springboard us into a more mindful, helpful, less stressful way of living and being? Let me share.

 

Recognise It [09:37]

Acknowledge Your Feelings [10:01]

Cognitive Restructuring [10:40]

Understand You Are Not Alone [11:43]

Get to Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses [12:25]

Overcome Perfectionism [13:03]

Own Your Successes [14:02]

“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” ~ JK Rowling 

 

Don’t Hide Your Light Under A Bushel!

 

So How do Entrepreneurial Couples Do It?

 

Marriage takes work. It is especially true when you work with your spouse. Having your partner at your side all day at work and then for the rest of the night at home isn’t for everyone, but for Tony and Carmen Matthews, they couldn’t see life any other way.

 

Tune in to find out what makes Tony and Carmen a Happy Entrepreneurial Power Couple and co-owners of SuperFly, one of the hottest digital car magazines dedicated to showcasing some of the coolest and most unique cars in the world.

 

From Dreamers to Dynamic Duo

 

Tony and Carmen’s journey started after Tony woke from a dream and realised that he had had enough! They had started a business in 2008 but were struggling to devote the time needed to make it fly.

Tony had reached his limit.

Enough of slogging away at work that didn’t fulfil. Enough of long hours that robbed him and his wife of precious time together and enough of living a life that wasn’t making them happy as a couple. Within a week, they decided to dedicate themselves full time to their business and leave…EVERYTHING!

A new country, a new life, a renewed commitment to their marriage and business was calling them. Tony’s dream became the springboard for living their dream.

 

Twin Flames, Same Aims

 

Communication and passion for the business are essential for success as copreneurs. Tony explains that although he and Carmen work closely together, they always give each other physical and intellectual space. In this way, things flow, and discussions and disagreements take place in an atmosphere of mutual respect. They never lose sight of the fact that they are doing this for the person they love and the passion they have for their business. 

 

Tony and Carmen’s Recommendations for a Successful Business/Love Combo.

 

Ditch that ego! You have to be willing to take advice and suggestions from your partner in the same way you would from any colleague. There may be disagreements but make sure it is coming from a respectful place.

Accept that there are some areas that your partner may be more talented than you but use the opportunity to learn and expand your skillset.

Roles will change and fluctuate. You may be the ‘frontman’, but your partner may like to take the lead in another area. Let them have a chance to shine.

Communicate regularly. Pay attention to what the other person says. If your belief system is aligned, your relationship and business will thrive.

Play to your strengths as a couple. You know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and this can help define and delineate the areas of the business each partner will excel at.

Trust that when problems arise in your partner’s area that he or she will take care of it. If and when you need to firefight, then team up and decide who will take which actions.

Praise each other for a job well done; everyone likes to be appreciated.

Create a good work/life balance. Carve out time to be together and put the business conversations on hold. Take that yoga class, do some mindset work before you start your day, make time for date night. You both need to care for yourselves and each other to get the most out of your work, rest and play.

Leave work at work. It’s important to understand that your marriage/partnership is sacred and holds priority over your business. If you both share that mindset, you’ll create a stronger understanding and bond with your spouse/partner.

Enjoy the experience. Enjoy the opportunity to live your ‘why’, spend time with your loved one and create something worthwhile together. Have fun with your business and check in regularly to make sure things are working for you both. If not, then change it up a little and make sure you keep that sense of humour!...