If you are the parent of a toddler, you are all too familiar with power struggles.  Your two-year-old daughter doesn't want to leave the park and she throws her body onto the floor in protest.  or your 3-year-old son refuses to put on the shirt you just picked out for him.  The struggle is real.  and in this case, it's a power struggle. In this episode, we are going to go over why we experience power struggles with toddlers and I'll offer some tips on how you can avoid them. Let's first understand some common reasons why we have power struggles with toddlers.  Just keep in mind, power struggles will most likely continue even as your child gets older, there are just different ways of dealing with it based on the child's age. Power struggles are common in our personal relationships too.  Anytime we or the other person is trying to assert control or authority over someone else, you can be faced with a power struggle. So for a toddler power struggle, this is usually the case.  Your toddler doesn't like that she is being told what to do, so as a result, she may whine, get angry, throw a tantrum.  She's experiencing emotions but doesn't understand how to communicate what she is experiencing or how she feels. Think about this for a second.  Your child is 2 years old.  They have no clue how to handle their emotions.  You want to leave the park and they don't want to leave.  They don't know how to say that.  They just know that the last time you wanted to leave, they cried really loud and you let them stay 10 more minutes. Or the shirt you picked out for your 3-year-old isn't what they want to wear.  The last time this happened he threw a fit so you let him wear the same blue shirt he wants to wear every day. Him throwing a fit worked.  He got to wear his favorite shirt.  You were in a hurry to leave and didn't want to deal with it. But this time, no way on the blue shirt.  You are getting family pictures done and he has to wear a white shirt. The truth is that most adults don't even know how to handle their emotions.  But for toddlers, this comes out as defiance and the power struggle with your toddler begins.  Good times. A toddler is also beginning to understand their limits.  Pushing boundaries is part of your child's growth process.  This is totally normal behavior.  It sucks, but it's totally normal. So how can we avoid the toddler power struggles?  Here are a few tips to keep in mind: 1) Don't take it personally - Your 3-year-old is not out to ruin your life.  They aren't really even trying to battle you in most cases.  They just want something different than you are offering or don't want to be told what to do. Stay calm and don't take it personally. 2) Do not reward bad behavior - when your child engages in the power struggle, you getting upset and grabbing them, or yelling, is giving them attention.  That is actually rewarding them for their behavior.  It's negative attention, but it is still a reward. Do not reward bad behavior.  Let them know that you will be happy to talk with them when they are calm or you will wait until they are done.  If that doesn't work, ignore the behavior.  Do not reward them. 3) Pick your battles - Was it so horrible letting him wear his favorite blue shirt again?  As parents, we are overtired, overworked.  There are bigger things to worry about than his blue shirt. Avoid the power struggle and let it go.  In fact, you should be letting him choose his clothes (maybe not for the family photoshoot) but that can be for another video. Sometimes you will need to battle and it will be important to you.  Just try to reduce the battles and struggles to the important ones. Pick your battles. 4) Give them choices - Give them 2 choices. This allows them to assert some independence and feel like they have a say.  You will be ok with either choice you offer. Example:  Do you want to walk to the car or have me to carry you.  Either way,

I was talking with a friend the other day who is a new father.  They just had their baby boy.  He says Jason, I'm not really enjoying this.  Fatherhood is not what I expected.  I'm not bonding with him, my wife is breastfeeding so I can't help there, and he doesn't really react when I hold him or I am near him. I assured him....these are common issues. Many new fathers experience struggles right after the birth of their child. In this episode, we are going to talk about some of the common struggles so that you can start feeling good and begin enjoying fatherhood. If I'm honest...When I had my first child, I didn't bond with him right away. I didn't feel that connection with him that was clear my wife did have.  and I recall feeling a little lost about it.  I was a little upset. As a new father, you are excited about fatherhood but then when reality hits and the baby is born....and this little thing isn't reacting to you yet, you can't feed it...there isn't much feedback that you get.  It may not be very rewarding. Not to mention you are getting less sleep, you are spending a lot more money, and you are less intimate with your wife. You might think these were the things I wanted to sign up for or really knew what I was getting myself into. So understand that feelings of frustration that you may be having are totally normal.  You may have expectations that just aren't being met, this is totally normal too. First, you might have to change your expectations, but take a deep breath and know that what you are experiencing is very common. What I can tell you is that this doesn't last very long. Your baby begins to smile and eventually laughs...and this will touch your heart. Your baby will react to you and know that you are his or her dad. Fatherhood isn't easy. There are tons of challenges.  But as you stick with it, providing affection, baths, helping your wife, etc.  it will all come together.  You might still have less sleep but you will be ok. You begin to understand how important your fatherhood role is.  You begin to make a connection with your baby.  you begin to appreciate that as a new father, you are going to be learning new things every day. We have some crazy stuff going on in this world right now. Kids need their fathers, and they need them badly.  It's so important for us to step up and be there.

I was recently interviewed by 2 awesome women Evie and Sarah of the Modern Manners for Moms and Dads Podcast: https://www.evieandsarah.com/podcast51/ They gave us permission to rebroadcast the interview on our podcast.  We talk about Sharenting...parents posting too much on Social Media. Here is that interview: This week on our podcast, Modern Manners for Moms & Dads, we have a special guest: Jason Kreidman of Dad University. Dad University provides dads advice and fatherly education, supporting dads through their journey through fatherhood. Jason joins us to discuss his unique perspective on social media and your kids: “Sharenting!” When the average child has over 1,500 images of them posted online by their fifth birthday, what does it mean to overshare?? In this episode, we talk about the etiquette behind raising kids in this generation of ubiquitous social media. Plus, we learn what Jason NEVER does on social media and his view on those of us who do. Here’s a two-word hint…Digital Narcissism. What do you think about Digital Narcissism? Please start a convo below and share it with 3 friends!

I don't care whether you are happily married, a single dad, divorced dad, separated, or live far away from your child in a different country.  You are a father.  and if you want to learn how to be a good dad, there are some things you have to do. If I had to narrow down the most important things needed to be a good dad, these would be it.  In this episode, I'm giving you 3 specific things you need to start doing now.  It doesn't matter whether you have a newborn or a grown adult child. #1) Presence - Not gifts, your physical and mental presence.  You can't be a good dad if you are not there. Both physically and mentally. Now, if you only see your child once in a while, then make it count when you do see them.  I would suggest you do whatever you can to see them more often but I understand everyone has their own circumstances they need to deal with. When we spend time with our kids, make it quality time. I talked with a man who told me a story about only seeing his dad a few weeks every summer when he was growing up.  Yet those weeks were some of the best of his life. His dad would take off from work and they would spend quality time together.  They went camping, had amazing conversations, and his dad was present. 30 years later, he has an amazing relationship with his father and looks back at his early childhood years with his dad as very positive...yet he only saw him a few weeks a year. If you are with your kids all the time, I understand not every minute can be high quality.  But be mindful about putting your phone away, reducing your distractions, and spending that quality time with your child to be present.  It goes by fast. #2) The second thing for how to be a good dad is providing your child Affection - For many men, being affectionate towards your child may not come naturally.  I don't care.  You need to practice and make it natural.  No excuses. Give your child hugs, kisses, and as much affection as you can.  When they are young, they will hold your hand.  They may get to an age where they don't want to do that.  Then put your arm around them, give them hugs.  The physical touch and coming from their father is so powerful! Touch provides connection, it provides safety.  It's like communicating but you don't have to talk.  As they grow older they may back off with their affection, but you try not to.  Stick with it. Being affectionate with your child is so valuable both for them and for you. The 3rd thing is Empathy - I can't tell you enough how important empathy is in learning how to be a good dad.  From your newborn baby to your grown child, being empathetic is the key to a great relationship. Empathy is looking at a situation from the other person's perspective and understanding it from their point of view. Here's an example: Let's say your child comes to you crying and says: "I just fell off my bike and my knee hurts."  The normal dad's response might be, "you're ok, I don't see any blood.  Shake it off.  you'll be fine." Well no, the child is not fine.  The child is upset and his knee hurts.  So why you don't want to coddle the child, an empathetic response is: "It looks like you are really upset.  Falling down and hitting your knee can hurt. Is there something I can do to help you? Do you want to get an icepack?" This has nothing to do with teaching your child to be tough or to get back up when you fall.  You can value those things if you want to and still be empathetic.  It about your child feeling like you understand them.  you are hearing them. Do this hundreds of times with multiple aspects of their lives and you better believe your child will be close to you., will feel comfortable communicating with you and will want to be around you.  This is how to be a good dad. I created a series of 7 videos called the Fatherhood Formula.  It goes into much more detail about how to be a good dad to your child. We would love to hear from you.

It's back to school time soon.  Some kids are so excited about the first day of kindergarten. They get to have a backpack, maybe a new outfit and smile on their faces when you talk about it. But others, not so much.  The idea of going to school for that many hours or leaving their parents is just simply scary.  They may be anxious about it. Whether your child is excited or anxious, this video will provide some first day of kindergarten tips to get you and your child ready to make a smooth transition into school. There is something I want you to keep in mind throughout this entire episode Being empathetic.  The first day of kindergarten for parents can seem a little trivial or like it's just not that big of a deal to go to kindergarten. But keep in mind that's us looking at this situation through our own eyes and not our child's.  I made this mistake.  It wasn't until I realized how much of a transition this can be for them that I was able to be empathetic.  It can be a really big deal for them to go to kindergarten. So we got that out of the way, let's go over some tips for the first day of kindergarten: 1) Create a morning schedule – A schedule that is posted can really help everyone. We actually have another video in which we talk about creating a morning schedule.  You list everything from waking up, eating, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. all with specific times. You post that so everyone can see it. Then that brings us to #2 which is Practice - Tell your child we are going to practice for the first day of kindergarten. You wake up, follow the schedule and actually visit the school.  Show them where they will be dropped off, and then where you will be picking them up. #3 - Talk About The Teacher – Usually you find out who the teacher is in advance.  We talked about how positive the first day of kindergarten will be and how amazing the teacher is. "You got Mrs. Stanley as your teacher.  She is so nice.  you are going to really like her."  This allows your child to begin getting familiar with at least the teacher's name.  So when they do meet the teacher, there is a little more comfort. #4) Get everything ready the night before - You can do this for the practice days too but you are going to want to minimize any difficulties in the morning of the first day of kindergarten. Debating over clothes or arguing about what is for lunch are just things you want to avoid.  Let your child pick out their clothes the night before, you make their lunch, etc.  Involve them in the process the night before so they can feel a part of it and get excited. #5) Get plenty of sleep - a few days prior to the first day, I would suggest being pretty strict about their sleep schedule.  Make sure they are getting plenty of sleep a few days prior. It's a big transition to school and they will most likely be very tired in the evenings after the first week or so of starting kindergarten We would love to hear from you.  Is your child headed to kindergarten?  Are they excited about it or a little scared?  Leave your feedback in the comments section below.

You are a first-time dad and boy are you excited. You are right there with your wife.  Your being as supportive as you can, you are going to Dr's appointments, your helping out extra around the house, and you are gaining weight just like she is. The difference is that she has a baby growing inside of her.  You don't.  In this episode, we are covering a few first-time dad tips to avoid that dad bod and not gain sympathy weight. There is a term called Couvade syndrome which refers to expecting fathers experiencing both psychological and physical changes throughout pregnancy. It's a real thing.  I'm not trying to scare you it doesn't mean you are going to get it.  Not everyone experiences this.  But there are men who can experience changes in hormones, or they experience some pains and even some depression.  Sometimes it can also be referred to as pregnant dad. For the purpose of this episode, we are going to focus on the weight gain and your health.  Here is some first-time dad tips to avoid sympathy weight gain: First, Get plenty of sleep - The body needs rest.  People will say "well you better sleep now because you won't once the baby arrives. Sometimes that is true but sleep is simply important before or after a baby is born. Just get plenty of sleep.  Instead of watching TV at night, go to sleep. It will also help you eat less if you are a late-night eater. Next, Avoid Sugar - Honestly sugar is evil.  If messes with your brain, your energy level, and is addictive.  I know foods with sugar taste good but you can find alternatives. Reduce or remove your sugar intake and you will see positive effects on your body.  You will start looking better and feeling better. another first-time dad tip:  Get moving - If your wife is willing and able to walk while she is pregnant, walking together can be great.  You get outside and it can be a great time to talk.  If you like playing sports, join a team and do that. You don't have to run marathons or do intense cardio workouts (although that's fine), but just movement, in general, is a great way to burn calories and avoid dad bod. next, Lift weights - Personally, this is my favorite.  Lifting weights can help you reduce anxiety and stress, and boost hormones which can improve your mood. ...and you feel strong. For me, my favorite time of the day is after a weight workout.  It's a great feeling. I know not everyone loves to go to a gym, but there are plenty of home workouts you can do to increase your strength. another tip .....Drink water If you are drinking soda, try water instead.  If you feel you need to have carbonation, then drink of the non-sugar sodas that are now really popular.  Also, try to reduce your alcohol intake as most alcoholic drinks have a lot of extra calories. Setting these healthy habits now before the baby is born will help you stick with it after the baby is born.  Staying healthy for your child is going to be important for them and for you. We would love to hear from you.  What is something you are doing to stay healthy during pregnancy?

#1 Be Empathetic - Out of all of the tips for new dads during pregnancy, being empathetic is the most important.  If you don't get anything else out of this video, remember this one. Put yourself in her place.  Look at the pregnancy from her point of you. Imagine being her. If you can learn to be empathetic during the pregnancy, you are well on your way to the husband hall of fame #2 - Don't Comment on Her Appearance -  She may call herself names or comment on how she looks.  Say nothing.  If you have a problem with keeping your mouth shut and just don't have that ability, then say something nice. I'm repeating this, don't ever, ever say anything negative about how she looks.  I'm warning you now, you will regret it. #3 - Listen to Her - Us men have a tendency not to be very good listeners.  But an important tip for new dads during pregnancy is to listen to her.  She may be scared, have doubts, or are concerned about one thing or another.  Be there for her and listen.  Remember the 1st tip of being empathetic. #4 - Help Her - She may be capable of handling things on her own, but that doesn't mean you can't help.  It's a great way to be supportive.  Some women are perfectly fine asking for help but then some find it difficult. If you are not sure how you can help her, then ask her.  Make sure she knows and is clear that her asking for your help is welcomed. That could mean going to the doctor's visits so you understand what is going on, washing her car as a surprise, or doing extra cleaning around the house.  It doesn't matter, figure out what would make her feel good.  This is a very important tip for new dads. #5 - No Complaining - You simply don't have the right, and nobody wants to hear it.  She's the one carrying the child, dealing with morning sickness and feeling the effects of the physical and mental changes that pregnancy can bring. The main tip for new dads here is just to keep quiet, don't complain.  You may think something, just don't say it. You are in a no-win situation. You are going to want to follow these tips for new dads during pregnancy to reduce stress on her and to let her know you are there for her.  This is crucial during pregnancy as it sets the tone for when the child arrives.

Being a first-time parent is awesome.  I was both excited and nervous.  I wasn't around kids very much before I had my first child.  But you learn quick.  Here are some first time parent tips that helped us: 1) Agree on Responsibilities - actually, write it down.  Make a daily chart of what you are responsible for.  I do the laundry on Tuesday, you get dinner.  On Thursday I do the bath, you feed him and put him to bed. My wife and I sat down and had this discussion and understanding what is expected of each other can reduce a lot of arguments. 2) Communicate What You Want - This was one of the best pieces of first-time parent advice that was given to me.  Nobody knows what you want or need unless you tell them. If you are wanting a break, tell your spouse.  If you are wanting to connect, talk about it.  It's ok to communicate what you want. Be prepared that your spouse may not feel the same way you do at the moment.  As an example, you may want more intimacy....but your spouse isn't concerned about that.  You might have to be a little more patient.  As first time parents, romance may slow down a bit.  Find other ways to connect and help each other. 3) Give Your Spouse Positive Re-enforcement - Whatever you do, do not be critical of how your spouse is doing something.  "You changed the baby wrong".  Well, you can't seem to load the dishwasher correctly. Complaining doesn't change behavior.  Positive re-enforcement does.  Thank you so much for changing the baby's diaper.  I saw you did the dishwasher.  That was helpful. As a first-time parent, there are going to be a lot of opportunities to be trying new things.  Encourage each other instead of tearing each other down. 4) Take Time For Yourself - While you certainly will have less time than you did before, carve out time to do things that you enjoy.  Discuss this with your spouse. When my wife and I were first-time parents, we made sure that each of us still got to exercise.  It was really important to both of us.  We couldn't do it at the same time, so I went to the gym early in the morning and then went I got back, my wife did her workout. It's important that you don't lose yourself.  Your life does change, but you want to still be able to have some time for yourself.  Also, the one on one time with the baby is really good for bonding. 5) It's OK Not to be Perfect Parents - Making mistakes is part of parenting.  There are so many opportunities to make mistakes and you will.  Know that it is ok to make mistakes, just try not to repeat them very much. Being a first-time parent is a learning experience.  You and your spouse are embarking on a long journey.  Understand there are going to be a lot of ups and downs.  Realize that these ups and downs are normal and you will make it through.