Daddy Recovery

To my dad, pity was love, which is why he loved it when people pitied… it meant they cared and also forgot to ask him if it was reciprocal. Yet, I found the quality annoying on him. As we walked through the Basilica, he proceeded to talk about these mysterious, suicide attempts without mentioning who, what, where, and why. They were just his whale calls for pity, and I did not bite. Instead, I had a much darker thought, ¨Well, you did not succeed?¨

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This is fascinating,¨I replied. ¨Men want casual feelings, and we want casual relations. Two things that societally we are not allowed to have or say we want out loud without it being systemically oppressed or tabooed,¨ I announced like Albert Einstein screaming ¨Eureka!¨ As I write this, I, sincerely, cannot believe I have friends when I talk like, anthro-psychologist running a midterm exam. Yet, you know you have good friends when they roll with your weird. 

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When I think of Ursula or Telenovelas Villains with a familial bent, they always end up badly. They either tragically die begging for forgiveness, or end up quadriplegic or in a psych ward spending the rest of their days bound and yelling how much they hate their family. It sucks because I get how they got there. Something happens to you when your parent hates you. When he or she does everything for you to be small. Ever since my father committed his last cruelty towards me, there is not one day, I do not think of just how much harm and malice he, purposefully, committed against me. It is the very reason I could be EVIL, but in avoiding the chance to become as poisonous as him, I think I have opted for something much sadder: to become numb. 

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Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

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My father smiled, at me, after 10 years of not seeing each other. I was nervous and excited because what if he was a better human being? What if he did miss me, and, unlike our last interaction, where he said he did not love me, time had shown him I was worth loving. While I never felt it was my fault my dad did not love me, I did feel it was my job to make him do so, and the result was a relationship that I replicated in so many ways via lovers, friends, and bosses: the one who serves in hopes to receive. Although my father claimed to love me, his actions spoke differently, and I could not always pinpoint why? Thus, when he smiled at me and handed me over an opened coffee bag wrapped in plastic of Brooklyn Coffee, I realized why I never matched his words with actions: disrespect. 

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Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

Follow me on all music platforms under Diandra and check out my newest single based off Daddy Recovery: Mr.H

When I look at my life, I feel it has run on a ¨Knock Knock Basis,¨ of which anybody that wanted to enter did. My openness was praised, and hammered with a parental adage: ¨You take people for who they are… you do not demand of them.¨ What was admired in me as a child had become a warning label about me as an adult.

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Now, I am not saying I am Tupac, although I have reached a level of enough healing to admit I am talented, creative, and unique. Yet, we love these legends because they touch an aspect of our reality and our fantasy. He was a star born without a father and some rough circumstance that made the need for one felt. Sure, that may feel like the bold, apparent connection, but to me I see his sadness, the brazen attempt to come for anyone else that saw it too, and the desire to make it to a place where it no longer existed. Perhaps, in Heaven, he got to that deserved place, but I want it on earth. 

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check out my TikTok @daddyrecovery
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Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

Follow me on all music platforms under Diandra and check out my newest single based off Daddy Recovery: Mr.H

I am an incredibly unique, powerful talent.... that is totally scared to display herself as such. When you grow with a father that might as well have been a walking Twitter Feed dedicated to destroying you in under 240 characters, cancel culture is not something you fear. Instead, you fear always living under it; never having day when a hater does not comment. To my father, a charming lie would always supersede a regular truth, which makes me feel too vulnerable in my authenticity. 

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check out my TikTok @daddyrecovery
YT/IG: @diandrareviewsitall


Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

Follow me on all music platforms under Diandra and check out my newest single based off Daddy Recovery: Mr.H

Growing up, I hated the flavor mint, and was quite audible about. So when my father´s first  Christmas gift for me, at age 9, was two, mint cookies, I was upset. Yet, I could not imagine that his Napoleon Complex would ignite, and spark a 15 minute rant on how mint, somehow, embodies the pride of poverty. 

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Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

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In theater, a ¨filler¨ is someone, usually a crew member, who stands in place of a character as the the director and rest of the cast learn and plan the staging and lighting of a scene. For me, my dad was a ¨filler:¨ he stayed in the place of a character he was not going to perform: a good father. In life, I have found many ¨fillers,¨ and I am determined to understand why giving the title of love to someone can feel like enough, when its getting love that is everything.  

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check out my TikTok @daddyrecovery
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Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

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Warning: While this episode is a hilarious, true story of a very crazy night with a man who teaches breathing , it does touch upon a serious issue: suicidal ideation.  In A Year of Not Trying... I discuss things I´m trying to stop for a year, and many victims of trauma and abuse struggle with death fantasies, especially believing this will make those who hurt them see what they did.... trust me it will not. Stay with us! Stay alive! Stay healing! 
Your dreams will come true! 

Support the show

check out my TikTok @daddyrecovery
YT/IG: @diandrareviewsitall


Read my truth at www.daddyrecovery.com

Follow me on all music platforms under Diandra and check out my newest single based off Daddy Recovery: Mr.H