Dancing With Wisdom

By Dr Sunil RahejaEducation Self-Improvement

Dancing With Wisdom episodes

June 05, 2019Podcast #054: Broken But Blessed
We live in a world that celebrates success, achievement and strength. Crowds flock to watch or hear about the fastest, strongest, most beautiful and accomplished men and women of the world. However, there is another deeper and more lasting perspective.
https://youtu.be/eojeiQDvxGY

I was recently at a conference for Christian doctors and had the unexpected privilege of meeting Rebekah Domer. She is the author of the book, “Broken but Blessed: Journeying from Pain to Peace with Unlikely Guides.”
Rebekah is a hospice chaplain who currently works at St. Michael’s Hospice in East Sussex. She is a part of the Bruderhof which is a church whose members live in intentional community, seeking to follow Jesus’ command to love God and neighbour. Like the early disciples described in the New Testament, they share all their possessions, work and worship together so as to put their beliefs into practice in their daily lives.
On the podcast Rebekah opens up for us answers to the timeless question of why does a loving God allow us to suffer. She takes the Beatitudes from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and in her book unpacks what that looks like in different people’s lives.
In our conversation we learn:
How Rebekah was an accomplished medical laboratory technician who had studied at Harvard and been to Nigeria to set up a tropical laboratory. Then at the age of 28 she suddenly developed a paralysis of her left leg that led to her having a permanent disability and being in constant pain.
From the life of her father who was a high ranking naval officer in World War 2. He was someone who was very knowledgeable on history and world affairs, but at the age of 70 developed Alzheimer’s Disease. Rebekah describes to us how he allowed his memory loss to transform him into a more loving and caring person.
About Rebekah’s sister Louisa who had Down syndrome and because of a heart condition had 13 years of extreme physical suffering. However, Louisa was able to say as she came to the end of her days, “I am for life!” and “My task is to bring joy!”
From Rebekah’s book:
“The Beatitudes say that the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are poor in spirit and know their need for God. Louisa possessed these qualities naturally and radiated Christ unawares. She showed me how to live, through love that suffers and is kind….
Modern society touts a different Gospel: Blessed are you who achieve. Blessed are the prosperous, the politically successful, the powerful. Blessed are you who are beautiful and athletic. Blessed are those who win scholarships to prestigious universities.
Most of us strive for perfection. But wha of people like Louisa? why do they exist? Vulnerable and dependent, people with Down syndrome are easily dismissed as “defective” and often aborted. And yet Louisa and the many like her are truly our teachers – for didn’t Jesus admonish us to ‘change and become like little children?”
What can we learn about what Jesus means to become like little children to enter the kingdom of God?
When Jesus speaks of treasures in heaven how this points to encounters with others, and especially those who are suffering.
This is just a taste of our rich and powerful conversation! Do join us to learn more. A link to the book is below.
You may also find of interest:
Podcast #028: The God I Don’t Understand
Podcast #049: The Strange Adventure We Must All Take
Podcast #050: More about the strange adventure we must all take

 
34 min
May 01, 2019Podcast #053: What is your life purpose?
That is certainly a deep question to ask! Most people spend more time planning a two week holiday than the purpose of their one precious life. In our third and final conversation with Kary Oberbrunner we explore this rich and fascinating subject from his book ‘The Deeper Path’.
For a 2 minute preview see the video below:
https://youtu.be/HigCN7CUm00
On the podcast we unpack the following inspiring quote:
“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play; his labour and his leisure; his mind and his body; his information and his recreation; his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both.”
The full title of Kary’s book is “The Deeper Path: A Simple Method For Finding Clarity, Mastering Life, And Doing Your Purpose Every Day.” It provides a framework within which to look at your life not as a drudge or form of labour, but rather a masterpiece or opus.
The word OPUS helpfully spells out what that means:
Overarching vision involving a someone (who), something (what) and somewhere (where)
Purpose or the defining statement or melody line of your life.
Unifying strategies to not just be busy but to be intentional and focussed.
Scorecard for significance. It is surprising how much score keeping goes on in our favourite book!
Do join us on this packed 20 minute conversation that goes into so much more detail and practical application for your own life.
The podcast conversation is also available at Making Sense of Life on iTunes
For Kary’s opus do see here
Links to our previous two conversations are at:
Podcast #051: Living Life To The Full With Kary Oberbrunner
Podcast #052: What Is Your Secret Name?
Kary’s book is also available below:
 
23 min
April 03, 2019Podcast #052 What Is Your Secret Name?
That may well seem a strange question to ask. It comes from my conversation with Kary Oberbrunner (who I introduced in Podcast #051). Kary has released the second edition of his book, “Your Secret Name: An Uncommon Quest To Stop Pretending, Shed The Labels and Discover Your True Identity.”
You can get a flavour of our conversation from the 2 minute video conversation with Kary below (apologies for the lighting changes towards the end and yes I do need to tidy up my office!):
https://youtu.be/OLrwO1oe7jE
On the podcast we learn about this uncommon quest that begins with an ancient story of envy and concludes with a fresh vision of yourself. Kary introduces to us what it means to:
Reinterpret your past so you can stop hiding behind performance and pain.
Reconnect with your Creator, core, and community so you can live bigger and bolder without fear and self-judgment.
Reimagine a new future so you can experience life without limits, borders, or boundaries.
I also get Kary to reveal more about his own life story and struggles in a way he wasn’t expecting along with the new freedom he has found in his life. The book has powerfully influenced me in understanding my own secret name.
Do listen to the podcast below and let us know how our conversation impacted you.
The link to the book is also below.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1640852654/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=timeleswisdom-21&creative=6738&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1640852654&linkId=64a047168110a76be9ab3fbc345be190
24 min
March 06, 2019Podcast #051: Living Life To The Full With Kary Oberbrunner
What does it take to live a full life? Rather than think about that in an abstract or theoretical sense, on today’s podcast I interview someone who I am proud to say has become a mentor and good friend, Kary Oberbrunner. The 2 minute video below will give you a flavour of our podcast conversation:
Kary lives in Columbus, Ohio, is married to Kelly and together they have three children.
He is an author of ten books, a coach and public speaker. He helps individuals and organisations clarify who they are, why they are here and where they are going so, as he says, “they can become souls on fire, experience unhackability and share their message with the world.”
While that is an exciting and inspiring message, Kary has certainly faced significant life challenges. That has included as a child having a speech impediment, being labelled with a learning disability and as a young adult a secret addiction to self-injury.
With that kind of background you could never have guessed what would happen in Kary’s life:
Earning a doctorate degree in transformational leadership
Through the Internet reaching over one million people with his content.
Training over 150,000 authors, coaches , speakers and entrepreneurs.
Published 10 books in the areas of business, fiction, personal growth and success.
Through his company Author Academy Elite he has helped over 600 people to write and publish their books. (I am writing my book through his company!)
Do join Kary and I on this podcast as we discuss:
Why the most powerful weapon on earth is a human soul on fire.
The power of finding clarity in your life.
Kary’s struggles with perfectionism and the toll that had on his early life.
The pivotal change that occurred when, as a church pastor, he began to turn his anger away from himself to being real in his relationship with God.
Why God can handle it when we are angry with Him
Kary’s transition from church pastor after 12 years to entrepreneurship.
If you want to find out more about Author Academy Elite please visit here.
35 min
February 06, 2019Podcast #050: More about the strange adventure we must all take
As we continue our conversation with John Wyatt on his book ‘Dying Well’ on this podcast we look at the specific temptations and fears that can come to occupy our minds at the end of life.
In podcast #049 we looked at the positive opportunities and expectation that dying well can bring.
On this podcast discussion with John we unpack the following challenges at the end of life:
Doubt and questioning the presence of God.
How the antidote to doubt is honesty which can lead to a deeper more honest trust
A picture of faith as holding our hands out to God and asking Him to feed us.
The temptation of despair and loss of hope
How an important key to dealing with despair is understanding the suffering of Christ through the suffering I am going through.
The temptation to deny death
How the antidote to this is being real about our frailty
Jesus’ transition in the Gospel accounts from being active and in control to the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus hands Himself over to the will of God
The temptation of self-reliance
Why dependency is not the terrible thing we instinctively think it is.
How God becoming a dependent baby does not demean His dignity or status.
The comfort of Psalm 23 that “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death” it is “goodness and love that will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
You may also find of interest the following podcasts and related articles
Podcast #017: The Last Taboo Subject
Podcast #029: The Literal End Of The World?
Podcast #042: What Does It Take To Live A Meaningful Life? An interview with Dr John Geater who has pancreatic cancer.
A Tribute To My Dear Friend Abhishek Banerjee (12 October 1981 -17 March 2014h
Podcast #031: How Do I Live With Hope Today?
46 min
January 02, 2019Podcast #049: The strange adventure we must all take
Its not the subject of polite conversation and yet it is relevant to us all. What does it mean to not only live life well, but also to die and end this life well?
On this podcast we welcome back John Wyatt. John is Professor of Neonatal Paediatrics at University College, London and a Senior Research Fellow at the Faraday Institute, Cambridge University. He is married to Celia and and they have three grown-up sons.
John has written extensively on the subject of medical ethics and his latest book is simply called ‘Dying Well’.
From the back cover, I quote:
“We need to talk about death. Are we in danger of over-medicalising it? Can we see death as a time of opportunity, both for us and our loved ones? What do we mean by resurrection hope?
The author focuses on the art moriedni –quite simply the art of dying well and dying faithfully. He offers clear direction, warm reassurance and rock-solid confidence in the One who has conquered death.”
Do join us in this podcast as we explore:
How rather than being a topic of doom and gloom the subject of death can actually become something transforming and positive.
Why for hundreds of years it was thought the worst possible way to die would be to go suddenly without warning.
Our own personal experiences of losing loved ones suddenly and the pain that has caused in our own lives.
Why to die well actually means to live well
The opportunities dying well can bring including: –
Internal spiritual growth
Being thankful
Healing, building, celebrating and completing relationships
Finding forgiveness
Letting go
Preparing to meet our Lord and Saviour.
You may also find of interest the following related podcasts and articles:
Podcast #017: The Last Taboo Subject?
Podcast #029: The Literal End Of The World?
Podcast #042: What Does It Take To Live A Meaningful Life? An interview with Dr John Geater who has pancreatic cancer.
A Tribute To My Dear Friend Abhishek Banerjee (12 October 1981 -17 March 2014
41 min
December 05, 2018 Podcast #048: Finding meaning and direction
The pace and rate of technological change over the last few decades has been extraordinary. We have the potential to be and do things faster, better and more efficiently in ways previous generations could never have dreamed possible.
But there is also a sense that there has to be something more than just what we see around us. One writer, Tom Wright puts it in terms of four areas of concern in our culture. In these areas just being or doing faster, better or more efficiently is inadequate:
– the quest for spirituality
– the longing for justice
– the hunger for relationships
– a delight in beauty.
There is a way in which all of them point beyond themselves and we hear them as if they are echoes of a voice coming from just around the corner out of sight.
On this podcast we have our final conversation with Andy Parnham on his book “Lasting Happiness: In Search Of Deeper Meaning and Fulfilment.”
Do join us as we explore:
The limitations of a materialistic worldview when we have such deep longings for meaning.
Why secular health experts like Allan McNaught come to the conclusion that trying to define wellbeing is “fruitless. frustrating and ultimately impossible.”
The hunger for meaning in our lives. As the writer Dostoyevsky poetically said,
“Every ant knows the formula of its anthill,
Every bee knows the formula of its beehive.
They know it in their way, not in our way.
Only humankind does not know its own formula.”
Our thirst for story. (Also see Podcast #022: The Stories We Tell Ourselves)
The power of understanding the Hebrew concept of shalom as “wholeness for the whole person in the whole of life extending to the whole of the cosmos!”
After listening to our conversation what questions, comments and reflections on finding meaning and purpose do you have?
You may also find of interest:
We Are All Materialists Now!

 
39 min
October 31, 2018 Podcast #047: Healthy relationships
As we continue in our conversation with the author Andy Parnham we come to the subject of healthy relationships. How do they work and how do we restore them when they go wrong? We know from our own experience that relationships are important, but the research of the psychiatrist Robert Waldinger goes as far as to say it is the number one strongest predictor of good health.
Do come and join Andy Parnham and I as we look at:
The following 5 principles for healthy relationships:
1. Prioritising people over things
2. Becoming the kind of person other people want to be with.
3. Finding someone you can trust you can share yourself with.
4. Being willing to let go and not to be simply grasping of relationships.
5. Finding a place and a people to belong to.
We unpack Andy’s conclusion of the reaseach:
”It appears that the capacity to relate to other people is hard-wired into our brains and that such relating is at the heart of human flourishing. Relationships are primarily a function of the right brain, with its emphasis on implicit, unconscious, non-verbal processes. Emotions are essential to the development and nurture of all healthy relationships.” (P.127)
”Anyone who has achieved lasting happiness and contentment has acquired the capacity to spend time both alone and with others without a sense of insecurity and inadequacy.” (P. 133)
How we can only relate to others in a healthy manner when we have learnt to live in our own skin in a healthy way. Psychologists refer to this as differentiation. Someone who has successfully differentiated themself is able to:
1. Be clear about who you are (‘define’ yourself) and yet stay in touch with others.
2. Take responsibility for yourself, yet…. Be responsive to others.
3. Maintain your integrity and wellbeing without….. Intruding on that of others.
4. Allow the enhancement of another person’s integrity and wellbeing without ……. Feeling abandonment,inferior or less of a self.
5. Have an ‘I’ and enter a relationship with another ‘I’ without losing yourself and diminishing the other person’s self.
The importance and power of learning to forgive.
You may also find of interest:
Podcast #025: Is there a difficult person in your life?
Podcast #026: The search for happiness
What is the ONE essential ingredient for life-long health and happiness?
Podcast #044: Lasting Happiness
Podcast #045: Do you want to be happy?
Podcast #046: The problem of longing and wanting more
After listening to our conversation what questions, comments and reflections on relationships do you have?
 
35 min
October 03, 2018Podcast #046: The problem of longing and wanting more
Longing. Its something we all experience at one time or another, but find so hard to explain or define. On this podcast Andy Parnham and I discuss this “reaching out towards or yearning for something that you can’t describe but which draws you very powerfully with a mixture of joy and sadness.”
The writer C. S. Lewis put it even more potently when he called this longing ‘joy’ and described it as ‘an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction…… anyone who has experienced it will want it again.‘ As you can see these are deep areas we don’t often discuss!
Do come and join Andy and I as we explore
How a want for something (usually in the areas of wealth, health or happiness) tends to be clear, purposeful, driven by the will often with a sense of urgency.
By contrast with a longing the focus is not on ourselves, but someone or something that occupies our view and yet lies beyond our grasp or control (usually in the areas of relationships, meaning and fulfilment).
Our age-old quest for beauty vividly described by Lewis:
”The books or music in which we thought the beauty were located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them,it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things – the beauty, the memory of our own past – are good images of what we really desire, but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.”
Examples of this in longing for a person, place or people.
How homesickness and nostalgia as forms of longing combine very powerful emotions of loss and disappointment combined with hope and desire.
How these experiences are also understandable through neuroscience and the two sides of the brain.
Understanding the difference between what Henri Nouwen called ‘first loneliness’ (the emotional need for family, friends and home) and the need for a deeper life, which he called a ‘second loneliness.’ Here is how Nouwen described it:
”A deep personal intimacy and it is an intimacy that is very demanding. It requires letting go of many things that are emotionally, intellectually and affectively very satisfying. You must grow to realise and to trust that the deeper loneliness is not to be overcome, but lived. You must live it with trust, standing tall. You must try to say, ‘Yes I am lonely, but this particular loneliness sets me on the road to intimacy…It brings me closer to the source of love in the depths of my being.”
While this conversation may seem rather deep and esoteric, I do assure you we talk about practical implications for all of us in how we live our lives on a day-to-day basis!
You may also find of interest:
The Master And His Emissary: How the left brain has come to dominate Western culture
What Is It Like To Have A Stroke: How the two sides of the brain function so differently
Discovering Silence and Solitude: the gift we struggle to receive.
A video on my own personal longing for my true home.

 
33 min
September 05, 2018Podcast #045 Do you want to be happy?
That seems an almost ridiculous question. Of course you want to be happy! Our world is obsessed with wanting to be happy. But what do we actually mean by happiness? Especially in our complex, challenging and chaotic world where we have so many things that promise happiness, but often fail to deliver what they promise.
Do join Andrew Parnham and I as we continue to unpack this important subject from his book, “Lasting Happiness: In Search of Deeper Meaning and Fulfilment.”
Together we explore:
Health and wellbeing as a means to happiness, but those terms that are not as simple to explain as they might first appear.
The World Health Organisation’s definition of health as “a state of complete physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”
How health is a means to happiness, but not an end in itself. We need some higher purpose, especially as health is so often dependent on fate, fortune or luck.
How wellbeing, while hard to define, is much wider and deeper when you consider it is possible to have wellbeing without apparent health. For a challenging and inspiring example of that do watch this 4 minute video of Nick Vujicic,a man born without arms or legs and an incredibly positive sense of wellbeing.
How the research shows relationships, meaning and fulfilment are more lasting paths to happiness than health, wealth or pleasure seeking.
Lessons from the longest study on happiness (a TED talk on that is here) that show how relationships are so fundamental to what it means to be a human being.
The work of Jean Varnier, the founder of a community in France for people with learning disabilities, who powerfully articulates this:
“What is it to be a human being? Is it power? If it’s power, then we would kill each other! You see, the wise and powerful lead us to ideologies, whereas the weak are in the dirt. They’re not seeking power, they’re seeking friendship. It’s a message for all of us. It’s about all of us.”
Understanding the importance of finding meaning to lead us to lasting happiness.
How a happy person is similar to an animal, whereas meaningfulness is human and is all about expressing the self and thinking integratively about the past and future.
Some practical implications for us as we seek to be happy in life
Our previous conversation is at Podcast #044: Lasting Happiness.
You may also find of interest:
Why is joy more important than happiness?
Podcast #032: How to know joy when life feels tough
Podcast #033: Practical ways to find joy through disappointment
 
33 min