Love Unboxed Podcast: Episode 5  

Welcome to the place where relationship topics get unboxed one episode at a time. This episode finds me taking some days off after the holidays.  It's been a tiring couple of months and I was just craving some time alone at home to help me recharge.  Pat of my home life entails caring for my sister, Suzy. Suzy has needs that make her very special. I lovingly say I inherited her in 2018 when our mother passed away. That was a chaotic time.  Even though life has stabilized, it's been a busy few months, so I was needing some time alone.  I mention this because time alone at our own home can really be precious when we don't live alone and keep a similar schedule as our partner.  My household also includes Suzy. For those interested in hearing more about what it was like when I inherited Suzy, you can listen to the Suzy Chronicles episode of Coaching through Chaos Podcast right here. 

***** If you have a dating or relationship dilemma you'd like some help with,go to LoveUnboxedPodcast.com and leave me a voicemail with your question.  I can't wait to hear from you! 

'Dating After Divorce - Are You Ready?'

Welcome to Love Unboxed, the podcast for the hopeful romantic, hosted by Dr. Colleen Mullen, a therapist with over 20 years of experience.Dr. Colleen shares insights on finding and maintaining love based on her years of helping clients navigate relationships. Today's episode is a deep dive into the question: How soon after divorce should you start dating?

The Unboxing

The Hopeful Romantic Question of the Week

 "How do you know  you're ready to date after your divorce?"  

This is a complex question with a complex answer. First, we'll review common reasons for divorcing and then Dr. Colleen shares some questions for you to answer.      

 Common Reasons for Divorce:

Unrealistic Expectations

Frequent arguments or arguing in a different style than your partner

Lack of attention

Substance use problems

What to Know Before you Start Dating Again

1.  Reflect on the reasons behind your divorce.  Do you know the reason?  If not, why? Dr. Colleen provides food for thought around communication struggles that can infiltrate a marriage.  

2.  Determine if you are emotionally available to date.  What is your motive for jumping back into the dating pool?  Be clear about this with yourself and with the people you date. Be able to be O.K. with being alone.  Be able to differentiate between being alone and being lonely.  

3.  We explore the impact of betrayal on a person. If you had an affair, do you know what was going on with you that you were able to step outside of your commitment to your partner? If your partner had an affair, how did you process the betrayal,  Is it resolved enough that you won't be leading with distrust or an expectation of betrayal in your next relationship?

The Role of Therapy During This Time

Therapy is a great tool during this time. When you are trying to do things in your love life differently than you have in the past, therapy can help because there will be some un-learning to do as you learn new ways to be.  There can be so much growth in the area of self-awareness during a divorce. It's one of Dr. Colleen's favorite times to work with her clients - when they are getting into, or out of a significant relationship.  

Conclusion: Building a Strong Foundation

Building a relationship is like building the foundation of a house.  There won't be any stability if your foundation is cracked, so take the time while you are divorcing to do the things that can help you look towards your future love life without emotional attachments in the past. 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe