Love, Unboxed. For the Hopeful Romantic

How to Stop Falling for Potential: 5 Ways to Avoid Relationship Mud

Have you ever stayed too long in a relationship because you believed in who your partner could be instead of who they were? You’re not alone. In this episode, Dr. Colleen Mullen explores the painful but common trap of “falling for potential”—and how to step out of it for good.

Drawing on personal experience, client stories, and research like Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, Dr. Colleen explains why chasing chemistry and promise often blinds us to the reality in front of us. You’ll learn:

Why it’s easy to give great relationship advice to friends but ignore red flags in your own life

How to recognize when you’re stuck in “relationship mud”

Five strategies to reset your approach, including setting clear standards, walking away early, spotting love bombing, journaling for reality checks, and prioritizing compatibility over chemistry

Whether you’re dating, starting something new, or reflecting on past relationships, this episode is packed with insight and practical steps to help you choose better, sooner.

Resources Mentioned:

Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (Dr. Colleen’s guided journal)

Upcoming Dating Workshop- How to Date Differently (Nov 2025) — join the waitlist  & my mailing list at DrColleenMullen.com 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

EPISODE 10: “Me, You, and the Friend I Can’t Stand: Navigating Tension with Your Partner’s Bestie”

Do you feel like your partner’s friend never liked you, and it’s only gotten more awkward over time?

You’re not imagining it, and you’re definitely not alone.

In this episode of Love, Unboxed, I answer a listener’s question about how to handle a long-standing strain with her husband’s close friend—a man who seems to dislike her and has a way of making group gatherings uncomfortable. She likes his girlfriend, enjoys game nights with friends, and doesn’t want to make waves... but Tom's behavior continues to get under her skin.

It’s a dilemma I hear often: What do you do when you don’t get along with your partner’s best friend?

Together, we’ll unbox:

Why this dynamic happens more often than we admit.

The real emotional toll of being the “bigger person”.

How confirmation bias, territorial friendships, triangulation, and social identity theory all play a role.

Two real-world examples—one that ended in resentment, and one that sparked positive change.

Five therapist-approved tools to protect your emotional safety and talk to your partner without conflict.

You’ll also hear me (lovingly) roast my brother Frank as an example of confirmation bias—because yes, being a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan is a personality trait in our family.

🔧 Relationship Tools You'll Learn:

How to name exactly what bothers you

How to talk to your partner (not vent—strategize)

How to create healthy boundaries around social events

Why being “the gracious one” shouldn’t mean emotional burnout

How to tell if this is just irritation—or something deeper

🎙 Whether you’re Marie or someone navigating a similar situation, this episode will help you feel less alone and more empowered.

🧠 Research Referenced:

Confirmation Bias: Nickerson, R.S. (1998)

Friendship Processes: Fehr, B. (2004)

Structural Family Therapy: Minuchin, S. (1974)

Triangulation Theory: Bowen, M. (1978)

Social Identity Theory: Tajfel & Turner (1979)

💌 Submit your own relationship question at:
LoveUnboxedPodcast.com

🎧 Listen on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | wherever you get your podcasts

💛 If you liked this episode, please subscribe, share, and leave a review. It means so much and helps more hopeful romantics find us.

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

Episode 9:  Ted:  How Soon is Too Soon to Tell someone How You Feel? 

Segment 1: Why This Question Hits So Hard

So I know I’ve been in those feelings before and had to consider how to handle it.Have you? 

Timing is everything in love... and also completely out of our control.

We live in a culture of swipe fatigue and dating app burnout, where emotional intimacy is often delayed, feared, or even ghosted. So when you do catch feelings early—especially if you are who’s emotionally mature, maybe even a bit relationship weary—it can feel like a risk to say so.

Having feelings for someone early on is not the problem. It’s what you do with those feelings—and when—that makes all the difference

Segment 2: What the Research Says

Research in relationship psychology has shown us that the early stages of dating are a cocktail of brain chemistry and attachment triggers. In fact, a study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people tend to idealize new romantic partners during the first 3 to 5 dates, due to something called the “halo effect.” This means we often project what we hope someone is, rather than who they actually are.

In another study by Two other neurochemicals that appear at higher concentrations when a person is in love are oxytocin and vasopressin. Based on findings from animal research, Prof. Zeki noted that both of these chemical messengers facilitate bonding and are associated with the brain’s reward system.

But he also pointed out that in romantic love, a small brain area called the amygdalaTrusted Source becomes deactivated. The amygdala is the part of the brain that coordinates fear responses, helping humans stay safe in potentially dangerous situations.

The fact that it becomes deactivated when a person is in love also means that fear responses are dampened.  The researchers also added that the decrease in activity in another brain region — called the frontal cortex — may explain why people can be “blind” to red flags shown by a potential romantic partner as they are falling in love. 

What does that mean? Those strong feelings may be just as much about your hopes and unmet needs as they are about the actual person in front of you.

Add to that, studies in attachment theory show that those with anxious attachment styles may feel compelled to express emotions quickly in the hopes of creating emotional security. Whereas those with avoidant styles may retreat the moment they sense someone else is “catching feelings.”

So what’s “too soon” for one person might feel just right—or terrifying—to another.

Attachment Styles: Anxious  and avoidant attachment styles. 

Segment 3: A Story We All Know Too Well

I can't even tell you how many examples I have of people, including myself, who felt strong feelings early on and have either wanted to express them or did.  Im going to share a couple of short stories. 

Let me tell you about Maya— late 30s, successful in her career, independent, but struggling in love. She met someone on Hinge who seemed different—he texted regularly, made plans, and remembered little details about her day. By date three, Maya felt “something real” and told him, “I think I’m starting to like you.”

His response? “Whoa. That’s fast. I’m not sure I’m there yet.”

Can you guess what happened next? He pulled back, and Maya spiraled into self-doubt.

And then we have John, because, as demonstrated by our caller Ted, guys struggle with this issue too.

John is a guy who has a lot going  for him: good-looking, somewhat successful, in touch with his emotions.  He enjoys dating, but his history is that of someone who catches feelings quickly.  The last 3 women he dated for various amounts of weeks or months were hot and heavy, together several days a week, with an expectation of seeing them every weekend, right after the first date. But the longest relationship he’s had in the last 3 years has only been for 4 months.  He doesn’t understand why they fizzle out so fast. 

Result: Both feel disappointed that their love lives have left them feeling like they are the cause of the problem.  They aren't, but their thinking needs to change. 

Segment 4: Feeling vs. Revealing

Here’s the reframe I want to offer:
It’s never “too soon” to have feelings. But it can be too soon to expect those feelings to be reciprocated—or to use them as a way to define the relationship.

It’s okay to say, “I’m enjoying getting to know you,” or “I feel a connection and I’m curious to explore this.” That’s not the same as dropping the L-bomb or asking someone to commit on week two.

Ask yourself:

• Am I saying this to connect, or to control?
• Do I want to share, or am I hoping this will push the relationship forward?

Segment 5: Tips for Navigating Early Emotions

Here’s what I recommend if you’re feeling the itch to tell someone how you feel:

1. Check in with yourself first.
   Are these feelings rooted in real connection or in hope? Is this about them—or your fantasy of them?
2. Observe their behavior.
   Are they showing up consistently, engaging emotionally, and treating you with respect? Feelings are mutual—or they’re not—but patterns don’t lie.
3. Use emotionally safe language.
   Instead of “I have feelings for you,” try “I’m enjoying this and want to keep seeing where it goes.” It opens the door without putting pressure on the other person.
4. Don’t confuse vulnerability with obligation.
   Sharing how you feel is brave. But it doesn’t mean the other person has to match you on your timeline. Give space for discovery.

Segment 6: Call to Action

Real intimacy isn’t built in declarations. It’s built in shared experience, mutual respect, and time.

If this conversation resonated with you, I want to hear from you. Head over to Instagram instagram.com/DrColleenMullen and let me know: Have you ever told someone you had feelings "too soon"? What happened?

And if you’re loving Love, Unboxed, don’t forget to follow, rate, and share the podcast with someone who needs to hear this message today.

Until next time, remember:
You don’t have to rush into love to be worthy of it.
Trust the process. Let the connection unfold.

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

Title: The Invisible Drift: Staying Connected when Living Busy Lives

Host: Dr. Colleen Mullen​

Episode Highlights:

Understanding the "Invisible Drift": Explore how emotional distance can develop silently in relationships due to daily stressors and routines.​

Real-Life Scenario: Meet Maya and Jordan, a couple navigating the challenges of balancing careers, parenting, and maintaining their bond.​

Expert Insight: Discover Dr. John Gottman's research on "bids for connection" and their significance in sustaining emotional intimacy.​

Actionable Strategies: Implement four practical tools to strengthen your relationship:

Establish a 10-minute daily check-in ritual.

Exchange thoughtful notes or messages to express appreciation.

Redefine date nights to fit your current lifestyle.

Utilize weekends intentionally to reconnect.​growthmachine.com

Encouragement for Initiators: Gain perspective if you often find yourself initiating connection and learn how to navigate this dynamic constructively.​

Resources Mentioned:

Dr. John Gottman's research on emotional bids​

Connect with Dr. Colleen Mullen:

Website: drcolleenmullen.com

Instagram: @drcolleenmullen

TikTok: @loveunboxedpodcast​

Call to Action:

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe to Love Unboxed and leave a review on your preferred podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners seeking to enhance their relationships.

Until next time, Let's keep hope alive! 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

Show Notes for Episode [Insert Episode Number]: Strengthening a Thriving Relationship

Episode Title: How to Make a Great Relationship Even Better

Summary:
In this episode of Love, Unboxed: The Podcast for the Hopeful Romantic, licensed therapist [Your Name] answers a refreshing question from a listener who's already in a thriving, loving relationship. This couple has strong communication, no arguments, and regularly complements each other—but they want to know what more they can do to strengthen their bond. If you’re in a relationship that’s going well, this episode is for you! [Your Name] shares research-backed tips for deepening connection, enhancing emotional intimacy, and growing as individuals within the partnership.

Key Takeaways:

Create New Experiences Together: Learn why novelty is crucial in relationships and how trying new things together can release feel-good chemicals, creating lasting memories and strengthening your bond.

Deepen Emotional Intimacy: Discover how a weekly emotional check-in can open deeper lines of communication and foster closeness.

Practice Rituals of Connection: Simple, consistent rituals like morning coffee or daily walks can be powerful ways to reinforce your relationship.

Physical Connection Beyond Intimacy: Explore the importance of affectionate, non-sexual touch in building connection and satisfaction.

Celebrate Wins Together: Celebrating each other’s big and small achievements can deepen your relationship, fostering mutual support and appreciation.

Keep Growing as Individuals: Personal growth doesn’t just benefit you—it can breathe new life into your relationship.

Listener Question:
“Hi! My partner and I have been together for [X years]. We get along really well, don’t argue, and have good communication skills. We also make sure to complement each other all the time. Are there any tips or tricks to make our relationship even better?”

Resources Mentioned:

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study on new experiences and relationship satisfaction.

Dr. John Gottman’s research on rituals of connection.

Study from The Journal of Positive Psychology on emotional self-disclosure.

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships on affectionate touch and satisfaction.

Call to Action:
Have a question about love or relationships? Leave us a voicemail, and your question could be featured in an upcoming episode! Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who could benefit from strengthening their relationship.

Follow Us:

Instagram: [Insert Instagram Handle]

Twitter: [Insert Twitter Handle]

Website: [Insert Website Link]

Subscribe & Review:
If you enjoyed today’s episode, please subscribe, and leave us a review to help us reach more hopeful romantics just like you.

Next Episode Teaser:

We will explore what it's like to support a partner with ADHD. 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

"Love Unboxed: How to Support a Partner with Depression"

Episode Summary: In this episode of Love Unboxed, Dr. Colleen introduces a special series dedicated to supporting partners with emotional struggles, starting with depression. Through a relatable story of Sally and Johnny, Dr. Colleen unpacks the challenges of maintaining a relationship when one partner is dealing with depression.

She explains the signs of depression, how it manifests differently between men and women, and offers practical advice for partners navigating this tough situation. Dr. Colleen also emphasizes the importance of self-care for those supporting a partner with depression, providing four key steps for maintaining balance in the relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Depression affects millions worldwide and can have a significant impact on relationships.
• Signs of depression in men often include irritability and withdrawal, as seen in Johnny’s behavior.
• Supporting a partner with depression involves encouraging professional help, practicing patience, taking care of your own emotional health, and allowing space for breaks from the topic.
• Self-care is critical when supporting a partner with depression—don’t forget to prioritize your own needs.
• Long-term treatment for depression often includes therapy and medication management.

Tips for Supporting a Partner with Depression:

1. Encourage them to seek professional help.
2. Be patient and understanding, even when depression doesn’t seem to have an obvious cause.
3. Take care of your own emotional health—engage in activities you enjoy and nurture your social connections.
4. Take emotional breaks and allow both yourself and your partner space from focusing solely on their depression.

Quotes from Dr. Colleen:

• "Supporting a partner with depression can be a challenging experience, but by educating yourself, listening, encouraging them to get professional help, being patient, and practicing self-care, you can help your partner through their journey in and out of depressive episodes."
• "Although depression can be difficult to get through, it is possible for your partner to regain their emotional health and happiness—and I want you to preserve yours at the same time."

Listener Engagement: Dr. Colleen is eager to hear your relationship questions! Submit your voicemails at loveunboxpodcast.com for a chance to have your question featured and answered in a future episode.

Follow Dr. Colleen on Social Media:

• Instagram: @DrColleenMullen
• TikTok: @LoveUnboxPodcast

Don’t forget to subscribe to stay updated on future episodes. As the podcast grows, Dr. Colleen hopes to increase the frequency of new releases, so subscribing ensures you won’t miss out!

Next Episode: Stay tuned for the next episode in the series, where Dr. Colleen will dive into supporting a partner with anxiety.

To my fellow Hopeful Romantics, let's keep hope alive. 

These notes were generated by AI. 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

Love Unboxed Podcast: Episode 5  

Welcome to the place where relationship topics get unboxed one episode at a time. This episode finds me taking some days off after the holidays.  It's been a tiring couple of months and I was just craving some time alone at home to help me recharge.  Pat of my home life entails caring for my sister, Suzy. Suzy has needs that make her very special. I lovingly say I inherited her in 2018 when our mother passed away. That was a chaotic time.  Even though life has stabilized, it's been a busy few months, so I was needing some time alone.  I mention this because time alone at our own home can really be precious when we don't live alone and keep a similar schedule as our partner.  My household also includes Suzy. For those interested in hearing more about what it was like when I inherited Suzy, you can listen to the Suzy Chronicles episode of Coaching through Chaos Podcast right here. 

***** If you have a dating or relationship dilemma you'd like some help with,go to LoveUnboxedPodcast.com and leave me a voicemail with your question.  I can't wait to hear from you! 

'Dating After Divorce - Are You Ready?'

Welcome to Love Unboxed, the podcast for the hopeful romantic, hosted by Dr. Colleen Mullen, a therapist with over 20 years of experience.Dr. Colleen shares insights on finding and maintaining love based on her years of helping clients navigate relationships. Today's episode is a deep dive into the question: How soon after divorce should you start dating?

The Unboxing

The Hopeful Romantic Question of the Week

 "How do you know  you're ready to date after your divorce?"  

This is a complex question with a complex answer. First, we'll review common reasons for divorcing and then Dr. Colleen shares some questions for you to answer.      

 Common Reasons for Divorce:

Unrealistic Expectations

Frequent arguments or arguing in a different style than your partner

Lack of attention

Substance use problems

What to Know Before you Start Dating Again

1.  Reflect on the reasons behind your divorce.  Do you know the reason?  If not, why? Dr. Colleen provides food for thought around communication struggles that can infiltrate a marriage.  

2.  Determine if you are emotionally available to date.  What is your motive for jumping back into the dating pool?  Be clear about this with yourself and with the people you date. Be able to be O.K. with being alone.  Be able to differentiate between being alone and being lonely.  

3.  We explore the impact of betrayal on a person. If you had an affair, do you know what was going on with you that you were able to step outside of your commitment to your partner? If your partner had an affair, how did you process the betrayal,  Is it resolved enough that you won't be leading with distrust or an expectation of betrayal in your next relationship?

The Role of Therapy During This Time

Therapy is a great tool during this time. When you are trying to do things in your love life differently than you have in the past, therapy can help because there will be some un-learning to do as you learn new ways to be.  There can be so much growth in the area of self-awareness during a divorce. It's one of Dr. Colleen's favorite times to work with her clients - when they are getting into, or out of a significant relationship.  

Conclusion: Building a Strong Foundation

Building a relationship is like building the foundation of a house.  There won't be any stability if your foundation is cracked, so take the time while you are divorcing to do the things that can help you look towards your future love life without emotional attachments in the past. 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

FInd Transcript with times stamps also on this page. 

Opening

• The show is still in it's infancy.  If you are finding it helpful, please Subscribe to get all the episodes as they drop. New episodes drop every Thursday.  If you want others to find it, please share it or leave a 5 star review wherever you are listening to it.
• Even simple questions can reflect complex situations. That's what I love about relationships. Let's get into our next Hopeful Romantic Question of the Week.

Main Segment: "Navigating Trust and Boundaries in Relationships"

• Dr. Colleen unpacks the Hopeful Romantic's QUestions of the week about what happens when sharing your location with you Love leads to uncomfortable feelings.
• Dr. Colleen critiques the misuse of location-sharing features and discusses its impact on trust.
• Highlights the role of past traumas in influencing present behaviors.
• Advises on the importance of communication in addressing discomfort in relationships.
• Offers a script for initiating a conversation with a partner about setting boundaries.
• Encourages listeners to prioritize their emotional well-being and seek professional help if needed.

Conclusion

• Dr. Colleen wraps up by inviting listeners to engage with her on social media and submit questions for future episodes.
• Reminds listeners to prioritize open communication and maintaining hope in relationships.

Closing

• Dr. Colleen signs off and promises another insightful episode coming up.

These show notes summarize Dr. Colleen's exploration of trust and boundaries in relationships, offering guidance to listeners on navigating challenging dynamics with their partners.

These show notes were written by AI, They were not checked for grammar or anything other than providing a written record of the episode. 

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe 

Love Unboxed, Season 1, Episode 003: How to Support Your Partner without Solving Their Problems

What Happens When You Solve Your Partner's Problems for Them? 

Episode Title: Supporting Your Partner Without Solving Their Problems

Host: Dr. Colleen Mullen, Hopeful Romantic & Relationship Expert

Episode Overview: In today’s episode of Love Unboxed, we’re tackling a dilemma that many of us face in relationships: should you solve your partner's problems or just listen? This is an episode built around our first caller question, submitted by Mike, who asks whether it's better to offer solutions or simply support your partner when they're stressed.

Dr. Colleen dives into why jumping in to "fix" things isn't always helpful, and how being a good listener can strengthen your connection. She shares practical questions you can ask your partner when they’re dealing with stress, helping them work through their emotions without feeling pressured. Plus, she gives an example from a couple’s therapy session to illustrate how avoiding the urge to solve every problem can lead to deeper emotional intimacy.

Key Takeaways:

• Don't Solve Right Away: When your partner is stressed, they may just need to vent. Jumping to solutions can make them feel unheard.
• Be Curious: Ask your partner what’s really stressing them out and what’s the worst that could happen. This helps them express their emotions and calms their mind.
• Offer Support First: Only after they’ve had a chance to share, ask if they want your help solving the problem.
• Deepen Connection: Listening without solving builds trust and helps you understand your partner better.

Example from a Couple's Session: Dr. Colleen shares the story of a successful couple who struggled to connect because the husband carried work stress home. Through conversation, he revealed irrational fears that were impacting his mood, even though the reality was much less dire. They learned to check in with each other daily, which helped them reconnect and work as a team.

Listener Question:
Mike asks if it’s better to solve your partner's problems or just listen. Dr. Colleen explores this common relationship challenge, offering guidance on how to balance support and problem-solving.

Actionable Advice:

1. When your partner is stressed, start by asking, "What’s stressing you out about this situation?"
2. Follow up with, "What’s the worst thing that could happen if the situation doesn’t change?"
3. After they’ve shared, ask, "Would you like some help with this, or do you just need to vent?"

Call to Action:
Do you have a dating or relationship dilemma you’d like Dr. Colleen to discuss on the show? Leave a voicemail at LoveUnboxedPodcast.com. You get five minutes to tell your story!

Connect with Dr. Colleen:

• Instagram: @DrColleenMullen
• Website: CoachingThroughChaos.com

Next Steps:
Think about where you might be stuck in your relationship or dating life. Are you always looking to fix, or are you ready to listen and connect more deeply? Until next time, let’s keep hope alive!

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her work at DrColleenMullen.com. 

Upcoming Workshops 

"Date Differently"  - for singles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

"Love Them More " - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

SUPPORT THE SHOW! 

1. AMAZON.COM Use code LoveUnboxed-20 at checkout when you make your regular purchases on Amazon or visit Dr. Colleen's Amazon storefront.  You won't pay anything extra, but Dr. Colleen will make a small commission on what you purchase.
2. TBD:  Patreon- FInd out the perks of joining the Hopeful Romantic community!

Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show-hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

• Dr. Colleen creates stories of people who are not meant to mimic, copy, or otherwise represent any specific person. These are characters she creates using various  data points from multiple people. Any likeness to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence. 
•  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on mental health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you or someone you care about is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

Dr. Colleen's online voicemail line is powered by SpeakPipe