Here we are 8 weeks in, vaguely participating in tinder but not really.

This episode features profiles from the south™, secret discounts, the antithesis of 5-in-1 shampoo guys, fake bird titties, and Unrealistic body expectations from okcupid

Life goals: don't kill my succulents, don't fail math, don't die

This episode is brought to you by Chipotle's cuffing season menu, virgin things (like having a child), and Bill Nye who is in fact a celebrity thank you very much

We're back in front of a live studio audience so half this episode is basicallya monologue from Zach we are a bit of a cluserfuck. BUT tune in for Justin's longawaited debut("Mr. Aladin, yes!"), a WILD fetish, an ode to wombat butts, and mildly(?) traumatic attraction tests

CONTENT WARNING: Trigger warning after trigger warning... This episode features ranked competitive sex, mood potatoes, and the most embarrassing story.

We finally got our marriage pact results! Mikaela has a date! Animals get sent to horny jail (bonk)! We write bad poetry! I just put a week's worth of enthusiasm into this description you're welcome.

We spend most of this episode just dying over our friend Justin's first date, but we also talk about giant vats of chocolate, the most wild profile, and millipedes, so I promise it's worth it.

Honestly so much happened in this episode that I don't remember what questions we asked... But listen for anglerfish sex, cats that caused divorce, and "The Marriage Pact"

Who should message first? Why are so many guys holding fish? What was a chap book? Is shouting FLIRT in someone's face the best way to flirt? We answer these questions and more in the first episode of dating apps suck!