Dear Midlife...

We waste no time in jumping directly into our conversation with Dr. Marcia Martin and dive deep into dialogue before we even get a chance to properly welcome her to the show! Perhaps, it is because Dr. Marcia Martin has SOO much rich information to share with us. 

Dr. Marcia goes by many titles: Heart Healer, a spiritual empowerment counselor, metaphysical minister, bestselling author, public speaker, and clairaudient angel communicator. She specializes in helping people heal their relationship with themselves. Dr. Marcia operates under the premise that, by healing the heart of all your past pain and trauma, you will then be able to establish and maintain healthy relationships with yourself and others so you can live a successful life.

Her unique, heart-centered, energetic, healing approach, the Angel Heart Healing Technique, enables you to build the perfect relationship with yourself and helps you answer the questions, “Who am I? Why am I here? and Where am I going?” Dr. Marcia will help you release your greatest fear so you can achieve your biggest dreams as you heal your heart and transform your life.

So many women in midlife struggle with feeling bound by societal norms and limiting beliefs that prevent us from making choices that allow us to live in alignment with who we are and share our gifts with the world. Dr. Marcia helps us to learn the difference between selfish and selfless, we can lead you to be able to make proactive choices for yourself, while still meeting the needs of others.

It is her mission to teach others how to honor those who are important in their lives without putting themselves in last place. Dr. Marcia demonstrates over and over again that, when we learn to heal our relationship with ourselves and give ourselves permission to choose a path that is inclusive rather than exclusive of Self, anything is possible. 

In this episode, Dr. Marcia teaches us:

Go for the usual. It is normal for you to feel strong and to feel accomplished but the UNusual (i.e. feelings of anxiety or fear) catches our attention and disrupts our feelings. YOU get to decide where you stay.

Stop doing whatever you're doing when you hit the point of saying I should do more. Take a break and then come back to the task. don't over extend yourself. 

Show yourself empathy by connecting to your heart and telling yourself "I love you." You can also enhance your relationship to Self and show yourself compassion by apologizing TO YOU when necessary.

Give yourself permission to live in alignment with your own energetic heartspace and values vs. what society deems you should be. You will not be perfect in the beginning, but you will experience greater joy than you've ever known when you share your gifts with the world.

As you give, you must allow yourself to give and RECEIVE. The difference between selfishness and selflessness is that selfishness is that you give and give until you have created dependency until you have nothing left to give...leaving everyone without. Selflessness is when you allow yourself to be filled until you are overflowing and then give from your overflow.

To find more of Dr. Marcia go to:

Website | mmhearthealer.com

Instagram | @mmhearthealer

YouTube | @DrMarciaMartintheHeartHealer

Facebook | @marciamartinthehearthealer

TikTok | @mmhearthealer

Are you wanting to learn how to heal the relationship with yourself? Are you wanting permission to live the life of your dreams, but don't quite know how to get there? Well, honey, you're in the right place. We are HERE FOR YOU! We've been there and are still on this same journey for ourselves. We struggle to know who we are and what we want to become. But, we know we can't do it alone. So, join us. We're your tribe of support as we all work to figure out what this life has in store for us and to answer Dr. Marcia's questions, Who am I, why am I here? Where am I going? Follow this podcast for more great content that will support you on your journey to freedom and join our FB group and follow us on Instagram for ongoing support! We've got your back!

So, this is a very timely episode for Shelby, specifically. Our consistent listeners have gotten to know that Shelby's been divorced for 7 years and that her ex-husband very much fits the definition of a narcissist. What has been surprising since she decided to walk away from her abusive situation, was that her 2 daughters forever keep she and her ex tethered together. And, even though she left her abusive situation...she can never really walk away completely. But, she has grown so strong since she left. And for those of us who find ourselves co-parenting with a narcissist, we have to adopt new skills so that we can make different choices in the way we respond to the continued abuse. This weekend, Shelby's ex sent 29 harassing and threatening texts message and 1 foul rambling voice mail message in <24 hours. Just one after another after another. So, today we question how can someone co-parent with someone who behaves this way? 

In this situation, Shelby just didn't respond. Because THAT is exactly what the narcissist wants. They want you to react! So...simply put, you can't. And the other thing to note is that the narcissist is NOT rational. There is simply no way to reason with them. Which, of course, makes co-parenting super difficult. We all want to do what is right for the children, but the narcissist is only doing what is right for themselves.

Thank goodness for our guest today, Nasanka Wickramarachchi!  She is a Trauma Aware Life Coach and a Holistic Practitioner who helps parents, who parent with a narcissistic partner or ex, to preserve their sanity, take back their life, and support their children. Nisanka speaks from experience after having grown up in a highly narcissistic environment and later being in narcissistic relationships. And THIS led her to resolve her own trauma and Complex-PTSD by healing her inner child wounds and trauma from her narcissistic abuse to build a thriving life for her and her daughter

The tips and tools Nisanka shares with us are game changers and things Shelby says she wishes she'd known 7 years ago when she first was divorced. She comes with a wealth of knowledge and credentials. She worked in the field of education for almost 20 years before becoming a LIfe Coach, Advanced EFT and Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner. She holds a Diploma in NLP, is a practitioner of the personality assessment, DISC, and qualified to work with Narcissism and Domestic Violence.

In this episode, Nisanka teaches us:

Download FREE starter kit (eBook on how to communicate + PDF on how to resist baiting)

https://www.coachingwithnisanka.com/

LinkedIb | @nisanka-wickramarachchi

Facebook Support Group | Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Facebook Business | @coachingwithnisanka

Instagram | @coparentingwithanarcisst_coach

Whether you are co-parenting with a Narcissist or. have ever experienced any kind of narcissistic relationship or narcissistic abuse, you will find this episode thought provoking. And we want to know your experiences! Share with us your struggles and how this show has revealed to you new ways of thinking. You know, Shelby and I thought we were starting this show because it would be fun...but, we have learned and grown so much from the experience and we want to know how you've been impacted as well. Please leave us a 5-star review to let us know how this show has given you inspiration or support.

And on the topic of support, we are stronger together and that is why Trinity and I have started the Dear Midlife Facebook group. Please join our mission to help women in midlife everywhere navigate this proverbial midlife "crisis" (if you will) with some fucking humor and authenticity! Follow us on Instagram! We want to see you there!

So, not that long ago, Shelby was dating a guy and just kind of knew in her gut it wasn't the right place right time. BUT! He was the first person she'd met in a really long time that she felt completely connected to. There was, literal, electricity between them in the beginning. But, over time she just got a sensation in her body that was telling her that she needed or wanted more from the relationship than he was capable of giving at the time. 

And...of course! She didn't listen to her body! Instead, she listened to her head! She rationalized the significant connection between them. Even though there were equally as many warning signs (if that's what you want to call them). Shelby was doing my usual "hustle" in the end, trying to get his attention and doing much of the work to keep the connection and flame going. She knew he had many personal hurdles to overcome before he was emotionally available for a relationship....but, she just wanted it so badly she chose to ignore her gut, and continued to rationalize in her head something that wasn't right. Of course, in the end, it sadly fell apart when HE acknowledged that it wasn't the right time or place for him.

Then...there was Trinity with her longstanding relationship with a married man. All kinds of signals were there that she chose to ignore...but, we as women have been taught that what our bodies are telling us are untrustworthy!! So, we've become numb to the signals and ignore them.

Thank goodness for our guest today, Courtney Edwards, who is a wellness professional, trained counselor, certified coach, and podcaster. She brings to our show 25+ years experience in helping others find “mindful wellbeing in every day life”. 

In her practice, Alchemy Coaching, Courtney blends feminist theory and cognitive behavioral practice with the Buddhist concept of mindfulness to help women identify the social conditioning that is holding them back and to challenge harmful narratives and use self-compassion as they take steps to live with more genuine authenticity and embrace the truth of who they are.

And ladies, Courtney gets YOU! She is a 48 y/o perimenopausal wife and mother who initiated a divorce at age 38, found a healthy and wonderful romance at age 40, and left full time employment within a state agency to establish my own business at age 43. George Eliot says "It is never too late to be who you might have been" and she is choosing to live her life to the fullest and want to support other women in doing the same!

If you're feeling stuck...this episode is for you! Courtney reminds us to TRUST ourselves, and follow our hearts and that "knowing" inside of us that we are meant for more!  Today she teaches us:

"it's never too late to be who you might have been" George Eliot

We need to stop just hoping to "be chosen" (i.e. for the team, on the dating apps, for the job) and, instead, get in touch with our bodies and learn to lean into our own intuition about what WE want...in the job, the relationship etc.

Somewhere along the way we are taught not to trust our bodies. We need to learn to TRUST our bodies again.

You can learn to know how anxiety shows up in your body vs. intuition and to be able to distinguish between these and respond appropriately.

Take a piece of paper and draw onto it 5 columns and label each column with one of the senses. The write down all the things that you experience through that sense that brings you joy or calm. This is help you to get in touch with what feels good in your body.

You can find Courtney at:

Website | shineandsoar.com

Instagram | @alchemybhc

Now is the time, girl! If you need a tribe to support you...we're on this journey alongside of you. Follow this show so you don't miss an episode and join our FB group. We've got your back.

We've talked so much on this podcast about this idea of feeling stuck in midlife. and you know...I don't know what it is that puts us here...It's like we've spent our whole lives wearing all these hats and, literally, giving over ourselves to do ALL the things for other people that when the circumstances change and the kids go to college and we're no longer an unpaid damn uber driver for our littles and the PTO board is like, "you know most people on the board actually HAVE kids at this school (LOL) don't you want to find something else to do with your time?" that we're like...."well, what the hell am I supposed to do instead? I've been showing up to the damn PTO meeting for like 12 years the first Tuesday of every month!"

It's the strangest thing to wake up, without having a kid crawl into bed with you at 5 am and look in that mirror and think..."who the hell are you?!?" Sometimes, it's like I don't recognize myself anymore. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I want. I don't know what makes me happy AND I don't know what to do to figure it all out!

Thankfully, our guest today, Marcy McDonald is the author of UnStuck Yourself: Daily Practice with the Right Tools Will Change Your Life and co-author of the internationally best-selling book, Transforming Your Life Volume V: 20 Incredible Stories Showing the Strength of the Human Spirit. Marcy is a powerhouse that is changing lives daily. OR seeing people to the end of their lives in a way that releases regret and preserves the dignity of the dying as an end-of-life doula. She was a guest expert on the TV Show "4 Days to Save the World" and has been featured on numerous podcasts and spoken at multiple summits.

She has extensive experience consulting on, envisioning, strategizing, developing, writing, editing, and producing courses and speaking publicly on multiple topics from how to have an emotionally healthy mindset to overcoming negative self-talk to living intentionally and authentically. In addition, she speaks and leads workshops on improving focus to save time and boost productivity. She offers both intensive workshops and 1:1 coaching on mindset.

In this episode, Marcy shares with us some of the tools she uses to help her clients get UNstuck and get on with living a live they love that is full of joy and authenticity. 

 In this episode, Marcy teaches us:  

You have to learn how to notice what is going on and where you feel stuck and THEN find the right tool to navigate that situation. Most people don't even realize they feel bad. The recognition is the start.

The rational mind processes 64 bits of information in a second. The emotional mind processes a quadrillion. The emotional brain is "in charge" of your decisioning and to do so, it draws on your most negative memories in order to "keep you safe"

Do rational breathing exercises when you notice tension in your body by putting your hands on your belly and watching your hands to see them move in and out. By doing this exercise you will force yourself to breathe more deeply and focusing on your hands pulls you back into your rational mind so you're more capable of making rational choices vs. emotional choices.

Notice the negative beliefs about ourselves and how we "beat ourselves up" then, look at the actual facts....if the negative believe is "I'm fat." Then "build a bridge" between the negative thought and the positive fact using the phrase "I'm practicing". For example, I'm practicing eating more healthy.

Today may be the only day you have, so you need to live each day fully and authentically. That means you may need to work through the things that are preventing you from living in the present day with gratitude and joy.

To learn more about Marcy, check out her books or go to: 

About Marcy Video: https://vimeo.com/675579361

website | marcymcdonald.com

LinkedIn | marcymcdonald

Facebook | MarcyMcDonald

If YOU are feeling stuck and looking yourself in the mirror each morning wondering who in the hell is staring back at you, You'll love this conversation. If you love this conversation then please follow us and leave us a review. You can also find us on Facebook and Instagram! We need your continued support so that we can birth more amazing content into the world to help move you beyond your sticking points. 

 Money, Money Money, must be funny in a rich man's world! If I were a rich man
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum... You know....why are all these songs about rich MEN?! Our guest today, Eileen Joy, is "The Money Coach for Moms" and founder of Money School for Moms™ that teaches high achieving moms how to create wealth so they can have a healthy relationship with money and stop living paycheck to paycheck. 

Eileen created an easy system that any busy mom can follow and specializes in working creates a safe and comfortable environment to learn about one of the most avoided and taboo subjects, money. No more Shame, Guilt, or embarrassment

Today, we explore with Eileen how to get to the root of our own money stories and how to rewrite those stories to create abundance and financial freedom. Rewriting your own money story stops the subconscious generational patterns and then you get to empower your own children and help them rewrite their own money stories from a place of abundance. 

Baby ....at the end of this episode, we're all going to be singing a different tune about money...It's all about the money, money, money! If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars...

In this episode, Eileen teaches us:

To create a new money story you must first understand the money story you grew up with, plan and then...rewrite your money story so you can begin to shift your mindset about money.

To tune into your current money story ask, "how did your parents and family manage and/or talk about money?" "What did you take from that?" and "How do you manage your money now?"

Practice "values-based spending" by allocating your money to those things that are most important to you.

Understand that money coaching isn't about the numbers, it's about finding a way to live your dream live through your money. It is about how you spend, save and share, because the more money you have, the more good you can do with it! It's about then feeling GOOD about spending your money instead of guilty.

Create a portion of your budget for "guilt free" fun spending so that you DON'T beat yourself up by spending money and enjoying it!

To learn more from Eileen, visit her at:

Website | momswhomoney.com

Instagram | eileenjoymoneycoach

Facebook | eileenjoymoneycoach

and...download this FREE GIFT: Free Guide 5 easy ways to save $1000 this month

We've heard of physical fitness....and we've heard of physical therapy. But have you ever heard of mental fitness? You may believe mental fitness is about getting your brain in shape. Is there a way I can lift mental weights? Maybe brain squats? Or Benchpress your beliefs? Can you picture a little sweat band around your brain as it strains itself while doing mental jumping jacks? While a fun image to consider, that's not exactly what we're talking about here. Mental fitness is an exercise that our guest today, Jen Uschold, uses to shift our brains from the ruminating negative side (what she calls the saboteurs that "live" in our brain) to the positive, creative, problem solving side (which she calls our Sage Powers) 

Early in her career, Jen was drawn to helping others by empowering them to help themselves. As a physical therapist, she was drawn to the idea of not only health coaching, but pain science and neuroscience education. Today, she weaves together these complementary disciplines within the practice of Mental Fitness which uses the power of PQ exercises and preparation-choice-repetition techniques to quiet the thoughts that can sabotage or hijack your thinking and, instead, helps her clients draw on their sage powers to navigate the challenges of life.

Jan had been using these techniques to help people who have been living with chronic pain. However, she found the combined techniques associated with physical therapy, pain neuroscience education and wellness coaching work in so many walks of life and now focuses on using these techniques with women going through divorce and making BIG life transitions using an app driven program and she's willing to give Dear Midlife listeners a 20% discount!! So, if any of you out there need support, you can claim your discount by going to THIS SITE and using checkout code dearmidlife20.

In today's episode, Jen teaches us:  

The right side of our brain contains our Sage Powers and the Left Side the saboteurs. The Saboteurs are your greatest strengths in and over exaggerated state. We can use PQ exercises to calm the Saboteurs.

When your nervous system is activated and your anger and frustration is rising, imagine the other person is a child you are speaking to. Have the conversation from a place of recognition that the other party is doing the best they can with what they know and meet them there with compassion.

Play the "yes and...." game as a way to generate creative ideas and solutions. Always look for at least 10% of truth in what the other party says and then build on that!

All pain is real, but your brain can choose and/or prioritize when and how you feel pain. Pain can be located in the tissue or can be psychological and is defined with a bio psycho social model. But we are all one system and pain contains all three.

Exercise is one of the most important ways to alleviate pain. It calms the nerves

If you're interested in knowing more about Jen you can find her at:

Website | iriseforme.com 

https://www.iriseforme.com/mental-fitness-training GET 20% with the checkout code dearmidlife20

LinkedIn | jenuscholdpt

If you ARE finding yourself in these big life transitions, know you are NOT alone. We are all trying to figure out how to navigate the messy middle.We are on this journey with you. Please leave us a review and let us know how this content is resonating with you and helping you navigate this crazy time in life. Make sure you click follow. You can also follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

Have any of you ever heard of or tried "tapping"? We all know Shelby has a theater background and loves her "jazz hands" but, we're not talking about dancing bur, rather, the therapeutic modality of tapping, which is just ONE Of the tools our guest today, Claudia Braun, uses to help women tap into knowing and strengthening their inner selves.

You see...Claudia is a coach for women who are great at taking care of others, but are not good at taking care of themselves. Sound familiar?!? Raise your hand if you can relate. Today, Claudia discusses the importance of going within to listen to our own guidance and spiritual connection to uplevel our thinking, experience a mindset that allows us to own our YES AND our NO so we can live a life we love. 

AND when we can do THAT, we can LET GO! Let go of the guilt, obligations and expectations that have kept us all living a limited life, based on others expectations and INSTEAD, live a life of CHOICE!  OUR choice!

Claudia has over 25 years of experience in holistic wellness, and is certified in holistic coaching and the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), she's a yoga instructor and speaks at women’s events has been keynote for several events & national conferences, and recently hosted the Healing summit in which she helps women just like us learn to PRIORITIZE ourselves and our emotional, spiritual and physical wellbeing. And we know for sure that being well is a decision.

In this episode, Claudia teaches us:  

Einstein says, "the mind that created the problem, cannot fix the problem". The thinking that got you to the current place in life where you may be feeling stuck, will (likely) not get you through to the next stage in life. Sometimes we need another perspective to help us move forward and get unstuck.

It is an internal game, not an external game. We often strive to change the external circumstances and still feel stuck. We need to realize that what we are thinking is creating our results and until we shift our thinking, we'll continue to get the same outcomes.

Tapping is a technique that is used to change neurological patterning so you can release old stories. It works by tapping on some primary nerve centers/chakras while saying a mantra such as (starting with the negative thought) I know that this job is depleting me, but even though that feels true, I love, accept and appreciate myself (and ending with the new thought).

When you are in a fear state, you are operating from a less intelligent state. No one makes good decisions in fear. 3 stages to solve a problem: awareness, acceptance, action. it starts with simply noticing a repetitive, negative thought. If we don't bring it to the light, it cannot be healed.

We place a lot of emphasis on external wants and desires when we vision our future. Instead, we need to turn our attention inward and listen to what really want. We need to strengthen our inner selves so much that no one else (not society, family or old inner narratives) has power over us.

To find more of Claudia:

Website | claudia-braun.com

Facebook | @Claudia Braun

30 minute session to love yourself to fabulous: https://calendly.com/claudiabraun/loveyourselftofabulous

GIFT: 3 Hacks to own your YES & your NO: https://bit.ly/OWNYOURYES

We don't know about you, but WE still have a hint of a little voice in the very back of our heads that whisper to us that we'll never be enough. not pretty enough, not smart enough, not wealthy enough, not good enough. We firmly believe these are the whispers that hold most of us back in life. What does the voice in you head tell you? 

You know, this podcast has been so therapeutic because it has helped us to overcome a lot of the negative narratives that live inside of us. But, it was a bold move birth this baby out into the world. And in just THAT action alone, I hope we've proven to ourselves that we ARE capable...and we ARE good enough!!

We HAVE felt that sense of accomplishment and with each episode and when we hear feedback from our listeners, it only validates that more and demonstrates that, not only are we capable, but that we are making an IMPACT and THAT is truly important to both of us.

And today, we share with you the voice of Alex Falteceni, who also had a little girl inside her telling her that she had nothing to offer. That her voice wasn't worth hearing. But, you know what...? She came onto the Dear Midlife podcast and shared with us her wisdom on how bold moves JUST LIKE THESE can help us heal the childhood wounds from our past. 

Alex uses past life regression, child regression therapy, and harmonic sound vibration healing to work primarily with those that have had some sort of trauma in their life, where the trauma exists deep within the cells resulting in the brain acting in a certain way. It's all about identifying the trauma where it came from, what age, who put it there, and what was the story. Working through our shadow to release that energy or emotion and the establish a new mindset. 

 Baby Girl...raise your hand if you have a little voice inside of your head telling you you're not enough??? We all have a childhood wounds that occurred early in our development that shaped the way we see ourselves. Alex teaches us how to go back that little girl, to that time when that seed was planted and give love and attention to that inner child so she can close the open loop and finally let that story go and find peace with ourselves.

In this episode, Alex teaches us:

We all have a "shadow" or negative narrative that we carry around with us from childhood. One possible example could be that I'll never be good enough. Or, my voice isn't worthy of being heard. If we can identify the thread to our story in the past and revisit the moment when that seed was planted as a child, we can close that loop in a different way and start to heal.

The brain internalizes the stories it hears over and over again. THAT is why we need to speak into ourselves positive affirmations on a daily basis and continue to repeat these until the brain internalizes them.

To move through this process, first, recognize and name the emotion (is it anger? is it sadness? is it frustration?) Then ask why are you feeling this way? Now use breath work to acknowledge the emotion and imagine the emotion pushing out of your body.

One way to work through pain and hurt from present or past is to write a forgiveness letter to the person who has hurt you.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We all have a story. We ALL are working on ourselves. We all are trying to get unstuck. We all face challenges. BUT, you do NOT have to go it alone. There is strength in vulnerability and in that space, you can find your tribe.

Website | divinereconnections.com

Facebook | @divinereconnections

Girl we are all on this journey together as we strive to overcome our own inner narratives and thrive in midlife. Leave us a review if this episode resonates with you. We'd love to hear from you. Let us know what's been holding you back. We are eager to lift every listener up in support so that you can find and live your dreams.

Make sure to connect with us on FB and Instagram!

Let's do a little exercise...just pause for a moment...take a deep breath....allow your chest to rise and your lungs to fill. Then hold the bread at the top for 4 seconds....then slowly blow the breath out pushing all the air out of your lungs. Now say "I can feel the connection to my inner peace" and do the exercise once more..."I can feel the connection to my inner peace".

How are you feeling in this very moment? Perhaps, a sense of calm? WOW! Why don't we do more of that!?!? LOL  As a matter of fact, our guest today Holly Zajur, did just that as she was logging into our zoom interview. It maybe caused her to be "late" to the interview by 30 seconds or so, but we could feel her calm presence within this interview. Think of what an impact it could have on your daily life if you just did that prior to logging into every zoom meeting you have...

And we have a LOT of damn Zoom meetings! lol And I don't know about you, but I could use a little more calm...a little more mindfulness in MY life and Holly is here to remind us of the power of mindfulness.  

Holly is a wellness educator, entrepreneur, and writer, whose work is centered around empowering others with the tools to live their most authentic lives. She loves speaking to the power of mindfulness, yoga, and compassion as tools for supporting mental health and well-being.

She also hosts a podcast, How the Wise One Grows in which every week, she dives into conversations that explore mindfulness, spirituality, wellness, and more to help people tap into their inner wisdom.

In this episode, Holly reminds us of a quote from Shin Zin Yung who says "In Life, suffering is pain times resistance." Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You will suffer to the degree with which you resist." You have to be with what already IS (i.e. who you are today all the good, bad and the ugly) to change it. And THAT my beautiful listener...is mindfulness. Stop resisting.

In this episode, Holly reminds us: 

Mindfulness has many definitions. It is an awareness of and a wise relationship with what we are sensing, experiencing and feeling. It is NOT eliminating the feelings of stress and anxiety. But, it's taking the time to know ourselves. 

Part of mindfulness is about giving yourself compassion in which you feel lost and confused because, in those moments, are the moments when you find yourself.

Mindfulness can be listening to your body and taking aligned action, Don't overthink it. There's no doing it "wrong"...there is just the doing,

When you're feeling a bit lost, don't fear that state of mind, instead, celebrate it. It means your not done growing yet.

When negative feelings and parts of you bubble up, get curious and ask what you need in the moment. Perhaps this part of you is trying to raise awareness that you are overwhelmed and there are boundaries you need to put into place to protect yourself from the overwhelm.

You can find more of Holly at: 

IG: @hollyzajur  @howthewiseonegrows

Website

And if YOU are ready to face yourself and strive to live your best and most authentic life, follow this podcast by clicking the + sign or follow button on your platform of choice so you will not miss an episode and leave us a review so we can continue to share with you content that resonates with all of us here in the middle.

Make sure we're connected on social media: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

WE...ARE...SOOO....TIRED. Do you feel it? We have so much SHIT going on at work...then we have no energy to manage our emotions and then say ALL the things that we don't want to say to people because we have no filter and then feel like such a bitch, but we're not a bitches (unless we WANT to be), but we DON'T want to be thought of as  bitches with our colleagues because we love them but, we are the coach, the mentor, the leader and we are all learning new habits and sometimes we're so tired we just don't have the energy or the patience to deal. 

We all started to hustle when we were young. Shelby had a part-time job at the age of 12! Many of us worked our way through college or High School and hustled in those very first jobs because we felt like we had to prove ourselves. Some of us hustle to meet important deadlines and client demands. Some of us work multiple jobs to keep the lights on and food on the table. Then some of us started and worked to "prove ourselves" to our male counterparts that we can juggle ALL the balls...childbirth, being a parent, and a dedicated employee. And now....now, that we're more or less 50--we're just tired. Too tired to hustle any more. 

Amanda Ortega ...HELP US PLEASE!! Our guest today, is an author, speaker, and certified professional coach. Her mission is to help high achievers (like us) prevent burnout by cultivating a healthy approach to success.

Her new book, Inward to Upward: Discover your Blueprint for True Success and Escape the Toxic Success Trap Forever, offers a guidebook for ambitious professionals to redefine success for themselves and achieve greater calm, balance, and fulfillment in their lives. 

Amanda's mission is to change the way we view our self worth and the collective definition of success in our society. In our episode today, she raises awareness of our state of chronic stress and our underlying belief that stress is the fuel behind our success. Guess what..our level of stress is NOT helping us to be more successful! 

No it is not.  It's actually burning us out and making us sick.We're not the only ambitious high achievers out there who are unhappy. So, why do we call this success? Our guest's definition of the "toxic-success trap" is cycles of achievement in which we pursue external goals at the expense of our wellbeing. As we advance in our careers, the idea of "performance" can pull us out of alignment with our true selves and damage our sense of innate self worth. Amanda wants to help people break free of that cycle.

 SO....Amanda! TEACH US how to return to our authentic Self (Capital S) and separate ourselves from the external performance and fucking dog and pony show we pull off every day.We're ready to STOP defining success transactionally and honor the fact that we are so much more than what we produce!!

In this episode, Amanda teaches us: 

The "success trap" isn't a place, but rather a mindset and an approach to success that isn't sustainable. The definition includes a perception that stress is necessary for success and that current day suffering is a trade off for future happiness.

Trust that "calm presence" can help you enjoy your life more and you can be more successful.

Life should NOT be stress, stress, stress....pocket of calm. It SHOULD be calm, calm, calm...pocket of stress. You body is equipped to deal with pockets of stress, but burn out happens when your body faces chronic stress daily.

Learn to check in with your body and notice what it is telling you...are your shoulders hunched, do you have a pit in your stomach? This is your body in stress. Learn to recognize it and ask yourself if this level of stress is serving you right now and if you're operating from your "fear center". Then, downshift into a more neutral space by breathing or taking a short walk.

When you feel your body move into stress, get curious. Use what you notice as (potential) triggers as data points. Then set up "experiments" (not goals) to put to practice your new theories about how you can show up differently and prove the world won't fall apart.

You can find Amanda at:

Website | beyondbalancecoaching.com

Instagram | @beyondbalance_coach

Inward to Upward: Discover your Blueprint for True Success and Escape the Toxic Success Trap Forever

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