Firestorm

I should be writing more,

we should be living more,

instead we’re dying more,

no if & buts eithers or ors,

was reminded of that from the ashes that,

landed on me from a firestorm,

in Napa California,

where I watched it all burn,

people,

lost everything,

well I mean,

people lost all their things,

but at least,

they got to keep their lives,

so I guess that’s something,

that’s kinda alright, right?

Are you alright?

I’m only asking because something doesn’t feel right,

something feels a bit off,

but I don’t know exactly what it is,

can’t quite place this feeling,

not sure how to describe it,

it feels like,

we should be living more,

but it seems like,

instead of living more we’re dying more,

ABC 156 ∆dieting,

instead of rioting,

you want to know what it feels like,

to be an American,

it feels like being at an All-You-Can-Eat buffet,

but not wanting to eat a thing,

because the stomach’s tight from anxiety,

but feels overly stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey,

stuffed,

but starving,

it’s tough,

& alarming,

haven’t got an appetite because nothing seems to sit right,

& I’m tired all the time,

I have low energy,

even though every night is a restless night I never sleep tight,

can I ask you a personal question,

while I’ve got your undivided attention?

What do you do when even too much isn’t enough,

& you feel like a genius zombie,

& you’re so fed up with all this stuff that you just want to give up,

shave your head take your meds & join the Army,

inside walking undead,

instead of outside running alive,

feeling like a space ship in outer space,

just looking for signs of other life,

feeling like a satellite,

that’s out of orbit,

ABC 157 ∆the feeling is so enormous,

that you just can’t ignore it,

been around this world countless times exploring,

don’t know where else to go or what else there is to explore,

see I’ve seen it all done it all and have it all already,

yet still I feel like there’s got to be something more,

feels like I should be writing more,

we should be living more,

instead we’re dying more,

no if & buts eithers or ors,

was reminded of that from the ashes that,

landed on me from a firestorm,

in Napa California,

where I watched it all burn,

people,

lost everything,

well I mean,

people lost all their things,

but at least,

they got to keep their lives,

so I guess that’s something,

that’s kinda alright, right?

Are you alright?

∆ LaLux ∆

Napa, California

Field of Dreams

Believe me bebe,

I understand your situation & I feel your pain,

I know all too well love,

what you’re going through & how tough it is to stay sane,

because,

it can be difficult to maintain when you’re at the top of the game,

especially when they’ve seen your face,

heard all the rumors & know your name,

it’s tough to know the who’s love is real love,

& who’s love is fake,

when you’re the star of the whole show,

& all the world’s a stage,

& it’s got you wondering,

if the fame was worth the price you paid,

& you want to go back to the good ‘ol days so bad,

but we both know that’s not an option things will never be the same,

nothing ever stays the same,

the only constant is change,

you made your bed now you’ve got to sleep in it,

you dug your own hole but at least it’s a luxurious grave,

but hey you’ve got a lot more likes now,

but also a lot less love,

more people want to shake your hand now,

but less want to give you hugs,

a lot want to talk business & take pictures,

but not a lot want to just go outside & walk it out,

a lot want to know what you’re wearing,

ABC 150 ∆but not a lot want to know what you’re really about,

a lot want to fck you,

but most don’t give a fck about you,

& that’s got you wondering,

if anything anyone tells you is true,

but you do know that one thing is true,

you know that I still love you always have & still do,

I was there before the spotlight got bright & I’ll be there after,

I’ve been right here by your side the whole time all the way through,

a lot of these guys & gals always lie,

but you know I’ll never lie to you,

I always call it like I see it & say it like it is,

because I always speak the truth,

& the truth is I still love you,

always have & always will,

was there for you before this all appeared,

& I’ll be here for you when it’s gone as well,

even in your darkest moments,

I’ll be a Shining Light,

even when you feel totally alone,

you can call me & I’ll be right there by your side,

just like Carole King,

you’ll always be a queen to me,

“So when you're down & troubled,

& you need a helping hand,

& nothing, oh nothing is going right,

close your eyes and think of me,

& soon I will be there,

to brighten up even your darkest night,

ABC 151 ∆you just call out my name,

& you know wherever I am

I'll come running, oh yeah baby

to see you again,

winter, spring, summer, or fall

all you got to do is call,

& I’ll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah,

you've got a friend.”,

& nothing will ever change that,

even though change is the only constant,

because love is truth truth is everlasting,

& the rest is just white noise nonsense,

so stay strong love,

never let the Haters take you down,

& remember Samsara is a spiral not a circle,

so continue to rise upwards until Nirvana is found,

& once your journey is complete,

I’ll meet you in The Field of Dreams,

on that sacred mountain,

by that conscious stream,

waiting at that eternal place of Shangri-La,

at Heaven’s Gates is where I’ll be,

patiently expecting to welcome you on your arrival,

once your cycle of suffering here on Earth is finally complete,

but until that time,

you’ll be forced to wrestle demons,

& the bigger you get,

the more demons will appear & the harder it’ll be to defeat them,

because I understand your situation,

ABC 152 ∆& I feel your pain,

I know all too well love,

what you’re going through & how tough it is to stay sane,

because,

it can be difficult to maintain when you’re at the top of the game,

especially when they’ve seen your face,

heard all the rumors & know your name,

it’s tough to know the who’s love is real love,

& who’s love is fake,

when you’re the star of the whole show,

& all the world’s a stage,

& it’s got you wondering,

if the fame was worth the price you paid,

& you want to go back to the good ‘ol days so bad,

but we both know that’s not an option things will never be the same..

∆ LaLux ∆

June 15th, 2019

Feels Like

Feels like,

the soul,

has gone,

missing from the music,

feels like,

the spirit,

has left,

this town,

feels like,

the vibe,

has gone,

gone away,

feels like,

I’m trying to describe,

something indescribable,

in an inexplainable way,

but at the same time,

it feels like,

you might,

be feeling exactly what I’m trying to say,

feels like,

this city is an empty jacket,

this city I’m from,

this city called Los Angeles,

this city feels like,

a fancy jacket,

that still flashes,

but no one is wearing it,

feels like,

ever song is soulless,

so it feels like,

every song sounds the same,

feels like,

I’m often up when I’m sleeping,

& that I’m often asleep,

when I’m awake,

feels like,

we’d rather be uncomfortably numb,

than feel,

all of this lingering pain,

feels like,

we talk about everything except our feelings,

feels like,

the system is broken & we’re all going insane,

feels like,

we argue a lot,

even though,

we’re pretty much the same,

feels like,

all that was once new is now lame,

feels like,

everyone that was once wild is now tame,

feels like,

all the directors have lost all of the plots,

so now we’re all alone on our own,

without anyone paving the way,

feels like,

we think a lot but don’t have much to say,

feels like,

we are morally bankrupt even though we’re monetarily paid,

feels like,

we are lost at sea feeling seasick,

but honestly,

it still feels like everything’s okay,

feels like,

if we can just remember to be in the moment,

if we can just remember who we once were,

then every day will be a pretty good day,

feels like,

there’s not much else left to say,

other than what you said that one time that I really felt,

& I hope you come around & say some things again some day,

feels like,

there’s not much more left to say,

other than,

I love you & it’s always been that way,

& I’m here for you,

as I have always been because my love is here to stay,

& I’m ready to talk whenever you are just say when,

& I’d tell you where but we both know you already know the place…

∆ LaLux ∆

Los Angeles

July 2024

ABC 

Father Figures

She says,

“At least my dad didn’t beat me as much as his dad beat him.”,

I guess that’s what you’d call Victim Optimism,

we’re on a road,

somewhere east of Sydney,

the red dust kicked up by the van’s tires,

mixes with the reds of the sun setting in the clouds,

we’re headed to a man’s farm,

the man that she’d mentioned,

who’s father she’d said beat him,

worse than she had been beaten by him,

“Your dad used to beat you?”,

I ask,

my bare feet extended out the window,

catching the last rays of the setting sun,

“Yeah,

he was a violent drunk,

super sexist too,

he’d never let my brother cry even after he’d beat him.”,

I stay silent,

holding space for her to continue,

sometimes the best support we can give someone,

is presence in silence when they’re sharing personal secrets,

sure enough,

she continues,

ABC 136 ∆“Yeah,

my dad was kinda a gangsta,

he owned a massive cruise ship,

nicest one in Sydney,

very stubborn & occasionally violent,

he’d threaten to throw people overboard,

got a crooked attorney to make sure my mom,

got nothing in the divorce.”,

same old story I’d heard so many time before,

well minus the cruise ship,

why do so many of our parents,

end up in fckt up relationships?,

I know my step dad,

left my mother with nothing too,

nothing but a broken heart,

& a few traumatized kids myself,

don’t know what’s worse,

the alcohol itself,

or the man that drinks himself to death,

the death of himself along with the death of all his relationships,

don’t know what’s more abused,

the alcohol he drinks,

or the kids caught between,

that man & his personal frustrations,

my mind brings me back to our destination,

we’re headed to a farm,

way in the backa-bush of Australia,

where the man’s father we’re going to visit has just passed,

& I don’t know what I think about that,

ABC 137 ∆when a drunk abusive dad dies,

do we grieve or celebrate,

I guess we go to a place somewhere in-between,

something like an Emotional Purgatory,

kinda like how I feel every day,

somewhere between grief & celebration,

sometimes I think that it’s all worthless,

sometimes I think that it’s all priceless,

I write this feeling outcasted amongst outcasts,

I write this feeling alone amongst the lonely,

I write this because I know you feel the same way,

I write this so you know you’re not the only one that feels this way,

the sun,

is still setting in the distance & I want to take a photo of the moment,

but the roads too bumpy the screens too blurry & I soon realize,

that these moments are taken with memories not with cameras,

so I listen as she finishes,

then when we get to the house I start writing it all down,

& I finish this poem just as she finishes cooking dinner,

& I finish right here where we started talking about a father figure,

“At least my dad didn’t beat me as much as his dad beat him.”,

I guess that’s what you’d call Victim Optimism,

we’re on a road,

somewhere east of Sydney,

the red dust kicked up by the van’s tires,

mixes with the reds of the sun setting in the clouds…

∆ LaLux ∆

Somewhere In The Australian Outback

Poem #49 From DEFG By Aaron LaLux

Fashion Monster

I don’t mind people seeing me,

as long as I don’t see them staring,

take the chance before Chance takes you,

Death doesn’t discriminate doesn’t matter what you’re wearing,

see the only one that cares about what you’re wearing is you,

come on you think anyone cares about the color of your shoes,

the fashion industry is disgusting,

it’s ironic to say the least,

how gorgeous the models are,

how important the labels seem,

when you see the destruction,

that fast fashion brings,

the pollution of the waters the oppression of our daughters,

the conformation of anything original or unique,

the objectification of all the consolidation of brands in the malls,

the absolute insanity of an industry once rooted in creativity,

true fashion is an unrestrained expression it can’t be captured,

it’s meant to be felt it’s not meant to be syndicated on a screen,

function over fashion every time,

comfort over contour,

because The Devil Wears Prada,

& Fashion is a Monster,

& I don’t mind people seeing me,

as long as I don’t see them staring,

take the chance before Chance takes you,

Death doesn’t discriminate doesn’t matter what you’re wearing… ∆

Poem #48 From The Book DEFG By Aaron LaLux

Fair Warning

If she doesn’t love you now,

don’t fool yourself into thinking that she ever will,

you can’t make someone love you no matter what you do,

love comes from within it’s deeply personal,

love is infinite & definite,

love either is or it isn’t it exists & is instantly felt,

love at first sight isn’t a fairy tale it is very real,

love is immediate it is not a gradual build,

there’s nothing you can do different,

if she doesn’t love you now she never will,

changing the conditions won’t change her mind,

because true love is unconditional,

so don’t fool yourself,

even though only Fools fall in love,

if she doesn’t love you now & accept you for your self,

then you must accept the fact that she never ever will,

too many good men,

& women as well,

spend their lives in unloving relationships,

thinking their partners love them as much as they love themselves,

thinking,

that if they try just a little bit harder,

then one day,

they’ll be truly felt & fully held by their partners,

only to waste their entire lives,

with someone that doesn’t love them,

& there is nothing sadder,

than living a life that lacks good lovin’,

ABC 133 ∆this is my warning to you,

& forewarning is fair warning,

don’t think if you’re good to her tonight,

that she’ll like you any more or be any different in the morning,

love is not equal love is not fair,

love is always here but love is never there,

so remember this,

next time you think you’re in love,

& make sure that that love is mutual,

before you make that faithful jump,

because if not,

you’ll fall all alone with no one to catch you & no one to hold,

& it will be you instead of me,

sitting here alone writing out this poem,

thinking why did he not believe me he should have known,

I mean I told him,

I’m telling you if she doesn’t love you now,

don’t fool yourself into thinking that she ever will,

you can’t make someone love you no matter what you do,

love comes from within it’s deeply personal,

love is infinite & definite,

love either is or it isn’t it exists & is instantly felt,

love at first sight isn’t a fairy tale it is very real,

love is immediate it is not a gradual build,

there’s nothing you can do different,

if she doesn’t love you now she never will,

changing the conditions won’t change her mind,

because true love is unconditional… ∆