Definitely First Blood

Hello! We fully intended to have an episode out this week, but I’ve contracted some sort of laryngitis and lost my voice. Feel free to laugh at my very funny Kathleen-Turner-on-a-bender sounding vocals explaining! Sorry and we’ll 100% have an episode out next week, voice or no voice!

We’re headed into the Bay-AWOOO (because, werewolves.) this week and talking about the 1972 werewolf made-for-TV movie, MOON OF THE WOLF!!! When a young woman is found dead with bite marks, it’s up to the Sheriff to determine which of these small-town folks is responsible. Is it the Doctor? The Socialite? Overall, this is a fun little movie with some commentary on classism, apparently only two French-speaking citizens in this Louisiana town and some fun throwback The Wolfman-style effects. I’m ambidextrous!

Our Aquanet is locked and loaded this week as we dip into MAY-de For TV movies with I SAW WHAT YOU DID! From Fred Walton, the director of When a Stranger Calls, and starring genre icon Shawnee Smith alongside Tammy Lauren and Robert Carradine; I Saw What You Did is a timeless tale of two new friends who prank call a man who happens to have just murdered his ex-girlfriend while in the throes of a psychotic break. It’s great! JUSTICE FOR MEREDITH!

We’re rising from the depths this week to talk about seminal 1976 slasher REDEEMER: SON OF SATAN!!! Six high school friends head to their 10-year reunion, only to be murdered one-by-one for their sinful lifestyles. What kind of sinful lifestyles? There’s a Lesbian, a gay-coded vain actor, a woman who wears makeup(and should’ve lived), a skeezy attorney, a woman who married rich and an asshole! It feels like two movies mashed together that largely doesn’t make sense. JUSTICE FOR CINDY!

Do you hear that buzzing in the air? It could only be PROJECT: NIGHTMARE!!! This is a weird one, one of our weirdest. Two men find themselves lost and pursued by an unseen force and soon things start disappearing, they have cabbage for dinner, a sentient computer that’s trapping people in a program designed to make their thoughts corporeal and a giant digital talking head! It’s wild! Must’ve been the wind!

Prepare to head to the 1970’s this week for the first time in a while as we talk about Frederick R. Friedel’s AXE aka LISA, LISA aka CALIFORNIA AXE MASSACRE!!! Axe stars Leslie Lee as Lisa, a girl who lives in a farmhouse alone with her catatonic grandfather, but when three on-the-run murderers take them captive Lisa kills the heck out of them! It’s a very short, not-super-great-but-very-entertaining Grindhouse-y outing! Wisecracker!

We’re back in the Emerald Isles this week for our fifth annual Leprechaun instalment LEPRECHAUN 5: IN THE HOOD!!! Written by Doug Hall and directed by Rob Spera this time around, Warwick Davis once again carries a movie on his back alongside Anthony Montgomery, Rashaan Nall and Red Grant as a trio of friends with dreams of making it big and decide to rob Ice-T in order to steal his magic flute. It’s pretty joyless, Warwick is criminally under-utilized, there’s very strange pacing issues and random cuts, transphobia, homophobia and more! A friend with weed, is a friend indeed!

WARNING: WE DISCUSS SEXUAL ASSAULT IN THIS EPISODE!! We wrap up Findlaybruary this week with the brutal, X-Rated TENEMENT!!! After the residents of a Bronx tenement building have the gang that’s squatting in the basement arrested, the gang returns to seek revenge - but these tenants fight back, hard! There’s an abundance of violence, imperfect heroes with substance to root for, kids with great ideas and lots of blood! Everything that was lacking in the other Findlay movies we’ve discussed this month is here in spades and is very successful! You are a terribly rude man Mr. Rojas!

Asshole fiancees, little ghost girls and pizza gunge! This week we’re talking Roberta Findlay’s LURKERS!!! Once again starring Christine Moore, Lurkers follows a similar trajectory with evil villains who face absolutely no push-back in achieving their goals. When Cathy was a child she saw visions of ‘Lurkers’ coming out of the walls and haunting her - then her Mom killed her Dad and tried to kill her! Ahhh! Thirteen years later she’s engaged and a successful cellist when she starts to see the Lurkers again… kind of. Really its just everybody in her life trying to get her to return to her childhood home where she was supposed to die because it’s actually the gates of hell and everybody who lives there is damned. Is it all a metaphor about women leaving the home? Who knows! Diving into dividend death!