The childhood parallels are almost too perfect. The government-as-Santa-Claus model is a classic. It promises gifts (entitlements, stimulus checks, student loan forgiveness) funded by an infinite, mystical workshop (the taxpayer) run by elves who never sleep (the IRS). The Tooth Fairy government swaps your hard-earned tooth (paycheck) for a shiny coin (a tax return or a social program), performing a magical transaction that obscures the sheer volume of teeth it’s collecting to fund the operation.

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